067:

It buzzed, as if he'd heard her thoughts about him.

"Hi." She said, coincidence, or?

"Hey there. How are you? How was your day? I've been thinking about that part you were struggling with all day and I figured it out. You want to hear my take on it?" and without waiting he plunged right in to his idea, listing all the reasons he figured it would work if she played it from his point of view. His voice was enthusiastic and captivating, and she enjoyed just listening to him.

Melia felt herself relaxing. She hadn't realized how tense she always got, until the muscles in her neck began to ease up and then she sank with relief into her bed.

"Hey, you're kind of quiet. What's on your mind sweetheart?" he finally said, laughing at himself for monopolizing the entire conversation like that, and she pictured his quirky smile.

"Why do you call me sweetheart and baby?" she asked, completely randomly and a little flirty, knowing it was a question that would attract a flirty response, but she felt happy when he called, and it was a happy kind of flirty. There was so little of that in her working life, and right now that was all she did, work and take care of the babies.

He hesitated. "Are you sure you want to have this conversation right now?" A kind of serious note in his tone that she hadn't anticipated. She drew in her breath sharply regretting her question immediately. It had dissipated the jocular mood he'd set, the 'just friends' image he cultivated for them. He never crossed those bounds and spoke of any other possibility. She really had no idea where he stood, except for the one time in the airport...

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"No." He stated firmly. "It's not that we can't have this conversation. I don't mind at all. I like calling you sweetheart, and honey and darling and whatever other endearment I can use to describe what you are beginning to mean in my life."

"Am I beginning to.... Mean something in your life?"

His laugh was free and easy. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you how much."

"Oh." She didn't know what to say. Did he mean as friends, or something more? He'd always been pretty careful not to cross that line.

"Are you still married?" He asked bluntly. "I think I know you well enough to ask that."

"Sure you do." She replied carefully. "Yes. But there are reasons I haven't told you about."

She heard his deeper breath as if he was bracing himself, and she knew he expected her to tell him. He waited. She finally decided she could be honest with him. He had been her only close friend the last few months and he knew she and Ryan weren't really married.

"Someone has been threatening me. And Ryan feels we should stay together till we get it sorted out. We have a houseboat trip in a few days with some of my family and then a family reunion in New York a few weeks later, and then we're going to get the annulment."

"Are you... have you been intimate?" He asked it forthrightly and it didn't make her feel uncomfortable, but she had the feeling, at one time it could have.

"We can still get the annulment." She said.

"You can do that these days intimate or not. I am not asking for that reason."

"Oh, why are you asking?"

"Because my jealous green monster head is rearing up. I want to know, that's why." His voice was calm, but constant, and she knew he really did care about the climate of their relationship, and by the same token, realized that the reason was because he was waiting for her... and he wanted to feel that perhaps he had a chance. If she was sleeping with Ryan then there was more between them than he'd originally thought, and it spoke something about her character that was revealing.

"No. He doesn't touch me at all except to diffuse me occasionally." She'd explained about the current a long time ago.

"Hm." He said, and then drew in his breath again. "Do you want to be intimate with him, Melia?"

She felt a weird sense of sorrow overcome her. "I don't." She whispered bitterly. "I could never be intimate with someone who used me and hated me like he does. I mean, he's reverted to being nice and all, to protect us, and our career's, he says, but I think he went into this farce to get revenge on me, but not to ruin me. If he had taken advantage of me, and then dumped me it would have changed the... dynamic. The expectations would have been so much more. He would have really, really disrespected me, not to mention I get pregnant so easily. That would be a disaster."

"Are you still hurting too much from losing Jared? Is there just too much confusion surrounding intimacy? I'm kind of having trouble with that concept." He said, and she sighed, hearing the sadness welling in his words.

"Like what?" Melia asked in real concern, she was always really concerned when Robert told her pieces of his grief.

"Like picturing myself with other women."

"You're a young man, Robert. Karen wouldn't have wanted you to remain celibate the rest of your life."

"No, you're right, but neither would she have wanted me to sleep around. Karen and I were kind of old fashioned. We believed in being monogamous. I know it's not the Hollywood norm, or even the worldly norm, and I don't know what your beliefs are, but I sense that you're a fairly moral person too."

Melia smiled to herself, lying on her back, plumped up with pillows, listening to her babies sleep. The room was dark, but she felt an inner glow. This conversation was way more intimate than any other they'd ever had, and she was glad that he considered her a moral person even though he knew she'd messed up with Jared.

"Is there someone you're considering being with?" she asked.

"Yes." He answered frankly, and Melia felt her heart race.

"Anyone I know?" She felt like she was treading on thin ice. If he said he was and named someone she knew, and not herself, would she also feel that jealous monster? She thought she might. She didn't want to admit there were feelings, but there was at least a little possessiveness.

"Yes." He said softly.

Melia couldn't reply. She didn't know what to say. Maybe she was a little out of her league here. Counseling a grown man... someone with a lot of experience and worldliness...not to mention how his words made her feel. She felt funny inside... as if she wanted him to like her. Not just like her... but really like her.

"Mia?" He prompted gently. "Too much?"

She still couldn't answer. As if her stupid voice wouldn't work now.

"Hey, you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Too hard to hear these things? I asked if you really wanted to have this conversation right now." He reminded.

"I know." She managed, almost holding her breath, suddenly wishing she were with him and could see his eyes when he said these words. Words that seemed to mean that he was considering...

His chuckle was purely masculine and very knowing. "Have I made myself clear?"

She wondered if he really meant that he was thinking of her. She couldn't answer. It seemed pretty forward, and what if she was wrong?

"Melia. It's you. Is that clear enough?" He cleared up any misconception she might have had, and her heart raced in the stillness.

"Yes." She answered lamely, wishing she really were with him, she didn't know how to react right now without seeing him. This was foreign to her, she realized, even though she knew others would say she was a terrible flirt, and that she always wanted to be the center of every man's attention. It wasn't true. Guys did seem to be drawn to her, but the thing was.... She wasn't drawn to them. She could count on one hand the guys she had been attracted to. Ryan.... Jared.... Ryan.... And now Robert. That was it.

"But obviously you're not really available, so I haven't pressed you." Robert said seriously. "Plus I thought it might still be too soon. I don't want to have some kind of rebound relationship."

"That's smart thinking." She whispered, and had to repeat herself.

"So, you think it might be rebound?" he asked her, but she could hear that hint of a smile. Robert wouldn't be confused about such a feeling. He was very in control of his thoughts and feelings. He knew when it was rebound, and when it was something else.

"No."

He laughed outright. "So...." He still sounded amused, obviously having tried to get a certain reaction from her and failed. He blew out his breath. "What do you think about that?"

She didn't know what to think. Her heart felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest. She held a hand over it to cover its thundering. This situation had actually presented itself once before in her life. She suddenly flashed to the morning after Jared had taken her virginity. Yes, that morning as she'd walked the island shore, stumbling and confused... she'd had to give up a piece of herself that had once belonged to someone else, in favor of a piece she'd given to another. The quandary... the divided feelings....

She felt young.... Inexperienced.... Still naïve, in a way... as naïve as when Ryan had first kissed her and made her feel alive... as naïve as when she'd looked up at Jared in the doorway and known he was going to kiss her... and known that it meant something, really meant something....

Naïve as she thought about how she felt that night when Robert had come to take her to the desert rock sunset....

He cleared his throat when she didn't answer. "I think I have my answer." He said softly, with a mild sense of disappointment.

"No... Robert... I---." Her heart was still thundering, but she couldn't leave him with the wrong impression. "I am processing. It's slow. I have made so many mistakes in just the way I say things, please give me a moment to collect my thoughts."

He sniffed in decision. "It's all right, Mia. It's not time for us. Let's just stay friends, and pretend we didn't have this conversation yet."

She swallowed painfully. "It's just that...." She put a hand on her forehead, and knew she was blushing because of the heat there. "Robert. I-- was just thinking, remembering."

His silence was deafening. "About?"

"Us."

"Remembering us? What about us, Melia?"

"The time you laid on the bed beside me, and twiddled Hannah's hair."

"The time..." His voice was suddenly husky. "Is that an US memory?"

"The first night at the pier... the way you walked, the way you were unsure of even opening up to me, but kind of knew you had to, and the absolute trust you've always had in sharing yourself with me."

"That night..." He was almost choked up as the memory assailed him as well. "That's definitely an us memory."

"The night you came to see me when Abby was born. The way you held me as I cried. I couldn't cry before that."

"Felt positively protective, compassionate, and so warm and needed... God..."

She jerked her face away from the phone as she sniffed. "The sunset, Robert, that lovely and incredibly intuitive sunset... that's the word, intuitive... I feel you and you... you sense me!" She was blurting out her thoughts now, painfully, forcing them against her normal reticence. She couldn't lose the connection with him right now, maybe not ever, but not now. It needed to be strong... "And it's not just that--- that day-- when Abby was born, it's not just that I'm grateful you helped me cry, I am grateful, but that's not the us memory, the us memory happened when you put your arm around me, and let me sleep cuddled on your shoulder with Abby on your chest so sweet, and simple, and sure and firm, and right... "

More silence.

"Robert?"

Dead still.

******