Chapter song - Where Do I Go? by Anna Blue

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The tension grew like a typhoon, lightning cackling between their eyes — invisible sparks of electricity, hatred passing back and forth. Shu didn't have anything against her, honestly. She was that one cousin everyone had whom you wished you didn't have but was ever present in your life every single minute. But for some reason, since they were young, since they were around five, Edna had beef with him.

It could be anything. The last piece of chocolate. Their favourite teddy bear. Even when their parents encouraged them to play instruments to the crowds — mostly in family dinners in front of the relatives, Edna was determined to humiliate Shu. Like that one time she tripped him and he fell face first on the stage. He was seven but he was still embarrassed upon the incident — from time to time he would scream into the pillow remembering the shame written upon his face. He never got to sing that day and he refused to step onto a stage for quite a while, especially if it was at family dinners.

Relatives always made it worse.

For Edna's advantage and Shu's vital disadvantage, her parents and their family adored her. She was the doll, the star child, absolutely drop-dead gorgeous baby of the family who talked with this cute foriegn accent because she grew up mostly in her penthouse in America. And Kurenai Shu was the rarely present, shy, skinny boy who was shorter than her — yes, that played a major role in those days, their height though now Shu was at least a head taller than her. It was mortifying to think there was a time he had to look up at Edna. He didn't even know his relatives much, his parents didn't have much to do with them because the three of them were too invested in their own tiny bubble of life and affection to care about others.

Shu liked that.

"Do not Hello me," She said, switching to English. Valt tilted his head at the sudden change of their attitude and the language. He was not the brightest when it came to foriegn languages. "What are you doing here?"

Shu shrugged, "The same thing as you? Studying music."

"You," She growled, her uncertain hand hovering over the space between them. A guy whistled, breaking the thick tension growing, the rest of the class — both E and A casting wandering glances among them.

"You know him?" The guy asked in Japanese, bringing back the conversation to the native language. Edna didn't answer. Her unnaturally blue eyes — Shu had always wondered why they creeped him out — stared at him with unsettling anger.

The guy peered into Shu's face, blocking Edna's face in front of him momentarily. A lazy finger planted under his chin, so the albino would look at him in the eye. "You're the new guy."

Shu stepped back, slapping away his hand. "Don't touch me."

The guy raised his brow, his face slanted into a smug grin. Edna interfered before he could speak. Her slender fingers wrapped around Shu's wrist as he was dragged out of the room. The surprise of the sudden action caused Shu to follow along until they stopped right outside the door, out of earshot of the rest of the class. "Explain." It was a command.

Shu leaned back against the door frame. "Explain what?"

"What are you doing in a prestigious Music School like this?"

Shu didn't know how to answer her. Honestly, he didn't want to. "I passed the interview," Shu offered. "And here I am."

Edna's eyes lingered over the symbol on his chest, a slanted cursive E embroidered to the gym clothes. Her perfect full lips curved upwards, "Suits you, the class I mean. Because last time I checked, you could barely hold a tune."

Shu started thinking of a comeback.

"Are you two going to move or should I just barge in?" A cool voice. Smooth. Somewhat bored and exhausted from the scenario. Shu automatically pushed back, head turning to meet Sapphire hues, a different shade — much lighter than Edna's. Breathtaking and solid with assured confidence.

"Sorry," Shu said. The boy stared right back at him. Confusion passing over his eyes as he took him in, the striking red eyes, pure white locks tied back into a high ponytail.

"Wakiya," Edna stammered, "You're late." She was already regaining her composure, throwing herself to the boy, linking their arms together.

The blonde didn't answer until Valt barrelled towards them in his excited glee. "Wakiya!" He cheered, the male groaned. But Shu saw the sense of fondness in his eyes, the way they softened upon the arrival of the shorter male. "Shu, this is Wakiya! The goldilocks Honcho was talking about."

"Can't you go five minutes without mentioning that freak!?" His cheeks were crimson. Shu tilted his head, the jigsaw puzzle falling into place.

"Oh. Nice to meet you."

Wakiya frowned, but muttered the same. Shu didn't escape Edna's glare. The way her eyes clearly formed the message, stay away from me. She didn't get to verbalise it because a girl walked in — seemingly a senior, followed by another senior. Both of them were wearing jeans with the gym jersey over a black crop top. A— the jersey read. The first girl casted a glance and ordered them to get ready for the lesson.

Till now, Shu had no idea there were classes conducted by seniors.

But oh, well.

"Class," The taller one clapped her hands, taking their attention. Immediately the murmuring stopped. The two classes sat in front of them on the clear studio floor in two groups, clearly indicating the difference between them. Class A and Class E. "Good." She started. Her light blue eyes — the colour of a robin's egg, glowed under the strong lights of the studio. She turned, her hair, matching the colour of her eyes, were bound by a hair band to the back of her head. Shu watched her gaze slip through them before finally settling on him.

"I am here!" An excited voice interfered with the previous senior as another one barrelled in. The two who were already present in the room looked at her. The light blue eyed one with annoyance, the other just smiled, her mercury eyes adorned with amused glee.

"Ena," She grit her teeth, "Last time I checked, you weren't supposed to be here."

Ena pouted, her sapphire eyes, high cheekbones framed by perfect blonde curls hanging by her cheeks giving her a sense of a foreigner. "But I need to know Aika. I've been dying to know." She clutched to her blazer in mock agony. She sounded like a foreigner. The senior gave Shu an unsettling vibe of Edna, and the fact their names sounded similar didn't do much to help.

"What do you want to know?"

"About the new kid!" She cheered, turning to the class. Shu stood frozen at his spot beside Valt. Oh. They were hunting for him. It didn't take her much time to pick him out of the crowd. And it took her even less time to reach him. Shu unconsciously took a step back — he didn't like being in the centre of attention, and he valued his personal space a lot — Ena stopped. She was tall, or maybe it was just the high heeled combat boots she was wearing. Nevertheless, she leaned down and took his face in her palms.

"Oh my god, he's so cute."

Shu appreciated the compliments. He really did. But his cheeks were being squished and it hurt. He didn't like the attention, it was embarrassing. Shu secretly wished the ground to swallow him whole.

"You're scaring him," A gentle voice interrupted. It was the mercury eyed senior looking at Ena with a stern glare.

Ena seemed to notice the edge in her voice that she released Shu. But her eyes were on him, sapphire blue gliding across his body, measuring him up. "I'm not trying to scare him," She reasoned, "He's really pretty." She was making a point. She raised her brow with a smirk. "Do you like older girls, sweetheart?"

Shu froze. Is this normal? Does this happen at every school in Japan? Should he be worried? "Uh..." He said, instead, shifting a nervous glance to Valt who was tilting his head in confusion.

Aika walked towards them and placed her hands on Ena's shoulders. Her brows twisted with annoyance of the interrupted lesson. "You can leave now, Ena."

Ena scoffed at her finalty and sensed the tension of the room. She didn't linger any long after that. She winked with a one last pinch on his cheek and sauntered out the studio calling out a loud promise to keep in touch with him. There was complete silence for one solid second after the catastrophe. "Wow," Aika messed her hair, sighing. "Felt like a storm passed by. Nakamura Aika." She introduced herself. "And this is Iwasaki Kumiko. We'll be the seniors guiding your classes during the first two months."

Shu bowed with a nod. "Kurenai Shu. Nice to meet you guys."

The murmurs had begun again. Students shifted glances at Shu, especially class A who now took a good look at him. Edna had her arms crossed firmly over her chest, her eyes focused on the floor as she tried to tone down her temper. It was just like the old times. She seemed to loathe being in the same room as him. Aika clapped her hands and walked to the front, grabbing their attention in one swift motion. "Okay, class. Chit chat is over"

They started walking them through stretching and exercising patterns a dancer should follow before stepping onto the stage. Shu's mind wandered into places as they taught and in the big white clock in the studio minutes ticked by, turning to hours.

---

Zac: How's school?

Shu's finger hovered over the message, unsure how to reply. The bell signalling the end of the day's activities went off just a few seconds ago and the students were already pouring into the wide hallways readying to go home. He was still sitting by his desk, eyes fixated on his phone. He didn't want to intermingle with the crowd outside.

You: Okay... I guess?

Zac: Why do you sound so unsure?

Shu frowned at the instant reply. It was as if Zac was guarding his phone to see if he's answering him.

You: It was fine.

Zac: >.> sus. Btw you wanna stop by there today?

Shu knew exactly what he was asking. He hesitated. He did want to stop by. This was the first thing he had achieved on doing properly after they passed away. He wanted to see them and tell them everything went fine. Shu didn't know whether they could hear him but the scant comfort he received from those trips lingered in his heart. He missed them.

But then again, he had promised his friends he'd be there for that welcome party. He bit his lips, unsure how to answer the text when Valt walked over. "Shu!"

Shu looked up from his phone to see Valt. "Hey."

"Aren't you coming?" He asked, his voice dripping with excitement. Shu gave him a tight-lipped smile. He didn't find the heart to say he had something else to do. He had just made these friends, it felt wrong to abandon them the first thing today.

"I am." Shu reached for his bag and stood, his finger already moving to tell Zac he wouldn't make it today. A pang of guilt passed through his heart.

"Is everything okay?" The hazel-eyed male peered into his face. "You look troubled."

Shu's eyes flicked over to Valt then to the floor. "Ah, well. The thing is..." He trailed off, unsure how to come up with an excuse. Jesus, he was so bad at this.

"Do you have some other plans?"

Shu pursed his lips at the question and carefully nodded, not wanting to hurt his feelings. Valt stared for a second before slapping his shoulder with a grin. "Dude, you should've just told me so!" He relaxed. "I thought you didn't want to be friends anymore."

"I didn't want to seem like I'm trying to ignore you guys." Shu tightened his grip around the strap of his bag, his fingers resting on the smooth surface of his desk. "I'm really sorry.'

"It's cool!" Valt cheered, "I'll explain it to the others. But tomorrow you have to come with us, okay?"

Shu nodded, slumping his shoulders to relax. Thank gods he didn't mess up this friendship before it even properly started. "It's a promise."

Valt cheered, "See you tomorrow then! Bye Bye." The hazel eyed male waved enthusiastically dashing out the classroom to meet up with the rest of them who were probably waiting by the gates for the two of them. Shu turned his attention back to his phone.

You: I'll meet you there

Shu pocketed his phone and walked out of the classroom. The crowds in the hallways have dispersed leaving only a handful of students standing by the lockers or talking in pairs making their way to the gates. Shu weaved his way through the remaining students and waited by the bus stop.

The ride was quick and when he got down by the massive open gates of the cemetery Zac was already there. His navy blue blazer flapping in the Spring breeze. His eyes firmly on his phone screen, finger idly tapping against it. "Hello."

He looked up and waved, pushing the device into the pocket. Shu ran up to him, avoiding the depressing view in front of him. It always took him a whole five minutes before he could ready himself to step into the reality where his parents are not with him, but six feet under the ground, their sole existence carved to a tomb. "Ready?" Zac asked, squeezing his shoulder.

Shu nodded, looking at the imposing gates by the front. Neither uninviting, nor welcoming. They made their way through numerous tombs, slabs of concrete carved into different shapes — angels, crosses. They passed by an old woman, kneeling by an ancient tomb, pulling off the weeds grown around it. Shu smiled at her and she gratefully returned in. Inside this place, all of them were of one kind, souls dampened by grief. They understood each other too well.

They finally stopped upon reaching the two identical tombs side by side. A plain white surface with the dates of birth and death adorning the top. His parents' names were carved in slanted block letters. In the memory of, it said. There was a withered bouquet of roses in front of each one and a small cup of water as offerings. Their colleagues still found time to visit these graves from time to time. Aside from that, Shu was the only visitor here.

His throat was clogged. In the first few months, he had been coming here obsessively. Every day of the week, he would be here, sitting for hours until someone would drag him out with force. They had to keep an eye on him every hour of the day until his visiting grew for once a week. But he never failed to come here at least once a week. The pain — no matter the days passed by — was raw.

Shu crouched in front of them, and ran a finger through the cold surface. The sun was warm on his face but these concrete slabs were forever encased with a gloom of coldness — touch of death. "Hey guys," He whispered. He didn't feel foolish for talking here. He always did. It was a means of comfort, warmth. That said, only a person who had faced this loss knew the true agony it laid upon us. It was a chain wrapped around your neck, choking you. It was the voice in your head unforgiving, and vindictive questioning why you were the only one who survived.

After telling him about the day, Shu smiled. "We should get going now," He said to his cousin who had been quietly offering comfort from the side.

Zac nodded, "Okay." He offered his hands which Shu gratefully accepted, letting the male push him up. As they walked out of the solitary cemetery the sun started dipping behind the horizons, the warm glows of the evening rays kissing their skin. Shu looked over his shoulder, offering one last prayer, one last look before they walked down the path towards the bus stop.