Chapter 22: Her

SANTA peeked inside Junwon's shared room, to see Junwon lying on one side of the bed. Heartbreaking silence washed over him and he found himself balanced between just saying the words to get it over with and getting out once again and leaving Junwon alone.

And he chose the first option. Not because he wanted to, but because he couldn't hide something like that from Junwon. He couldn't do that to him. And himself.

"Junwon?" His voice came out broken and weak. "Junwon, I need to tell you something."

Junwon's eyes blinked a few times, and it was only then when Santa realized that Junwon had been awake for some time. Not only that, but from his red, puffy eyes, his quivering lips and his trembling body, he could tell that the younger was crying his heart out as well.

"I h-heard you from downstairs, hyung." Junwon's voice was only above a whisper, enough to send him the message. Santa ignored the noise of his heart breaking in a distance, closing his eyes for a few moments to regain his composure before staring at Junwon with tearful eyes.

"I'm really, really sorry, Junwon..."

Junwon could barely nod his head. For the first time ever, words had failed him and he found himself not knowing what to say. The many emotions inside him distracted him from the figure standing in front of him, all while he stared into nothing.

The guilt, the heartbreak and the despair inside him were all too much.

And now he officially knew that he had lost the only thing keeping him alive.

Because of her, he pursued his dreams.

Because of her, he woke up every morning and worked hard; just to make her proud.

Because of her presence, he knew he could get through anything.

Because of her, he felt good about himself.

Because of her, he felt safe and carefree, almost like nothing could bother him in the entire world.

And now, everything was bothering him.

Every little thing was hurting him.

Because without her, he was nothing.

And without her, he was broken.

"It's fine, hyung." He replied motionlessly, not bothering to look at Santa anymore. "Can I please be alone now?"

Not fine.

Nowhere near fine.

Santa slowly nodded his head, a single tear trickling from his eye and down his face.

"Of course."

Because he had every right to be upset.

And Santa understood that more than anyone else.

Junwon stared at the empty space on the bed, right where she used to sleep and cuddle him. His nose could still catch the familiar vanilla mixed with roses scent coming from her pillow. The only thing he could hear at that moment was the click of the bedroom door, declaring that Santa had already left.

And it was only then that he broke down, allowing tears and violent sobs to escape his mouth.

Now that he had lost everything he had...

What was even the point?

. . .

Santa stood on the other side of the door, covering his mouth with his hand as he sobbed. The only thing his ear could catch were the heartbroken sobs of Junwon on the other side of the door. His knees trembled, and so did his heart. He rested one hand of his over his own heart, before taking a few shaky steps away from the door, the sound of Junwon's sobs fading away until he couldn't hear it anymore.

Making his way down the stairs, he ignored his mind's racing thoughts and the trembling of his body. After finally getting to the bottom of the stairs, he allowed a small sob to escape his mouth before his hand reached the grey-coloured cement wall on his side.

All while the other hand clutched his heart, this time not bothering to conceal the sound of his sobs anymore.

Why did they have to lose her?

The question was already terrifying enough to think, let alone say out loud.

Because it was already enough that they couldn't protect her.

And now with the guilt in his stomach, and his heart, he thought he could never sleep properly again.

His hand clutched the left side of his chest tighter. He took a few more steps towards the kitchen, his head spinning with thoughts.

Just a few more steps, right?

So why did it feel like eternity?

The next thing he knew, he was on the ceramic floor, right next to the kitchen entrance, his back against the same wall he had his hand against. His heart trembled against his hand while he let out a small groan. His head spun and ached as he rested his body, his neck, the back of his head against the wall.

What now?

"Santa?" Yacht's voice echoed through his head. "Santa, are you done yet?"

The sound of footsteps echoing through his mind, getting closer and louder each second.

The familiar touch of Yacht's hand against his shoulder, reassuring him through his terrible headache.

"Santa, did you ignore your medicine too?"

He didn't want to answer.

He couldn't answer.

But he knew the truth, even if he denied it.

And no matter how much he denied it, he knew that he was being too stubborn with himself.

He knew that he had disregarded his own health while telling Yacht to do the opposite.

"Oh, Santa," Yacht's sympathetic voice echoed in his ears. "You're just as stubborn as I am."

"I'm... Sorry." Santa replied, tears collecting in his eyes as he took a blurry glance at his older friend. Yacht's eyes were filled with heartbreak and internal sadness while the soft, weak smile over his face sent him enough reassurance to make him feel better. And despite Santa knowing how fake the smile was, it still managed to send him the tiniest bit of reassurance and warmth.

"Please, don't be." Yacht replied, wrapping his arm around Santa's torso. "Come on, let's make us and Junwon something to eat so you can take your medicine."

Santa slowly nodded his head.

"And yours?"

Yacht nodded his head before patting Santa's soft, jet-black hair and getting up from the floor, all while stretching his arm out for Santa to grab. Santa accepted his friend's outstretched arm and took his turn to get up from the floor, catching a glimpse of Yacht's tearful eyes before following him inside the kitchen.

But not before taking a final glance at Junwon's room, which had its room closed shut.

Poor Junwon...

"I just talked to Rajwan." Yacht began, attempting to ignore his own shaky voice. "He said that he's taking the first flight to Korea. Earth is coming to stay with us for a while too."

Santa nodded his head, his heart aching at the mention of Rajwan's name.

Mal adored her younger brother, and he loved her more than anything. Santa recalled multiple memories when Rajwan told him about how Mal stood up for him and supported him through thick and thin.

"This is terrible..." Santa blurted out, staring into nothing while ignoring the noise of Yacht fumbling through the plastic bags in search for some kind of food. "I can't believe this..."

"I know." Yacht replied, allowing a small tear to stream down his face. "She didn't deserve this. No one does."

None of them deserved to have their best friend taken away from them.

Junwon didn't deserve to have the love of his life taken away from him because her brother couldn't wrap his hand around the concept of basic family love.

And now because of Mal's brother's love for money and power, Junwon lost everything he once had. They lost their best friend. Rajwan lost his sister and his number one supporter.

They had lost everything.