We Can Heal...
Reminder: Characters are Ex-lovers meeting after a long time. Ex-lovers itself suggests that story may not necessarily be romantic. Also, the description of the book has the word 'bizarre' written, which means very strange or unusual. Reasons behind the breakup doesn't matter as much as their meet matters. This would be again, totally different and I hope turns out to 'bizarre' as I want.
Ps: EXPERIMENT 101. Do read the note at the end. No proofreading done. Ignore mistakes if any! Please!
----------------------‐-
"Situations....One Of The Overpowering Things Which Can Weaken The Strongest..."
The day had ended with the sun setting and chaos of night taking over slowly. She squirmed in her bed. Her eyes stared into the ceiling with fan rotating. Her body was stiff. She couldn't even contemplate what she was exactly thinking. The dark circles under her eyes were darkening more with every sleepless nights. Insomnia is never easy. The blankness in your mind, hollowness in your heart and your eyes staring at anything but everything for the sake of it...not even willingly is never what something one craves for. She shifted her blank gaze from the fan to the lavender colored wall on the right side. The wall had numerous memories. The dim yellow fairy lights in her room gently showered the yellow color on a Polaroid photo. "Best Trio!" Written on it. Her eyes caught up with that photo and her heart ached. Those twinkling eyes, that toothy smile, that happiness on that face was unmatched. Her eyes clouded with tears and she sat on the bed holding her head in her hands. She pushed the pink colored floral print blanket aside and moved towards the cupboard kept at the corner of her room. She hooked her hand in the handles and pulled the door open. She picked up a black jacket and a drop of salty water dripped from her eye. She wiped it away and took the keys hanging on the hanger.
"Shehnaaz....beta kaha jaa rahi hai?" Her mother asked as soon as she walked out of her room to the living room. The darkness under her mother's eyes was deep too. It was almost midnight and her mother was sitting on the chair with a photo frame in her hand, shedding few silent tears. She looked to the other side and found her father looking out of the balcony aimlessly. Perhaps no one from the family had the courage to move on from the terrific incident that devastated them and was unforseen.
"Thoda ghoom kar aati hu... ghutan si ho rahi hai... bahar ki hawa chahiye." Shehnaaz answered with a stoic face and her mother nodded.
"Siddharth kab aa raha hai London se?" She heard her mother ask. Her eyes closed as she pushed back those tears.
"Pata nahi..." she answered, not showing her tear stricken face. Her mother sighed. She had seen her daughter in extreme emotional trauma that resulted after two back to back heart wrenching incidents. Shehnaaz hid her tears very well, but at the end of the she ws her daughter. She could see her getting lost in thoughts, suffering from insomnia like her and her father and the new tears stream down her face every second.
"Beta, mujhe pata hai tum dono ke beech kuch hua hai. Mujhe pata hai shayad tum dono ek dusre se baat nahi karte... Par Siddharth ko iske baare mein kam se kam bata to de..." Her mother said softly in her heavy voice and keeping her palm gently on Shehnaaz's shoulder.
"Hmm..." Shehnaaz answered and nodded her head. She gently held her mothers hand and whispered, "I will be back in an hour." Her mother patted her head and watched her wear shoes and go away, closing the door behind. She sighed and prayed to the Almighty to give their family strength.
Shehnaaz parked her car outside a huge ground and sat in the darkness for a few minutes. She inhaled deeply, sucking all the air in her lungs. Curling her fingers and digging her nails in her soft palms, she let out out a sob. She wiped away her face quickly with the tissue kept on the dashboard and walked out of the car. It was chill. She pushed the iron gate with cold bars and entered the park. The cold water drops on the grass, which was spreayed with water, were all set to turn into dew drops and shine like pearls under the morning sun. She walked over the grass along the circumference of the ground with numerous thoughts occupying her head. She heard some incoherent noises of some bunch of boys playing football. The cuss words, the hoots and the 'ohh' showing disappointing were drilling in her head. There were people taking a midnight stroll with parents, partners, friends and siblings....siblings... her heart sighed. She sat on the platform under a huge banyan tree which had its arms spread wide with the areal roots hanging as if lending a hand or support to cling on. The myths of not to sit under the trees at night didn't affect her.... some people even call depression a myth! Only if they knew how it affects someone.
Chatters of people taking strolls, the chaos and the howling in her brain was stopped in a split second as a ball rolled over to her feet and man rushed to her. Her eyes met his. She stared in those dark orbs for a few minutes before gasping in shock.
-----------------------------------
He landed in India today morning after the completion of his work in London. The project was tiring and that it had extended over it due had completely exhausted him. The project affected his life on personal level as well. Perhaps his breakup would have never happened if the project was not extended. He came back home, met his parents, relatives, friends but not that one person he wanted to.
"Siddharth..." he heard his mother call him for dinner and he snapped back from his thoughts. He got up from the bean bag in the balcony and stretched himself. As he stretched his arm, his phone buzzed. He pressed the power button and message pinged, "Midnight football....you down?" He read and his lips stretched in a wide smile. He missed this so much! The tiring late night football sessions and then spending rest of the night talking aimlessly with his girlfriend...correction...Ex-girlfriend....He missed it!
Washing his hands thoroughly after the dinner, he walked into his room and thumped on the bed. A few scrolls on the phone, apps and message passed his time quickly. After good forty-five minutes, he decided to get ready. Pulling the handles with a jerk, until the hinges almost touched the wall, he looked for jersey. He one by one threw the jerseys on the ground just like rich people throw money in the charity and pulled his hair in frustration. He was being extra choosy today. He digged deeper into the cupboard until he found the specific jersey he was looking for. He grinned widely and took off his shirt, slipping the jersey up. He looked in the mirror and flashed his charming smile. The yellow colored jersey reflected the positive vibes just like the color and made him look....hot! The jersey had deep green colored thin strip on the collar and end of the arms of jersey and had a tick mark of the right side. The logo of CFB was embedded on the right side. He ruffled his hairs and clenched his jaw looking into the mirror posing like the Manyawar models do and admired himself. The beard looked pretty cool with the overall attire and he loved growing beard too! Well, his girlfriend...correction...Ex-girlfriend loved this look. "Not her again Siddharth!" His mind instructed and he ignored it.
Pulling up his bike at the parking area outside the ground, he took the keys and made his way inside the ground. Soon he was joined by his friends and teams were made. Siddharth played as the striker and was perfectionist in. He would stick the football like a magnet to his foot and singlehandedly score almost two goal and other with the help of his friends. The friends would range from teen to adults playing their favorite sport with all spirit and get a relief from their personal hectic lives. Siddharth was Dada (Bhai) for most of the young people in the group and learnt from him. All these months, they all missed his guidance, tips and puns! Not that he was expert in this sport but was quite passionate about it. Passion can drive you to the extreme and make you a perfectionist even if your don't have professional knowledge....this was what he thought. He was basically that one elder brother who encourages others to perceive their dreams as his own were crushed. He even convinced one kid's father to let him perceive football!
Sweat beads streamed down his body and he heaved. The football was with one of his archenemy from the other team and at no cost was he going to let him score the goal. Siddharth decided to goalkeep as it was a free kick and stood in the stance. As his stood there, his peripheral version saw a familiar figure walking by the side. Brushing away the thought, he fixed his gaze on the football. His mind went back to figure again as if taking a hiatus from the current situation. The ball was kicked and he lunged to the right side and stretched his arm out but as its said... a slight waste of second can make you pay big. The ball had already reached the goalpost passing Siddharth's hand and Siddharth fell on the ground. As he fell, his elbow glided over the rough ground and pebbles pierced his skin as well as his knees. As he saw the opposite team dance, he cursed loudly and banged his palm on the ground. "Ek aur match..." he shouted and went to collect the ball which rolled towards the platform built around the banyan tree. As he went towards the platform he found some familiar figure walking and sitting on the platform. As he took a closer look, he stopped in his tracks. It was Her.
She sat there with her eyes loaded with tears and her cheeks already bearing the streams. He was shocked would be an understatement. She had the His black hodie on...which he gave her before leaving for London. She had put on the black cap and her tresses were falling on the front. The dark circles under her beautiful eyes, the curled fingers, the small gasps she took between her silent sobs were clearly visible to him inspite her attempt to hide them. "Shehnaazzzzz..." he whispered. He felt his heart clenched as she looked absolutely exhausted, drained and helpless. He had never ever seen her like this. She was strong both physically and mentally. He couldn't contemplate what might have made her sit alone and cry. He knew how her mental strength was, to tackle every situation. What made her like this? Has something happened? Is she okay? And what was she doing in the middle of the night here? Alone....Alone? Strange! Where is she? He took small steps and approached her. He noticed her gaze shifted from the ground to the ball, then his shadow and ultimately his face. Her eyes looked in his for a few long minutes and her face absolutely showed no expressions until she gasped loudly. She quickly wiped her eyes and attempted to smile at him but failed miserably.
"Shehnaazzzzz.... You here?" He asked softly inching a step forward.
"Hmm..." Shehnaaz answered looking away.
"Are you crying? Hey! What happened? Shehnaazzzzz...Sab theekh hai?" He asked perplexed as he saw more tears running down. It seemed like the tears were not in her control. Every time she would wipe them, new ones rolled down. He sat beside her and she still looked away, wiping her tears with the other hand.
"Look here...idhar dekh...Kya hua?" He asked as his heart raced against his chest.
"Kuch nahi....wo...just...just feeling low... I am fine..."
"No you are not! It's clearly visible..." Siddharth tried reasoning.
"No...I had a bad day and I just came here... Tu London se kab aaya?" Shehnaaz asked and cleared the cough stuck in her throat.
"Aaj hi aaya....Don't change the topic. I know something is surely up."
"No! Please....I am really fine..."
"To aadhi raat ko kaale kapde pehenke apne kaale baal khule chhodke bargad ke ped ke neeche chudailo ko butane aayi ho?" He asked raising his eyebrow and as soon as he noticed the small stretch on her lips, he sighed in relief.
"Nahi!!!" Shehnaaz said and smile spread across her lips. Only he could do that! It almost seemed like years before she smiled today. The only time her lips stretched were to let out sobs and cries. But he? He made those lip stretch out in a small smile with a mere sentence. It felt as if that smile brought a ray of hope in her heart. Just like a small plant in the middle of evergreen forest struggles to seek that one ray of sunshine through the dense leaves and cherish it, she too longed for a ray of hope that could take her out of this swamp of emotions she was in.
"Dada....Ye na khelayla..." Siddharth heard someone call him.... She was Teenu... The sweet cute girl who was extremely enthusiastic about playing football. Teenu waved at Shehnaaz flashing her cute smile and Shehnaaz to waved back. Shehnaaz scrunched up her nose and Teenu almost threw the dirty ball her her. "Tumhi sure kara me yeto...(You guys start, I will join later...)" Siddharth shouted back and teenu went back whispering an okay.
"Siddharthhhh! You go...please..." Shehnaaz insisted. She was not ready to face him. She was not ready to answer the questions he was going to dart at her and she was not ready to answer that one question.... She was not ready. Now and never. But he didn't even move his facial muscles. Giving up, Shehnaaz decided to strike a conversation.
"How are you?" Shehnaaz asked softly looking at him.
"That's the last thing we should discuss right now....Tell me why are you here at this hour, sobbing..." Siddharth asked gently.
Shehnaaz was about to answer him when she heard him ask a question she was not ready for. Her heart froze, her brain fell numb. Her fingers curled tighter and her throat chocked with the huge lump that formed in. Her gut was gripped and churned. That question sliced her heart into numerous pieces.
"How is Sayali?" Siddharth asked casually bending down and tying his shoelaces, unaware of the storm of emotions brewing inside her. He waited for her to answer but all he got was silence. He looked up and his eyes fell on the white knuckles, tight fist, shivering hands, clenched eyes and stifled cries. His heart throbbed against his chest. What is happening? What happened to Sayali? Is she alright?
He quickly released those fingers from the fist and rubbed her palms to soothe the pain. As he did so, a cold tear drop came rolling down her cheek and fell on his hand. He couldn't even think of anything. He was numb. He never saw her like. Releasing her palm, he gently cupped her face and with his thumb, wiped away the infinite tears. "Ssshhh...What happened? Sab...sab...sab theek...hai...na?" He stammered with fear. As soon as she heard him, she shook her head in various no-s and the next moment he knew was she hugged him.
"Kuch theek nahi hai..." she said within the sobs and hiccups.
He was perplexed, shocked, flabbergasted....everything. "Kya hua?" He asked moving his palm up and down over her head.
"Sa...Sayali...wo...chali gayi..." Shehnaaz answered almost inaudible as her heart was heavy and brain was against accepting the fact. Her words reached his ears and he froze. All sorts of meaning that the phrase "chali gayi" clouded his mind. "Kaha?" He asked. He felt her grip tightened around his body, she shook and shivered. Her cries were endless.
"Kaha chali gayi Sayali? Please mujhe bata Shehnaazzzzz .... please..." He pleased as his eyes welled up. His cheeks hurted with emotions rising inside him. His jaw ached and shivered.
"We....we...WE LOST HER. SHE...SHE...TOOK HER OWN..." he heard and the world came to end. For both of them. His body stiffened. He froze. His brain was numb and his heart clenched and raced at the same time. He felt bile rise up his throat and tears fall down his eyes. He didn't knew how to react. His numb brain was trying to process the shock which hit him harder than a metal ball would hit a glass wall. Her shivering body brought him out if the daze and gulped the lump down. His own hands were not stable and shook. He still tried to rub her back but what about him? He had no one to that to him....
Sayali took her own? How? She...she was so strong, mature, loving, cheerful woman.... there was no such sign... Why? She would never meet him again? She broke the trio and left them alone? She won't come every rakshabandhan amidst the drizzles in salwar suit and tie him rakhi? She won't come on her scooter with Shehnaaz and give him his gift for Bhaidooj? She won't roam around him nagging him to ask Shehnaaz out for marriage? She won't come running to solve their fight? She... she is gone? His heart refused to accept the truth. He tried...but failed.
"Tu...Tu jhooth bol rahi hai na? Tum dono mujhe phirse prank kar rahe ho na? Tumhe pata tha na main aaj aa raha hu?" Siddharth asked with tears rolling down and abruptly pushed away Shehnaaz. Shehnaaz closed her eyes at the abrupt push and his words. She saw it coming. She knew.... this happened to her as well.... She held his face in her small palms made him look in her eyes.
"Shehnaazzzzz tu bula na use... Use bol bahar aa Jaye mujhe pata hai ye mazak hai..." Siddharth cried and pushed her hands away.
"Mujhe haath mat laga... I know ye sab mazak hai..." he said and she cried harder.
"Nahi hai mazak." Shehnaaz said in a strong voice and looked dead in his eyes. As soon as he heard those words, he was shattered.
***********************
"How...how did this...ye sab kab hua?" Siddharth asked as soon as he saw Shehnaaz sitting in the driver's seat from the other side.
"Two months ago...." Shehnaaz mumbled.
"Kaise hua?" Siddharth asked mustering up courage. He knew he couldn't listen to the story. He knew his heart would break into hundreds of more pieces if he heard it. But he needed to know. He needs to accept that truth.
Shehnaaz took a deep breath. This was the time. This was time to let him know and let herself accept this for once and for all.
"She was in her apartment that night..... We were supposed to watch movie together. Hum sab wait kar rahe the ki vo neeche aye and we will go... but...she never came.... Papa went upstairs and some boys came running to him. They mumbled something to Papa... And he ran up the stairs. Five minutes later, he called me. He was crying. His voice cracked, he was shaking...I could feel it. Bohot der tak vo kuch bol bhi nahi paye. Papa ko kabhi aise nahi dekha tha. Aisa lag raha tha jaise...jaise vo kuch batana chahte the par unki awaz kahi kho gayi thi. Vo bohot koshish kar rahe the Siddharth... Mujhe aur Ma ko kuch samajh nahi aaya. Hum bas unke kuch kehne ka intezaar kar rahe the aur achanak se unhone kaha..."Sayali chali gayi." Hume kuch samajh nahi aaya.... Maine kaha "Pehele hi nikal gayi?" Papa sobbed harder. "She is no more..." we heard and Ma almost collapsed. We couldn't contemplate how and what we felt. Aadhe ghante pehele vo naach rahi thi Siddharthhhh....Vo joke mar rahi thi.... Mujhe keh rahi thi Siddharth ko phone laga mujhe baat karni hai. Maine mana kiya.... To usne kaha main chali jaungi phir usse baat nahi hogi meri... Maine use daunting ke chup kardiya.... Mujhe nahi pata tha vo sach mein chali jayegi... I am sorry Siddharth.... I wish I had called you and allowed her to talk to you.... I am sorry Siddharth... this was all my fault... It was my fault... My fault that I couldn't understand her... talk to her... And...And.." Shehnaaz was about to speak further when she was engulfed in a tight and warm hug.
"It was not your fault.... Neither hers...." Siddharth said engulfing her in a tight and warm hug. He felt betrayed by Sayali. His heart broke.
"You know... initially...was mad...I was mad at her... but every time I would read that note.... I knew it was difficult for her. For someone who was this kind, this generous....this pure. I understand... I understand her totally and with the very first word of her note, all my emotions flow out through my eyes.... But now? Now I understand. I understand what she went through, what she had to live under, what and how that pressure was.... I wish I could have understood her when she was here...when she was hiding all her pain and scars behind that cheeky and wide smile." Shehnaaz said as soon as they broke apart.
"Soo... Uncle Aunty? How are they?" Siddharth asked concerned.
"Maa humare photos ke leke raat raath bhar roti hai aur Papa khidki bahar na jaane kya dekhte rehte hai.... Insomnia, Panic Attacks, Anxiety... Sab ek saath.... But thankfully they agreed to go to psychiatrists and I guess somewhere we all are healing...maybe..." Shehnaaz explained calmy.
"After this all happened... I researched. I researched about Suicide Rates, the ages that were prone to... The numbers scarred me Siddharthhhh. I was not even scared...I was scarred with the ignorance towards these things. There are so many children, teens, adults.... Going away from us everyday.... And we can do nothing.... Sayali mere aankho ke samne se chali gayi Siddharthhhh.... Aankho ke saamne se.... I don't want anyone to face this.... I don't. "Depression, Suicide attempts, Anxieties, Mental Pressure " These are the transparent pandemics we need a cure for! But sadly no one care...." Shehnaaz sighed. They sat there in silence, sobs and poured their hearts out. About Sayali, about breakup, about coping up with this and everything.
"I am coming with you to your apartment." Siddharth whispered.
"Why?" She asked raising her eyebrow.
"I want to meet Uncle and Aunty..." He answered and she nodded.
******Few Years Later******
"Abey Shehnaazzzzz! Neeche Aa" she heard him scream on the phone.
"Aa rahi hu. Chilla mat." She answered.
"Hum kaha jaa rahe hai?" She asked as she sat on the bike, behind him.
"I have a big news!" She heard him say and sighed.
*****************
"Government has finally decided to launch a 24/7 FUNCTIONING SUICIDE HELPLINE ICHHA" Siddharth screamed as soon as they reached his apartment and hugged Shehnaaz tightly who was in tears.
Their hardwork had finally given their results. From past few years, Shehnaaz and Siddharth were constantly under therapy and tirelessly worked and reached out to people through various social media, to spread awareness about suicides. They even made a petition to make a 24/7 Working Suicide helpline and the support they got was amazing. Of course they had many rocks in their way but they stood together, holding each other's hand and each other for support and walked proudly through the path..... Healing Each Other.
"We have an interview!" Siddharth exclaimed.
"What? We?" Shehnaaz asked perplexed.
"Yes! We! Get ready!" Siddharth said. He kissed her gently before pushing her inside her room and walked away to get ready himself.
*******************
"What made you come up with this petition?" They heard the question. Siddharth smiled and decided to answer.
"We often say people who commit suicides are cowards. No they are not. It takes a lot to leave behind all the luxuries, dreams, loved ones and life.. And step into something where no one knows what happens. People who commit suicide are not coward. They just want the pain to end. They just want to leave this all.... But they forget one thing.... They might end their pain, but what about their loved one? That pain continues to live in their loved ones heart.
Few years ago our best friend decided to take this step. We were shattered. The world sort of ended. We haven't moved on and probably we could never. All we want is that no one goes through this. And that's when I and Shehnaaz came up with this petition."
The questions kept on showering on them and they both addressed each of them clearly and perfectly.
"What would be you message to someone who might be in the same phase and is watching you?"
"You are not alone. We are with you. Your loved ones, your friends, your family is with you. And Ichha is with you. Ichha means wish.... That one wish which can make you feel better. Which strives only for your betterment. If you are too scared of judgments, talking to someone... Make a call to Iccha...We have over 16 languages and trained volunteers who will listen to your slightest call of help. I am here, Siddharth is here.... We all are here for you. But this won't succeed until you make a call.... A call for yourself, A call for your fight and a call to take you out.... A call to Iccha....
This shall pass too! You are not at fault. This society, this world is. You are perfect the way you are! And for people who think a person who tries to take his or her own life is an attention seeker.... Don't. You don't even have a slightest idea what one must be going through. Like Siddharth said, they are not cowards nor are they attention seekers. They just need a strong arm to help them and hold them. Hope we as a society, as a nation and as individuals talk about this more and save out kinds teen and adults.... Take them out to into the light of life. We can do this."
------------------------‐--------
"See... Li! We did it.... It's now the time we let go off this note... I know you are up there smiling widely at us... You know...Even when you were in pain, you thought about others. This is what makes you special.... Tujhi ICHHA purna jhali Sayali....(You wish is completed Sayali...)" Siddharth whispered through the tears and looked at Shehnaaz who was numb.
Shehnaaz held his hand and they bent down on their knees. She gently moved her hand over the clear water of the lake and looked at him. Taking the pink colored paper, they gently pushed it into the water with Sayali's bracelet over it. The note sank down and so their hearts. But it was necessary. Acceptance....
"Time to complete her unsaid wish!" Siddharth said getting up and wiping his face.
"Which one?" Shehnaaz asked, confused.
"To see us married! Remember?" Siddharth exclaimed and Shehnaaz blushed!
----------------------------------
Was this expected? Did it match your expectations?
Before I tell you why this topic, I want you all to know that there is actually a Suicide Helpline in India named Kiran. I know many of you did not know that this even existed. A 24/7 Working Suicide Helpline with over 16 languages and trained volunteers. Nope, I did not get payed for this! But it is something which we all really need to know. I am sure many didn't know about this before.
Now you get the answer why I wrote this. Ever since I had heard about this Helpline, I desperately wanted to write about it. And Spread Awareness About It. I wrote this a long back and suddenly found it in my notes. So I decided to go for it. Also, I know why Sayali took this step is not shown because it's human mind! One of the most complex things! And I think I am not that mature enough to write that complex thought process and reason.... I didn't want to disrespect anyone. One who goes through this knows the best. Also, this focused on how Shehnaaz, her family and Siddharth cope up with the loss. Spreading Awareness is the best I as a person can do to help all the souls out there.
Hope it was worth your time.
Also, we have barely started talking about Depression and Suicides....Thanks to the Lock down and somewhere we are taking small steps to get comfortable talking about it openly. But no one talks about 'Coping Up With Suicide' ....no one. And I wanted to talk about it! Although I had decided that I won't write about any serious issue in this book....I failed! I couldn't help myself but post this... This was first and the last chapter which was serious. Hopefully!
Drop a vote if you like it! Comments would be appreciated too!
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: Truyen247.Pro