tw: domestic abuse, suicide

Nick used to want to be a construction worker. He hated destruction as a child, nothing was worse to him.

He remembered hearing about the attacks on September eleventh and crying at the news, hugging his mom who reassured him, even if she wasn't reassured herself.

Needless to say, Nick was a sensitive kid. He cried every single time anything emotional remotely happened on his old television.

If another kid fell and got hurt at recess, Nick would be by their side in an instant. He would always ask what hurt, all whilst crying too.

Despite this, he didn't have many long term friends growing up. He didn't have close bonds with anyone.

Nobody disliked him, he just ended up distancing himself unless he was able to help.

He didn't distance himself at first, but Nick's family life started going downhill at an extremely fast rate.

It all started one night when Nick's mom came home from work early to see her husband screwing his coworker.

Nick heard the affair going on, but at six years old, of course he didn't know what was happening.

He vividly remembered the sound of glass shattering. The clear shards of freshly washed cups littered the cold tiles of the kitchen floor.

He remembered the string of obscenities followed by his mom cutting her delicate fingers on the glass, leaving drops of blood that would soon stain the aforementioned tiles.

The coworker was long gone by then, but Nick didn't see her leave. Perhaps she went out the window, Nick wasn't too worried about that.

Despite him being six, Nick's dad often yelled at him for crying. Nick didn't know crying was normal despite how often he did cry, so he tried his best to stop the salty tears from flowing.

The arguments left an undeniable bitter aura within the house, but for some reason, Nick's mother didn't leave.

After that, their arguments got worse and worse. When it got really bad, Nick would cover his ears and scream, but that didn't stop anything. His parents would always yell and throw things at each other, sometimes hitting Nick in the process.

One particularly rough night, Nick ran in front of his mom as his dad threw a brittle bottle at her, but it shattered with the impact to Nick's arm. Microscopic shards of glass embedded themselves into Nick's soft skin.

His father was enraged at him, but his mother's harsh eyes softened as she walked Nick out of the house, driving him into the nearest hospital. Nick could still remember the doctors digging hundreds of pieces of glass out of his arm as he squeezed his favorite teddy bear that he never let go of.

His arm was temporarily stained a dull shade of red from the many cuts. Due to previous events, Nick and his mom decided to sleep in a hotel that night, despite their financial problems.

As soon as they drove home, they were greeted with two large boxes in the driveway along with a note that only said, "Changed the locks, don't bother."

Nick would never forget the pained look on his mom's face, her expression drastically darkening.

The sat in a car with barely any pocket money left and drove a few towns over in silence. After staying in the cheapest motel in the run-down city for months on end, both Nick and his mother's eyes were hollow, their cheekbones too prominent.

Then, there was the night. Nick was seven at the time. By now, he has tried a countless number of times to block it from his memory, but he could only remove tiny details.

He remembered seeing his mom, holding an empty bottle of prescription pills in the arm which dangled over the side of the tub. Her complexion even paler than normal as her lifeless body just lied there.

The rest was a blur. After a while of nudging his mom, trying to wake her up, Nick called 911 on the old phone with the frayed wires that sat atop the cheap nightstand.

He only just learned about calling that number at his new school the past week, he would never have thought he would have to use it this soon.

He didn't remember anything at the hospital except for the police officer telling him that he would have to live with his father.

No seven year old should have to experience pure numbness, but here Nick was, deathly terrified of the father he would have to live with.

The next day, he was sitting in the back of a police car with his box of things as well as a few of his mother's possessions.

Living with his father was hell.

The beatings went on for years, but the bruising felt normal at that point. Nick had given up most of his hope by age ten, but he kept pushing.

The day Nick turned eighteen, he took the money he saved up from his jobs and left. He bought a beaten down car off of craigslist for a pretty cheap price and he was on his way.

He ended up settling in a somewhat smaller city in New Jersey, applying for a plethora of jobs as soon as he got a one room cheap apartment.

Nick's mindset of the world was completely different. He didn't see any reason to stay alive, yet he still did.

He grow an unhealthy love for destruction. He started to burn down old buildings without getting caught, but it wasn't enough.

At age twenty five, he overheard about the Squip from two neighbors talking. All he heard was the part about not being able to feel pain, but that was more than enough for Nick. So, he grabbed his money, went to Payless, and bought one.

He was so immune to physical pain that taking the pill barely bothered Nick. However, the Squip did what it was supposed to, erasing his memories and numbing his emotions.

Taking the pill didn't just do that though, the supercomputer got rid of the revenge-seeking, destructive side of Nick.

The side of Nick willing to help others was soon replenished, and he aced his interview for the prison guard job.

This was the first time Nick was truly happy since age seven, so when he drank the Mountain Dew Red two years later, he was highly reluctant.

His view on life was better thanks to the Squip, so Nick realized it would be a lot better to drink the Mountain Dew than die a painful death on the job, so he chugged some of the bottle before running down the hall.

When the Squip left, all of Nick's fury came back immediately, the pent up emotion so much worse.

Thankfully after plenty of experience, Nick was good at hiding these emotions in front of other people.

It was only a matter of time before his facade would crack.