meanstreak
rick grimes 𝘹 fem!𝘰𝘤
© WANDARYEN ──── 2024

This was the first time any brutal incident caused me to react in a sickly manner. Head hovering over the toilet and my own hand holding back my hair while I threw up the recent events.

I never pegged myself as someone who was easily nauseous by a dead body. Granted, the smell was awful and the visuals weren't great but that was never enough to make me puke up my morning breakfast.

I gripped the sides of the toilet, my stomach squeezing and pulling to release everything inside my stomach. I prayed it was finally over so I could regroup with the others. They were waiting patiently in the next room after I dragged myself to the bathroom with a questionable feeling.

Once I finished, I flushed the toilet and stood in front of the sink. I turned the faucet on and washed my hands before wiping my mouth — collecting water into my palm to rinse the reminisce of my vomit out of my mouth.

I inhaled slowly through my nose, briefly closing my eyes to collect my thoughts and settle down all my high emotions.

Mentally, I started counting down the days until my next period — another indication as to why I was feeling so sick. Sometimes the cramps were unbearable and even if I didn't feel sick, the pressure in my stomach would cause me to throw up.

My eyes opened immediately. Staring back at myself in the reflection of the mirror — it suddenly occurred to me that I missed my period a month ago. I usually received it in the beginning of the month — at least the first or second weekend in.

Ever since the world ended it's become unstable and hard to keep track of, but it always made its monthly appearance no matter what.

I quickly brushed my palms against my jeans, a wave of anxiety suddenly creeping up on me.

I remembered the first week in Alexandria — the memories of Rick and I having sex flooding my mind. We were so careless.

My first instinct was to cry. What would any woman do when they believed they were pregnant? Maybe I was automatically assuming the worst without a clear conscience. Maybe there wasn't a reason to be scared. Maybe.

I couldn't tell Rick — not yet, at least. Not until I knew for sure.

I took one final deep breath and exited the bathroom, rejoining the others in the next where Paul had just returned at the same moment. "Dr. Crason was able to patch Gregory up. He is in pain, but he'll live."

I sat down in a chair beside Rick, his hand hovering over my shoulder which instantly brought me warmth.

We could be having a baby together.

"What are we doing now?" I asked. Paul sighed in defeat, "things like that don't usually happen here, but uh, it's settled."

"When are you going to tell us about Negan?" I reminded him from his friends mentioning the name out in the yard earlier before the fight. "Awhile back, Daryl and Abraham had a run in with his men," Rick spoke up from behind me. "Who is he?"

"Negan is the head of a group of people he calls the saviors," Paul explained. "As soon as the walls were built, the saviors showed up. They met with Gregory on behalf of their boss. They made a lot of demands, even more threats."

I got up from the chair now with my arms crossed over my chest, my fingers running across my bottom lip. "So, what, they're just a hassle? Or something more?"

Paul looked towards me and slowly nodded his head. "They killed one of us — Rory. He was 16 years old." My eyes met the floor immediately before I closed them briefly and sighed. "They beat him to death right in front of us. Said we needed to understand, right off the bat." When I looked up at Paul, he was keeping eye contact close with Rick. "Gregory's not exactly good at confrontation. He's not the leader I would've chosen, but he helped make this place what it is, and the people like him."

"He made the deal," my sister spoke up somewhere from behind me.

Paul nodded, "half of everything. Our supplies, our crops, our livestock, it goes to the saviors."

"And what do you get in return?" Glenn asked next.

"They don't attack this place, they don't kill us." Paul admitted.

I shook my head and dropped my hand from my mouth as I turned to face my husband just as he looked down at me. "Jesus Christ," I muttered under my breath. "He calls the shots and that's how they live."

"Why not just kill them?" Daryl suddenly shrugged as I turned back to look at the group. Paul turned to him, "most of the people here don't even know how to fight, even if we had ammo."

"Well how many people does Negan have?" Rick asked while taking a single step forward and standing beside me.

Paul shook his head, "we don't know. We've seen groups as big as 20."

"Now hold up," Daryl piped up. "So they show up, they kill a kid, and you give them half of everything? These dicks just got a good story. The bogeyman — he ain't shit."

"You have no choice — do you?" I looked at Paul, already knowing the answer but he nodded his head in silence.

From the corner, Abraham sat forward in his chair and folded his hands together. "A month ago, we took his guys out PDQ. Left them in pieces and puddles." Daryl slightly started to pace in front of the group before nodding. "Yeah, we'll do it. If we go get your man back, kill Negan, take out his boys; will you hook us up?" He tilted his head to the side and pointed towards Paul. "We want food, medicine, and one of them cows."

I nodded my head eagerly, "we help you, and you can return the favor in supplies."

"Confrontation's never been something we've had trouble with," Rick agreed.

Paul thought about it only for a split second as a small smile started to grow across his face. "I'll take it to Gregory." He was the first to walk out of the room then Rick and I followed as we walked out onto a balcony.

I pressed my palms against the railing and bit my bottom lip as Rick stood beside me. "They have food, we don't." He began to speak. "We don't have enough of anything. Except us."

I looked over my shoulder when I heard foot steps and saw Glenn and Maggie stepping out onto the balcony with us. "l

"This is the trade," Rick continued as I now leaned my back against the railing and crossed my arms over my chest. "Daryl said the people they ran into before, they were asking for all their stuff. Now Hilltop is giving almost everything too? Something is telling me that this isn't going to be an easy fight." I looked up at Rick nervously and he met my stare. "We can't just roll up to their front doors — we'll need a good plan."

"We'll make one," he promised while taking my hand in his. "We'll be ready."

When we were back to Alexandra and settled in with our new supplies and stock of food, we gathered half of the town together in the church to discuss the plans for Hilltop and Negan.

Maggie was able to get Gregory on board with our plan, we brought back the one man that had his arm broken after discussing with him that we were in need of his help.

He was the only one who knew where Negan's headquarters were and we would need him as a distraction.

I was standing beside Rick on the small stage of the church with my arms crossed firmly over my chest while he was explaining our terms and situation. "We can work with Hilltop. Maggie hammered out a deal. We're getting food — eggs, butter, fresh vegetables. But they're not just giving it away." Rick placed his hands on his waist, "these saviors; they almost killed Sasha, Daryl, and Abraham on the road. Now sooner or later they would've found us, just like those wolves did, just like Jesus did." I looked over at Rick as he nodded his head, slightly gesturing with his hand. "They would've killed someone or some of us. And then they would try to own us. And we would try to stop them."

"By then, in that kind of fight, low on food — we could lose. This is the only way to be sure — as sure as we can get, that we win. And we have to win. We do this for the Hilltop, it's how we feed this place. This needs to be a group decision. If anybody objects here's your chance to say your piece."

I glanced away from Rick as the both of us started to scan our eyes around the church. Everyone looked at one another in silence before Morgan was the first to stand up in the very back. "Are you sure we can do it? We can beat them?"

"What this group has done, what we've learned, what we've become; yes I'm sure."

"Then all we have to do is just tell them that," Morgan slightly shook his head. Rick sighed, "well, they don't comprise."

Morgan closed his eyes, "this isn't a compromise. It's a choice you give them. It's a way out for them and for us."

I looked over at Rick as he shifted on his feet. "We try and talk to the saviors, we give up our advantage, our safety." He quickly shook his head in disagreement, "No, we have to come for them before they come for us. We can't leave them alive."

"Where there's life, there's possibility." Morgan disagreed.

"Of them hitting us!" Rick responded sternly.

"We're not trapped in this!" Morgan shouted back. "None of you are trapped in this."

My husband sighed beside me, "Morgan, they always come back."

I held up my hand towards my husband tiredly, taking a step off the stage to stand in front of the others now. "There have been two times where we've tried to talk to certain people we've come across. Times where we thought comprise was for the best." I heard Rick shift on his feet behind me before he whispered my name. "You don't — have to do this," he muttered and I held up my hand again for him to stop, and he did; so I continued. "The first time we thought we handled a group of people who tried to take our home from us. We talked to them until we were blue in the face — we fought back but in the end it still did nothing for us." I took in a small deep breath as my eyes scanned across the room. "The day we lost our home was the day I watched my father die right before my eyes. In front of my younger sisters — just like that."

Several heads bowed or avoided my eye contact as I remained strong in front of them. "The time for talking was over. We lost people, our home, our state of mind — but we kept fighting." I sucked in a breath when I felt the tears prickling at my bottom lash line. "The second time we tried to confront the situation at hand, make a deal to do a trade with a few people. No fighting — just a simple switch. And then I lost my youngest sister that day." I clutched my hands by my side as I tried not to get choked up at the memories. "That would've never happened if we didn't bicker back and forth with those people to get ours back. If I could've just had my sister back — had Carol back, she wouldn't have died."

"Most of you have no idea what that feels like. Rick and I — group, we are tired of talking. We're tired of waiting because we already know what happens at the end of the story. We agreed that we would let you all decide with us, as a group, but don't make it just out of pity. Be sure that with your decision you're making it for the best of all of us." I took a step backwards and released a heavy breath as I got back on the stage where Rick gently pulled me close by my hand.

When no one moved or made any decision to disagree and protest, we took that as a sign that the decision was made.

"Looks like it's settled," Rick spoke. "We know exactly what this is. We don't shy from it, we live. We kill them all." I watched as Morgan slowly sat back down on the bench in silence.

"We don't all have to kill," Rick added. "But if people are gonna stay here — they do have to accept it." The two of us walked off the stage and Rick squeezed my hand once as we left the church.

"Describe it," Rick asked as Eddie put down a piece of paper with a sharpy in hand and began drawing a small map of Negan's out post. "Rectangular building, big satellites on it."

"Any windows?" Rick asked next.

I watched Eddie draw out exactly what he was describing while I had my arms wrapped around my body and my figure standing beside Ricks. "I don't remember any. I think they made it so there's only one way in."

"Is there any guards outside?" I piped up and Eddie nodded. "At least two of them. "

"And you don't know how many people they have?" Michonne spoke up.

"No. I mean no, I saw a place where they stored food. It wasn't that big, so — "

Rick tilted his head to the side, "you've been inside?"

"Yeah. They had us load in supplies one time."

I now leaned my hands against the table and looked down at the drawn out paper, licking the corner of my lips as I nodded. "What do you remember?" Glenn asked while placing another piece of paper down on top of the other. "Do you remember how many doors you passed by? How many hallways?"

"It's a big place," Eddie mumbled as he began to map out the hallways to the best of his ability. "It happened pretty fast. I got in and I got out." He then released a sigh, pointing to what would be for storing food before pointing to the hallway above it. "We've brought some spears for them. Two of the saviors took them down this hallway. Now they must've done something with them because they didn't come back with them."

"Maybe a weapons locker," Paul brought up and I met his gaze with a nod. "An armory, most likely," I shrugged.

"Okay," Glenn breathed. "We get in there, secure the armory, that's how we end it."

I leaned off the table and stood up straight now between Rick and Glenn. "That's how Carol ended it here," Maggie brought up. Eddie nodded but sighed, "we don't know if they have an armory or where it even is."

"Well," Daryl muttered. "We've got a lot of good guesses. We've done more with less."

Rick nodded his head in agreement. "We go in at night while they're sleeping."

"The guards won't be sleeping," Eddie pointed out. "Like I said, I think there's only one way in and theres no way to bust through that door without waking up the rest of them." He leaned down again and continued to draw against the paper. "We don't need to," Rick assured. "They're going to open it for us, let us walk right in."

I bit down on my bottom lip and slowly nodded my head. "They want Gregory's head, so let's give it to them."

Glenn shifted on his feet beside me and furrowed his eyebrows as I turned to look at him while he spoke. "You mean — actually?"

I shook my head. "We won't actually take them his head — but it's a good thing we have plenty out there to pick from." I glanced up towards my husband and his eyebrows raised at the idea before lifting his hand from his waist. "You heard the lady, we attack at night."

Just after our meeting we got to rest as soon as possible to prepare our day against the saviors. By morning we were up and ready to go, heading a few miles out to make a quick stop first.

Following with my idea, we each went out into the woods to find a walker that had similarities to the face that could pass off as Gregory. Rick even went as far as punching the face in a few times, making more of a story that he fought back against Eddie and that's how Eddie broke his hand.

The darkness was going to give us the advantage because the guards would be tired and they would hardly recognize the face, giving us a chance to slip inside while everyone is asleep.

By midnight like Rick had said, we were waiting in silence while Eddie presented the walkers head to the saviors. A few of us were standing against the side of the building while the others were hidden away in the woods where they could see the deal go down.

Once the signal was given, we all ran towards the front of the building and helped moved the body of the first guard before the other could come out with Eddie and Pauls friend. We waited a few moments before making the same movements and taking out the second guard while guiding the injured man into the car.

Rick searched for the keys then tossed them to Glenn as he opened the building door and walked in where I and the others quickly followed behind with slow footsteps. I had a silencer in my grasp with a knife ready in the pocket against my waist.

"Check the doors, find the arsenal, we take them out." Rick whispered as we all started to break off one by one and in small groups to check each room within the building. I stayed close beside Glenn and Heath, slowly lowering my gun to pull out my knife.

Heath was the first to open the door for the three of us and inside just so happened to be three sleeping bodies on cots.

We each walked in slowly and quietly as possible, standing above the sleeping saviors before lowering my knife into the skull of a woman.

I yanked my knife out quietly then looked over at the boys, seeing Glenn take out the third person for Heath while he stood by the door. I gave him a reassuring nod, in which he returned quietly.

Just as I was about to exit the room, Glenn grabbed the sleeve of my arm and I stopped in my tracks, turning to face him as him and Heath now stared at the wall above the saviors body.

Pictures were tapped together like a messy collage of polaroids. My stomach started to twist and tumble ten feet under when I studied the photos and realized they were photo's of heads being bashed inwards.

I felt so sick and disturbed that I had to leave the room quickly before I ended up vomiting all over the floor.

Just as I exited the room to quickly gather my thoughts and strength again, the alarm system went off in the building and we were all suddenly alerted with panic.

A door flew open and I immediately lifted my gun, shooting the first person that walked out in the head.

Glenn and Heath came running out of the room after and followed my lead as we began taking out everyone we came across.

"Come on!" Glenn shouted and the three of us started running down the hallway while shooting off a few rounds towards the people chasing us. Glenn used his rifle to start shooting at the door in front of us before we tumbled into the room after breaking in.

The three of us collapsed on the floor and quickly held our heads while they continued shooting towards the door. When we had a moment to get on our feet, we noticed we had reached the armory and grabbed a hold of any gun nearby, starting to shoot back through the door without stopping.

When the bullets finally stopped flying on the other side of the door and things grew quiet, we lowered our weapons with our backs almost pressed against the wall.

"You okay?" Glenn whispered as both boys turned to look at me and I quickly nodded my head. "Yeah, i'm good."

Glenn slowly opened the door of the armory and revealed the bodies of the saviors lying on the floor just outside the door.

When we caught up with the rest of the group and opened up a garage door that led us out in a field, the sun was already weighing above our shoulders but we didn't let our guards down as we walked out onto the grass.

Our cars were parked up against the side of the building, right where we left them during and after checking the perimeter for any stragglers, we started pulling out the armory and supply closet.

Glenn and I said our goodbyes to Tara and Heath before they headed out on their own journey. I made my way towards Rick and embraced him in a tight hug, promising him of no injuries as he did the same. He brushed his fingers through my hair, soothing it down on the top of my head before kissing my cheek.

"Are you wondering?" Michonne asked behind us and it caused me to turn around. "Wondering what?" I asked.

"Which one was Negan," she slight shrugged.

Somewhere behind us we suddenly heard a motorcycle exiting the compound, and I almost accidentally mistaken it for Daryl who was just standing a few feet away from us.

"Son of a bitch!" Daryl shouted and Rosita never hesitated to lift her rifle, shooting down the man as he crashed onto the ground with a yelp.

We took off running in his direction and Daryl was the first to get close and tackle the man to the ground, punching his face in a few times before yelling; "where'd you get the bike!?"

Rick stood over them now with his gun pointed over the mans head. "Just do it!" The savior shouted. "Like you did everyone else, right?!"

I stood behind Rick with my heart beating heavily after running, slowly scanning the area to make sure no one else had escaped without us noticing. The one thing that captured our attention next was the sound of a walkie clicking and a womans voice coming out on the other end. "Lower your gun, prick."

I looked down at the savior as Daryl held him down while gripping his shirt. "You, with the colt python!" The woman spoke aggressively and Daryl slowly got up from the ground. "All of you, lower your weapons right now."

I quickly looked around the area again but couldn't spot anyone we didn't recognize. Rick leaned down and picked up the walkie from the ground, clicking down the button before speaking. "Come on out. Let's talk."

"We're not coming out, but we will talk." There was a slight pause between Rick and the woman as we all continued to look around anxiously without lowering our weapons. "We've got a Carol and a Maggie. I'm thinking thats something you want to chat about."

A sudden chill ran up my spine — like someone had dumped cold water on me.

I took several steps back from Rick as tears quickly blurred my vision and my hand hovered over my stomach. Oh god. "Please, not again," I whispered.