I burst into the small apartment in a panicked rush, already guessing what I'd find on the other side, but praying to every higher power I can think of that this isn't happening, that I'm not about to lose the most important thing in my life.

Darkness greets me at the door, followed by a shattering silence, except of course my erratic or slightly bordering hyperventilation as it could be called, breathing.

"Soo? Baby?" I call out, my voice holding a wobbly existence "Kyungsoo? Are you here, sweetie?"

I slide my abruptly extremely heavy feet across the hard wooden floor, making sure to take my shoes off first. Soo always hates it when I walk into the apartment with my shoes still on. I reach the light switch on the far wall, my hand trembling from the short distance of my coat pocket to the small switch.

I flick the light on, wincing at the sudden blinding light, but don't dare to close my eyes, letting myself be delusional for a second believing that even a blink would make this nightmare suddenly become a reality.

The room is the same as it always is, decorated in our minimal furniture that Kyungsoo and I managed to obtain over the years either from friends and family giving away things they didn't want or simply lucking out at a random garage sale. Everything looks the same, but yet somehow, it's different, somehow it feels so empty now.

I observe the room carefully, starting with the tv stand/bookshelf where Kyungsoo always keeps his cook books and school books, to the small couch lining one of the walls where Kyungsoo usually naps on lazy afternoons, then the little coffee table Kyungsoo just had to have once his eyes landed on it at a flea market. Nothing seems out of place, nothing seems wrong, but I can feel it. I can feel how everything in this very moment is wrong.

I move down the narrow hallway to our bedroom, and push the door open lightly, flicking on the light quickly, and taking in the full sized bed, still precisely made. My sweatpants are set out on the bed like always, after I come home in the evenings, ready for me to wear and relax. My eyes wonder to our closet, and my stomach churns, not knowing if I could handle to see it half empty.

I let myself feed into another delusion, that all of Kyungsoo's cloths are still tucked away inside that closet, clean and organized as always. I turn back around and close the door, not being able to deal with all of the emotions that once familiar room is bringing up. Walking down the hall, I have to hold myself up with the wall, stumbling like some drunken loser walking home after an all nighter, and feeling a storm in my stomach brew, helping with that image.

I finally make it to the kitchen, not even bothering to check over this room, I know it will be just as perfect as the rest. It always is. The little red toaster will still be in the corner of the counter, the round table in the middle of the room will still have the salt and pepper shakers placed in the center, and the small fridge will still be covered with pictures of Kyungsoo and me, taken over the two years we've lived here. That's just Kyungsoo, always organized, always perfect, it's one of the reasons I love him so much.

I grab a water out of the small fridge, and force my feet to take me back into the living room where I collapse onto the couch, feeling numb and shattered all at the same time.

The ceiling stares back at me, as I slowly start to count every dust particle I can find, dust particles that Kyungsoo asked me to clean so many times because he wasn't tall enough to reach. I groan and roll over, suddenly very resentful towards those dust particles, choosing to stare at the blank TV screen instead.

A couple of minutes pass in this deafening silence, that has surrounded me since i entered our apartment. I'm about to actually switch on the tv, when something shiny catches my eye. I'm off the couch and bounding across the room in record time, but am quickly brought to my knees by what I find.

On our Tv stand/ bookshelf, lies my latest issue of dance weekly, and on top of that lies a piece of paper that has bold, large letters written across it stating: "Eviction Notice", and placed neatly on top of the paper lies a ring, Kyungsoo's engagement ring.

Silver, with the initials KJ engraved inside the band. It's simple but, at the time it's all I could afford, and after Kyungsoo assured me nearly a million times I finally believed that he really loved it. I knew even back then though it wasn't the ring he loved, it was me, but sometimes love isn't the only thing that's needed to keep two people together. Sometimes, it's about trust, and being able to rely on the other person.

Kyungsoo put his trust in me. He thought he could rely on me. But time and time again I proved him wrong for doing so. There's only so much a person can take of trying to make things work, of trying to be strong, before they break. None of my efforts mattered in the end. I let the only person who mattered to me more than myself down and I honestly don't deserve his love, and I never really did.

Kyungsoo made this crappy apartment a home, Kyungsoo gave me everything and asked for little in return, and Kyungsoo believed in me, probably still does, but what did I do for him?

My head lowers in shame, realizing that this is how it should be, this is what I deserve. I was never good enough for Do Kyungsoo, and this is just the universe catching up to make things right, taking away something I was never meant to have.

But no matter how many times I repeat these things over and over again inside my head, I can't seem to push down the excruciating pain, tearing my heart to shreds.

Come back. Don't leave me.

>>>>>

My Chickens!!

So, i was going through my drafts, and i find this little gem, waiting to be published and do some damage on my fellow, KaiSoo addicts... i wish i could apologize for the feels, but... i really can't seem to find it in me to be sorry about how beautifully painful this little random drabble is.

P.S. don't hate me, my darlings!!

~M~