{emma pov}
 
 
 
It was sophomore year. Rachel and I were goofing off in my bedroom, singing and dancing to some random song that was playing in the background.
 
 
 
"You know, we should set you up with a youtube channel," Rachel proposed.



"Uhm, that was random," I laughed, "What would I even post on there?"



"Well, you would sing, of course," she said like it's no big deal.
 
 
 
"But why?" I asked, confused.
 
 
 
"You're such an amazing singer. Come on, let's do it!" She grabs my hand and pulls me to my laptop, opening it and opening youtube. She clicks "Create Account".
 
 
 
"You're actually doing this," I smirk.
 
 
 
"Heck yeah, I am!"
 
 
 
"But you know I don't really like to sing in front of people," I bite my lip.
 
 
 
"Well, you're not singing in front of anyone but the camera. You have to get yourself out there. Trust me."
 
 
 
"Okay," I sigh.
 
 
 
"Okay, first let's get you into something cute," she takes me over to my closet and picks out a shirt and some leggings. "Here, put these on."
 
 
 
I do as she says, then touch up my makeup. "What song should I cover?"
 
 
 
"Hmm," she thinks, "How about Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran?"
 
 
 
"Ooh yes I love that song," I respond.
 
  
 
I grab my guitar that I love to play, but usually only to myself and around my family.
 
 
 
I start recording, then do a little introduction and start singing. Rachel stays there the whole time, smiling at me, and I smile back.
 
 
 
When the song finishes, I say thank you, and blow a kiss to the camera, then stop the video. I can't help but smile. "Oh my God, thank you so much!" I covered my mouth and run into my best friend's warm embrace.

"That's what best friends are for," is all she said.
 
 
 
Within 2 weeks, I had 10k subscribers.



Within a month, I had 30k.



Within 2 months, I had nearly 100k.
 
 
 
I was gaining subscribers like crazy.



And Rachel was my biggest fan. She was so happy for me, so supportive.

So basically, Rachel is the reason I'm here today. I give her some of the credit for where I am, because I know that without her, I never would've wracked up the nerve to make a YouTube channel. But, she brings out this other side of me. The daring side that does things she wouldn't normally do. She brings out the best in me.



But now she's gone and I don't know why, or how she could go from supporting everything I did to not supporting me at all. I don't understand, and this isn't like her.

It could be jealousy, because she knows that she's the one who got me started, and I'm pretty sure that that's at least a part of the reason she's been so snarky, rude, and mad at me. But she's not usually one to get jealous, she's usually so carefree and happy about everything. Maybe I've brought out another side of her as well.

But this is how it all started. And now I have my own flipping record deal with Island Records. This is insane, I honestly can't believe one bit of it. This tour has done so much for me, not only singing-wise. It has helped me to get used to being without my family for awhile and given me a sense of independence (which I admit was hard, an it still is), and I have also made so many amazing friends who I know I can count on.

Like the girls from Fifth Harmony, I still talk to them every once in awhile, but they were some big role models for me as I started to get to know them at the beginning of this tour. I knew I could always talk to them about anything, and Camila even helped me to trust Shawn with my story about Dylan.

Speaking of, I'm so incredibly happy he got kicked off of the tour. Although I should've known it wouldn't last long, he has no morals. I'm not only happy he's gone just because of what he did to me, but because he's honestly just a terrible person. There is no person in the world that I hate more than him. I get it, he apologized. But that doesn't change what he did to me. He's still the same person, even though maybe he changed his mindset a little.

He ruined me, and I thought that in the end it made me stronger. But now I'm weak again, and this time it's about something I did.

I don't know why I ever stopped seeing Alessia for therapy, because I clearly still need it. Dani said I can prevent the anxiety from getting worse, but at this point, I don't know that I can. Things happen, and I can't stop it from overcoming me. It makes me feel terrible, and worthless.

But those feelings are really only the truth. I am pretty worthless at this point. A worthless girl who will continue to make terrible mistakes.

{shawn pov}

 
two weeks later

I walk around downtown Philly on this beautiful afternoon, trying to get myself away from the familiar hotel room environment to help clear my head a bit.

I still don't know what I'm going to do about this. I can't wrap my head around it. Every time I try, all it does is give me a headache.

I walk into this small cafe, and there's no one in there except for this younger woman at the cash register who is cleaning the counters thoroughly, who looks to be about mid-twenties. She looks very bored.

"Hi there, what can I get for you today?" she greets me. She seems very friendly.

"Hi, could I please get a coffee, 1 milk 2 sugar?" I say with a sigh.

"Yeah of course, it'll be right up!" She smiles. "Is something wrong? If you don't mind me asking,"

 
"I'm fine, thanks," I force a smile, using the same excuse that Emma used on me way too many times.

"You don't look fine," she says as she starts brewing a new pot of coffee. "You look like someone stole your ice cream,"

"More like someone stole my girlfriend," I roll my eyes.

"Oh," she says abruptly, looking surprised.

"Well, not exactly. But I'll spare you the details. I don't want to bother you with all of my life problems." I sigh again.

"No, I don't mind. Really. Talk to me about it if you want, It'll make my boring day interesting." She smiles. "I'm Angela, by the way."

"Okay, Angela, thank you." I say. "I'm Shawn,"

"Wait, like, Shawn Mendes? The real Shawn Mendes?" She mocks in a crazy fangirl tone, causing us both to laugh. "I'm completely kidding."

"Anyways," I continue with a chuckle, "So he didn't exactly steal her, but he did make out with her. Or she made out with him. I don't know yet, they've both told me different stories,"

"Oh wow. Who do you believe?" she asks as she pours the milk and sugar and the hot coffee into a cup and stirs it around. "Here's your coffee,"

"Thank you. But see that's the thing. Everyones been asking me that and I don't know who to believe. I want to believe her, I really do. But she had been telling me small lies before so I don't know." I take a sip of my coffee.

"Hmm. How long ago did this happen?"

"Over two weeks." I reply.

"Wow, that long. Do you still love her, Shawn?"

"There's the other question everyone's been asking me. I just feel so helpless over this whole situation,"

"You didn't answer my question. Shawn, do you still love her?"

"I... I don't..." I think about it for a minute, I think about life without her, how incredibly lonely that would be. Then, in that moment, something clicks and I know, I know that I have made up my mind. "Yes, yes I do." I smile in realization.

"Then there you go," she smiles. "And if she really loves you too, she will tell you the truth and then you just have to trust her,"

"Thank you," I smile. "You should be a counsellor or something, instead of sitting in this coffee shop, you give great advice," I chuckle.

"Well I'm glad I could give Shawn Mendes a hand in figuring out his love life," she smirks.

"Yeah," I laugh, "Geez, I'm a mess. I guess I did just spill almost my entire love life to you, a complete sorta stranger,"

"It's okay, like I said. I don't mind at all."

"Well I should go, I need to go talk to her," I smile, biting my lip, and I stand up. "Oh! I completely forgot to pay you for the coffee! Here, here's 5-"

 
"Don't worry, it's on me. Consider it a good-luck charm or something. Just don't tell my boss," she laughs, sending me a wink.

"Will do, and again, I can't thank you enough for everything,"

"Again, my pleasure," she smiles again, "Now go get 'em, Mendes,"

Now I'm on a mission. I have to get back to the hotel and tell her that I love her.

a/n
 
well this was interesting...😅
 
and now you know a bit of a backstory on emma and rachel! and possibly why rachel's been so salty?
 
things are looking up from here, kids. but looking up doesn't necessarily mean going up... hehehehe sorry I'm mean
 
thank you all so much for reading! and we made it to 6k! and thank you for 1k reads on my first chapter! wow i looked and the first few chapters are still really cringey, even after I completely edited everything awhile ago, yikes that may be happening again soon...
 
there probably won't be another update until at least later this week when my exams are done... so ill see you guys again soon! ❤️
 
I love you all!
 
em 💖