Chapter FOUR

We drove for awhile until I didn't recognize where we were. It was at least half an hour before I suddenly I realized we were driving the back roads to Bellport. I hadn't been there since I was fourteen, when my life was completely flipped upside down. I missed it, bad. I missed my friends and my old life, when things were good and normal.

   I was in tears when Caleb pulled into a parking lot of a little building. It wasn't far from where I'd gone to middle school. The building, I remembered, used to be a art gallery. I had no idea what it was now.

   "Are you crying?" Caleb asked me, suddenly freaked out.

   "No," I shook my head, wiping a tear that fell to my chin.

   "Okay."

   "This is my hometown," I said stupidly.

   "I know."

   "Where are we?" I wanted to know, wiping my eyes again.

   "I bought this building, last year when it went up for sale," he began. "With my girlfriend. She's a musician, too. We spent six months turning it into a recording studio..."

   "Really?" I asked, surprised. "That's amazing."

   He nodded. "We recorded a bunch of songs together, with our band. But... I haven't been out here in awhile."

   "Why not?" I asked, wanting to know the story.

   "She left. She went on tour, a month ago."

   "Tour?"

   "Our band got signed. Sort of. It's a small label, but it was big deal, and they wanted us to get on the road right away." He was just looking out his window.

   "So, why didn't you go?" I asked.

   He opened his mouth but didn't answer. A moment later he said, "Do you want to go check out the studio?"

   We went inside, and it was amazing. He let me go into the recording booth, put on the headphones, listen to play back. I felt like a rock star for a moment. But as I looked around, it suddenly hit me. The reason Caleb didn't go on tour with his girlfriend. I hung the headphones back up and went right back over to him.

   "You didn't go on tour with your band because of me," I accused him.

   "It was just... the timing was bad," he said, then shrugged like this was no big deal.

   "I can't believe you agreed to let me come to live with you in the first place, and now I find out you ditched your tour and your girlfriend -"

   "Iris, relax," he said calmly. "Yes, I was going to go on tour. We just found out about it a couple weeks before you called."

   I shook my head, still not believing this.

   "But honestly, I was terrified. I've always been a musician, a writer... but going on tour, selling shows, merchandise, it's not really me," he went on.

   "For real? Isn't that the dream?" I asked, still feeling embarrassed about this.

   He grinned. "It's supposed to be. And for Fox, it absolutely was -"

   "Fox?"

   "My girlfriend. Her name is Francis Fox. Everyone just calls her Fox."

   "So... how mad was she? That you weren't going?" I asked.

   "Well... she was mad," he laughed. "We will have things to work on, when she gets back. If she comes back."

   "I bet she misses you," I told him.

   He shrugged again, saying nothing.

   Later that evening, back at the condo, Caleb asked if I wanted to talk. I was in my pajamas, lounging on the sofa, watching a reality show. I didn't think I had made it seem like I wanted to talk - about anything in particular. But I glanced over at him anyway.

   "You know, about anything that's happened to you the last couple of years," he said, half smiling.

   "I don't need to talk," I told him, shaking my head.

   "Okay, I get it. I'm on your side, that's all I meant," he went on.

   "Thanks," I said to him, as a text came in on my phone.

   The only people who knew my new Charlottesville number was Caleb himself, and my Dad.

   I HAVENT HEARD FROM YOU SINCE YOU STARTED SCHOOL. HOW IS IT GOING?

   GOOD, I sent back to my Dad.

   TALK SOON?

   SURE.

   I still wasn't sure of my plan for the year, if I even had one. I wanted to keep Josie and the girls close, for security and to have at least somewhat of a social life. I would let myself make new friends too, if it happened. I didn't want to get too close to anyone. I didn't need to share my past. And I knew I was staying away from any sort of dating. I had to focus on college applications and keeping my grades up. This last year of high school was the last step towards my freedom.

   I wasn't surprised to see Bennett standing outside the coffee shop again the next morning, a coffee in each hand.

   "I guessed what you like in yours. Just milk?" he said, handing me one.

   I took it, for some reason. "Uh, thanks."

   "Are you ever going to tell me your name?" he asked, as we still just stood there, sort of together.

   "Do you go to Renaissance?" I asked, and he nodded. He was wearing the school uniform. "Are you a senior?"

   "Yes."

   "Then you can figure out my name, yourself," I finished.

   "Come on," he said, now walking beside me.

   "What?" I asked, shaking my head.

   "I was just trying to be nice."

   I forced a smile. "Thanks for the coffee."

   That day was different because I saw Bennett again, at school, for the first time. He was with a group of guys, passing me in the hall as I walked to fourth period. We made eye contact, but that was it.

   Josie was in my fourth period. English. I liked English - reading, writing were my things. Josie apparently hated it. Though it didn't seem like she enjoyed any classes. She spent all of her time writing notes or gossiping.

   "So," she leaned in close to me, while the teacher was talking about how our independent studies would go. "Did you hear about the party?"

   "Party?" I repeated.

   "I guess not." She laughed, then tossed her hair over her shoulder.

   I'd been to a few parties and a few all ages clubs with Renaissance kids, in the past. It felt like a lifetime ago. In Harriston, the only partying I did was getting high in a stall in the school bathroom, or in the parking lot in someone's car. In San Diego, I partied too much, on the beach, with Sheldon.

   "I'm not really into parties," I answered quietly.

   "What does that mean?" Josie was confused.

   "I'm just... trying to lay low," I told her.

   "The first party of the school year is important, Iris. It's like... if you're not there... who are you?" Josie went on.

   "I'm just really trying to get through this year," I shrugged.

   She stared at me, waiting. "Do you want to be a part of my group, Iris? Because there's certain requirements..."

   I definitely knew I didn't want to be on her bad side, especially so soon in the school year, so I nodded.

   "Good. And you're lucky, the party is in your building," she told me.

   "What?"

   "Kelly Drake, remember?" I just looked at her. "She's dating the most popular senior, Alex Cruse."

   I remembered Alex. He'd been the most popular guy in ninth grade, too. One time, I was invited to the Rock Light, with Josie. Alex was there, dancing, and I thought he was so cute. But I had never even spoken to him.

   "I thought you hated Kelly?" I managed to ask.

   "Yes, well, it's complicated."

   "What happened?" I wanted to know.

   Josie looked at me like I'd told her that her dog died.  "That's a story for another time," she snapped.

   "Ms. Callen, please stop talking," our teacher said loudly, ending the conversation.

   I looked away from Josie, not wanting to be in trouble. I knew, more than anything, that I had to stay focused. I couldn't cause any more problems for Caleb.

   At the end of class, I tried to sneak out while Josie was flirting with a short, cute guy with dark hair. I didn't know his name.

   "Iris!" she called after me a minute later, down the hall. I turned back. "Give me your cell number? I'll text you tonight."

   I nodded, as she got closer, then I typed my number into her phone. She followed me back to my locker before waving and continuing on with her day.