035:

It wasn't a week later.

They were in Montana.

It had snowed and the ground was covered in icy white as she and Ryan trudged from her cottage, the one they had once shared, once a long time ago, a lifetime ago, back to the main house. As they neared they saw that Richard was out with one of the seps, Fallon, it looked to be, and Ryan kept Melia's hand as they got closer to see what they were doing.

"Oh, good, just the two people I was hoping to catch right now!" Richard said and pulled the authorizing string that started the snow blower so Fallon could use it. The machine roared to life, and Fallon gave a short wave as it took off with him in tow. Richard put an arm around Ryan and led them toward the garage, one of many attached to the main house. "We're expecting quite a few people. I was wondering if while the family is gathered, if you would like for me to perform a ceremony for the two of you?"

Ryan stopped stock still and stared at Melia, his face flaming in consternation.

"How did you know, Richard?" He blurted.

"Know, what? That you are planning to be married? I think it's a father's intuition, and all...." He shook his head. "Of course, Tracy told me."

"Mommy." Melia breathed and smiled a silly little smile. She'd told her mother who had been somewhat happy and somewhat concerned that it might be too soon, but when she was told about the baby needing a father and a name....the same name of course, she'd capitulated.

Ryan glanced at Melia. "We hadn't really talked about when..."

"I think now is as good a time as any, you aren't waiting till the temple.... Because of the baby, correct?"

They both nodded. "Well, I can perform this ceremony if you have the proper license. Why don't you two work on getting it this afternoon after the baptism and then we'll have the ceremony tonight in the gym..."

"The gym." Melia repeated, thinking that the last wedding she'd had was outside on the grass. Something prickled at her skin as she remembered the moment she had said yes to Jared, a moment that had filled her heart with unspeakable joy. Did she feel that right now? She didn't know what she felt, only that it wasn't the same as she'd felt with Jared. Not everything would be like him, she told herself angrily and jerked free of Ryan to walk a few feet away by herself to catch her breath. Ryan and Richard watched her go and then spoke quietly between themselves.

Her thoughts were jumbled. Did Ryan understand that she was conflicted still? Would Jared have wanted her to face this life without someone? No, he had definitely wanted her to find someone. But was that someone Ryan? At one time it had been... Jared thought it was.... Jared had thought she could rekindle whatever they had once had. And maybe they could. She did like him.... She wanted to like him.

She felt that queer prickling again, and examined it in the back of her mind comparing it to the current. It wasn't the current at all. It just seemed to let her know that something wasn't right. And if something wasn't right she needed to try and discuss it.

With who? Jared.

Her heart clenched. Why did her thoughts automatically turn to him as if he could help her now in this situation? He couldn't.

It was her life. She had to make the best decisions for her and Hannah and the baby. Ryan was a good choice, she thought. Their lives were familiar to each other, and once... things settled down....

She walked back over to her father and Ryan. Her dad's eyes were compassionate and knowing. "No one is pushing you Mia." He said. "I thought it might be convenient, but it's not necessary if you're not ready. I just thought you two had made up your minds."

Melia swallowed, looking into Ryan's hopeful blue eyes. "I have made up my mind." She said.

Ryan's eyes closed. "Are you sure, Mia?" He grinned, unable to contain his expression at her words. She nodded, feeling choked up for the first time since Jared had died. Choked up and ready to spill.... But she didn't.

He took both of her hands and brought them to his lips. Richard turned and left them, walking through the garage and back into the house. Melia watched him go, feeling a strange bereavement catching hold of her.

Ryan was still trying to look into her eyes.

"Yes. It's for the best!" She tried not to sound like she was settling for something. He had to know her feelings. But she couldn't seem to get them out. She stared at him as honestly as she could hoping he could tell from her eyes.

"Well..." He stepped back from her with a slight nod. "Maybe it is for the best. What we once shared can be.... rekindled, like you said."

"I'm willing to work on it."

He grunted and Melia felt a moment's apprehension, and then tamped it down. It was what Jared wanted. She took Ryan's hand and pulled him back toward the house.

*****