"insouciant"

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 (ɪnˈsu si ənt, adjective) A French word with French origins, insouciant is defined as the complete freedom from worry, concern or anxiety. One is completely carefree and nonchalant to the world around them. 

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I can read the shock on Zach's face. I know this wasn't something he expected me to say. Hell, even I didn't mean to blurt it out like that. It just came to me. 

I was toying with the thought of asking Zach. Because Zach has money. A lot of it. And I believe he could easily lend some to me. I would, of course, pay him back every cent. But I need money. And I'm getting so desperate I'm even willing to ask someone like Zach for help. 

If he didn't know I wasn't the one he should actually hang out with and be seen with before, I think it's pretty clear to him now.

Zach leans forward, getting closer to me, resting his elbows on the table and intertwining his hands under his chin. He looks so serious. I hear my heart pounding in my ears. I realise I've already completely torn the napkin apart, but I'm still tearing the small pieces apart, as much as I can, while staring straight at Zach.

"You need me to lend you $200,000?" Zach asks to make sure.

I swallow before I nod shortly. It looks like the voice left my body and I'm unable to form a response.

"That's a lot of money," Zach notes, dropping his voice down. Even though there aren't many people here that could hear us. "Why would you need that kind of money, Analeigh?"

I have to break our gaze because his is so intense that I want to take the vase that's on the table, take the flowers out and pour the water all over my face. "Uhm," I mumble. I can feel how sweaty I'm getting. "I can't tell you that."

Zach lifts his eyebrow. "Usually, when you lend someone money, it's essential to know why they need it for ..." 

I look down at the table. "I just ... I really need it, okay? I wouldn't be asking if I had any choice. I'll pay you back every cent, I promise. You can even make a contract and I'll sign anything I -"

"Analeigh," Zach calls my name softly and puts his big hand over mine on the table. "You're shaking," he notices.

I open my mouth and then look at him. Nothing comes out of my mouth because I realise he's right. I really am shaking - terribly and noticeably. "Analeigh! What do you think you're doing? Do you think you're paid to sit with the customers? Go back to work!"

I jump up on the chair, the guilt rising inside of me. I stand up abruptly, almost overturning the chair. I pull my uniform down. "I'm sorry," I say and hang my head. I go away from Zach without another glance at him.

Embarrassment hits me when I get fully away from him, out of his sight, and start to clean the tables. What was I thinking, coming to him with that suggestion? People don't just give you the money nowadays. And Zach doesn't know me well enough to just freely give me 200,000 dollars. 

Plus, that'll make him ask questions. Questions I can't answer. 

When I finish with the tables, I pray Zach already left. I know that if he's still here, I can't avoid him because he's sitting at the table which I have to go past if I want to go to the back. 

But he's still here. And my plan to rush past his table doesn't work, either, because Zach grabs my arm and stops me. I close my eyes, a shaky breath escapes my mouth. I'm screwed. Why, oh why, did I have to ask him for money? 

"Analeigh." Just my name. Coming out of his mouth so softly I almost lose the balance and fall on the floor just at hearing him say my name. My God. 

I shake my head to him and look around. "I can't talk right now." How ironically. I tell him I need to borrow 200,000 dollars from him and now I can't talk about it. It's basically like throwing a bomb at him and then running away.

I want to go away from him, but his hold tightens. "When do you finish working?" he asks me deeply.

"I ..." I look around yet again because I don't want my manager to see me not working again and I want to escape from Zach's intense gaze. Jesus. "I don't know, actually. In an hour? Maybe two?" That's not a lie, either. 

When I have to work overtime, I don't always know when I'll finish the work. I'm done when there are no customers anymore and everything is cleaned spotless. 

Zach presses his lips together. "All right. How about I wait for you to finish and I'll take you to dinner afterwards?"

Dinner. He wants to take me to dinner. I don't think it would be fair of me to say no to him when I just asked him about money. I also can't avoid him now. If he doesn't lend me money, fine. I'll have to go search for it somewhere else. But I think it's important to at least talk about it first. "Okay. If it's not too much for you." I really don't know when I'll end my shift today and I don't think he'd be happy waiting for me for hours. 

"It's not," Zach assures me.

I press my lips together and nod. "Alright. I'll see you later then," I mumble before I turn around and quickly walk away to the back. 

It doesn't take the work to be finished as long as I partly wish it did. I need more time to calm down my racing heart and loose that tight feeling inside of my stomach. I'm nervous - nervous for what Zach's answer will be. Because if he says no, I'll be screwed. And humiliated. I'll probably never be able to look him in the eyes or ever hang out with him again.

I come back out, dressed in the clothes I came here in - just black sweatpants and a hoodie. Zach and I will really look like a pair when he's dressed in his designer's jeans, shirt and a simple jacket.

I find him in the same spot as I left him, staring out of the window again, looking at that dark street filled with people rushing in different directions. When he hears me coming, he turns his head and gives me a big smile. "Ready?" he asks.

I look down at my clothes and I flush. "As long as it's nothing that requires me to wear a dress, I'm good to go."

Zach slowly stands up, standing up to his full height so that I have to slightly lean my head back to look him in the face. "We can go to my place."

Panic starts to build inside of me. "Your place?" I say faintly. I would really rather not. But then again, I don't think Zach would want to show up with me in a public place.

Zach sees my hesitation. "Or we can just go at a restaurant near my place. A small one," he quickly says when he sees my face. 

"Okay. I'd rather go there." 

Zach's mouth perks up a bit and he nods without another word. I follow him out and he leads me to his car. "Are you here with your own car?" he asks.

I shake my head. "I don't have a car," I tell him.

Zach stops momentarily and turns to look at me. "Who drives you then?" he asks sceptically.

I shrug. "Public transportation." 

He raises his eyebrow and looks at me in shock. "So you want to tell me the other night when I asked you if I can drive you home and you said you already have a ride, you went with what - a train? A bus?" 

I nod. "A bus," I confirm.

"Jesus!" Zach suddenly bellows, thrusting his hands in his hair. "It was really late and dark!" 

"Relax, I'm a big girl." I let out a laugh and Zach just gives me a stern, cold look. I roll my eyes at him.

The drive to the small restaurant Zach is taking me to is filled with quiet music playing on the radio. I'm enjoying the ride as we're passing the streets, watching carefully where we're going so I can remember how to get back after. 

When we get there, Zach leads us to the far end of the restaurant. He holds the chair out for me to sit like a true gentleman. I give him a small, nervous smile before I sit down. Even though this restaurant really is small and nothing fancy, I still feel like I'm not dressed for the occasion. Who goes to dinner out in sweats? 

Someone who didn't know they'll have dinner out, that's who. 

It seems like the waitress knows Zach because she's all friendly with him. When she sees me, she raises her eyebrows at Zach in question. "Bring us the menus, will you, Belle?" Zach says instead, flashing his million dollar smile.

Belle's mouth tightens and she nods before she leaves us both alone again. I start drawing circles on the table and Zach notices it. He smirks and gives me a knowing look. "So ... are we going to talk about my proposal now?" I ask him.

Zach sits back in the chair and crosses his arms in front of him. My eyes divert on his biceps that are straining his shirt and I quickly look away. "We're going to have dinner first." 

I don't think I'll be able to wait that long! "Look, Zach, if you don't want to lend me the money, I'll understand. Just say so and we're done here."

Zach raises his eyebrow at me, his face gets serious and I get even more nervous. Can't he see I'll explode any minute from this tension he's putting me in? "In what part of my 'we'll have dinner first' did you understand that I do not want to help you?" 

Help me. But this is what he's doing. He's helping me. Because it came so far that I had to swallow my pride and ask someone to help me. "So, you are going to lend me money?" I ask, grasping that hope with both of my hands, holding my breath.

Zach's mouth perks up at the corners. "Analeigh ..." he says. Just this - my name, saying it so softly that makes the hope grow inside of me even more. "We'll eat now. And we'll talk after."

"But I want to know the answer!" I suddenly say out loudly in frustration. When I look around the restaurant, I see a few people turned their heads to look at me and I slide down my chair a little bit and put the hair over my face, hiding my burning cheeks. 

And when I look at Zach, I see he's enjoying this, hiding his smile behind his fist. 

"Patience, flower. I have all the time in the world. Don't you?" he asks, cocking his head to the side.

I look at the table. "Not really," I mumble. 

I hear Zach taking a sharp breath and when I look at him, I see he's clenching his jaw. "We'll talk about it. Let's enjoy this dinner first, shall we?"

Of course he can be so calm and charming because he's the one who's holding all the cards. Enjoy this dinner? I don't think that's possible in my current state! This is literally life and death situation and every minute counts. 

The waitress returns with the menus for us and I take it with a shaky hand. I'm listing through the pages and I instantly feel better when I see that the prices aren't absurdly high. I'm listing through the pages. When I close it and put it down, Zach looks at me. "You already know what you want?"

I nod. Zach looks at me a bit sceptically before he goes back to reading the menu. "Do you come here often?" I ask to divert my thoughts elsewhere.

Zach replies without looking at me, "Define often."

I stare at him blankly. "Uhm. Well, do you come here a lot?" 

Zach caves and grins. "Not much. When I don't have time to cook. Or when I go for a drink. With friends," he adds the last part, looking at me from under his lashes. 

I move my gaze on the table again. It's so hard to keep eye contact with Zach because his looks are always so intense. I hear him close the menu and the waitress comes to us, as if she was waiting for any signal to come here. "Decided what you want already?" she asks lightly.

Zach indicates me to order first. I look at the beautiful redhead serving us. "I'll just have a plain salad. And a water. Thank you." 

The waitress gives me a blank look for a few seconds, holding the pen and the pad in her hands before she quickly looks at Zach who's currently frowning. At me. When the waitress starts writing it down, Zach stops her. "Wait, Belle. Give us a second." 

Belle discreetly moves away. Why is Zach looking at me like I did something wrong? "Salad? You're not having a salad." He scowls.

I blink at him a few times. "Of course I'm having a salad. I have a diet I have to follow." 

Zach leans forward and I notice his jaw is taking. In this moment, he looks scary. But also so hot. And now is really not the time to be thinking about how hot he is. "When you're out with me, you're not eating a salad."

Zach calls the waitress back to our table and I'm gaping at him. "Zach, I'll have -"

"We'll both have steaks, medium, with fries. And a salad." He gives me a look and I snort, crossing my arms over my chest and sulking like a five-year-old. 

Belle looks from me to Zach before she writes it down. She does a poor job of hiding her smile. 

"You really didn't have to do that," I tell Zach when Belle goes away.

"Oh, believe me. I really had to," he replies. 

During the dinner, we talk about anything else but the elephant in the room. We get to know each other and I'm careful to let him speak more than me since I don't like sharing information about me with other people. I learned that he's 29 - 7 years older than me. And I also found out his Dad is a coach on his team, which I really didn't know.

But he explained that they're not on good terms. He told me he's living alone with his dog and that he's not in a relationship. And he willingly shared this information, I didn't ask. He also told me he's got a sister, Joanne, who I already saw at the restaurant the other night. So when he was dining there with a woman, she wasn't his date but his sister.

Not that it matters or changes anything. 

He shared that it's been his dream to be what he is today and where he is. He's been a successful player throughout the school years, which helped him get to where he is today. 

But when our plates are getting emptier (and now I'm really grateful I didn't order a salad because I've been starving before), the more the elephant we're not addressing is growing. And when I take my last bite and put the cutlery down, Zach takes a sip of his water and relaxes on his chair.

"Should we now talk about what you asked me for earlier?" 

And there it is. My heart starts pounding in my chest again. 

Waking up early seems all fun and games until you have to actually do it. And especially when you know you have to get up early because you have to go study. Oh, the joy. I'm finally free next week and will have more time to write and READ. 

I haven't read a book in a month right now and I miss reading. But I have to focus on studying and when I read, I tend to forget about all the other work I was supposed to do. Oops.

Anywaysss, chapter 24 of Melting the Ice is posted on the radish already so feel free to check out more chapters there if you don't feel like waiting. 

Hope you have a nice day!

x

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