Chapter 38

Kelly was waiting just outside the building for me. When I pushed open the door and saw her, I felt relief. She wrapped her arms around me, squeezing tight. I was still sobbing. Her hair was in my face and I just let her hug me longer than we probably should have. I wanted to feel like this was somehow going to be okay.

   "He'll be home soon," she told me, rubbing my back.

   "I know. But..."

   "Soon," she said again, then added, "I've never seen him like this."

   "Like... what?" I asked.

   She stepped back, and tucked some of her long hair behind her ear, hesitating. "Like how he is with you. How he looks at you. It's like... he's really grown up. He's in love with you."

   I felt my face go red, but it didn't matter since I was still crying. I didn't know what to say.

   "Do you need a ride home?" Kelly asked, changing the subject easily.

   "Oh, no. My uncle should be here any minute," I told her, looking out across the parking lot.

   "Okay." She sighed, then added, "See you at home?"

   "Yeah, thanks," I finished.

   I watched her walk across to the SUV - where her parents were waiting - and get in, as Caleb's truck pulled in and up to the building. I wiped my face quickly, then opened the back door and hopped in.

   Fox spun around. "How was it?"

   "Good. It was so good to see him," I answered right away, wiping my cheeks again.

   I saw the look on her face that told me she knew I was upset. Caleb waited until I was buckled before driving again, back across the parking lot. "How is he doing?" he asked, not even looking at me.

   "Oh, he's good. He's getting out early, in four weeks."

   "Oh? Well, that's a good thing, I suppose." He didn't sound overly impressed by this.

   "Yeah..."

   "So, are we going to your mom's? I just need the address." He sounded cautious about this, as well.

   "Yeah... I'll call her..." I was afraid, but I did it anyway.

   She was home, and thrilled to hear that we wanted to stop in for a visit. I just hoped it would be a short visit. When Caleb pulled up to the house, my heart practically stopped. That house. I'd hated it, more than anything else. It felt like a prison, at the time. I hated what it represented - my mom's new world that I was forced to be a part of. I just wanted to be with my dad, then. Now, I felt like I might puke.

   "We're here, right by your side," Fox told me, as if she knew I needed that.

   My mother opened the door a few minutes later, with a huge smile on her face, and a drooling baby on her hip. She looked tired, and her hair was down and messy, her shirt oversized and not exactly clean. She didn't look much like the mom that I remembered, actually. But instead of feeling instantly like an outcast, stepping into another place I didn't belong, I felt okay.

   The house looked different. There was baby gear all over the main room - those floor seat things, play mats, toys. The sofa was different. The house felt different, too. It didn't feel at all like the house I'd lived in. Caleb and Fox were standing behind me.

   The conversation was a bit awkward, but overall it felt good. Allen, my mom's husband, sat on the floor playing with the babies while my mom herself sat close to my on the sofa, asking questions and listening intently to my answers. She was blown away when I told her I was hoping to go to New York for college. I didn't mention California. I didn't tell her about Bennett. None of that really mattered now. I could tell she was happy, and that her new world could include me, if I wanted it to. I watched the babies from a distance only, not ready to really dive into having siblings yet. But I knew that was okay.

   When my mom asked if I would visit again, I agreed without hesitation.

   "Before you leave for college?" she wanted to know.

   I nodded, a heavy feeling in my chest. So much would be different by then. In six months, I could be out of there for good.

   I watched the interaction between my mom and Caleb - her little brother - as we were getting ready to leave. The visit had been about me and her, but after I hugged her and headed to the door, I turned back to see them smiling at each other. There wasn't some huge, deep conversation. There was just an understanding that they both cared deeply about me. There was an unsaid gratefulness from her, towards Caleb. And it made me feel good.

   Caleb and I felt the same about her, I knew that. She tore apart our family, but she was still his sister, and my mom. Always.

   Laying in bed that evening, I felt some sort of relief about seeing both Bennett and my mom that day. Knowing they were both there in Harriston, too far from me, but they were okay. I could keep my distance from my mom, or I could go visit again anytime - it was all up to me. Bennett would be home soon, though it didn't seem like soon enough. I fell asleep thinking about him, knowing, at least, that he was likely thinking about me, too.