meanstreak
rick grimes 𝘹 fem!𝘰𝘤
© WANDARYEN ──── 2024

I didn't sleep. There wasn't any way possible I was going to get a decent rest after the things I've witnessed. I felt guilty for Rick because I managed to lose track how many times I tossed and turned during the night.

I laid there mainly with my eyes closed and tried to force myself to dream of the good days in Alexandria when my family was still a family.

It was no use. No matter how hard I tried — I couldn't fool my body into thinking everything was okay. It's adapt to harsh circumstances that it no longer believes anything anymore.

Rick's arm was secured tightly around my waist. Once I finally got into a comfortable position during the night and managed to sleep for at least two hours, his hold on me never loosened. At one point his hand sprawled across my stomach, lightly hovering over what was going to become inside of me. It's the only thing that brought me peace.

Judith was in the corner of the room, sound asleep in her crib. Once we got home we decided to bring her into our bedroom just to have her closer.

I carefully stretched my arms above my head before rubbing the drowsiness away from my eyes. My movements weren't subtle, but Rick didn't stir in his sleep when I carefully removed his arm from my body.

I tip toed towards the crib and peaked down at Judith sleeping figure. Her cheek was pressed into the mattress, her butt lifted high into the air while on her tummy. It was her newest sleeping position lately and it always made me smile.

I carefully repositioned her blanket to cover her body before I went into the master bathroom for a shower.

I avoided my reflection in the mirror and turned on the water; setting the temperature hot immediately. I wanted to burn off several layers of my skin as if I was trying to remove all the bad memories lingering in my head.

Each article of clothing dropped into a pool at my feet before I stepped into the shower. The hot water greeting me was a gift from heaven — something I didn't get to experience often with the amount of people living in the house. How often we had to preserve our water so everyone in the community had the chance to bask in the warmth.

I rubbed my wet hands across my face before pushing my hair back. The water poured down the front of my body and I wrapped my arms around myself to enjoy the feeling of it.

My eyes fluttered closed and I drained everything else out. Every thought, every cry, every bit of anger that traveled through my body — everything that caused me to feel.

Strong arms wrapped around myself center and I didn't have to look to know it was Rick. I knew him by his touch, his voice, his smell — I could find him in every life time.

His lips brushed against my ear before his head tilted against mine. Our bodies pushed together firmly while he cradled me in his arms.

I didn't have it in me to cry, no matter how badly my body ached to.

If his arms weren't the very thing holding me up right now then I probably would've crumbled.

His lips pressed softly against my shoulder before he carefully spun me around to kiss my lips. A soothing reminder that he was here with me and that we were experiencing this pain together.

I thread my fingers through his head and leaned my forehead against his own. Neither of us spoke but our bodies did everything for us when it came to projecting how much comfort we needed in one another.

The warmth of his body briefly disappeared and I was forced to open my eyes, watching him get down on one knee in front of me. His lips lightly grazed the wound on my abdomen before trailing them across the center of my stomach.

He whispered something. I couldn't make out what it was from the shower but I knew it wasn't directed towards me.

Only after a moment did he slowly drag his mouth up my chest and towards my neck. Purposely leaving a trail of kisses in his wake, pushing us closer towards the water until his lips finally met mine again.

I breathed him in through my nose. Placing my hand delicately on his cheek before accepting his wet muscle into my mouth.

He reached down and scooped me up, hands gripping my thighs while folding my legs around his waist. I could feel everything but at this very moment, it's all I needed. Neither of us spoke but continued to feel one another — remain close to each other.

My back was flush against the shower wall when I felt his tip prod gently against my entrance, in which I accepted by stretching my legs further apart. Without moving his hands from my body, he thrusted his hips upwards and he slid directly into me without any struggle.

I moaned softly into his mouth, wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him closer.

Each stroke was long and passionate. Not slow enough to keep us in anticipation but not hard enough to get it over fast either. We could feel each other — caress each other like we've been apart for months and felt starved for one another.

Our moans mixed together like harmony but were collected into our mouths — not wanting to stop kissing each other for even a second.

I buried my fingers deeper into his scalp, tugging lightly on the brown locks which earned me a soft groan in response. It triggered something in him to thrust harder and my core immediately tightened around him.

"Rick." His name rolled off my tongue sweetly.

His hips didn't falter but his mouth left a trail of kisses along my jaw, softly whispering in my ear. "I'm here, baby."

It was all I needed to hear. The only encouragement to keep me going.

Our bodies remained connected and even after the water grew cold and we came undone together, he still held me in his arms. Our kisses were slow and passionate, not yet ready to move from each other's embrace. I wasn't ready to face the reality of our world just yet — I wanted to be here in this moment with him. The one place I felt the most safe.

I sat in front of Judith, cutting her fruit up into smaller bite sizes while she anxiously waited in her high-chair.

"I saw Michonne slip out a bit ago," Rick spoke up while buttoning up his shirt from beside the table. "I'll be back — going to check on things."

I slightly nodded my head as he made his way over to us. "Enjoy breakfast," he insisted, kissing my cheek before kissing Judith's head and slipping out of the house.

I managed to eat some fruit and get food into my system while Judith ate hers, almost finishing her entire bowl without a fuss. Her milk was just about empty and I knew she was ready to run around for her morning play time.

I leaned my chin into the palm of my hand, taking a bite from a crisp apple. "How do you feel about having a younger sibling?" Judith tilted her head to the side and smiled silently. "Doesn't sound too bad, right?" I watched as she continued drinking the remaining milk from her bottle and gathered our empty plates before placing them into the sink.

While Judith waited patiently in her chair, I took the next five minutes to wash our dishes and set them on the drying rack. Followed by wiping down the counter tops.

"Maybe it's what we need," I muttered mainly to myself. Almost as if I was still trying to convince myself that it wasn't a bad idea. Like Carl had said — this was possibly our silver lining.

Someone knocked on the front door and I plucked Judith out of her chair, settling her on my hip before making my way out of the kitchen. "Coming!" I opened the front door and immediately was met with Lila, one of our neighbors. We've spoken in passing but I didn't know much about her quite yet.

She was married to Drew and they both helped with the farming. Occasionally going on runs for specific resources to add to our gardens like fruits and vegetables. They were also the couple I was meant to meet up with before the accident.

"Morning," her deep southern accent caused me to smile. "Sorry to interrupt your morning with the little one but Rick asked if I could get you to meet him at the front gate."

"Oh," I nodded once. "Does he need me for something?"

Her smile slowly faltered, her gaze shifting over her shoulder briefly before gesturing towards the neighborhood. "Uhm, those people — the saviors, they're here."

My breathing immediately quickened and my grasp on Judith tightened. "What?"

She nodded swiftly. "Yes. I offered to watch Judith for you both — my husband is with Rick right now and the others."

"Okay," I murmured nervously before kissing Judith's cheek. "Okay well, she just had breakfast, she usually plays or we read to her before lunch time. Carl should be around here somewhere."

"That's alright," she smiled happily when she looked down at Judith. "I've had a couple of nieces and nephews — she'll be well looked after until you come back."

"Thank you." I carefully handed Judith off to Lila, not missing her facial expression shift to sadness once she was out of my arms. "I'll be right back, baby," I whispered while kissing her head softly. "Please — don't let them anywhere near her."

Lila gave me a quick but firm nod. "You have my word."

I grabbed my shoes from the front door and tied them on my feet before racing out the front door with anxiety blooming in my system.

I rounded the corner near the front gate, my gaze flickering between Rick and Negan while they spoke — or mainly Negan spoke but Rick stood there silently. But then I spotted Daryl and immediately felt the urge to run towards him.

"Daryl—!" A smile stretched across my lips, just seeing that he was alive sparked a bit of hope in me. But before I could get any closer, Negan spun around and greeted me with a wide smile.

Lucille was resting on his shoulder and I stopped running when we made eye contact. Rick turned to me in worry, our gazes meeting just for a brief moment before I turned back to Negan. "Uhm — " I nervously licked my lips. "You're pretty early. We agreed on a week."

"Morning, sunshine." Negan's smile stretched further across his lips as his head tilted to the side. "Just as I was telling Rick here, I missed you guys." I anxiously started to pick at the skin around my thumb with pointer finger. Negan turned around and started admiring Alexandria silently.

Rick slowly turned to Daryl and I followed his gaze as he took a small step towards our friend. "Daryl, hey —

"No! Nope." Negan quickly spoke as he spun around and took a stance beside Daryl. "He's the help. You don't look at him, you don't talk to him, and I don't make you chop anything off of him." Rick looked away and Negan turned, wiggling his finger towards me. "Same goes for everyone," he warned. "Alright! Let's get this show on the road! See what kind of goodies you got in the cupboard."

He held out his bat towards Rick and smiled, "hold this for me would you?"

I watched as Rick nervously took the bat from his grasp, letting it hang by his side as Negan started walking away. "We put aside half the supplies," Rick called out.

"No, Rick." Negan slowly turned around. "No. You don't decide what we take." He took slow strides towards Rick and I step forward nervously. "I do. — Arat!" My eyes shifted behind Rick and watched as a woman stepped forward with a shot gun in her grasp.

"You heard the man," she spoke. "Move out!"

Negan slightly clapped his hands together and smiled, "they're just gonna search the houses a bit," he explained. "Keep the process movin." Just as he was gonna turn away, his gaze shifted between both mine and Rick's as he smiled. "Well, are you two going to show me around or not?"

I swallowed nervously as Rick nodded his head and started walking towards me. Negan followed behind and the both of us started to lead him further into Alexandria silently.

As Negan's people started carrying random stuff out of the houses and Apartments, Rick and I lingered behind him in silence. "You see! This is the kind of shit that just tickles my balls." I slightly looked over my shoulder and watched Daryl follow them around like a stray dog. My stomach turned and pulled seeing how beaten up he was. How the clothes he was wearing was basically a prison uniform, and there was not anything any of us could do for him.

"A little cooperation and everything is pleasant as punch." He slightly turned around and held out his hands towards Rick and I. "See we really are reasonable people once you get to know us. Honest!" He walked towards the curb and opened up a cooler, pulling out a soda and cracking it open before taking a long sip. When he finished half of it, he tossed it to the side and stomped his feet with pride. "Damn, I love this place!"

"Negan!" One of his men called out and started making his way towards them with a video camera in his grasp. "Well, well, well. What do we have here?" He took the video camera from the man and hit play. "I got my fingers crossed for a little freaky-deaky." I closed my eyes then quickly looked away in annoyance from his joke, watching as two people started to carry out mattresses. I listened to the camera play off the video of Rick and Deanna had taken when we first arrived — the interviews.

"Jesus, is that you Rick? Underneath all that man-bush? Shit!" He began to laugh. "I would not have messed with that guy."

He clicked the camera off and tossed it back at the man as turned to Rick. "Whatever happened to that sick girl? That seemed like a hell of a stressful night for her." I quickly looked at Negan, my heart now hammering against my chest as Rick kept his focus on the floor. "The way she was carrying on, she was married to number two, right?" As Rick looked up at Negan, Negan's eyebrows raised and a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. "Careful. Careful how you're looking at me, Rick. Widows, especially ones that look like that," he exhaled a sigh. "They. are. special. I love em, right after their husbands go — "

My hands slowly clutched into fists, my jaw twisting while I stared at the side of Negan's head and Rick's grip around the bat tightened. "They are just empty inside," he continued. "But usually not for long." He chuckled suggestively and tilted his head back before looking around. "Where is she? I would love to see her."

"She died," I muttered with a quickness, causing Negan to spin around and face me with his eyebrows raised. "Really — ?"

"Are you here to pay your respects?" Father Gabriel suddenly spoke up, causing Negan to jump and turn to face him with his body leaning back. "Jesus christ! You are creepy as shit with your smile and sneaking up on me like that."

Gabriel had his hands tucked behind his back and a smile resting on his face, little to none reaction to Negan as they stood face to face. "My apologies."

As Negan stared at him for a second longer, he then turned back to me and furrowed his eyebrows. "She didn't make it?" I glanced towards Rick then nodded my head to the side for them to follow.

I led us towards our small grave-sight, having us gather around an unmarked grave of somebody elses body.

"Damn tragedy." Negan spoke while glancing around. "That's what this is." He sighed deeply and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Well, this must really suck for you guys." He cleared his throat next and looked towards Rick. "Number one? No choice there. Lessons had to be learned. But number two? That didn't need to happen."

I inhaled slowly as tears started to form at my bottom lashline, but I quickly blinked them away as I licked the corner of her lips.

"Daryl there, he forced my hand. Probably put her right on her back, huh? Damn. I was gonna ask her to come back with me." I quickly looked towards Negan then Rick as Negan smiled at my husband. "Oh, I know what you're thinkin. How could I have a shot, guy that just bashed her husbands head in?" I exhaled slowly, catching Negan's attention as he turned to me curiously. "Don't worry sweetheart, you're not going anywhere." He raised his hands and chuckled softly. "Even I know my limits."

I looked away with a brief eye-roll, wanting to get away from him as far as possible but my chance is cut short when he suddenly swung an arm around my shoulder. "We'll be back! Gonna go on a quick stroll."

Rick took an anxious step forward and I flashed him a quick glance, subtly shaking my head not to follow us. God forbid Negan said or did anything out of pocket — I didn't want Rick causing mayhem. I could handle myself.

I allowed Negan to guide us wherever the hell he wanted as his arm rested comfortably over my shoulder. My arms were wrapped tightly across my chest as we walked back out on the street, our pace moving slightly slow as he tried to take in the gentle breeze and warm air.

"So, Sienna, tell me how you're doing." He looked down at the me and grinned wide. "I bet you feel like a badass now with that stab wound huh?"

I inhaled deeply through my nose, trying to collect the remaining sanity I had left in me. "I bet you didn't know I was pregnant and almost killed me and my unborn child." I arched an eyebrow directly up at him but my statement only made him grin wider.

He tilted his head closer towards mine and I was force to tip my head backwards. "It's a god damn good thing I picked my spot carefully, huh?" He shot me a wink and my eyes slowly narrowed in silence. "You and Rick? Wow! You guys really are serious, huh? Wanting to rebuild a family in this shitty ass world? I mean, wow, that's just — truly poetic. How are you feeling?"

I blinked up at him. "There are hardly words."

He clapped my shoulder repeatedly, making the last one a bit more forceful that caused my body to jerk forward. "I knew you didn't take shit from anyone. You're a smartass, just one look at ya and I knew this was going to be fun."

He adjusted his arm around my shoulder and we caught up with Rick again — who visibly relaxed upon seeing me.

A gunshot rang in the air and Negan's once relaxed expression, turned into an angry one within an instant. He slowly glanced over his shoulder towards Rick, his jaw twitching in silence while I furrowed her eyesbrows in confusion.

The three of us now started making our way towards the home where the sound came from, the door being swung open and their presence being ignored by Carl who was currently pointing a gun at two men.

My eyes widened as I stood beside Rick — who cautiously held his hand up. "Carl, Carl — put it down." Negan slowly entered the room from behind them as Carl turned his attention back towards the men. "No! He's taking all of our medicine."

"Carl," I spoke softly, raising my eyebrows with desperation. "Put the gun down, please."

He now looked at me and his face softened but his grip on the hand gun tightened with anger. "Mom, they're taking all of our stuff! They said only half."

I slowly raised both of my hands and stepped closer to him, reaching for the gun. "I know, it's okay baby. Just give me the gun."

He exhaled slowly through his nose, his gaze turning back towards the men while slowly handing me the gun. He then bravely turned towards Negan. "You should go. Before you find out how dangerous we really are."

Negan raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side. "Well pardon me, young man. Excuse the shit out of my goddam french, but, did you just threaten me?"

I quickly held my arm out in front of Carl, gently pushing him back and willing held out the gun towards Negan. "No. Please, it's been a long few days. Some people are still worked up." I looked up at the man with pleading eyes, taking a protective stance in front of Carl while still holding out the gun towards him, hoping it would count as a peace offering.

Negan slightly raised his eyebrow and took the gun from me, a gentle chuckle leaving his lips. "Wow, she complies way more than any of you guys do. And she's a woman. That says something!" My eyebrows furrowed slightly. Asshole.

"Now, where were we. Oh that's right, your giant size man-balls!" He spoke directly towards Carl now. "No threatening us. Listen, I like you, so I don't want to go hard proving a point here. You don't want that," he warned. "I said half your shit, and half is what I say it is." His head tilted further as he kept his strong gaze locked on Carl. "Im serious. Do you want me to prove how serious? Again?"

Carl stood in silence before sighing in defeat and taking a step back awhile turning his gaze away. I exhaled softly, my shoulders relaxing when Negan finally turned away from Carl but now towards Rick. "You know what this is reminding me of? That you have a lot of guns. There's all the guns you took from my outpost, when you wasted all my people with a shit-ton of your own guns, and I'm bettin' there's even more. Which adds up to an absolute ass-load of guns, and as this little emotional outburst just made crystal clear; I can't allow that." A smile stretched across his face as he stepped closer towards Rick. "So tell me Rick, where are my guns?"

When the men left the house and I was able to stay back with Carl for a few minutes, we stood in the living room silently while I stared out the window with my arms crossed over my chest.

Carl was slightly pacing, a few annoyed sighs leaving his lips several times before he finally turned to me and waved his arm near the window. "How can we just let this happen? We're letting them walk right over us!"

I didn't move my gaze away from the window while I slightly nodded my head — watching Negan's crew continue to pull stuff out from the houses. "I know, but there's nothing we can do right now."

"That bullshit," he muttered.

I turned away from the window and furrowed my eyebrows at him, in which he immediately bowed his head to take a moment for himself before walking towards me. "We have to do something," he whispered with a slight plead.

My facial expression softened and one of my arms dropped from my chest as I rubbed his shoulder. "I know you want to. I want to. But we have to wait for the right moment." I turned her attention back towards the window and Carl shifted on his feet. "So you agree? We're going to do something about it?"

I nodded, "soon."