Work today was more difficult than I had expected it to be. I had to break the news to my boss about the situation. Logan was leaving, and I needed to go north to help his brother out with his sick wife. The nerves walking into my boss's office still hung with me, even as I stared at the aisle of men's deodorant.

"I think this will be enough." Logan said, off in his own world. He held out one of the three pack options while still browsing the aisle for a better deal.

The buzzing of the white lights overhead, the whirring of the fridges on the other end of the store, shopping carts crashing into things, the squeaky wheels echoing their location. The whole world around me seemed to be an overwhelming blur.

Logan seemed so strong though. He couldn't be bothered by anything other than the deodorant choice in front of him.

"Do you think I should get this one that smells like metal or this one that smells like wood?" Logan asks, holding the two packs next to each other. I scrunched my nose at the thought of either of them. Why did men's deodorant have to smell like such weird things?

"I think the wood would be better than metal. You'll be on a submarine. You'll have plenty of metal to smell." I tried interjecting. He didn't seem to hear me, though.

"If I'm on the submarine and I use this one, I'll smell like everything else on the submarine, meaning I can blend in. If I use this one, I'll stand out and maybe something will actually smell good for once." He pondered his thoughts as if I hadn't just said something similar seconds ago. I teetered my weight from one foot to the other. We've been standing here for almost twenty minutes now and there were other things we needed to get from his list.

The kids were at my parent's house so we were good on that front. We told them we just needed to go grocery shopping and that we would pick them up on our way home. They were excited to go and spend the day with grandma after school. When I called her to talk about what we were hoping to do while Logan was away, she was more than thrilled to watch the kids. She asked us to pick up a few things for them from the store as well to make things easier on her. I was so grateful my mother was willing to help out. A month was a long time to watch your grandkids, and it wasn't her responsibility to take care of them, but the fact that she was so willing made me so happy.

I wouldn't be able to do any of this lifestyle without the support network I've built for myself.

My boss had cleared me to start working from home this upcoming week, and Sandra said she would keep an eye on my files and make sure I didn't fall too far behind. I was grateful to both of them as well. It was rare to find people in the civilian world that would support half as much as I've asked them to.

"What do you think?" Logan, still holding the two deodorant options, held them towards me. "Which one should I get? I need enough for just over three months, you know, just in case this deployment runs long." Great, he jinxed us now.

"The wood one." I rolled my eyes, hoping that if I just gave him an answer, he would move on. But I was wrong.

"I'm not holding that one anymore. Now I'm trying to decide between this lion and this giant whale." He held the front of the sticks up to show off some gobby artwork. I shook my head, growing more and more frustrated with the situation. I wanted to get home to see our kids and spend some time with Logan doing something other than staring at a bunch of non-stink sticks. Didn't he already have some at home he could take with him?

"This one." I pointed to the ocean-themed one. I was doing everything I could to move this along.

"I think I'm going to go with the wood one, actually. These just don't feel like me." I've never spent this much time trying to decide anything in my entire life. I've never looked at deodorant and said 'yep that one feels like me'. I was growing more and more impatient as the time went by, but finally, he placed a three-pack of the wood-scented deodorant into the shopping cart. Finally, we were able to move on, and it was about ten feet further down the aisle to the toothpaste, where we would start the process all over again.

"Minty fresh, or teeth whitening spearmint?" He asked.

I mentally smacked myself on the head. Maybe if I went to get the other stuff and came back he would be done deciding on what he wanted to brush his teeth with for the next three months. Wait till you see how long it takes him to find a toothbrush he likes.

Logan wasn't this particular. When we normally bought these things he would just grab a random one off the shelf and hope it worked for him. When he was about ready to head under the ocean though and he wouldn't have the options he needed some sense of control. The military took that all away from him. But he had it back when he was decided what he wanted to smell like for months at a time. Usually he would come home so sick of the smell, but at least it was his choice.

I tried to be more patient with him, but every second we stood here he was wasting time that we could be together at home having fun. He didn't realize that. In his head, this was the only thing we needed to get done and there wasn't anything else on his mind. He was leaving for three months at least and the mental preparation for that was very distracting.

"I'm going to go and grab some other things for the kids and such, stay here and I'll come back and find you," I muttered, realizing that if we didn't kick this in the ass we would literally be here all night.

"Yeah yeah," He waved his hand, not taking his eyes off of the toothpaste.

"Yeah yeah... that's right." I mocked, my voice filled with hurt from how he shooed me away like that.

Wandering through the store, I gathered some of the kids' favorite snacks, enough to get them through the next week or so and a few extras to get them through the first week at grandma's house. I'd make an online order and have it delivered to them after I got settled with Peter's family. My mother didn't need to buy them all their food. I could very easily take care of that.

She was already doing so much for us.

Later we would have to call Peter and let him know what our plan was, but Logan didn't want to bother him until we knew for sure. Now that we know for sure that he will be gone and the kids have a place to stay, we can work out the other details with what works best for Peter's schedule. Logan was devastated that he couldn't be there for his brother. It was just one more thing the military had taken away from him.

I didn't want to be bitter about it, but there felt like no other options. We've missed birthdays, and holidays, and so many special moments for family members we couldn't even count anymore. If he was home for a holiday or a birthday that was more shocking than if he was gone. When the family asked if they could come to visit for a specific holiday the answer was usually no, he wouldn't be around. That would stop after a year or so because no one liked being told they weren't able to come and visit.

It's not like we didn't tell them they couldn't, we just simply told him he wasn't going to be home, that he would be deployed. But none of them wanted to just come and hang out with me and the kids. They were coming to see Logan and that was all.

Part of that hurt, I wished his family was a little more supportive of us, but at the same time Logan was the best thing to ever happen to me and I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. His family would have to just deal with it, at least Peter and Abby were there.

A pang hit my heart. Abby was here for now, but would she be in a few months from now?

Would Peter be a widow before his kids are even teenagers?

So many questions swirled through my head that I realized I was acting just like Logan. I'd been staring at the cereal boxes for way too long. I needed to just make a decision. I needed to be easier on Logan too. With half as much as he did to think about, I too found myself staring and comparing way more than I should be. But I pulled myself out of that and was able to get the rest of the things on my list. I'd taken the cart with me, knowing that Logan wouldn't need it for the one box of toothpaste he was going to get.

If he ever decided on one.

I found him after not too long with his hands in his pockets still staring at the brightly colored boxes.

"Can I help make your decision easier?" I asked, wrapping my arms around him.

"No, I decided like two minutes after you walked away. I've just been standing here thinking about all of this." His voice was low but I was shocked to hear that he had decided. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me in as tight as he could. His breath on the back of my neck. A sudden wave of warmth washed over my body, making me feel whole once again.

"I don't want you to leave." I whispered, tears were forming in my eyes. His hand was on the back of my head, fiddling with my hair.

"I don't want to leave. I hate every little part of this." He whispered back, bending down to kiss the top of my head. Butterflies exploded in my stomach, leaving me weak in the knees. I was glad I had the support of him to lean on. Soon I wouldn't have that.

"You are so amazing and I'm so lucky that the biggest thing I have to worry about is what flavor of toothpaste or scent of deodorant I'm going to take with me. You just take care of everything else with such ease that I don't even need to think about it. I mean I do all the damn time, I worry about you and hope that you aren't spreading yourself too thin, but I do appreciate all that you do for this family."

"I love you so much Logan, and I will always continue to make sure that your at home life is taken care of while you are away. So that when you come back you don't have to worry about a thing." It was true, I would always try to make sure everything was repaired and that anything I would put on his 'honey-do list' that I would just take care of it.

"Let's get going before you make me do something inappropriate in the middle of this store. We've gotta go pick up the kids anyways."