Chapter 29

When I called my mom, it was two weeks before Christmas. Things were good. It was almost Winter Break from school. I did good on my mid-term exams and my councilor said that my grades alone could get me into NYU and if I added extra curriculars it would be even better. Bennett and I were good, keeping it slow, enjoying being together. He was apparently planning our first real date.

   Because I was feeling so good about things, I decided giving my mom a chance was the right thing to do. I didn't know what time of day would be good to call her - I didn't know anything about her life at all, except that she lived in Harriston with her new family. A year and a half had passed since we had even spoken, and before that our conversations were sparse.

   It rang three times before someone answered. A man.

   "Hello?"

   I froze, just for a moment. I almost hung up. "Hi... is Catherine home?"

   "She just left to get the babies from daycare. Can I take a message for her?" Allan sounded more grown up than I remembered.

   "No," I spat out, too fast. "Uh, actually, yes. It's Iris. Her daughter."

   "Oh! Iris, wow. It's so good to hear from you. Catherine will be so thrilled you called. I will have her call you back as soon as she's in."

   "Okay. Thanks," I finished.

   I couldn't focus on anything for the next hour. It was early evening, my stomach was growling. Caleb was working late. I was expecting Bennett to show up at any moment, like he generally did in the evenings, to watch TV or make out.

   Finally, my phone rang. The caller ID said C. O'Conner. Her maiden name.

  "Hello?" I answered quickly. My hand was shaking.

  "Iris! Oh honey, how are you?" My mom's familiar voice came through the phone, into my ear.

   How was I? Good, now. She didn't know what I'd been through in California. She didn't know anything. I bit my cheek, closing my eyes.

   "I'm good," I told her, leaving it at that.

   "Thanks for calling back. It's been a pretty crazy nine months, with the babies..."

   "Oh, wow." I didn't know what else to say.

   "Iris. I'm so sorry. For everything."

   These words sounded so strange coming from her. This all started when I was thirteen and she had never apologized to me, for ruining everything. She had never bothered to stop and tell me that she had made mistakes.

   "Uh, okay." I was holding back tears. And angry words.

   "I've thought of you every day, I swear. I talked with your dad a few times, when you were living with him," she went on.

   "You did? He didn't tell me."

   "I wanted you to be able to move on, from what I did. It sounded like San Diego was going 

great -"

   "Until it wasn't," I snapped. "I was still a kid, you know?"

   "I know, Iris. But you were so angry at me and you were headed down a really bad path, here in Harriston."

   A thought popped into my head, suddenly. A memory I had blocked out. A day in tenth grade, when I'd ditched school to get high with guys who were a year older than me. I pretended I was fine. I got so high that I walked into traffic without looking either way, on my way home. The car had to slam on it's breaks, coming within inches of hitting me. The driver got out, yelling at me to see if I was okay, but I just kept walking. I wasn't okay. I had dinner with my Mom and Allan that evening, like nothing happened. She didn't know half of how bad it was really was.

   "You broke up our family. You ruined everything," I said quietly.

   "I know. And I don't expect you to forgive me, just like that. I'm asking you to try, to maybe just have a visit with me, since you're back in Virginia."

   "Did dad tell you why I came back, to live with Caleb?" I asked her.

   "No. He said you needed a change. He said you're back at Renassaince?"

   "Yeah." I was shaking again. I was just so angry.

   "How is it?"

   "It's fine."

   My mom sighed, loudly. "So, I was thinking about Christmas."

   Christmas was always my favourite time of year. We had family traditions, carolling and church on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day we stayed in pajamas all day and watched Miracle on 34th Street while we opened gifts and ate cookies. My Mom loved it, too.

   The year that I was fifteen was the worst Christmas ever. I stayed locked in my bedroom all day, refusing to spend the day with my Mom and her boyfriend. The next year, I was in San Diego for Christmas. It was a good one, with Dad, Lily and Sheldon. Sheldon bought me necklace, which I wore every day until June, when I caught him having sex with my best friend.

   This Christmas, I just wanted to stay home with Caleb and Fox.

   "We would love to see you," my mom went on.

   "You and who? Allan?" I asked, rudely.

   "And Grace and William."

   "They don't even know who I am," I snapped.

   "You're their sister, Iris."

   My heart was pounding, but not in a good way. I felt sick. "I have to go."

   "Iris?"

   "Goodbye."

~~~

"So, my parents are having a fancy Christmas party Saturday night," Bennett told me, later that evening.

   I hadn't told him about the conversation with my mom. I wanted to, but I was still fuming about it.  I really didn't feel like bringing it all up again.

   "Cool," I said, reaching for some popcorn.

   "I want you to come. To meet them."

   I looked at him, shocked. Bennett and I had known each other for almost four months. We'd been dating maybe half that time. He had never mentioned anything about me meeting his parents, until now.

   "Really?" I asked.

   He nodded. "Do you want to?"

   "Uh, yeah. Okay."

   "Don't sound so excited, geez," he teased.

   "Sorry. I just... I didn't know we were... you know..."

   "What? I met your uncle a long time ago. I had a beer with him a few days ago," he laughed.

   "I know. But he's just my Uncle."

   "Your parents aren't around, Iris."

   "I know that," I snapped.

   His expression softened. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

   "I talked to my mom today. The first time in like eighteen months," I finally told him.

   "Oh, shit." He moved closer to me. "Iris, I'm sorry I said that."

   I shook my head. "I couldn't hold it together. I miss her, but I know it would never be the same. She has two babies. She's their Mom."

   "She was your mom first," Bennett said plainly.

   I had tears dropping out of my eyes. "I would love to meet your parents."

   "Really? They are... not like Caleb. They are not cool, at all." He laughed.

   "That's okay, you're not either," I teased him.

   "Oh yeah?" He leaned in close.

   "I'm kidding," I whispered.

   He kissed me, just as the apartment door opened. I sighed.

   "It's late," Caleb said right away, taking off his shoes. It was after 10P.M. "School tomorrow."

   Bennett nodded, standing up. I wanted him to stay longer. "Only two more days, then we are off for two weeks," he smiled at me.

   "See you tomorrow," I told him.

   I watched him go, feeling Caleb's eyes on me.

   "He seems like a really good guy," he began, sitting down beside me.

   "He is."

   "I'm glad you have him and that things are good," he went on.

   "Thanks." I paused, then added, "And my changed my mind. "I'm not ready to talk to my Mom."

   He shrugged, smiling at me. "That's okay, Iris. Take all the time you need."