058:

Tracy came into the room, helping 'little one' who was barely walking, and holding a hot dog... Melia's eyes riveted on Hannah, and Robert had time to adjust himself away from her, still holding the baby. He settled back on the bed, and noticed that his brother-in-law and sister were there as well.

"Ho, Ho! Here's where we find you! With the newest member of the Patrick family!" Doug chortled, and Melia had time to smile appreciatively, and watch as both Doug and Kathy, whom she had met at the funeral, looked at her newest child.

"Aw, Robbie, let me hold her!" Kathy crooned and Robert reluctantly allowed his sister to hold the infant, giving Melia an apologetic glance, which she managed not to turn red under. Kathy was short and plump, in her late thirties, with blondish dyed hair and a faintly upturned nose. Her eyes were the only thing that reminded anyone of her famous brother. They were dark and thickly fringed, and crinkled good-naturedly at the corners, giving her that same air of compassion, and alleviating the chiseled good looks. She sat on the edge of the bed with her husband Doug beside her, both looking in fascination at the baby.

"We can't have kids, you know." Doug told the room at large. "But I've been talking with Tracy, here, and she's been telling me about her work at the adoption agency, and we kind of like this idea." Which brought on a lengthy discussion about adoptions and babies in general. Hannah wanted her mother, and crawled into Melia's lap to play and snuggle, and Melia stroked her hair gently, taking away the hot dog-- she really didn't want her to choke on it-- whispering quiet nonsense to her as she held her toys for her mother to see. When she glanced up, Robert's eyes met hers. They never faltered. He held her curious stare dramatically. She knew they two had more to share than this moment.

*****

Doug and Kathy took Tracy up on a trip down the coast into Avalon for shopping, and Robert decided to tour the grounds while Melia and the babies napped. The air was balmy and peaceful, the sound of waves and water sloshing around below them a surcease to her befuddled spirit. Melia dozed, feeling exhausted without having done anything and remembered after Hannah had been born a much more exuberant energy. Now she felt tired and worn out. She assumed this was due to nursing two babies, and trying to take care of them as well. Even with her mother's help it still fell mostly on her shoulders, as it should, she reminded herself without rancor. She wanted to care for her own children, she needed to. She had the responsibility and she loved them so much more than she ever thought was possible.

But she also felt cramped, lying on her side on the bed, her insides at war with her outsides. She tried to analyze it. One arm up, above her head, curling around the pillow as she nursed Abby, the other reaching slightly over Abby to twirl Hannah's blonde curls with one finger. She felt slightly tied down, and not resentful, just befuddled.

That was the word. Just like bewildered had been the word a while ago, now befuddled felt right. She could hear sea gulls outside, the sound of the palm trees rustling. That was peaceful.

But inside her there was a black noise that seemed as if it were a storm screeching against rocks or something.

Ryan had called. He wasn't coming out today, in fact, he told her he wasn't coming out at all. He didn't think he could stand to be at her Catalina home, the home she had shared with his brother, the home his brother had died in. Not just because of those reasons, but because it felt too painful. He said he hadn't dealt with Jared's death. He had an audition, and had gone to New York.

Inside, Melia felt fragmented, enraged at his lack of concern for her. She wanted to throw in the towel, let it be over, file for an annulment, call her lawyer immediately. Outside she didn't know what to do. She felt a queer sense of hanging on, as if she were responsible for his actions, and his own confusion, and she had to rectify the situation by staying married to him. He had indicated that staying married was his plan.

She'd told him about Robert's idea to go camping as part of a wrap party in two weeks. He'd agreed that it sounded like fun and he would get all the necessary things for them to do it. She'd asked if he had any idea what that entailed, and he'd said he'd buy an RV and make sure it was set up for two babies. She supposed that was all she could ask for. As long as it had a bathroom.

Robert's steps on the outside stairs alerted her to his presence, and she tried to cover herself before he could enter her room, but he was closer than she thought and freer with his movements than she'd figured. He came directly into the room, squinting against the outside glare, and wiped his brow with his hands, going past her to the bathroom and shutting the door.

Heart beating in trepidation, Melia covered herself, but didn't sit up, she debated closing her eyes, and did as she heard the toilet flush, still thinking it was very strange that he'd used her bathroom and not another one. There were five here.

He'd seen her eyes open. "I know you're awake." He said and plopped in her recliner and put his feet up, resting both arms out from his body as if getting out of the heat. It wasn't all that hot.

Melia opened her eyes and smiled, to keep from laughing. "I didn't know if I wanted to talk to you." She said.

"So, you played possum?" he chuckled. "Your eyes were twitching terribly. I knew you were awake even if I hadn't seen your eyes open which I did. I doubt you could fool me. Your face is transparent."

Jared had told her the same, she thought with a lump in her throat.

"Talked to Ryan. He said you guys decided to go on my campout. It should be fun." He continued. "I advised him to at least rent an RV, probably a fifth wheel with pull outs and two rooms, so you'd have privacy. I'm bringing my fifth wheel as well."

"Where are we going?" she asked without enthusiasm and had to shush Abby who startled at her voice as babies do.

"Out in the desert, north east of Victorville, a couple of hours away."

"By Palm Springs?"

"No, by Lucerne."

"I've never heard of it." She admitted, not being very familiar with the deserts of Southern California.

"Have you ever gone camping?" He asked politely.

"Many times." She gave him a look meant to quell any ideas he might have had that she was a city girl only. "I'm from Montana. We camped a lot."

"Just checking. I remember you telling me about one time with Jared that was pretty primitive. It sounded like you were completely freaked out."

She remembered. "Yeah, well." She humphed. "With reason." She leaned up on her elbow. "He took me out in the dead of winter on a hundred mile snowmobile ride and built a tarp tent on top of marsh grass for shelter. We ate energy bars and survived. We were being chased by.... Scary people."

"Oh, okay, whatever. Sounds like he was an actor in one of your spy movies too." He scoffed.

"One of my... spy movies? I haven't done any spy movies. You've done more along those lines than I have." She was slightly put out that he wasn't impressed by her survival skills. "And Jared wasn't an actor. At all. He couldn't be duplicitous. He was who he was. Always." Why was he being so slap schtick?

"You've told me a little about him." Robert said picking his teeth now with his fingernail. Melia lowered her eyebrows. What was up with the attitude? Was it because he had just spoken to Ryan? What happened to the way he'd been earlier?

She didn't want to talk about Jared right now. "What do you do on camping trips? Do you camp often?"

"What do you do on camping trips?" He countered, giving her an under the lashes stare.

Melia puckered her brows. "Depends on the trip. We hike, we fish, we ride dirt bikes...you can't do it all."

"Oh." He finished picking and leaned forward, with that frank stare. "We party, we get drunk, we go shooting, we rock climb."

Melia looked away and nodded. "Really." She said dryly.

"Does that mean you won't come?"

"Yeah, I mean sure I'll come. I really feel inclined to bring my little babies, my newborn infant baby out in the desert to listen to you and Ryan party all night."

"It won't just be me and Ryan. It'll be me and Ryan and practically the whole cast of the show we just finished."

Melia shook her head and let it fall back against the pillows. She closed her eyes. What was he thinking? Why was he pushing her to go with him and all his friends? It was too soon, and too dumb, not her thing at all... she felt a dip on the bed, felt the swaying of the mattress as another body adjusted itself to the available room, and her eyes flew open.

Oh.... My.... Goodness...

He was laying on the other side of Hannah, on his side, facing her, one arm up as hers was, one slightly over Hannah to twirl a finger lazily on Abby's forehead. His eyes met hers. Challenging.

There were no words to analyze this situation. Melia simply lay there, stunned. Robert was on the bed with...

Robert was changing the entire established dynamic.

Robert was too close for comfort....

She could feel his breath.... She could smell him.....

His eyes were right here....

He wasn't looking at her. He was looking down at the babies. His look was adoring, his smile was exuberant, unlike anything she'd ever seen on him. For a second, she thought he wasn't at all interested in bothering her, simply being close to the girls. Her heart soared at that thought. As if... like a daddy... his presence felt like that substitute male figure that should have been there. It was the day for it... lazy day.... Quiet moments.... The wind, the waves, the sea gulls....the sharing....

But his eyes rose to meet hers and he smiled. What was it about that smile?

It was real. Not like any of the guys she'd been around lately, fake smiles, smiles with agenda's. Wanting smiles....

His was simply real. His smile meant that he really was happy, right at that moment, he was perfectly satisfied. She shook herself mentally. It felt too good to see that smile. It was so... shared. As if she gave him the smile by just laying there. The smile played between them easily.

His finger traveled over Abby to her ear, and drew her straggling hair out of her face and behind her ear. He withdrew and just lay there again, looking at the sleeping babies.

"They're amazing aren't they?" He said softly, so softly, in a voice used for talking when babies were asleep.

She nodded, holding her breath.

*****