Chapter 21

"Iris?" I heard Caleb calling me, from the hallway.

   My bedroom door was closed. I'd been doing my Calculus homework for the past half an hour. It was way after 8P.M.

   "Yeah?" I called back, closing my textbook.

   He opened the door, peeking in. "Hey, what did you want to talk about?"

   Now, the door was all the way open and I could see that he was wearing jeans, a dress shirt and tie, and his hair was styled to one side. In two months, I had never seen him so dressed up.

   "Uh. You look nice," I commented.

   He tugged at the tie, straightening it. "Oh, yeah. Fox and I are going to a pretty fancy event tonight. It's a fundraiser -"

   I was in pajamas, already. "Oh, that's awesome."

   "So, you wanted to talk?" he asked again.

   "Oh, I was just wondering if we could go to the studio tomorrow? Uh, my friend wants to see it. Would that be okay?" I asked, slowly.

   "Oh! Um, yeah, I guess so. It'll be a late night, but can we discuss details in the morning?" he asked, looking impatient.

   "Sure, of course. Have fun," I finished.

   "Thanks," he said, smiling, but then took a look around my room. "Are you really doing homework on a Friday night?"

   I sighed. "Please don't make fun of me."

   "I'm not." But he laughed. "Honestly, I'm glad you're not out partying every weekend. I would worry a lot more."

   I smiled at him, but still felt pretty lame. "Don't worry. I probably won't be invited to any more parties."

   "Hey, do you need to talk about anything else?" he asked, suddenly not in such a rush.

   I shook my head. "I'm fine. Have a good time, okay?"

   "Okay. Text if you need anything," he finished.

   It was nice to hear him say that, but I would never text him when he was out at a fancy event with his girlfriend. I was home, in my pajamas, anyway.

   The apartment was so quiet after he left. I had wandered back out to the living room to watch a movie, and was eating a bowl of popcorn when there was a knock on the door. I almost ignored it, thinking it was just a neighbour of Caleb's. But I decided after a few more knocks to check it out.

   "Hey, Iris." It was Bennett.

   I was standing there in front of him in my oversized pajamas, no bra, with messy hair. My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. I slid behind the door, so only my head was visible to him.

   "Uh, hi."

   "Can I come in?" he asked, like this was not a big deal.

   "No," I spat out.

   "Uh, okay." He looked confused.

   "I mean, you can, but... I'm not even dressed."

   "I don't care," he said, his voice low.

   I let him inside, so he shut the door behind him. We just stood there looking each other for a moment too long.

  "I'm just going to... I'll be right back," I said quickly.

  I ran down the hallway to my room, to put on real clothes. I brushed my hair and added lip gloss, changing into a t-shirt and leggings. He was sitting on the couch when I went back over towards him.

   "So, what are you doing here?" I asked, feeling courageous.

   "Fixing this," he answered plainly.

   "What?"

   "Us."

   "Bennett, there's no us. I can't handle it, isn't that obvious?" I told him, still standing, a few feet from him. 

   He raised his eyebrows at me. "I came to put it all out there, everything on the table. My past, yours, and we can move forward."

   "You think it's that easy?" I asked, taking a step closer.

   "Why can't it be?" he wanted to know.

   "I ditched you because I was embarrassed by how your sister treated me. And then you ignored me and pretended I didn't exist for a week." My words just flowed out, I couldn't even stop them.

   "I was never mad at you for that, Iris. But I heard that you found out about my tenth grade shit, so I chose to keep you away from it -"

   "You chose?" I snapped.

   "I thought it would be better, for you. I was just-"

   I sat down beside him, but kept my distance. "I don't need you or anyone to decide what's best for me."

   "Okay. I'm sorry." His lip was pouting, a bit.

   "So, why'd you change your mind? Why are you here now?" I asked him.

   "When I saw you today in the village... when you called my name..."

   "What?"

   "I just knew I had to try to fix this," he finished.

   "You don't want to know my secrets," I finally said.

   "I do," he said, nodding.

   "Well, I don't want you to know them, then," I told him, but smiled.

   "I was a fifteen year old drug dealer. Someone ended up getting mad at me and rattled me out to the dean of Renaissance, who called the cops and had me arrested at school." He said this seriously, but then shrugged, cracking a smile.

   "Is that it?" I asked, adding a laugh.

   "Well, no. My parents tried to pretend it was no big deal, paid my bail, didn't even discuss it. They threatened the Dean, because they donate money to the school, so he let me back in. But I was still dealing and using. But then in June, a year and half ago, a guy shot up in the bathroom at school, overdosed, almost died. He ended up admitting he got the drugs from me. So, I got expelled and sent to Montana for the summer, for a specific rehab program."

   "Holy shit. You were sixteen?"

   "Yeah. So, I was two months clean, was swimming every day there, working out, going to my meetings, then I came back here and was allowed to start Junior year." He sort of said this like he was proud.

   "So, you've been clean for a year?" I asked him, unsure.

   He smirked, cocking his head to the side. "I've been doing good. And I'm not selling anymore."

  "Okay."

  "That's my whole, messy, ugly past," he admitted, waiting for my reaction.

   "Why did you start selling and using drugs?" I wanted to know. I had my reasons, but what were his?

   "Why?"

   "Yeah, why?"

   "I wanted money. I was bored. Getting high feels good." He shrugged.

   "No, why really?" I asked, knowing there had to be another reason.

   He took a moment to think about it. "My older brother, Lane, was a senior, super popular and a football player, got good grades. He was perfect. Kelly was smart, easy to like, became popular even though we had just transferred there. I was... a nobody."

   "So, you wanted to be known for something?" I asked.

   "I guess."

   I smiled, then waited. I wasn't sure I actually wanted to tell him about my past. "Do you really want to know my story?" He just nodded. "Okay. I grew up in Belport, it's not far from here. Only child. I had good friends, but my mom wanted more for me, so she got my grandpa to pay for me to go to Renaissance for high school. So while I was taking a bus for thirty minutes every morning to school and my dad was working ten hour days, my mom started an affair with her personal trainer."

   Bennett's expression changed. "Oh, no."

   "My dad found out right after I finished freshman year, here. He filed for separation and moved to California in July, just like that. I wanted to go with him but I had to stay with my mom, the cheater. She sold our house and we moved to Hariston, where she grew up. Her new boyfriend had a house there. Everything was shit and I hated it," I went on.

   "That is... rough."

   "I'm not even half way done," I admitted. "Tenth grade was shit, too. I had no friends at a new school, so I did drugs with the stoners and stayed out all night, without telling my mom where I was. I got suspensions for missing so much school. Finally, after tenth grade, which I barely made it through, my mom agreed to let me go to California."

   "Wow."

   I looked away, tears in my eyes. He thought I was done.

"So -"

   I held up my hand, stopping him. "San Diego was great. I was sixteen, I made friends, I felt normal, I was with my dad. I partied like a sixteen year old, you know? But it was so good. I felt like my life was turning around, like California was where I belonged."

   "But?"

   "But then I found out my mom was pregnant with twins. And then I caught my best friend having sex with my boyfriend."

   "No." Bennett looked horrified.

   I shrugged. "That's it, though. I came back here, to live with my uncle. And went back to Renaissance."

   Bennett put his hand on top of mine, on the couch between us. He took in a breath. "I'm sorry. Your secrets are way more epic than mine."

   "Epic?" I asked, shocked.

   "Well, you know what I mean." He laughed, and it sounded real.

   "So, now it's all out there. What now?" I asked, looking into his eyes.

   "We start over?" he suggested.

   I nodded, glad for his answer. "Okay."