{emma pov}
 
 
 
I cry for a long time. It's only noon, and this day is already one of the worst days in my entire life.

I talked to her, she explained somewhat, yet I still don't understand. Maybe I've been a bad friend, but still.

I somewhat clean myself up, I get changed, but I decide that I'm too lazy to do my makeup. I still look like shit from all the crying, but I honestly don't care.

I walk over to the room that Matt and Cam are staying in, and as soon as I knock on the door, Cam opens it.

"What happened to you? You look like a mess," He says looking a bit worried.

I feel the tears welling up in my eyes again.

"Okay, um, come in," he smiles. "Matt went to do some errands so it's just me here." We go sit on the couch. "So what's wrong? And why'd you come to me and not Shawn?"

I start crying more. "See, that's part of the problem," I sigh, "He's out for the day and left me here, and we had, um, a fight before he left."

"Oh yeah, I heard he was out for the day. Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"If you don't mind," I bite my lip.

"Of course not, you can talk to me about anything," he smiles.

"Thank you, I don't know where to start. I guess I will start with the fact that he's been leaving me alone so he can write the past few days, and I think he knows how I feel about it, because he asked me if I wanted to go with him to write yesterday. It gave me a good glimpse at how he writes so that it can help me in mine. But I just want to spend time with him, not just sit there and watch him, you know?" I explain. "I don't know, I don't know what I'm talking about, Cam,"

"It's okay. It makes sense to me." He smiles, rubbing my back lightly. He puts his arm around me and I lay my head on his shoulder. I'm exhausted.

"And then this morning Andrew tells him he has all those sexy photo shoots and interviews and then after Andrew left the room, I implied that I was a little pissed about it, and basically, to sum it up, we had a fight. And we've never really fought before. So I was left crying."

"I'm so sorry Emma. But knowing him, he'll come back tonight feeling absolutely terrible and everything will be okay, I promise."

"And the thing is, that's not even the worst part. My best friend has been cold with me lately. Wouldn't answer my texts or calls, and I had no clue why. So after everything this morning, it was also bothering me again so I tried to call her one more time, hoping and praying that she would answer. Basically she answered, and said how I'm such a 'terrible friend' for being on tour and 'not talking to her' in over a month.

"Then, she says how this girl that she's started hanging out with since I've been away has said all of these things to her and made her realize how bad of a friend I've been. Then I said something like 'so you believe her over your best friend?' and she told me that-that the other girl is her best friend now and that I don't deserve that title anymore."

"Wow, girls have a lot of drama," is all he says.

"Cam you're not helping," I groan, elbowing him in the rib. I'm in the perfect position to do that, which makes me smile a bit.

"I know, I know. I was kidding." he laughs, sitting up. I also turn around to face him. "I'm here for you, Emma,"

✦

"Hey," I grin softly, looking up at Shawn through my glasses as he walks in the door. I've been reading for a bit, to help me get my mind off things.

"Hi." he huffs as he sets down his stuff.

"What's wrong?" I ask. I can tell there's something wrong. "Rough day?"

"The only thing that was rough about it was the way I left you. I shouldn't have said those things and I'm sorry." he runs a hand through his hair and bites his lip. "But I wasn't very impressed with the way you were acting either,"

"I only reacted that way because I care about you. I wasn't trying to be clingy or rude, I just want you back. I've barely seen any of you lately and it's been hard, I've had no one to talk to," I lie partially. There is Cam.

"Look, I said I'm sorry, and I meant it. Now I'm going to bed, I'm exhausted."

"Okay, goodnight." I say, then roll my eyes once he turns away. You're tired? I think, try having your best friend officially ditch you and having extreme anxiety. That makes you tired.



I continue reading, but eventually my eyes can no longer stay open so I put in my bookmark, set my book down, and doze off in the lounge chair I'm sitting in, falling asleep moments later.



✦



We get in the plane to go to Denver, CO, our next stop on the tour. Most of the ride is silent as we watch this random movie that Matt chose for us to watch.



"Emma, I have something to tell you," Shawn taps me on the shoulder.



"Yeah, what is it?" I ask, a concerned look on my face.



"I know you're feeling like I'm shutting you out. And I'm not trying to, It's just that- that my career's on the line, Emma. My last single didn't do quite as well as the label had wanted, and if I don't do these things it could possibly have an affect on my career. I didn't tell you before because I didn't want to worry you, but you need to know. Please understand."



"It's fine, don't worry," I force a small smile.



"Okay thank you. Just also know that this is hard for me too. I'm under a lot of stress at the moment,"



"I love you," I force a smile, resting my head on his shoulder. "Everything will end up okay,"



"I love you too," he kisses my forehead.



✦

The next morning, he gets up before me. Once I do, though, he is already dressed and is checking his phone while eating breakfast.

"You going out again today?"

"Yeah," he says bluntly.

"Listen, it's okay," I equivocate. "I know your career depends on this and that we'll get through this together. Don't worry about me."

"Are you sure?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'm fine," I lie again, pursing my lips and rubbing my thumb against the back of his hand. But fine does not mean okay.

"Okay," he smiles. "I'll be home at around two, so not too late,"

Once he leaves, I let a single tear fall from my cheek as I close the door and bid him goodbye. I lean against the door and slide down. I sit against it as I put my arms on my knees and my head in my hands.

The reason I lied to him about being okay is that, one, I don't want to worry him more than I have to, and two, I am being unreasonably selfish about this whole situation and he doesn't need to know that.

I tell myself that I'm not going to let myself have another day grieving about this.

So I get up, and get dressed into some shorts and a tank top.

I write for a little while, working on my next few songs. I have a few ideas, but no inspiration today. I can't seem to come up with anything good, so I decide to just give up for now.

In writing, you have to learn that some days, it's just a lost cause.

Cam is in his room alone again, he said Matt is dead but when he found out that I thought he was serious, he said that Matt's actually just out for a run.

"And you didn't want to go with him?" I ask.

"Nah, not today. I usually do, though," he giggles.

"And why not?" I ask.

"Because of laziness, but I also would rather stay and hang out with you, make sure you're okay. How are you?"

"Well, Shawn's out again today. He explained to me yesterday about how this is all due to his career being on the line. I told him that it's fine though, and I understand his stress. But I can't help but still feel selfish about this, is that wrong?" I ask.

"I would say that it's a little bit wrong, but you have to understand that he's trying. And that things are hard for him too. What you're feeling right now is probably how he feels, but 10 times more stress."

"But see, there's the thing. He doesn't have anxiety like me, he wasn't torn to pieces by his ex. I've been through a lot to get to where I am today mentally, but the anxiety is still there. I still have small attacks that I haven't told anyone about. Even he doesn't know, Cam. As far as he knows, I'm just fine, and the therapy 'fixed' me. But it didn't completely. I'm better than I used to be, and the attacks aren't near as bad as they were, but I'm still dying on the inside. Every time someone talks to me it's like-"

He cuts me off. "I had no idea about any of this, Emma. But he needs to know. I don't know all the details, but you need to tell him. He deserves it."

"I'm sorry for all the venting and everything, I guess I just don't know what to do with myself."

"It's okay, don't worry. Emma, I need you to know that I'm here for you, and if your friends aren't going to be there for you then I will. That is, if you want me to be," he grabs both of my hands and squeezes them.

"Thanks, Cam. I needed that."

"No problem," he says, then leans in and plants his lips on mine suddenly. I instinctively kiss him back, mostly because I've been lacking affection lately. We're making out and then...

 
Reality hits me like a brick, and I immediately pull away as what just happened sinks in. I put my head in my hands. "Oh my God," I mutter quietly as I bite my lip and start to stand up and walk towards the door before he sees me cry. All I can hear is my heartbeat, and my palms are sweaty as hell.

How am I supposed to tell Shawn about this? This is a big deal. I just made out with someone. And it wasn't him. It was his best friend.

a/n
 
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS WE GOT 10K
 
i am so extremely grateful for all of you who read this story. you may not think so, but each and every one of you have helped me get here and i love you all. thank you so much 😩😭❤️
 
but that scene at the end... who saw it coming? anyone?
 
this is where the storyline starts to pick up, so there won't be as many fillers!
 
btw i read all comments and i love reading them!
 
i love you all so much! thanks for reading, voting, and commenting!
 
em 💘