The day continued on much that way. Once the bathrooms were done, I took a quick break to make lunch for everyone. Making grilled cheeses at the request of both the boys. Mazie was a little less enthused about this. I added strawberries to their plates before cleaning up the mess in the kitchen. Nibbling on a few of the berries, snacking just enough to hold me over until dinnertime. I had too much left to do before I could sit down and actually eat. Gathering up my cleaning supplies once more, I head towards the bedrooms. I would tackle mine and Logan's firsts. Leaving the twins for last as it was usually the most time consuming picking up all of their toys.

Usually I would make them help me out, but with their dad home they were no where in sight. Too busy playing god knows what game at this point. It was nice that he was keeping them entertained and out of my way, but I would have preferred if he had just helped me get all of this done sooner so that I too could spend some time with the family.

The bedrooms didn't take as long as I had expected and in between the three rooms, I was able to throw another load of laundry in. Once I was done there it was time to head towards the kitchen. The day was nearing closer to an end and soon I would have to make dinner for everyone as well. My stomach growled at the thought of cooking. Normally I'd be done by now but with an extra person in the house even if just for a few days, the mess seemed to have doubled.

How could one person add so many chores to a simple weekly cleaning?

The laughter still echoed from the other room, and it broke my heart to know that I had other things I needed to do. If I didn't do them now, they would never get done and I would be just that much more behind next week. I made a mental note to try and get a few of these tasks done during the week in hopes to give myself more time next weekend. Doubtedly that would happen, but the thought was what mattered.

"Mom when is dinner?" Mazie asks, her voice startling out of my thoughts. I turned to look at her over my shoulder as I mobbed a section of the floor. Her socks left little footprints in the liquid that hadn't fully dried.

"Honey, it's only three you still have a couple of hours and I'm not done cleaning." I tried to usher her out of the kitchen, but the more I tried to press her towards the exit, the more she danced around stepping everywhere and anywhere she could.

The little footprints were multiplying as quickly as I could mop them away, causing me to mop myself into a corner. I mentally cursed.

"Mazie, I need you to go hang out with your brother and your father." I didn't mean the words to come out harsh, but they sounded more aggressive than I could have expected.

She turned on her heel, not making any eye contact with me as she started to whine. Running down the hallway she was soon back with the other people In the house.

A few moments later I heard footsteps coming back down the hallway as I tried to mop myself out of the kitchen. With any luck everyone would stay out of this room just long enough for it to dry.

"Hey, why did you just yell at Mazie?" Logan peeks his head around the door frame, looking at me with a questioning look. I couldn't take it anymore. I was not the bad guy in this situation and I most certainly did not yell at Mazie.

"What the hell do you mean?" I huffed. Finally finishing with the kitchen floor. My hair was in a disheveled mess, and sweat was dripping down my forehead. My watch notified me of the workout I was currently doing, before the message disappeared.

"She just ran back into their room crying, saying you yelled at her and told her to go away. I told her that couldn't possibly be true, but that I would come and talk to you and figure out why you were 'mad at her'. So why did you yell at Mazie?" He put air quotes where needed, but when he repeated his question to me I almost lost it.

"Maybe because I've been working my ass off all day with little to no help from anyone else in this family to clean everyone else's mess." I knew as soon as it came out of my mouth I was going to look like the unhinged housewives I felt like. Logan took a step back seeming more offended by my comments than I could have realized.

"What the hell do you mean? You never asked for help, you've been pushing us out of your way all day. I've been just trying to keep the kids entertained so we weren't bothering you." Logan seemed confused by my statement. The more he thought about it, the more he truly felt like he was doing everything correct. Maybe he was. It was hard having him come back in here and suddenly everything is changed from our normal routine, but he gets to have all of the fun with it while I have to still get everything else done.

This house would run as smoothly as it did If I didn't make sure it was working that way.

"Why do I have to ask for help? You live here also. Most of the laundry I've done today has been your clothes. The lunch I made could have easily been made by you when you guys were hungry. If I would have had some help, then maybe I would have been done by now and I would be hanging out with you guys instead of trying to catch up on all of your messes."

Maybe that came out more harsh than I would have liked it to, but just because I was the mother that didn't mean I had to do all of the work for everyone else. Logan hasn't had to clean a single thing at this house for at least a few months. Even before he leaves he is so focused on getting ready for this deployment that everything seems to just fall on my shoulders. Yet there's the excuse that when he first comes home he is too tired to really do much.

What about me?

Where was my break?

I sit here and have to take on his role as well as mine while he is gone, and when gets back and while he integrates with the world I'm just expected to keep carrying the load for both of us. I can't handle that for much longer. That's what the military does to you. People always talk about how hard it is for the service member. They are deployed doing whatever they are doing, but while they are gone everything is decided for them. When they eat, what they eat, when they sleep, how long they sleep, everything that they need to do is scheduled for them. So when they come back and have to deal with the real world again it's easy for them to go crazy and just not do anything.

"I'm sorry you feel that way." Logan paused for a moment. "I'm not trying to make you do everything, I'm just trying to do my best when I get back. You need to give me some time to realize what needs to happen around here again. I understand I"m not on vacation, but I haven't been home in over three months." Logan wasn't wrong. I was being a little outrageous. That was the other struggle. I've never been deployed. I don't know what it's like to be gone from your family for so long. I could never understand how they come back to the world after missing so much and are just expected to jump right back in.

I tried hard not to put that pressure on him, but sometimes I just needed to explode.

Once again I was conflicted with my feelings, unsure of how to move forward. Was I in the wrong? Was Logan in the wrong? Did either of us really know what we were actually fighting about? Was I just mad there was an extra load of laundry, or was I mad that I had to do the laundry period? Did I just need a break from the chores? Or was I jealous that Logan was getting all of this time with the kids uninterrupted without having to worry about anything else.

Maybe it was a mix of all of it. But I knew deep down in my heart that I was hurt about how today had gone. It wasn't how I wanted it. None of this has been how I wanted it.

The only good thing about this homecoming was the fact that my husband was home.

Everything else felt like it had been a mess. We've fought so much more this go around and maybe I just couldn't do this anymore.

I love Logan so much. I really do.

At what point is it just not working anymore?

I can't keep doing these mental gymnastics trying to figure out if I"m in the wrong because I'm feeling a certain way, and I"m throwing that onto him, when in reality maybe I need to be more patient with his side of things.

"Look babe, is there anything I can do now to help you out. Let's tackle this together as a team and get you into a nice warm bath so you can relax or whatever you want to do." Logan looks around the house realizing that pretty much everything was done. The only thing really for the rest of the day was dinner and then cleaning up from that. I'd managed to get everything taken care of before anyone even noticed I needed help.

Military wives were just resilient like that. We didn't have the time or the chance to break down.

"It's all done." I mumbled, and I could feel the tears rolling down my face. I don't know when I started to cry, and I felt embarrassed that I had.

This fight seemed so silly in the grand scheme of things. I was so angry at Logan for not helping with some house cleaning that I've been doing on my own for months. Could I really blame him for not remembering that I needed help? I turn to look at my list sitting on the counter. It was definitely all checked off.

At least it was until we heard a loud crash in the kids room. Logan wasn't sure what it was but as soon as the racket had stopped I knew it was the toybox. They had dumped it over, possibly trying to find something buried at the very bottom. So now everything was done except for the fact that the kids room was destroyed.

"Don't worry about that!" Logan shouts, throwing his hands in front of him as if to stop me from charging into the kids room.

At this point, I just felt defeated.

Logan sprinted towards their room, and I turned on my heel heading back into the kitchen to get started on dinner.

I wasn't going to worry about their room. I was just frustrated I had wasted the time trying. I used dinner as a distraction to keep me sane. Watching as the vegetables I had pre-cut earlier today when I was working on meal prepping started to sizzle in the pan. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through the next few months, but I knew something was going to have to change.