I was diagnosed with mild depression, anxiety, and ADHD. The number one symptom of these is low self esteem. I get a lot of praise and encouragement but i still feel like i can't do anything right. I'm failing school. My family is a mess. I have suicidal friends and me having suicidal thoughts unknown to the world. I'm bisexual, so it'll be harder to find a lover cause they won't trust you fully. I pretend to be strong and tough and happy all the time but on the inside I'm broken, dead, alone, depressed, not loved the way I need to be love. I love my friends and family but it comes down to that one person that I need in my life that I dont and can't have. I'm loud and obnoxious. You have to have one hell of a high tolerance to deal with me. Or tour just my friend cause you feel bad for me. I'm socially awkward towards new people and/or in new places. I get yelled at a lot cause i don't act normal. To cope with my issues such as stress I go to my kitten headspace. I'm in it pretty often to keep me calm.
I play trumpet. I'm in marching band and concert band. My anxiety likes to get the best of me and I get panic attacks which changes to undiagnosed asthma. *chuckles* it takes two ta three people to nurse me back to health.
I'm in capable of love a lover because all I can do is hurt people. Physically, mentally and/or emotionally. I locked myself away from the real world so I won't hurt anyone, but nope. I still end up hurting someone. Some times it happens unintentionally. I don't mean to hurt you but I do anyway.
Some times I wish I could disappear from the world so no one won't have to deal with my bullshit. Ya know?
People say "your pretty" or "your cute" but when I see myself I see ugliness. The scars on my face look like freckles. My eyes are so dark they look black. I have a jelly belly, in other words I'm fat.
I need someone with me at all times to keep calm.......

How do you guys feel about me?