I was waiting after the bus. It's cold outside. I have my earphones and I am listening to my music.  I am thinking about my life, thinking about what I want to do later. I am thinking about the news, how black people are treated, the opinion that other people have on us.

I hate my skin color.

I wish to be white so I could be happy, I wish to be white so I won't be scared to go outside, I wish to be white so I can be who I wanna be and not trying to look like this supremacy who doesn't like diversity.

I wish to be : So I could live happy ever after.

My bus is here, I pull out my bus card. I enter in the bus. I am stressing : my color is stressing me.

Should I go on the back, where it is use to be OUR place ?

I wish to be white.

I am overreacting.

I just can't stop thinking about it. Am I going mad ? I am starting to question myself.

Willnorth Acdemy is my school.

I have one friend, her name is Brianna. She's the type of black girl that everybody wants. Well, she the complete opposite of me. She has curves, she's beautiful and she can sing. I can sing the alphabet but that doesn't mean that it is pleasant to hear.

I get out of the bus and walk toward the school.

"New year, new me" they say. Let's hope that I am gonna be lucky this year.

Brianna is late, as usual. I am waiting for her at her locker.

I tried to be cute this morning. I repeat : I tried.  All of this because of him : Elijah.

He's the guy that I have a crush on. Event though I know I doesn't want me as a girlfriend, I like to dream about him sometimes and wishing that maybe one day, he will be interested by my person and not by my body. Like the French expression that says "L'amour rend aveugle" (love makes you blind), I still have hope.

No confidence and crazy at the same time. Wow, what's wrong with me ?

I see a tall girl with sublime hair, walking with extreme confidence from the other side of the hall. No doubt, it's Brianna. She's really popular: she's friend with everyone.

I don't even know how I ended up being her best friend.

Maybe life wanted to give me at least one gift.

She has a beautiful smile and big eyes. She sees me and she walks faster in my direction. For the first time of the the day, I feel truly happy

She give me a big big hi because it's been two weeks since I didn't see her. Best friends usually don't wait that long to see their best friend.

Brianna : I am sorry for being late
Me : It's okay, I am getting used to it.
Brianna : You look absolutely stunning today, let me take a snapchat of my bestie.

Because she's my best friend, I talked to her about my hatred against my skin.

So every time that she calls me beautiful, I don't know if it's because she means it or if it's because she don't want me to go on a suicidal mission. In either case, it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, I am the one that look at myself in the mirror.

Brianna : Bad news for you
Me : Oh come on ! You're gonna ruined the moment ?
Brianna : Well, I wanted you to know because of me. I wanted to tell you, as a bestfriend.  I am not letting you discover the thing by seeing it with your eyes or by people telling in place..
Me: Ok fine, je say it.
Brianna: Well, Elijah has a girlfriend.