[ graphic: @me ]

measuring heartbeats
03 | paradise bay... here we come

"You're leaving me?!" Sofia cries two days later. "But who's going to be my wing woman now? And who's going to buy me all the pizza a girl needs?"

"It's not like I actually have much of a choice in this matter Sofia." I remind her throwing my items into the backpack.

"But you don't even know her? She could be a serial killer disguising as your so-called aunt."

"I'm pretty sure your dad would've been on top of that if that was the case," I point out in which she just sighs.

"But still, she's a total stranger!"

I open my mouth to reply but then close it. She's right there, Tabitha is a mysterious unknown - my mother never mentioned she had a sister, so I'm nervous to find out the reason why she pretended she never did.

"Do you think maybe she killed your mums best friend or first boyfriend or something along the lines? And thats why she never mentioned her. That'd be kinda cool in a non-cool way, ya know."

I glance over at my best friend half in shock and the other half kinda amused.

"I doubt it's anything that serious or crazy..." I trail off in thought. "Maybe they just got into a huge argument and weren't talking."

"For nearly eighteen or more years?" Sofia mumbles shaking her head. "No way, there's got to be something big that happened."

Sofia glances down at her bright yellow duck covered socks. "I mean come on, your mum was pretty awesome... hard to believe someone would be angry at her or her at someone."

I nod my head sadly as I zip my bag up.

My mother was awesome, if only I could go back and tell her that more often and how much I love them all... but I can't and now I have to live with this guilt for the rest of my life.

Sometimes I feel like I don't even deserve to be here because of what I did, I don't even deserve a shitty life because that'd be too good for me.

"Jupiter? Earth to the planet Jupiter, hello?"

I blink to see Sofia waving her arms crazily in front of me.

"What?" I ask as I try to put those thoughts out of my head, at least for the time being.

"You're so weird!" She retorts flicking her hair away from her face.

"Right back at you girl." I tell her while faking a smile.

"Anyways I'm going to miss you so much!" Sofia mumbles teary-eyed as she comes forwards to hug me.

"Yeah yeah I'll uh miss you too?" She hits me playfully as I roll my eyes returning the hug. As I go to pull back I notice how she tightens the hug before letting me go, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"I'm really sorry Jupiter..." She tells me out of the blue, her eyes wide as she stands in front of me, hugging herself.

"It's okay Sofia, it's not going to be forever," I joke but she doesn't even smile in the slightest.

"No... About your parents and siblings, I can't imagine what you're going through."

"You need to stop apologising Sofia," I tell her calmly throwing my arm around her. "It wasn't your fault, you're not to blame."

Sofia cries even harder into my arms at this and I begin to get a little teary too.

"Neither are you Jupiter."

I'm not so sure about that one, I mean my lighter was found at the scene and apparently I was pretty drunk off my head according to one of the officers and couldn't recall a single thing that happened that night.

Maybe Sofia's mum is right, maybe I did kill my family and I just can't remember... and if that's the case then I don't deserve to live.

"Girls, are you ready yet?" Mr Grace asks knocking lightly on the door. "Tabitha would like to head off before the storm rolls in."

Sofia pulls away from me, using one hand to dry her tears and the other to hand me my bag. I take it, throwing it over my shoulder with a small whoosh.

"Jesus I think we've shed enough tears today, huh?" she comments and I nod my head as she laughs. "You're going to be fine Jupiter, you're strong."

"We're coming Mr G," I call out to him as Sofia grabs her dressing gown from behind the door.

Sofia and I walk down the stairs side by side as we come into the lounge room beside the hallway.

"Is that all you're bringing Jupiter?" Tabitha asks spotting me almost immediately, and if anything I think I hear somewhat relief in her voice.

I find the source for that relief sitting opposite her in all pale blue, Sofia's mother.

"Of course it is, they couldn't save much else from that horrific monster of a house fire dear," she speaks up giving me an evil smile.

"Oh well, I always say packing light is better than being overpacked like some..." Tabitha goes on glancing at the stuffed bag by Allison's feet. "Didn't your husband say you were only going to be away for two days?"

The look that Allison gives her in priceless.

"You should see her when she's packing for only one day," I add making Tabitha laugh. Sofia has gone silent beside me as her mother starts to get a little pink in the cheeks.

"Well you can never have enough I say..." she mumbles giving me a glare before brushing some invisible crumbs off her skirt. "Now isn't it time you two must be going? You don't want to be caught in that god awful storm now."

Tabitha gets up at this comment and leans over the coffee table to shake a bewildered Allison's hand.

"It was so lovely meeting you Allison, I do hope we can do this again sometime." Tabitha goes on to say with a carefree smile.

"Of course dear, it was... interesting to meet you finally."

"And I'm sure Jupiter here has been good while staying with you guys? I can't thank you enough for doing that."

Allison splutters as she tries to regain her composure at this.

"Yes, yes... she's been just a delight to have around here." I snicker under my breath as I head over to where Mr Grace is standing by the front door.

"You're in good hands love, I promise you that," he tells me giving me a hug as well. "And it's just until this thing is sorted okay, then you may come back here if you wish." He adds as I nod my head.

"Thank you Mr Grace, I really am sorry about all the trouble I've caused over the last couple weeks or months actually..."

"Sweetie-" he pulls me away to get a better look at me, and makes sure I'm looking at him before continuing. "You're a smart and well-behaved young lady Jupiter just like your mother, although you've definitely got your aunts uh... rebellious side sometimes. You may have been acting out a bit but that doesn't make you a bad person, alright?"

"Thanks Mr G."

"You ready to go Jupiter?" Tabitha asks behind me. She may have stood up for me back there but she's still this mystery aunt and I haven't forgotten that.

"I don't have much of a choice."

"Jupiter." Mr G warns me as he opens the front door for us.

"Bye Mr Grace!" I call out to him as I race out the door and down the path to a dark blue Honda Civic Sedan waiting out the front of the house.

Tabitha doesn't say a word until she's unlocked the car for us and buckled in, starting the engine up.

"So, have you ever heard of a place called Paradise Bay?" I shake my head. "Well I'm sure you're going to love it there, it's a small town but there's a nice beach, a shopping mall half an hour out of town and Starbucks - you teenagers are all about shopping malls and Starbucks nowadays, right?"

"I don't do caffeine nor do I like shopping!" Well the second part is correct, the first... who doesn't love their daily doses of caffeine?

"Alrighty... well they have other places too, I'm sure you'll fit right in with the other kids your age."

"Unless they like creating mayhem and drinking, then no, I won't be fitting right in." I tell her holding the bag close to my chest. 

"You're a bit too young for drinking don't you think?" Tabitha asks me, glancing curiously my way. I look right back at her, unblinking.

"And you're a bit too late for trying to play the awesome aunt card, don't you think?"

We stare down at one another, neither of us blinking or looking away.

Finally, Tabitha looks away first - evidence of hurt on her face, but it goes as quickly as it had appeared. 

"I don't want us to get on the wrong foot here Jupiter..." she starts but I intervene.

"It's a bit late for that."

Tabitha sighs before obviously giving up on the current matter and instead choosing to focus all her attention on driving away from Sofia's house, and further away from my home.

"There's a guy around your age who lives a couple of houses down, he's a good young man who tends to help me out on the weekends... maybe I can ask for him to show you around," Tabitha speaks up as we come to the bridge. "And show you all the hot places where you teens will hang out."

"Whatever, I don't care." Tabitha glances across at me before sighing again. I ignore her and open my bag, taking my phone and earplugs out.

"I'm just trying to help here Jupiter, the least you can do is not bite my head off for it..."

"We're just trying to help you darling!" My mother cries as I slide the chair back forcefully so it hits the wall behind me.

"I don't need your help, any of you's!" I shout back feeling the anger boiling deep inside me. My older brother shakes his head at me, silently telling me to calm down.

"Then why are you acting out like this? Its the third time this week that I've had to pick you up down at the station Jupiter!" My father adds also standing up from his place at the end of the table.

"And you're drunk... again," my mother adds in disappointment, tears springing to her eyes.

"Well than if you're not happy about it, why don't you just leave me there next time huh?"  I tell the both of them, folding my arms across my chest to stop myself from forming fists.

"Jup... what has gotten into you lately?"  Liam, my brother asks - his bright green eyes staring right at me. His question and nickname for me catches me completely off guard and I stumble over my feet, catching the side of the table just in time to steady myself.

"Society kills the innocent... there's nothing innocent about society and so I've decided society can go suck a non-innocent dick..." And with that I pass out in the kitchen, my brother running around the table to catch me as I fall  and all I  can hear is my mothers cries.

"-You can at least try to be civil with me I hope."

Silently, the single pearl-shaped tear rolls down my right cheek.

"Jupiter?"

I press play, letting the lyrics take me away as I lean back and close my eyes.