Chapter 31

Christmas morning was exactly what I had hoped for. I woke up early and wandered out of my room, to see if Caleb and Fox were awake yet. The apartment was dark, besides the lights from the tiny Christmas tree in the corner of the main room. I put on some coffee and ripped open a package of store bought cookies. I pressed play on my Spotify Christmas playlist, then waited.

   We opened a few gifts, ate the cookies and reminisced. Caleb told a story about a Christmas when I was five. He was only a teenager, and he said he bought me a stuffed dog, because I wanted a real puppy but my mom said no.

   "Fluffy?" I asked him, confused. "I thought Santa brought that for me."

   "I let Santa take the credit," Caleb told me, then laughed.

   I still had that old stuffed dog on my bed until we moved away from Belport, to Harriston. I wasn't sure what had happened to him, but it was probably sent to the donation bin. I had really loved that dog. Knowing that he was from Caleb made it even more special.

   "My little sister got this Barbie Dreamhouse Mansion one year..." Fox began, sipping coffee. "It was so amazing. But a few months after Christmas our house flooded and it got destroyed."

   "That's so sad," I said, biting into another cookie.

   She nodded. "I was like ten. So I saved all my money from chores and babysitting and bought her a new one. It was way smaller - but she was so happy."

   "Ah, you miss your sister?" Caleb asked, looking at her.

   "Of course. But she chose the fancy life," Fox said, letting out a laugh. To me, she said, "She's an amazing violinist. Plays in orchestras in New York and all over."

   "Wow, that's really great."

   "Maybe we can see a show of hers, when we go visit the campus, Iris," Caleb suggested, tossing some wrapping paper across the room.

   I'd bought him a coffee mug that had music notes on it, and for Fox I'd found a really pretty scarf at Anita's. They had given me a gift card to the bookstore across town, and a necklace. They had a few gifts for each other, too. It was such a great, simple, Christmas morning.

   I called my dad that afternoon, still in my pajamas and some new Christmas socks that Caleb had tossed into my gift.

   "Merry Christmas, Iris," he answered after a few rings. "I was just thinking of you."

   "Merry Christmas," I repeated. "How's your morning?"

   "Good. Quiet. I'm having dinner in awhile, with some friends from work."

   "Oh, that's great. Thanks for the Starbucks gift card," I told him.

   He had sent an envelope with a card for Caleb and a gift card for me, earlier that week.

   "You're welcome, honey." He sounded a bit sad.

   "I miss you," I added, because I knew it would make him feel better.

   "Oh, I miss you too. Maybe we can arrange a visit, during your spring break?" he suggested.

   I swallowed hard. He and I both knew I would not be going back to San Diego, especially not for spring break. "Maybe," I said anyway.

   "Okay, well, I won't keep you. Tell Caleb I said Merry Christmas."

   I sighed. "Okay, I will."

   He and Fox were in the kitchen, both busy preparing Christmas dinner. The turkey had been cooking all day. Caleb was working on potatoes and veggies and Fox was making salads. The other members of Wolfcub were joining us.

   I hadn't heard from Bennett, but it was Christmas, after all. His family had flown to Pittsburg to have Christmas with his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. He told me they would be back the day after Christmas, and he that had a surprise for me.

   I sent him a text before I went to bed that night, full of good food, and dessert that someone had brought. It had been an amazing evening with Caleb, Fox, Ty and Jay. They treated me like an adult, not a teenager. I really loved being around them. I had talked to Maribella for a few minutes, too, but her family was having a big Christmas with extended family as well. It was loud in the background and I only really said Merry Christmas to her, and then she said she'd call me the next day.

   Bennett didn't text back until the next morning.

  WHAT A CRAZY DAY I HAD YESTERDAY. I MISS YOU. HOW WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS?

  IT WAS GOOD. MISS YOU TOO, I sent back.

  ILL BE BACK TONIGHT. CAN WE FACETIME QUICK NOW? I WANT TO SEE YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE <3

   I opened Facetime and clicked on his name. He was the only one I ever video chatted with. He answered right away and our call connected quickly.

   He was grinning. "Hey, pretty lady."

   Blushing, I said, "Hey."

   "I've been gone for three days. It feels like a week," he joked.

   It was weird not seeing him the last few days. We had been together a lot, before he left. We had almost had sex, actually. We ended up around third base, but Kelly got home and yelled for him, ruining the moment. At the time, I was disappointed. I had really wanted to do it. But afterwards, when we were fully dressed, I was glad we had stopped. Things had moved really quickly between us after his parents' Christmas party. He was my boyfriend, for real. We were on break from school, and spent every waking moment together, until he left for Pittsburg.

   "See you tonight?" I asked, half smiling at him.

   The room in the background where he was was dark.

   "Yes, I'll come over as soon as I unpack my crap," he nodded.

   "Okay -"

   A message popped up on my screen, right in the middle of Bennett's face. At first, I almost swiped it away quickly, like I would any other message. But the name made me freeze, my eyes wide. Lily Louise.

   "You okay?" Bennett asked. He obviously saw the terror on my face.

   "Uh, yeah."

   "What's wrong? You look like you saw a ghost," he went on, seriously.

   "Uh, no. It's fine. I have to go deal with something. Have a safe trip back, okay?" I said quickly, my heart pounding.

   He looked so disappointed, now. "Okay, see you soon."

    The message had come through Instagram, which was odd since I so rarely used it. I rarely used social media at all. Now, I opened the app and clicked on my feed. I scrolled a bit, past some of my dad's nature photos and some other random stuff. I froze when I saw a picture of Bennett - a selfie. I didn't know he had Instagram. I didn't remember following him. In the photo, he had a huge, dorky grin on his face. The caption said -

What happens when my girlfriend leave her phone unattended <3 <3

   Confused, I looked at the photo again, then the username. EYE_RIS. That was my username. Bennett had taken the selfie with my phone and posted it to my own account with me knowing? I smiled, looking at his huge smile. But then I remembered there was a DM, from Lily, my ex best friend. I was nervous, but I clicked it open anyway.

   Hey, Iris. It's Lily. I know you blocked me on Facebook but I just saw you posted on here recently, so I wanted to send a message. I know it's been six months. I know you maybe can't forgive me, and maybe you will never talk to me again. I just wanted to know that you're okay. I miss you and I'm so sorry.

   I read it and re-read it until I couldn't look at the words anymore. She had sex with my boyfriend. In my bed. Why would I forgive her? How could I? I wanted to ask her why she thought sending me a message at all was a good idea. Why did she think I owed her anything? Instead, I just ignored it.

   I did realize later that evening that it was because Bennett had posted a photo of himself on my account, that Lily had seen it and messaged me. Maybe it was sign? Maybe it was meant to happen this way? But all I knew now was I was no where near ready to talk to her, so she would have to wait until I was.