meanstreak
rick grimes 𝘹 fem!𝘰𝘤
© WANDARYEN ──── 2024

"T-Dog, Glenn, and Shane just got back from taking Steven's body away from the farm." Rick sat down on my bed beside me — ironically putting us in the same position we were when he caught Steven abusing me. "They're out there right now cleaning up, making sure nothing is left behind that could potentially attract walkers."

I stared blankly at my bedroom floor while my pointer finger occasionally picked at a small piece of cuticle on my thumb.

"You okay?" Rick carefully placed a hand on my shoulder.

"My father started drinking again before quitting an hour later, only to go back to drink and quit 30 minutes later. All within ten hours." I slowly began shaking my head. "Having to tell him that my fiance was abusing me in his own home was the worst thing I've had to endure — far worse than the physical abuse."

Rick breathed heavily through his nose. "You can't blame yourself."

"How many people have you killed?" I finally brought my gaze towards Rick as he shifted uncomfortably on the bed. "I'm a sheriff — what I've had to do doesn't count."

"After that life," I pressed, "the person you are now — how many people have you killed?"

He lowered his head and his arms draped across his thighs. He was hunched forward, mentally processing my question before shaking his head and meeting my stare. "No. No. I won't tell you that because I'm not going to let you sit here and feel ashamed for defending yourself. You absolutely did what you had to do — that's how you survive — that's how we all survive."

I fixated my look on his shirt — the same shirt that carried all my tears right back to the house. "How did you know I was out there?" My gaze flickered back up towards his own. "Steven intentionally brought me away from the house so nobody could hear — how did you know?"

"Cause' Shane told me." He began observing his own hands as both of his thumbs brushed against one another.

I allowed the silence between us to fill the void. I automatically assumed Shane left me for dead — ignoring the obvious tension Steven always managed to produce when around other people. He was intentionally an asshole to everyone.

Rick chuckled under his breath and I was forced to peel myself away from my own thoughts and look at him again. "Lori and I broke up an hour after. I guess you would call it a divorce." My eyebrows furrowed with confusion, unsettling thoughts occurring to me but he shook his head, dismissing anything I was attempting to say. "Yeah, it's been a long time coming."

"Why?" I whispered carefully, afraid of triggering any sadness but he seemed at peace with the idea. "She's pregnant — "

"It's not mine." He tugged his lower lip in between his teeth and his gaze faltered towards the ground. "She—she had an affair with my best friend. Granted, she thought I was dead — guess I could've forgiven her and maybe I do but — " he raised his hand and dragged it slowly across his face. "Our time together ended before the world did. We were just — too stubborn to do anything about it."

I carefully watched him stand up from the bed and slowly stride across the room, peering out my bedroom window with his hands resting on his hips. "I'm going to do what's right by taking care of her. Shane doesn't know, he doesn't — "

I quickly pushed myself off my bed and wandered towards him. Truthfully I wasn't sure what to say or even begin to understand how to comfort a man losing his wife. "Didn't think divorce was possible during an epidemic. This sort of thing, you just keep — " he thrusted his hand outwards while keeping his gaze glued to the window. "I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to get through this."

"You won't go through it alone," I responded softly while resting a reassuring hand over his shoulder. "I guess it's like learning how to walk or riding a bike — you take it day by day." Rick turned to look at me and I fixed my eyes on the scenery outside. "I'm not sure how I'm going to move past Steven but — I know I need to try."

I stood between Dale and Maggie, Lori was kneeling on the ground at a small fire-pit that was burning, looking towards Rick. "So, what are you gonna do? We'd all feel better if we knew the plan."

Andrea shifted on her feet, moving from behind Lori and standing beside Glenn. "Is there a plan? We gonna keep him here?" The blonde asked.

Rick stood beside Shane who had his head bowed and his thumbs through the loop of his jeans. I glanced over at Shane before letting my sight wander towards Rick. "We'll know soon enough." He then nodded in the direction Daryl was now coming from with his crossbow over his shoulder.

"Boy there's got a gang — 30 men. They have heavy artillery and they ain't looking to make friends. They roll through here, our boys are dead—" Daryl looked around and eyed the women, shifting on his feet. "And our women, they're gonna—, they're gonna wish they were."

My stomach clenched at the thought, or perhaps more so the idea of what would actually happen. I looked over at my sister whose focus was trained on Glenn.

"What did you do?" Carol's small voice picked up. "Had a little chat." Carol eyed Daryl before turning away past Maggie.

"No one goes near this guy." Rick ordered.

Lori got up from the ground, dusting her hands off into her jeans and walking over to Rick. "What are you going to do?" He looked down at the woman, placing his hands on his hips before glancing towards mine and Dale's direction. "We have no choice. He's a threat. We have to eliminate the threat."

Dale's eyebrows furrowed, "you're just gonna kill him?"

Rick nodded, "it's settled. I'll do it today." He then turned away from the camp-sight, not sharing another word with the group. I shook my head and touched Dale's arm as we followed after Rick.

"You can't do this," Dale begged. "You don't wanna do this. I know you don't."

I quickened my pace to where I was beside Rick. "I think we should process this." I stated calmly, looking over at Dale who nodded in agreement. "Let's just talk this through. We just saved this guy's life only to bring him back and kill him?"

"You didn't seem too worried about leaving him there," Rick raised an eyebrow in my direction and I paused my movements — acknowledging his attempt to reel me back to my original thought.

"But you can't just decide on your own to take someone's life!" Dale protested.

"The group seemed supportive." Rick glanced over at me —  my gaze already lingering over him as my eyebrows twitched together to push the conversation further rather than brushing it off.

"What, because they didn't speak back? You didn't let 'em!" Dale stepped in front of Rick, the three of us now standing in a circle. "There's gotta be a — a process." Rick placed his hands on his hips, looking around the area, trying to understand Dale's choice. "And what would that be? We can't call witnesses, go before a judge." Dale put the strap of his sniper over his shoulder, leaning his head to the side to meet Rick's gaze. "So he's automatically guilty by association and sentenced to death? He's just a kid!"

Rick turned to me. "And how do you feel about this, Sienna? This is your home."

I shook my head, looking back at the group far behind us; squinting through the sun before placing my hands on my hips. "I want what's best for my sisters. They're my biggest priority here. I don't want anyone harming them but I don't believe we should just kill him. I say we get him off this farm and send him as far away as possible."

He carefully assessed my opinion before challenging it afterwards. "But what if he comes back with his men? What if they easily stumble upon this place, say, maybe in weeks? When we least expect it?"

"I understand you want to look at our options and at the different scenarios, but we only kill the dead."

Rick reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose, one hand resting on his hip. "We only kill the dead until it comes to our lives being at risk. And I count the other night being as one of them! You, Glenn, or your father could've been hurt or killed. He was a part of it! How could you easily forgive a man for shooting at you and trying to kill you?"

"This has nothing to do with forgiveness! I'm not forgiving the man, Rick. I just want him away from my family!" My chest was rising and falling at a faster pace, the anger quickly building up inside me.

Dale held his hands up between Rick and I — silently forcing us to take a step back. Rick turned away to take a deep breath in the process. The older man turned to him with a gentler approach. "Give me some time to talk to everyone—"

Rick shook his head, "we can't—,"

"--- try to figure out another way-"

"No, we can't drag this out! People are scared." Rick argued, looking between Dale and I.

"Which is why they need time to discuss this!" Dale looked over at me but I only shrugged. At this point I was exhausted. We were all going to share different opinions on the situation no matter what; and even then, some may not even voice it.

Rick turned around and began walking away. "No, they need to be safe. I owe them that."

"You think about your son!" Dale stopped, pointing at Rick until he stopped in his tracks. "The message that you're giving him—, shoot first, think later. I'm asking for one day to talk to everybody. You can give me that. Think—think about Carl."

"I am," he sighed. "We reconvene at sunset, then what happens; happens."

When Rick walked away, Dale turned to me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Tell me Sienna, what are you thinking?"

I closed my eyes briefly and shook my head before reopening them to look at him. "I just want my family safe. I'll do what it takes to make sure of it." Dale looked at me, slowly nodding his head before walking away.

Several hours later Rick pulled us all together in the main living room of the house to talk about the fate of the boy in the barn.

Dale spent the time he had going around and convincing the others that there had to be another chance. I was unaware of how well it turned out, standing beside my sister with my arms crossed over my chest. My eyes shifted between the lingering bodies that waited for Rick to begin.

Dale sighed from the front of the group, fumbling with his hat. "So that's it? We're just going to take a vote?"

"Well, let's—let's just see where everybody stands, then we can talk through the options." Rick spoke up with a sigh.

Shane leaned back against the fireplace in the living room, his hands on his waist. "Well, where I sit, there's only one way to move forward."

Dale looked over at Shane angrily. "Killing him, right? I mean, why even bother to even take a vote? It's clear which way the wind's blowing."

"Well, if people believe we should spare him, I wanna know." Rick leaned against the chair, looking over towards Dale. But his eyes fell on mine instead, but all I could do was shake my head silently.

"Well, I can tell you it's a small group—maybe just me and Glenn. Possibly Sienna if she hasn't changed her mind."

Glenn was sitting in a chair in a corner beside Rick, his elbows on his thighs as he glanced around. "Look, I—I think you're pretty much right about everything, all the time, but this—" Dale stopped him, opening his arms wide while he faced Glenn. "They've got you scared!" Glenn shook his head, holding his hand out in the direction the barn is outside. "He's not one of us. And we've—we've lost too many people already."

Dale turned away from Glenn, quickly looking at Maggie. "How about you? Do you agree with any of this?"

Her arms were crossed over her chest, standing next to our father as he sat on the small love-seat couch in silence. "Couldn't we continue keeping him prisoner?" She directed towards Rick.

"Just another mouth to feed." Daryl spoke in a hush tone from behind Rick.

"Well, he could be an asset. Give him a chance to prove himself!"

"Put him to work?" Glenn suggested, but Rick shot him down. "We're not letting him walk around."

"We could put an escort on him." Maggie slightly shrugged from beside me.

Shane snickered at her suggestion, shaking his head. "Who wants to volunteer for that duty?"

"I would," Dale quickly agreed.

I was beginning to grow dizzy watching the ping-pong match happen in the living room. Everyone was talking over one another — never letting the previous person finish their sentence and it was like Dale trying to defend himself.

"I don't think any of us should be walking around with this guy." Rick denied, holding his hand up in defense. Lori from behind agreed, leaning against the doorway behind him. "He's right. I wouldn't feel safe unless he was tied up."

Shane leaned away from the fireplace, "Look, say we let him join us, right? Maybe he's helpful, maybe he's nice. We let our guard down and maybe he runs off — brings back his 30 men."

Dale snapped his head towards Shane's direction, more anger fueling inside of him as he tried to defend Randall and his reason for living. "So the answer is to kill him to prevent a crime that he may never even attempt?! If we do this, we're saying there's no hope. Rule of law is dead. There is no civilization." Shane shook his head and looked away, mumbling a silent 'oh my god' as he held his head in his hand against the fireplace.

"Is there any way you can drive him further out?" I finally asked, almost releasing a sigh as Rick turned in my direction. "You don't have to leave him in a specific location. Just— pull off on the side of the road. Give him little food, water, and a knife. A chance to save himself then he can be on his way. Granted he has one leg to spare but that isn't our problem but we would still be giving him a chance."

"They barely came back this time." Lori stood up straight, moving from behind Rick to face me. "There are walkers. You could break down. Y—you could get lost. Or get ambushed."

I exhaled heavily, understanding her worries and concerns, but nevertheless pushed the option further. "That could happen at any time. You go off to look for food or weapons — those things could also happen. Whether it's dealing with Randall or not." I reached up and tiredly rubbed my forehead. "All these possibilities could happen at any moment. Point being, I just want him off my fathers farm."

"If you go through with it, how would you do it? Would he suffer?" Patricia piped up from beside Maggie and T-Dog.

"We could hang him, right? Just snap his neck." Shane suggested and Rick nodded, letting out a sigh. "I thought about that. Shooting may be more humane."

Dale waved his hand around to stop them, "hold on! Hold on! You're talking about this like it's already decided."

Daryl shrugged and spoke up from behind Rick while lifting his finger and moving it around in a circle motion, "You've been talking all day, going around in circles. You just wanna go around in circles again?"

"This is a young man's life, and it is worth more than a five-minute conversation! Is this what it's come to? We kill someone because we can't decide what else to do with him? You saved him and now look at us. He's been tortured. He's gonna be executed. How are we any better than those people that we're so afraid of?" Dale wasn't backing down, he was still looking for a fighting chance that could save this kid's life, but no one wanted Randall here any longer when they didn't feel safe.

Nobody's mind was going to change. I even felt the frustration rising inside me. I wanted him away from my home. Killing him wasn't my first idea nor was it ever going to cross my mind. But the possibilities of what may or could happen, are endless.

"We all know what needs to be done." Shane spoke softly, but Rick stepped in, shaking his head in disagreement. "No, Dale is right. We can't leave any stone unturned here. We have a responsibility—"

"We haven't come up with a single viable option yet. I wish we could." Andrea spoke.

"So let's work on it!" Dale shouted, until Carol turned, holding her hands up to silence everyone. "Stop it! Just stop it. I'm sick of everybody arguing and fighting. I didn't ask for this. You can't ask us to decide something like this. Please decide, either of you, both of you—but leave me out."

Dale held up his finger at Carol, "Not speaking out or killing him yourself—" He then shook his head. "There's no difference."

Carol's face dropped as she leaned back against the door until Rick held up his hands in defense to end things. "All right, that's enough. Anybody who wants the floor before we make a final decision has the chance."

It fell silent. Both Maggie and Patricia sat down on the couch with Hershel. I inhaled slowly, shaking my head before looking away from the group, glancing out the window and towards the barn.

"You once said that we don't kill the living." Dale spoke.

"Well, that was before the living tried to kill us."

"But don't you see? If we do this, the people that we were—the world that we knew is dead. And this new world is ugly. It's harsh. It's—it's survival of the fittest. And that's a world I don't wanna live in, and I don't—I don't believe that any of you do. I can't. Please. Let's just do what's right." He paused, clutching his hat in his hands again. "Isn't there anybody else who's gonna stand with me?"

I felt sorry for him — I felt sorry for the whole group. That we had to even be put in this entire situation.

I looked down at my dad and chewed on my inner cheek, my stomach slowly turning before I shook my head quickly. "We can't kill him. We saved him, back in town. We spared his life. We can't just kill him."

Andrea nodded her head in agreement. "He's right. We should try to find another way."

When nobody else spoke, Dale shook his head with tear filled eyes full of disappointment and regrets. "Are y'all gonna watch, too? No, you'll go hide your heads in your tents and try to forget that we're slaughtering a human being. I won't be a party to it." Dale walked away from the group, stopping beside Daryl and placing his hand on his shoulder. "This group is broken." He then left, leaving us in silence.

Glenn came up to my door that was opened ajar, knocking on it gently as I turned to him. I gave him a small smile as he entered the room. "I almost regret us going into town." He took a seat beside me on the bed.

I nodded in agreement but then frowned. "If—If we would've handled the barn better and as a group, my father wouldn't have ran. And if we didn't stop to save Randall—" I paused, tilting my head back in annoyance. "Everything just went to shit."

Glenn folded his hands together on his lap and nodded. "I'm sorry."

I looked towards him and furrowed my eyebrows. "Sorry for what?"

He then pulled off his hat and ran his fingers through his short hair, glancing towards the window. "If we hadn't shown up, your family wouldn't be in this mess. You would have continued on with your lives being safe. Now it's been ruined."

I shook my head, "Glenn even if things took a turn for the worst; it's obvious there's a reason for you all being here. I'm grateful for that." I then smiled and looked over at Glenn, nudging him with my elbow. "Plus you wouldn't have met my sister if we all didn't come together. Let's just call it a blessing in disguise yeah?"

Glenn chuckled and fixed his cap back on his head, standing up from my bed and I followed. "Let's just get something to eat, I'm starved."

When we made our way to the camp outside, my hands tucked deep into my back pockets, Rick came walking into camp with Shane and Daryl behind him. "We're keeping him in custody for now."

I raised my eyebrows, almost in shock as Andrea jumped to her feet and smiled. "I'm gonna go tell Dale." She ran from the group and off towards the field. Glenn smiled a bit and turned to the fire pit as I made my way towards Rick, turning my back towards camp. "What made you change your mind?"

Rick slowly placed his hands on his waist as he watched Shane walk away from the group. "Dale — and you — our conversation from earlier."

I smiled a bit, now crossing my arms over my chest. "I'm glad you had a change of heart. But I'm also sorry if it moved you towards a direction you didn't want to go in. We both hold different opinions but just know — " I paused briefly and allowed my gaze to wander towards the house. "Everything I do is for the sake of my family."

"That's where we're similar," he agreed with a small nod. "I was flustered with Dale constantly hounding me to make a decision, but — "

Andrea's scream with a mixture of Dale's turned our attention away from one another abruptly.

I flinched at the sound, quickly turning away from Rick before all of us took off running. "What's happening?!" I shouted as I noticed Andrea waving her arms around, screaming for us to hurry.

"Andrea!?" Lori called out, the group reaching the woman as she was kneeling beside Dale, tears streaming down her face.

I stumbled, coming to a quick stop as I instinctively grabbed Rick's arm. "Dale," I gasped, seeing his stomach completely ripped open and a walker laying dead beside him. Rick moved from my grasp and quickly knelled down beside Dale as I turned to see my father and Maggie running up.

"He needs blood! We need to operate now!" Rick spoke up.

"What happened!?" My father came forward. "What can we do? Can we move him?!" Hershel shook his head, "he wouldn't make the trip."  Rick got up to his feet, "Alright, we'll do the surgery here. Let's go!" He was ready to take off towards the house for supplies, but Hershel grabbed his arm and stopped him. "No, Rick, he won't make it."

I looked up at my father and Rick, fresh tears rolling down my cheeks before I looked down at Dale. Andrea was soothing him with soft words, but I already knew he wasn't going to make it. There was no possible way he would.

"He's suffering," I choked. "We have to do something."

Rick pulled out his gun and I moved out of the way, reaching for my fathers hand and holding it tightly. He pointed the gun in Dale's direction, Andrea moving to the side just barely as she cried. Lori was holding onto Carl, telling him not to look as she held him close to her body.

I looked over towards Rick, the tears on my cheeks growing cold. I can see the hesitation he held as his hand began to shake before he lowered the gun. Daryl moved past my father and I, gently taking the gun from Rick's grasp. "I got it."

I swallowed thickly, turning away from the scene and looked up at my father as Daryl kneeled down beside him. "I'm sorry brother." He whispered to Dale before pulling the trigger and releasing a single bullet into him.