023:

He had to admit, Megan in a wet suit was hot. Very hot. Her long auburn ponytail was pulled up in a messy bun and left to straggle around her face and a few strands, that were wet and stringy hung down her back. She was a little like her sister, but so much more curvy. The indentations were so pronounced, she seemed more like Marilyn Monroe. Or Bridget Bardot with that red hair! She walked like a kid, hefting her board across the sand with arms that were very defined. Why not, she worked out every day with Melia.

She flopped into the oncoming surf and started paddling, very like the friends they had been from the start, minus his irritation with her.

She was good at what she did, he thought as they paddled out further, determined and set. She took a few waves, concentrating. Then finally sat up, further out, past the smaller swells, and past the larger ones, just sat her board like a guy, and there were plenty of them out there. It was early, surfer time. About eight-thirty.

"So what's on your mind, Princess?" He said coming to sit close by her, recognizing that there was more to this invitation than met the eye. She didn't just need a surfing companion.

Megan trailed her hand in the water aimlessly, her hands looking blue white in the morning sun, her fingers long and sculpted.

"We're friends, right?" she said for starters. Then her eyes rose to meet his, and they were so forthright, he was taken aback. She looked so like Melia, but Melia was never completely forthright, she always had that coy flirtatiousness about her these days. Not that that was bad, he was always drawn in as well. He liked the coy flirtatiousness. He didn't always like Megan's forthrightness.

"After all this time and water under the bridge, I would say that's a fair estimation." He agreed.

She glanced up at him again through her lashes, but minus the attraction he felt for Melia, and that in itself was disarming. She did have an allure, he'd just never tried to see it.

"Do you see yourself staying close to my family?"

His heart stopped for just a second. What was she getting at? " I guess, yeah. Why not?"

"No, I mean do you see yourself like part of the family?" she insisted.

"Are you coming on to me?" He laughed, albeit a little nervously. He had sort of developed a regard for Megan, but he wasn't thinking of starting a relationship---

She grinned and splashed him. "Goon." She chortled. "You're like a brother to me."

"Oh, so you're asking if I want to play the part of your big brother?" He nodded and slapped the water playfully back at her. "What's on your mind, sis?"

This he could handle. He probably did feel that way about her if he really thought about it. It was Melia that attracted him, Melia that gave him the shivers whenever he was close to her. He didn't think he could ever be Melia's big brother.

"You're already enmeshed in our family. Mom treats you like another son, Dad calls you for thoughts and ideas, and they both tell you what to do. Jared wrote you a letter like he did other members of the family. It's like you're a part of our family. Are you?"

He thought about that. It wasn't the same with his family. They were far away and not a close knit bunch like Megan's family was. He wasn't sure he even considered his family in the same light as Megan's family.

"I hadn't made the jump to actual family status yet..." He started.

"But you officially think of yourself as...." She finished, and then looked away at a sea gull flying overhead. "Well, that's good then." She must have jumped to some strange conclusion. "You should join the church."

He was floored. That was brazen. That was blunt. That was beyond demanding. So Megan... "I- I'm not...."

"What? Taking the discussions? Yes you are, you sit in with Tom. I'm there, remember?" Yes, he did remember, only slowly and in the background, she seemed a half way figure in his memory as he watched Melia's every move. That wasn't very flattering, was it? He tried to focus on her, she deserved that much.

"Yeah, I guess I do sit in."

"Well, Tom's joining the church."

"Is that what this is about? You want me to join your church?" He was still floored that she had brought him out here for this.

"It isn't MY church!" She cried and splashed him again. "It's THE church. And it's true and you know it, so why not get baptized?"

He thought about that. She was saying that to be a part of their family he needed to be baptized. He wondered if he was committed enough. They all lived their gospel so.... Intensely.

But... to be fair... he liked their lifestyle. He actually enjoyed the way he felt when he was around them, better than the way he'd ever felt when he was on his own, a Hollywood playboy. Tom commented on it all the time, how good he felt, how much more in control, how much more ambitious, how much more creative. He liked the turn of ideas from himself to focus on the blessings God had given him. It gave meaning and purpose to his life. He liked the way that felt.

"I might." He said and gave her back her forthright look. She smiled calmly, looking for once unlike her bubbly self, and more like a serious version of her twin.

"I thought it might be just that you needed to be asked." She said, "But that's not why I asked you out here."

His eyebrows rose. "Oh, it isn't? Was the family thing why you asked me out here?"

She shook her head and looked down. "Sort of, but not really. It's because I do think of you as a big brother, and I really just wanted a surfing companion." He splashed her now and she laughed.

"I love your family, Megs." He said using her pet name, the one everyone in the Family called her. "But..."

She lowered her brows. "But what? You don't think of us like that?"

"No, actually I do, that's the problem. I have become a very integral part of your family. I would consider them my best friends. But..."

She waited, so he splashed her half heartedly. "I would be intruding..."

She shook her head. "Nobody thinks that, Matthew. We all include you in all our plans and thoughts. I thought maybe it was getting too much for you. Always trailing around at our beck and call, especially Mia's. Maybe you want to get on with your life."

He thought about what she was saying.

What was she saying? That she felt sorry for him? "How do you see me? As your big brother, yours and Mia's?" That hurt a little, but he needed to know the answer from her twin. He needed to know this from her perspective. This was one area where he felt out of the loop.

She shrugged eloquently. "You're definitely a big brother figure. I'm just not sure you see yourself that way."

"I could see myself as your big brother." He said and let that hang, he desperately needed to know her take on this.

"And as Mia's lover slash husband?" At his humble and desperate nod she smiled gently. "It's not going to happen, Matthew. She doesn't think of you that way." She saw his eyes narrow in disbelief and annoyance and hurried to assure him. "I—I wasn't sent to tell you that! I wasn't even commissioned to be an envoy of that. I may be dead wrong, but I see her going in a different direction and it isn't all good. She's on edge. Maybe you've noticed and it's about to get worse."

"Why would it get worse? Is she planning to--- with Ryan?" He voiced the dreaded thought, but let it hang uncertainly, not really wanting to know, but unable to stop himself from knowing.

"Not necessarily, although she is spending a lot of time with him when she has time. She has a history with him and I think he keeps her close to... Jared."

He looked away. "She's not over Jared." He said it as a statement, not a question and she shook her head.

"And not likely to be for a long time. She's pregnant."

He blinked, the sun on her face gave her an other worldly quality, as if she shone with a force that blinded him to reality. She glowed right now like an angel.

"What? Can you repeat that last one?"

Megan cocked her head at him and didn't answer. He'd heard her.

"Seriously?" He looked away. "With who? I never would have thought she'd...."

"Oh." Megan laughed and splashed him drawing his attention back to her glowing features. "No. It's Jared's."

"Jared's?" He blurted completely flabbergasted. "Are you kidding?" It wasn't possible, it couldn't be! Where on earth did she come up with these things?

"She's seven months along, Matthew. She's expecting another little girl. It's Jared's."

He paddled around in a circle, all the strength leaving his body, as the air did too. "How is that possible?"

Megan's sarcastic nature kicked in. "You need me to explain the birds and the bees?"

Matthew shook himself. Of course it was possible. He just hadn't thought they would have done it so soon after she had the baby. Hannah was only two weeks old when Jared died for Pete's sake! He didn't think women were allowed to do that....that.... so soon. Oh, what did he know? Obviously, Jared Patrick had known a lot more about it than he did. He felt a strange blinding moment of jealousy rear it's mean green head and he closed his eyes trying not to picture it and failing. It was easy to not think about them together when he didn't know them; before he'd ever met them... they were a non-entity to him, far and away from his reality. But after the baby came? She was sort of no longer Jared's.

In Matthew's mind, she belonged to him.

There. That was at least honest. He thought of her as his. He had for a very long time. It hurt to be squeezed out by a dead man. It hurt even more, to be squeezed out permanently...by a child.

"You okay?" Megan's voice was strangely compelling.

"Fine."

Her lips formed a grim line. "I know you love her."

"Love her? Love her? Loved.... Maybe. I don't even know that." He scrubbed his hand over his eyes, blocking out the image he kept repeating in his mind's eye. He'd never thought to admit that tidbit of deeply personal revelation to Megan of all people, but it felt better to have it out in the open. His stupidity, his unrequited love. His own fault. He felt her board hit his, a slight nudge and then her strong arms were around his neck, and she was whispering in his ear. "It's okay."

He felt like crying, but no tears came. He felt like yelling, but no sound was emitting from his throat. He felt stunned and absolved all at the same time. Hopes and dreams dashed before total realization. Had she known? Megan? Had she somehow sensed all that was going on in his head? His arm came up and he buried his face in her wet hair and shuddered in complete misery.

Megan held him, rubbing her hands over his back in sympathy and all encompassing compassion. She'd had a feeling... yep, just a feeling.... Jared had said he sensed she had compassion, well, here it was, for the first time. Nobody else could recognize it, but it was here nevertheless, rearing its foreign head at her. It stared her in the face and laughed. You are compassionate, Megan, and he needs you right now. She kept rubbing his shoulders naturally, while he shuddered against her, and the swells drifted them closer to shore. They were about to get munched if she didn't...

They got munched.

*******