Chapter 35

Weeks passed. Some days, I tried to pretend like I'd never met Bennett at all. I would wake up and have breakfast and go to school. I would sit through classes, trying my best to focus. I completed assignments and wrote tests. I sent away my college applications, essays and all. I was getting by, somehow. But then, of course, there was Kelly. A constant reminder that Bennett existed. He was real and he was back in rehab. She took me under her wing, so to speak. Other kids - especially Josie and Polly - looked at me like Poor Iris, but not Kelly. She understand. She missed him, too.

   I tried, hard, to keep up the best I could. I put all my sadness and anger into making sure this was all worth it. I still had to succeed. I had to get into NYU. 

   I wanted to talk to Bennett, more than anything. I just wanted him to know that I was there, still missing him, as the weeks passed by. But Kelly and I didn't talk much about him. At school, we sat together in class and at lunch. She would make me a part of her conversation with her friends, whether it was about parties or boys or whatever. I knew she was just trying to make things normal for me. But it wasn't enough.

   College acceptance letters would be coming in March. Once I knew whether or not I got into NYU, I could start a game plan. The not-knowing was the worst part. It made time pass enough slower. The waiting was almost more than I could take. I wished I could fall asleep and wake up to spring.

   Maribella called and texted often, but she was the one thing that I couldn't keep up with. I didn't mean to just leave her hanging, but she didn't know how to act or what to say. I'd talked to her only a few times over the new few weeks and it was always a lot of awkward silence.

   It was February before I decided to try to repair the damage. I'd been laying in bed on Sunday afternoon, thinking about her and how she'd come into my life just when I needed a friend. She had been there through a lot and I didn't want to lose her like this.

   HEY. ARE YOU WORKING? I texted her.

   A few minutes passed. Just when I thought maybe she had given up on me, she replied.

   I AM.

   OKAY, SEE YOU SOON, I sent.

   I got dressed, brushed my teeth and then put on my boots and jacket. Down the street, I slipped into Java Hut and order my coffee and a latte for her. When I walked into Anita's it had been about thirty minutes since I'd talked to Maribella.

   "Wow. You're alive," she said, looking both relieved and annoyed.

   "I... I am sorry. It's been a really shitty few weeks," I told her, walking to the counter.

   "More like six weeks," she said, shaking her. "It's a long time to not see someone."

   I put the latte on the counter in front of her and pushed it towards her. "I know. I'm sorry."

   "I could have been there for you, you know? Like I friend would have been." I could tell she was upset, but she accepted the latte, so that was a good sign.

   "I know. It was just easier for me to ignore everyone," I admitted.

   She sighed, but sipped her drink. "I missed you."

   I smiled, which was amazing because I hadn't smiled in a long time. "I missed you too. How was your birthday?"

   "Oh, it was good. My grandma threw a big party with my cousins and stuff. It's pretty fun." She smiled, so I knew she wasn't mad at me anymore.

   "Good. I'm sorry I missed it, really."

   She shrugged. "I'm sorry about what happened with Bennett. How is he?"

   I swallowed hard. "I don't really know. I haven't been able to talk to him."

   "Oh. Sorry." She sipped her drink again. "Oh, I have some news."

   "Oh? Boy news?" I asked, because I could tell that was what she meant.

   "Yeah."

   "Okay? What is it?"

   "I met him at Rock Light a couple weeks ago. I went with Abbie and her friends, for a show. His name is Ryland." I could tell she was excited to talk about him.

   "That's awesome. What's he like?" I asked.

   "He goes to U and V. He's nineteen. He's great," she said, letting her voice trail off.

   "That's so great, Maribella," I told her, actually feeling happy for her.

   "Yeah." She paused, then went on. "So, do you want to hang out tonight? I'm done here at 4P.M."

   "Um, yeah -" I began, as my phone started to ring.

   I pulled it out and saw that it was Kelly, so I answered right away.

   "Hey."

   "Iris, where are you?" she asked quickly.

   "Uh, just in the village, why?"

   "Oh, can get you get here, fast?"

   "Um, yeah, why?" I asked again, feeling sudden confusion.

   "Benny is going to call. Soon."

   "What? How?" I yelled, now frantic.

   "I guess he's allowed some calls, but only to specific numbers. So my parent's landline is where he's allowed to call. My dad just told me the call is today."

   My heart was beating too fast.

   "I'll be there in ten minutes. Thanks," I finished, hanging up.

   Maribella was staring at me, looking concerned. "What was that?"

   "I have to go," I said, without thinking. I couldn't think straight.

   "Is everything okay?" she wanted to know, but I was already towards the door.

   "It was Kelly, Bennett's sister. He's going to be calling... I have to go," I said again, my hand on the door.

   Maribella nodded, and watched helplessly and I left without another word.

   Kelly was holding the cordless phone to her ear as she opened the door to let me in to their apartment. I didn't see their parents anywhere, which was the first thing I noticed.

   "Yes, I'll accept the call," she said quickly, as I shut the door behind me.

   My heart was racing. I was going to hear his voice and I couldn't believe it.

   "Benny... hey... how are you?" She waited, to listen to his answer. "I miss you dude." She smiled at me. "No, mom and dad aren't here. But I do have Iris, here."

   When she held the phone out to me, though, my hand was shaking. I slowly raised it to my ear, maybe in shock. "Hey."

   "Iris, oh my god. I'm so happy to hear your voice," Bennett said quickly. "Are you okay?"

   He was asking me if I was okay? He was the one who got dragged off the rehab.

   "I'm fine. Like, not great, but... I'm okay."

   "I miss you so much," he told me, his voice a bit shaky. "I sit here in group therapy and talk about you. I just said this morning... God, I hope she's okay and doesn't hate me."

   "I don't," I said, my voice shaky, now. "I miss you."

   "Family visiting day is next weekend. Can you come?" The question surprised me.

   "Yes. I mean, I will ask Caleb."

   He let out a sigh. "I can't wait to see you."

   "So, are you okay?" I asked him.

   He hesitated. "I am. They like me. They don't think I'm a danger to society. I might even get out early."

   "Really?"

   "It's possible. I'll have curfew and I'll have to check in with my social worker. Oh, shit, I only have two minutes."

   "Okay. I'll let you talk to Kelly," I said quickly, though I wasn't ready to say goodbye.

   "I love you, Iris." His voice sounded strained, but true.

   I turned away from Kelly and whispered, "I love you, too."