Monday, 4th August.

A D D I E

Margo was reading to me. I could hear her voice wrapping around the words of a novel that was so familiar to me, yet, I couldn't think of what the name was. No matter though, it was soothing, listening to her melodic voice while I drifted in and out of sleep. I'd missed this. Missed her.

It occurred to me then, that I missed her because. . . well, she wasn't with me anymore. Margo is dead.

Her voice began to change. It became softer, less hoarse, higher. The words were the same but the voice was no longer hers. I blinked awake and let my head roll to the side where I saw Willa sitting beside my bed, a book in her hands, her mouth moving with fluent precision while she read to me.

I didn't interrupt her, I smiled. She was here. Willa was here and she was reading to me.

So I was in no rush to stop her. The fact that she was comfortably reading aloud despite the fact that I was sleeping, well that was beautiful. I wondered how long I'd been asleep for.

After the doctor had assured me that I had no serious injuries and my head just needed a stitch and a few surface abrasions on my arms and legs needed bandaging, I was free to come home. Of course, there was that other piece of information that the doctor told me about. The one that put my stomach in my throat and I now struggled to keep up the denial that I'd held so firm in place for the last month.

"Oh," Willa glanced up and smiled. "You're awake. Hello."

"Hey sweetie," I reached out and took her hand. The love that I had for her in the short time that I'd known her was overwhelming. Although, she had been in my heart from the moment that she was born. "That was beautiful. What were you reading?"

"To All The Boys I've Loved Before."

"I love that one."

She grinned and a movement in my peripheral caught my attention. Zac was on the window seat with his elbows on his knees. He was drier now, in a fresh t-shirt and jeans. He smiled at me and rested his clasped hands in front of his chin.

"How long was I napping?"

"Just a couple of hours," he said.

"Where are Raine and Milo?" I asked, looking at Willa again who was patiently sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest and a soft smile.

"Raine is at work. Milo is at home waiting for me to drop Willa off. I told him that I would after you'd woken up."

I nodded and sat up a little bit, feeling grateful that Milo had left Willa here in the first place. This was progress. This meant that he wasn't going to shut me out and I was more relieved than I could describe to know that we could continue getting to know each other. Zac stood up and came to the bed side.

"Feeling alright?"

"Yeah," I smiled and watched his face, retaining the soft concern to memory, wondering how much would change soon. "Just a sore head I suppose. It would have been a lot worse if you hadn't been there. Thank you. For helping me."

"You wouldn't have been out there if it weren't for me."

While the argument had persuaded my impromptu walk along the river trail, it wasn't his fault that I'd followed the sound of a distressed meow and tried to save a cat from an impossible situation. That was on me and my giant pride which wouldn't allow me to go home and ask for help.

"Is the cat alright?" I asked, veering from the chance of an in-depth discussion about our relationship in front of Willa. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

Zac blew out a breath and shrugged his shoulders. "No idea. Hallie was helping it. I haven't asked for an update but Cain has sent a few text messages to ask how you are. He was a big help too."

"I'll have to thank him tomorrow."

He leaned down and kissed my cheek, his breath fanning below my ear and sending a shiver straight down my spine. "I'm just glad you're home."

Home. It was strange. For the most part, home would refer to Beverly Hills. To a life that seemed so far from this one. But home in regards to the farm sounded right too. It sounded so natural that I wondered if it were possible to call more than one place home.

Because from the moment that I'd arrived here, this town, these people, this farm, it made me wonder if perhaps, it were meant for me. This life. I'd never fit somewhere so well and as much as that scared me, it excited me more.

"I was thinking," Willa closed the book and gave me a no nonsense stare down. "You should have some swimming lessons. Because I really like to swim and we can't go swimming together if you're just going to drown."

I laughed and it made my temple throb a little bit.

"Not a bad idea, Will," Zac said, leaning with both palms on the mattress beside me. "How about I give her some lessons?"

"She should have professional ones."

"Hey," he feigned offence. "I can swim just fine. I was the one that saved her this morning."

"Hmm," she narrowed her stare. "I guess that is true. Alright, you can teach her uncle Zac. You do have a big pool."

"Yeah," Zac looked at me as though something had occurred to him. "Which you swam in not that long ago?"

"I could touch the bottom of the shallow end. Plus, I can like swim enough to wade around. I'm just not a strong swimmer."

"You grew up in California."

I didn't respond to that. As usual, the fact that I continuously sat on the sidelines and chose to read or observe had put me at a disadvantage.

"Swimming is good for weight loss too," Willa said and I blinked at her, not sure if I should be offended or not.

"Calvin Bert said I have chunky thighs."

"Excuse me?" Zac stood up straight. "Who the hell is Calvin? And where can I find him?"

"Will," I said. "Please tell me you're not trying to lose weight."

"If he says anything like that again," Zac was on the cusp of shouting. "Put him in a choker hold with your thighs. Put him straight to sleep. And then hold position just a bit longer to finish the job—"

"Uh," I grabbed his hand and winced. "Maybe not. But seriously, us Bianchi girls do have strong legs. We can land a decent kick. Aim for the knee cap."

"Yeah," Zac pointed at me. "Do that."

"Or don't," I said again, suddenly worried that my advice would get me into more trouble. "Will, you don't really want to lose weight right? You're perfect. This kid sounds like an idiot."

Zac folded his arms. "Maybe he likes you."

"No," I snapped. "No. If he liked you, he wouldn't be an asshat. And if that's how he treats the girl he likes, he's not worth the time."

Zac turned a dark red. "That's a good point. Don't listen to me."

Willa stared between the two of us. "You two are silly. I don't think I'm fat. I was just sayin, that's what I've heard about swimming. And Calvin did call me chunky but his reading comprehension is like two grades below the rest of us, so he's not real smart."

I sighed with relief. Society these days, it scared the hell out of me. Impossible to meet standards were plastered everywhere and they were more accessible now than ever. Young girls could literally not escape the constant feed of photoshopped images, models, brands promoting clothing on airbrushed, stick thin girls. It scared me. I never wanted Willa to doubt her beauty.

"You're both a little bit violent," Willa tsked, like an exasperated parent. She was so cute.

Zac took Willa home and she seemed excited at the prospect of being able to see me again soon. Soon couldn't come fast enough. I couldn't wait to spend some more time with her, finding common interests, sharing favourite books, watching movies together. I could just imagine us having a sleepover, snuggled in a fort while we watched the dire struggle of Elizabeth Bennett's heart and head.

Sleepovers might have been getting a little bit ahead of myself. So far, she'd been allowed to sit beside me in a room while I slept, but still, progress. We'd get there. I hoped. It was probably unfair that I treated Zac so poorly over his interference.

As it turned out, he'd made a difference. His words had helped. But the fear that he could make Milo angrier by confronting him, boiled my blood at the time. It could have gone the other way. Milo could have dug his heel in harder and that terrified me.

Alas, so far, so good.

I slipped out of bed and dug through my plastic bag of belongings that I'd been sent home with. Wet clothes, some pain relief, a sheet of paper which held my positive pregnancy results, due date and how far along I currently was.

The sheet trembled in my hand and the words blurred, moving across the white paper, turning into a cluster of letters that were life changing.

It had caught up with me. Something I knew to be possible but was running from as if I could hide from my own body. No. This was my truth. One that I couldn't escape. One that I finally had to face now that it had been confirmed. I sank to my knees and tried to breathe. But suddenly, breathing felt like more effort than it was worth.

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Hey fam ! Thanks so much for reading this new book of mine. I've seriously appreciated all the lovely feedback and comments.
I read them all after every chapter. They're the best ! I'll post the next chapter in the morning! My morning. It's 10pm right now ! Haha. Love you all !