The next Saturday was no different. Logan once again had duty. It was a back-to-back weekend. Two six day work weeks in a row. The stress was wearing on him, and the time away from the kids was wearing on them.

To help the kids out with all the time they've been missing, I decided to take them to the park with Sandra. She had met us here a little after lunch with her two kids. They ran around and screamed, pushing each other on the swing sets and playing pirate on the pirate ship at the corner of the playground. They were having a blast, and it was the perfect distraction for them.

"So, how is it going?" Sandra asked, knowing I had rushed out of the office on Monday and hadn't been back to work since. She must have been so confused.

"I mean it's going, it seems like we keep getting punched in the gut and every day there's going to be another snippet of bad news." I took a sip of the coffee I had gotten on the way here. This week was very much a coffee week.

"I'm sorry to hear that. What's been going on?" Sandra watched the kids carefully, waiting to see if she needed to jump in at any time.

"Between Abby getting terminal cancer, the rumors of the boat leaving for a deployment in the next couple of weeks, and Marcus being sick all week. It's been a little rough."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I think we need to break some of that down. I hadn't heard about any of that besides Marcus being sick. Work has been so lonely without you there, but from the sounds of it, that's not changing anytime soon." Sandra's hands were held up in front of her body as if she was trying to protect herself.

I shrugged.

"Yeah, probably not, but Logan's leave got denied and he can't even go to see his Brother and Abby to see how they are doing. We are stuck here until the boat figures out what they are doing. I'm so nervous they are going to take him out to sea and he wouldn't have been able to see Peter or Abby before he leaves. What if she dies while he is away?" I felt the words come barreling out of me, crashing around the both of us. Once the flood gate broke, there was no stopping the emotion spewing from the fountain now.

"Is that likely to happen?" Sandra stayed calm, taking in all of the information I was throwing at her. Her eyes very rarely left the kids.

"Well, the rumors say within the next couple of weeks, they could be gone again. We don't know if Logan would have to go on this one or not, since he is retiring soon. They only gave Abby a couple of months to live. If Logan leaves, he will be gone for a little over three months." I felt like I needed to emotionally prepare myself for this time in my life.

"Well, the timing of everything is so typical of the military. They want you to think that you are going to have a super simple time in the port time frame. They tell us that things will be rainbows and butterflies, but in all reality, they will do whatever they want. The more rumors I hear about it and the weirder Logan acts when he gets home from work, the more I'm trying to mentally prepare myself that he is going to have to head out one more time. Which feels so unfair. We were supposed to have him home. We were done with all of this stuff." I hadn't realized how long I had actually been talking until Sandra took a moment to make sure I was actually done before responding.

"Yeah, the whole thing seems like it's a little messed up. The military would be able to keep people better if they took care of the ones they have better." Sandra shook her head, making a low tsk sound with her tongue.

"They don't give a shit. They have a fresh batch of bushy-tailed boys ready to head to work to be like the real men." I felt horrible for all of the mothers of the kids that were fresh out of boot camp. They had no real clue where their kid was going or what they would be doing. The detailers never told you the truth, they just told you pretty little lies to get you to sign your entire life away. It's no wonder they get a commission off of every student they get signed to the military.

"I'm so sorry you guys are dealing with all of that. What do you think you are going to do?" Sandra asks. Her hands use the coffee cup for warmth. It wasn't super chilly, but the sun would dip beneath a cloud, bringing on a gloomy look to this Saturday afternoon.

"I have no clue. I need to go help Peter out one way or another. He can't do everything on his own. He will need support for the kids, for his wife, and for himself. I need to go do that for him. The kids though, If Logan is leaving I don't want to just leave them here with my mother. They don't need to lose both parents at once. I guess that's where I haven't really thought it through. They lose both parents at once either way, but I don't think I can take them with me to help Peter. I don't want to overwhelm them or add any more stress to the situation." I shook my head, running through all the thoughts.

"I don't think they will complain about more family versus less. Take the kids with you. You can work remotely. The kids can entertain each other much better than you would be able to. I also know that I've done this for you a lot, but something like this feels like it's worth it. I will help cover what you can't do for work. Don't just push it all on me, but some days are going to be harder than others. I want you to know you have the support, too."

"Oh Sandra, you have already done so much for us. You don't need to do that either. I will figure out a way to make it work. I'm honestly terrified that if I go and talk to our boss he is going to fire me, anyway." I chuckled, trying to lighten the conversation, but it didn't feel light in my heart.

"Well, I guess then either way I'm doing both of our work so might as well do it to help out my friend then to just do it because it's now a part of my work load officially." She followed suit, by laughing at her own joke. She had a point there. If I got fired, all of my work would transfer to her since we were on the same team.

I felt awful always being the one that didn't do as much work though. It weighed on me. I needed to be a better employee, but the more I went down that route, the more I could put that same thought to everything in my life. I needed to be a better wife. I needed to be a better mom. I needed to do the best that I could to manage all of this stress for my family unit so they didn't have to feel as much of it as I did. I wanted to protect everyone around me, but my armor was starting to crack.

"Yeah, I guess that's true."

I took a moment to watch the kids. They seemed so happy, as if they didn't have a care in the world. I felt so jealous of that. We all want to grow up so damn fast because everything is so new and exciting, but then once you are finally grown, you realize that in all reality, being a kid is the best thing you can do. If I could go back and just enjoy all of that one more time, I might think about it. My life wasn't so awful I'd want to give it all up, but maybe a one day break would be nice. But as we all learned from Rumplestiltskin, nothing is ever that simple.

I had a wonderful husband, two amazing kids, and the most sweet support system anyone could ever ask for. I was so lucky that all of these people seemed to be here for me. Add another thought to the list of things I need to do. I needed to be a better friend to all of those around me.

By becoming a better employee, I could become a better friend.

"I'm so glad you came out to spend your Saturday with us." I didn't know where the words had come from, but they startled Sandra just as much as they startled me.

"Of course, the kids were starting to get a little stir crazy. This park date is just as good for us as it is for you." Sandra smiled at me. Her smile always made things better. She just seemed so confident in what she was feeling.

"No, I'm being serious. I really appreciate you coming out here today. Military spouses know that any time away from your husband is crucial and you better make sure you are using it wisely, because he could be gone the next day." A pang in my stomach reminds me of the very danger of this statement. " The fact that you are here when you could be home with him is not lost on me. I appreciate you doing that for me."

"Okay, stop being weird." Sandra beamed, obviously taking my compliment to heart, but not wanting to get too mushy. "It's too early for that and I haven't even had a drink yet. At least buy me dinner first." We both burst into laughter.

This is the most relaxed I've felt in what seems like weeks at this point but really only a few days. We found out about the news so recently, and yet it feels like we've been living with this for years.

What were we going to do? What was Peter going to do?

All I know about anything is that we were going to get through this as a family, one way or another.

A little over an hour later, it was time to go. Sandra needed to get back to her husband, as they had plans for this evening. One of those dates that I told her she needed to make him take her on. It was good to know that she was listening to me as well. Marcus and Mazie were exhausted and fell asleep almost as soon as the car door closed. The drive home was quiet, but in a comforting way. I felt like the time with my thoughts was helpful. I needed to know that things were going to be okay, and for the first time since all the news crashed down upon us, I actually did.

I glanced up to look at the kids in the rear-view mirror. I wished Logan was home, because I didn't want to have to wake them up to get them inside. They also weren't at the age where driving around the block a few times to help them sleep was normal.

But this life was beautiful and though I wouldn't be able to carry my kids up the stairs, I was still so grateful for this moment.

I guess as a military spouse; you have way too much time to sit and overanalyze your life. But when you have a life as good as this, why wouldn't you want to sit and think about it?

My heart broke for all the families that couldn't be together right now. The denial from the military had hit us hard. Logan deserved to be with his brother right now, just as much as he deserved to be home with his kids.

But things are never that simple.