Author's note: hey guys, not long left to go with this story now, I've probably got about ten more chapters left to write if I stick to my plan, but that's a big 'if'. I'm still debating about a part two which would involve Ragnarok and IW (eek I know), so let me know what you think in the comments! I hope you enjoy this chapter (once again this gif has little to no relevance to this story but he's such a bean and I wanted to share my uwu feels).

...

A small crowd had gathered around the steps you and Loki were stood on. As the SHIELD guards and agents dispersed and disappeared back inside the headquarters, all attention was on you and Loki.

"Come on." you muttered, wishing to avoid all of the phones and cameras which were being pointed in your direction, taking hold of his arm and tugging him away down the street. Once you were away from all of the attention you were able to cast illusions unnoticed, taking on the appearances of a couple you passed going in the opposite direction, and soon you were lost in the throng of people going about their business on the streets of New York.

The walk back to the tower seemed to last an age. Your brain was working at a hundred miles an hour trying to process what Fury had just told the two of you, and Loki wasn't exactly being quiet with his thoughts. You were nervous; he was radiating a sort of quiet rage and hadn't spoken a word to you while you'd been walking, vocally or mentally. Originally you'd planned to ask why you weren't just teleporting back to the tower, but you could tell that he needed to let off some steam, so you followed him wordlessly.

When you finally arrived back at the tower Loki stopped you before you could go inside.

"I need to leave." he told you. You saw through the illusion to his face, and then through his facial expression to his emotions. Past the anger and the annoyance and straight to the fear.

I'll come with you.

No.

You sighed in exasperation.

"I can't just let you-"

"Let me! Why does everyone here think I'm some sort of prisoner? I can leave whenever I please!"

You faltered, taken aback by the outburst.

"Loki, that's not-"

"Don't follow me."

You reached out to stop him, but froze when you heard the thought which passed through his subconscious before you could grab him.

And then he was gone.

...

"So where is he now?"

"Still at SHIELD. He'll be back later."

You were lying to your friends for him, figuring that if Tony found out that Loki had gone off-piste, Fury would also find out and perhaps then he would not be as 'generous' with his terms. Tony, Thor and Nat were sat around you on a sofa in the living room and you'd just told them about what had happened at the headquarters. Most of it, anyway.

"How did he take being blackmailed? Badly, I assume." Thor asked, and you smiled wearily.

"Fury told him that he had to stay at SHIELD while he was working for them too."

There was a profound silence.

"I'll make sure he stays here kid. It's a bad idea to have him over there anyway." Tony told you after a pause, patting your hand and standing up. You were suddenly overcome with the almost overwhelming urge to cry, made worse when you tried to thank him through your mind rather than saying it out loud.

"Thanks." you said, your voice sounding oddly constricted. Nat gave your arm a squeeze and then stood and followed Tony from the room, leaving you with Thor.

"He's not at SHIELD, is he?" Thor asked you when they were out of earshot, and you shook your head mutely, blinking back tears.

"I may have to go and look for him."

"No, you shouldn't. He was so angry, that'll only end badly." you said. Thor nodded.

"Lady Y/N, Loki may be my brother, but if he has or is going to hurt you in any way..."

"Thor, stop." you insisted, a sad smile creeping its way on to your face.

"I'm just saying. I consider you one of my closest friends and I like to make sure my friends are okay." he told you firmly, as if that settled the matter. Now you felt tearful again; you placed one of your hands atop of one of Thor's massive hands and smiled at him in gratitude.

"You should go and get some rest; you've had a trying morning." he told you and you agreed, retiring to your bedroom. The minute you sat down on your bed you wished you'd stayed in Thor's company.

It's her fault.

Loki hadn't meant for you to hear it, that you were sure of, but had he really meant it? Sure, he'd been angry, really angry, but how was it your fault that he was being blackmailed? It hurt more because you didn't understand. And now he was gone, off doing who knew what who knew where while you got to sit here and worry, trying to ignore the tugging feeling in your chest which was really starting to annoy you. The whole soulmates thing was all very well, but was it really necessary to have this awful feeling every time you weren't in the same room as Loki? You hoped it would ease off as you spent more time apart, which you undoubtedly would be doing now that Loki had a job. The thought only made you sadder.

You fell asleep thinking horrible thoughts about SHIELD, involving what Fury might have meant when he'd said there had been worse ideas about getting Loki to accept their 'offer', involving you and Thor.

You slept fretfully, waking yourself up during a particularly horrible dream only a few hours later. Loki still wasn't back. The rest of the day passed slowly; you trained with Nat and then ate lunch, reassuring Thor every ten minutes that you were sure Loki was fine and that he didn't need to go looking for him. In reality, you weren't sure. The others thought you were just worried because you'd left him at the headquarters, which gave you an excuse to mope around all day.

At about six pm you gave up, telling everyone that you were tired even though you'd never been less tired in your life, disappearing to your room to try and distract yourself. Nothing worked, and you became increasingly annoyed at Loki. He knew you'd be worrying and it had been hours now, why wasn't he back?

It's her fault.

You had a shower, then sat and tried to read a book but only succeeded in staring at the same sentence for what felt like an age. After a while a recklessness overtook you: Loki was being stupid; why couldn't you be too? Ignoring everything he had told you about teleportation being extremely advanced and dangerous magic, you stood up and closed your eyes, concentrating hard on everything Loki had told you about it, picturing your destination: the roof.

Nothing happened. You weren't surprised, but quickly became annoyed. Focusing harder you tried to block all other thoughts from your mind but it was so hard when you felt this anxious, what if...?

You gasped as a violent jolt of pain lanced through your head, temporarily rendering you blind, and then you were on your knees and blood was pouring from your nose. Clapping your hands to your face you got slowly to your feet, wincing at the remaining pain in your head and staggered to the bathroom in annoyance.

When the bleeding had subsided, you made your way to the roof via the stairs rather than your extremely limited teleportation skills. The sunsets from the roof of the tower never failed to disappoint, and tonight was no exception; you just wished you could enjoy the view without the worry which was now firmly settled in your chest. Loki had been gone for almost ten hours, and while you knew nothing awful had happened you'd rather know categorically that he was safe.

The sun went down and darkness began to close in, accompanied by a dramatic decrease in temperature. You were however reluctant to return back downstairs to your bedroom, where your mind would be stuck back in a torturous loop.

It's her fault.

You drew your knees up to your chest and wrapped your arms around your legs, resting your chin on your knees with a sigh. Up here it was easier to let your mind wander away from those thoughts and not think of anything at all.

You must have only been sat up on the bench on the roof for half an hour when all of a sudden the tightness in your chest disappeared, and you could hardly remember what had been so wrong. Loki was back downstairs, safe. Relief, sweet relief, and then anger. Rigid, belligerent anger. He was a fool if he thought you would be okay with him after disappearing for a whole day like that. If you'd been calmer you would have recognized the odd feeling in your stomach to be regret. Loki's regret.

Y/N?

I'm on the roof.

He was behind you in an instant. For a while he stood still, sensing your anger, before coming to sit next to you on the bench. You didn't move. He didn't speak, but you could sense him trying to find the right words. Now you felt his regret.

"I'm sorry."

You simply nodded, keeping your eyes fixed on the horizon.

"I needed to get away, I felt so... it was-"

"You were gone ten hours Loki-"

"I know. I'm sorry."

You dropped your feet back to the floor and turned to look at him.

"It's not..." you trailed off as you caught sight of him, feeling as though you'd been smacked across the face. Loki was avoiding your gaze, concentrating on something on the floor about four feet to your left and closing his eyes as you looked at him.

His hair... where before it had fallen down past his shoulders to reach his shoulder blades, now it barely reached the nape of his neck. It looked as though it had been cut off roughly with a knife.

"What did you do?" you breathed, temporarily forgetting that you were angry with him.

I would've thought that was fairly obvious.

You stared for a few more seconds, trying not to feel too distraught, before snapping out of it.

"Why would you... I mean, can't you grow it back?" you asked.

Why would I grow it back when I just cut it off?

Don't you want it back?

No.

I do.

You hadn't meant for him to hear that last bit.

"I thought you could make it look better." he told you, still avoiding your gaze. You couldn't be angry with him anymore; as much as you wanted to be, you wanted him to feel better more.

Sliding across the bench towards him, you reached a hand out to run your fingers through the uneven ends of his hair at the base of his neck. Loki exhaled and leaned into your touch, his eyes closed, a small frown appearing on his face. He was tired. You didn't know if you wanted to find out where he'd been and what he'd been doing for the ten hours he had been gone for. Suddenly you remembered what had flashed through Loki's mind before he'd left this morning.

It's her fault.

He must've heard you think this because his eyes immediately flew open in horror. You withdrew your hand but he grabbed on to it, shaking his head.

"Y/N-"

"Do you really think that it's my fault that they blackmailed you?" you asked him sadly.

Listen to me. It is your fault. If not for you I would have been out of here months ago.

A feeling of dread descended over you, turning your blood cold. You tried to pull your hand away from Loki's but he held on to it firmly.

It is your fault. But I wouldn't have it any other way. You're the only reason I'm staying here and you know that; if I had escaped months ago I'd probably be dead by now.

Here you both thought of Thanos, and then you were hugging Loki tightly, your face pressed into the space between his neck and shoulder.

I'm sorry you heard that and misinterpreted it. I shouldn't have left.

No, you shouldn't have. Don't do it again or next time I'll have to actually stay mad at you.

Only if you don't try and teleport when I'm not here. Ever again.

You drew back from his embrace slightly, feeling guilt and annoyance in equal measures.

"Disappearing for a whole day and reading my mind without letting me know? You're treading on thin ice." you told him, only half joking.

"Promise me." Loki demanded, looking at you seriously.

"Yes, fine." you muttered, meeting his gaze. He reached up and pushed a strand of hair behind your ear and you smiled, reminded of that night on Asgard. You mirrored his action, shaking your head at his new haircut.

"Let's go downstairs, I have to sort your hair out."