076:

"Yes. Me." He said, still not looking at her, his dark head bent over her hands, the amazingly ugly dreads that hung to his chest dropping over them. She had always meant to ask him why he'd gone to such lengths for the costuming when he could have just worn a wig. But that was neither here nor there, and another indication of how random and scatter brained her thoughts were these days.

"I have loved." He said. "And made love..." He went on without looking at her."Many times."

"I see."

"And I have changed." He added. "I have become enamored of your sister, and therefore no longer wish to be promiscuous."

"But I never was promiscuous!" She declared, seeing where he was going with his analogy. He held up a hand to his lips.

"Hush, lovey, hush, I know. I know. You are like Maille. Innocent. You fell for the first lover that awakened you. And when the next man came along, you were unprepared for the knowledge that there are more fish in the sea."

"But I don't want the other fish, Kell! I don't! I just want Jared back!"

She stared at him in dawning realization. Had she really just said that? How utterly revealing, how completely devastating. Tears choked her and she jerked away from him, her hands covering her cheeks and eyes in sudden recognition. She'd let him goad her into saying it, and it was too intimate. Those words were too far inside her. She never should have said them...

Kell did sit back. He gave her a very frank stare and then closed his eyes momentarily, pinching his nose together. "You--- are Not over him."

Melia had turned completely away from him now, hugging her arms across her chest in misery, rocking back and forth, her face closed off in a way that spoke volumes to Kell about her pain, and how much she kept inside. This was not what he had been led to believe. He mentally kicked himself for not being more honest. How dare he do to her, or anyone, what he hated to be done to him?

He had believed that she had had an affair with Jared Patrick, and that she didn't really care for him, evidenced by the way she'd gone out within days of his demise and become a maniac industry lead. As if driven by the forces of stardom and fame, she had pushed herself and others harder than anybody, and astonished the media who kept tabs on these things. They called her cold and selfish. They pointed at her race around lifestyle and said she was uncaring, past feeling, driven by guilt over what she had done to Ryan and Jared both. They painted her out to be some sex-crazed teeny-bopper starlet focused on self and self-aggrandizement. Using everybody in her path and shunning those who loved her and cared about her.

"Why the work?" he whispered. "Why the image, Melia?"

Her hands covered her mouth as she stared at the lake in agony. "He wanted me to. Jared told me to."

In her efforts to be closer to Jared, she had done as he'd asked, and filled her time with movement and work. She'd filled herself up with appointments and performances, music and film.

"He wanted you to get back to work that quickly and intensely?"

"Yes. He was explicit. I was to get back to work-- and not slow down, until..."

"Did he tell you to marry Ryan?"

She nodded. "He said I needed to get married again, and have more kids, and maybe Ryan was the one. He said he thought he was, and that he wanted me to consider him. So when Ryan came home and we got back together and being friends, it seemed kind of natural. Ryan seemed to care for me, he seemed to want me, and I felt I could live with that. I --." She turned and stared into Kell's compassionate and now very understanding eyes. "I don't think I will ever love that way again. Jared took it all with him. I am nothing anymore."

Kell searched her expression, listened to her tone of voice and was shocked at how thoroughly he had been duped. Melia was nothing like what he had expected. She was very naive, very inexperienced. Her lack of worldly attitude overcame all her image promoting acting ability.

"And I am not a slut or a whore."

"No! You are not a slut, or a whore. And yes, you will, Mia. You will love again. You are not those evil words." He grabbed her then and pulled her close into a rough embrace, holding her tightly, as if taking her into himself and imprinting her on his soul. He shook with effort and she wondered at his emotion. But as her arms rose to clutch at his back, she could only feel the wind and the lake speaking to her... peace... understanding... hope....

"I am a bitch." She whispered, dry sobbing tearing at her throat as he murmured into her hair.

"No. You're not. Just misunderstood, like we all are." He said and kept her there, still holding her roughly.

Suddenly it became clear. He knew what Ryan had fostered about her in others; he knew what Ryan had said to him about her, about her dalliances, her infidelity. He suddenly knew why Ryan was doing it. How hurt he had been... how he couldn't give it up without a fight. He was making her live his pain and his ruined expectations.

"Mia, you're my sister now, and I'm going to take care of you. We're going to get through this one step at a time. And the first step is to talk to Ryan."

She sat back, sniffing. "I can't talk to him anymore. Last night was enough. I don't want to talk to him. Our marriage has been annulled. Don't ask me why we are still together, it's complicated, but it won't last much longer and then it'll be over for good."

"You mean there are still things you won't tell me?" He tried a mock perplexity.

She laughed. "It's enough that you are willing to hear my side of it, Kell. I am tired of people not liking me. I just want to go crawl in my little hole and curl up...."

She glanced up as Maille came up the ladder behind them. Her eyes pleaded for understanding, not another person to hate her for trying to supposedly steal her boyfriend. She wanted to scream at her, I didn't ask him to come up here, I didn't initiate the hug, I am not the one to blame here. The look of fear in her eyes alerted Kell to the presence of another person and he turned ready to do battle, but seeing Maille, he raised one arm and cautiously indicated for her to come closer. She looked stricken....

"I will go take care of my woman." He said earnestly, "But don't worry. All is well now that I am here."

Maille was shaking her head as Kell got up and went to her. Melia did not fail to see the glare Maille shot her way, and she turned her face hard into the wind and closed her eyes concentrating on breathing.

Melia forced herself to hear over again his last words. All is well now that I am here. She was stunned by his words, and his confidence. She knew there was nothing he could do, and if he talked to Ryan it would only make things worse. She wanted to say so, but he was leading Maille around the other side of the houseboat, talking to her with their heads bent together. Did he have to explain how she had seduced him? Was he going to perpetuate the myth or be honest? She had to feel that he would deal with her more honestly now...

A weight had eased off her. She could feel it. She felt calmer than she had in days. She picked Abby up and cuddled her. Maybe things would go back to normal now.

*****