meanstreak
rick grimes 𝘹 fem!𝘰𝘤
© WANDARYEN ──── 2024

I sat alone on my bed, my back purposely facing the door as I allowed the silence to overcome all my senses.

I felt like I not only failed my younger siblings but my father most of all. There was a reason why after our first initial conversation about the barn not going well, I never brought it up again. I wanted to give him time to mourn the loss of his wife and son — other members of the family that died within days.

Hershel Greene was the most understanding soul I've come to know so far, but sometimes when he had his mind set on one thing, it was difficult to get him to do the exact opposite.

I dropped my face into my hands, a small cry leaving my lips from the overly heavy burden weighing back down on my shoulders. It felt like I was sinking straight into the mattress and I couldn't bear not knowing what more could happen within time. If this alone was too much for me to handle — I might not be able to overcome the struggles that await me in the future.

Someone knocked on my bedroom door and I expected to see Maggie or even Beth coming into my room, but it was Steven — with tightened knuckles and a mean streak waiting for me.

"I'm — " I couldn't get the first word out of my mouth when Steven locked the door and charged towards me. He grabbed the back of my head, his fist tightening around my ponytail and causing a weakened yelp to pierce my throat.

"They're ruining everything!" He tugged my head backwards, forcing me to look up at him and all I could do was grasp the front of his shirt to keep myself from falling over. "It's your fault, Sienna! That damn kid is up and walking, they should've been gone! Far gone — and now look at what they've done!"

I prayed everyone was out of the house because once his free hand came in contact with my face, I dropped to my knees with a harsh thud. My hand reached for my face and silent tears rolled down my cheeks — I began a silent prayer that he was done, but I knew Steven better than that.

He crouched down beside me, one arm hovering over my mattress, the other gripping my jaw. I was forced to look at him once again. "How do you plan on fixing this, huh?" He tilted in a scary manner — his facial expression softening but it caused the pit of my stomach to fumble. Steven looking visibly relaxed meant he was seething inside.

Nothing was scarier than a silent rage.

When I didn't answer, he moved his hand from my jaw to my neck, grasping it tightly but not enough to cause me to faint. He brought his face closer to mine, "I'm taking over now, because you can't seem to do anything right. I'm going to have to take the reins on this and get rid of them myself."

His thumb brushed over my bottom lip, pulling it away silently and I could see a patch of blood ghosting his skin. His hit was hard enough to cause my lip to split in half but I was too numb to identify the pain.

I nervously watched him wipe the blood on his thigh and like a coward, I leaned backwards and tried to put as much distance between us as possible.

"I'm going to kill Shane," he whispered after pondering silently to himself. "And then I'm going to kill that guy Rick — the one you seem to be wandering off alone with lately."

My eyebrows furrowed slightly with confusion. "What?"

His gaze snapped towards mine. "Are you in any position to be acting stupid right now, Sienna?"

Quickly shaking my head, he grabbed my ankle and forced me back towards him. "I–I don't —" He inhaled deeply through his nose before grabbing my bicep and pulling me upwards as he stood.

Our chests were nearly touching with the limited space put between us. I was forced to look up at him with my head tilted backwards. I wondered if he could hear the sound of my heart pounding against my chest — devastatingly trying to break through my rib cage.

He grabbed my left hand and purposely held it up. "Does this mean nothing to you?" He was gesturing towards my mothers ring — I didn't have to look to know what he was insinuating.

"He's just trying to help," I whispered softly. I tried to mask my fears from my fiance — someone who was supposed to treat me with unconditional love. "He's a married man, just like we intend to be one day — he has a son. Steven, he's eleven years older than me."

I watched his jaw twitch as he remained silently but his grip on my hand was tightening. "Please," I whispered once more, my burning gaze shifting into pleading.

As if God was listening in the first place, he removed his grasp from my hand and took a step backwards — putting distance between us both and the weight sitting on my chest finally lifted. Steven didn't say another word when he finally walked out of my bedroom and closed the door behind him.

I brought my fingers towards my mouth carefully, running the tips of my fingers across my bottom lip before pulling them away to look at the blood. My tongue poked out by wetting my lower lip in hopes to hide the result of having an abusive partner.

There was a knock at my door — again, and I nervously turned to see Rick sticking his head into my room hesitantly. "Sienna?"

I quickly wiped my fingers across my jeans and nodded. "Come in."

He closed the door behind himself and I started to question if I needed to rip it off from the hinges so nobody could corner me in my own bedroom anymore. The one place I was supposed to find comfort in — suddenly tainted by the abuse I've endured long enough.

I couldn't gather my thoughts quick enough until Rick looped around my bed and moved towards me with swiftness. "Are you alright?" His hand reached for me but I took a single step backwards. "Not just the barn but the — we heard — "

I shook my head frantically and avoided his gaze. "I fell. I was having a moment – after everything, and accidentally tripped." I forced myself to look at the older man, his eyes visibly focused on the cut on my mouth and a vein made a sudden appearance on his forehead.

"I saw Steven come downstairs."

"Okay." I deadpanned — as if that was nothing to be concerned about.

"I heard him yell — "

"Rick," I responded with a warning in my tone. "Please — I'm begging you — let it go." I decided to walk past him and make my way back downstairs but his next caused me to stop abruptly.

"Do your sisters know? Your father? Does anyone know?"

I turned around, my hand held the door knob with a strong grasp until I hastily walked back over to the man. I hovered my finger over my mouth in an attempt to silence him. "This isn't any of your business, this doesn't pertain to you — so I'm kindly asking you to stop."

Rick placed one hand on his hip, silently shifting on his feet before shaking his head. "How long has this been happening?" His stare was hot against my body and I forced myself to meet his gaze. Tears blurred my vision as memories of my relationship with Steven flooded my mind.

I couldn't say anything – there was no chance I was actually going to give a complete stranger an insight into my romantic life. But it suddenly occurred to me that maybe we weren't strangers anymore. Not after everything we've been through in the past few days — let alone week. The entire group was officially tied up in the same chaos my whole family was.

"The other day, when I asked if you wanted to practice shooting — Steven cornered you against the house, was that — " he didn't even finish his sentence when reality struck him like lightning. He saw everything.

He brought his hand to his face, rubbing it slowly as I focused my attention on the wooden floors. "Please, don't say anything Rick," I whispered softly.

"I'm going to kill him."

My head snapped up instantly and my eyes grew wide. "No!" I hissed, taking a daring step closer and grabbing his arm to pull his hand away from his face so he was forced to look at me. "It's none of your business! You have no liability with me so just drop it. Okay?"

His bright blue eyes bore directly into my own. Silence swam around us and I forced my eyes to narrow harder at him. Silently pleading for him to keep his mouth shut.

I couldn't let my father bear another burden.

"Sienna!"

I flinched at the sound of my sister screaming my name through the house. I immediately stepped away from Rick, sparing him another hard glance before rushing out of my room and finding Maggie helping Glenn carry Beth up the stairs.

"What happened!?" I demanded, following the couple into Beth's room as they carefully lied her down.

Maggie was touching her face gently, brushing small bits of blonde hair away from her soft frame. "She fainted." She looked over at me with worry.

I placed my hand over my chest as my heart rate started to slow down from the panic. "Wheres dad?" I asked quickly -- sharing the same look with my sister. Suddenly Lori and Patricia came into the room, concern written all over their face.

I looked between everyone before narrowing my eyebrows, frustration overcoming me quickly. "Where's our father?"

By now we were in my fathers bedroom, the entire group crowed around the small space -- including Steven. Patrica stayed by Beth's side in the other bedroom as Maggie and I stood by our fathers bed. I mustered the courage to glance towards Rick -- his own gaze focused solely on Steven but my fiance was too busy staring out the door like the situation wasn't his problem.

Rick finally waked over to the bed that had a box full of our mother's things. "He was so sure she would recover. That they could pick up right were they left off." Maggie explained, standing beside me.

Shane was standing by the dresser, looking at a photo before picking up a silver canteen used for liquor. "Looks like he found an old friend," he waved in around in the air.

I furrowed my eyebrows, walking over to Shane and taking it from him. "That belonged to our grandfather, he gave it to dad before he died."

"I didn't take Hershel up for a drinker." I looked over at Rick and shook my head, handing it to Maggie. "No, he gave up drinking after Maggie was born. He refused to have liquor in the house."

Rick looked between Maggie and I, "Where's the nearest bar in town?" He started to walk over towards Maggie and Glenn.

"Hatlin's, he practically lived there during his drinking days." Maggie commented.

"I'm betting that's where I'll find him."

"Yeah, I've seen the place, I'll go with you." Glenn nodded his head towards Rick, and I quickly jumped in between. "I'm going with you guys."

Rick studied me for a moment before he nodded. He knew if anyone was going to be able to bring him home, it would be me. "All right, I'll get the truck."
                                                                                             
When he left the room, Maggie held her hands up to stop Glenn and myself from going anywhere. Glenn and I looked at each other oddly before facing Maggie as she looked at us with concern. "You two can't go, this is dangerous." She had a frown on her face, practically clutching onto Glenn's arm now.

"It's an easy run." Glenn looked over at me and I nodded reassuringly.

"Like the pharmacy?" My sister questioned and I reached over, softly rubbing her arm to sooth her. "I'm going with to help bring dad back. They'll need me. You know as well as anyone that if somebody is going to snap him out of it — it's going to be me."

She shook her head quickly. "What about Beth?"

"She'll have you and the rest of the group. I need to go and help bring our father back. He needs one of us and right now, and because I'm the oldest, I say take care of our sister until we get back." My words were stern but my face was soft.

"You go ahead, I'll make sure things are handled here." Steven's voice caused goosebumps to rise against my bare skin. I nervously looked at him from the corner of my eye. "Someone needs to be in charge around here, ain't that right sweetheart."

I nervously swallowed but turned to my sister, exhaling slowly. "Keep an eye on things, okay? What you say goes."

Glenn and I both hurriedly met Rick outside by the truck. Maggie was hot on our trails, including the others that followed us outside — except for Steven.

I watched her pull Glenn to the side and they embraced each other in a tight hug. I grabbed a hand gun from the hood of the truck, checking if the safety was on and the amount of rounds that awaited in its case.

Rick stood beside me and propped his hand on the open window of the truck. "Normally I would ask if you're okay with tagging along but — "

I looked up at him, a slight warning in my gaze. "But what, Rick?"

His mouth twitched in silence before he pressed his lips firmly together. "It's our father," I added. "And because I'm the oldest, it's my responsibility to keep my sisters safe and make the hard decisions."

He nodded in understanding, the corner of his lips tugging upwards until Glenn came walking up to the truck. I put my gun back into its holster and climbed into the truck to claim the middle seat as Glenn followed in after.

The drive to the town bar was in silence, and I was appreciating that at the moment after the events that unfolded. I needed time to hear myself think without all the arguments.

The amount of stress that was flowing through my system would be enough to give an older person a heart attack. That's why I wanted to take the short end of the stick between all this. I wouldn't let my sister carry this burden — especially in case of unfortunate events that my father was gone gone.

My head tilted back against the seat as Glenn shifted beside me, his fingers fumbling with the gun on his lap until he finally spoke. "Maggie said she loved me."

I looked over at him with a slow turn of my head. He swallowed nervously and looked to Rick and I. "She doesn't mean it, I mean, she cant."

I pressed my hands against the seat cushion and sat up straighter. "What makes you think she doesn't?" I asked.

Glenn shrugged his shoulders. "She's just upset or confused, she's probably feeling like-," Rick focused on the road, but interrupted Glenn as he spoke. "I think she's smart enough to know what shes feeling."

He shook his head, "No, no, no — you know she wants to be in love. Have someone to care and hold her."

I looked down at my hands briefly before turning back to Glenn. I was suddenly remembering what Maggie told me that one morning before Rick arrived with Carl in his arms. How lucky I should feel to have someone to love me enough to want to marry me.

It was such bullshit, for me at least — but for my sister, I knew she wanted this.

"Well if she wants that, then give that to her. Shes a strong woman who can clearly hold her own, but sometimes we girls want someone else to hold us for a change. It's the comforting feeling we live for. Doesn't make either partner of the relationship weak." I shrugged my shoulders and folded my hands on my lap as I looked towards the road. "I'm sure Maggie has her reasons, but she's not the type of woman to act on instinct. She processes a situation and uses her head. So her saying she loves you; I believe it."

Out the corner of my eye I could see Rick nodding his head in agreement. "Glenn, it's pretty obvious to everyone Maggie does love you, and not just because you're one of the last men standing. So what's the problem?"

Glenn paused, looking down at his gun before looking towards us. "I didn't say it back. I've never had a woman say that to me before. Except my mom, of course, and my sisters. But with Maggie, it's different. We barely know each other. What—what does she really know about me?" Glenn looked down, "Nothing. We're practically strangers. But I—I didn't know what to do with it. I just stood there like a jerk."

I shook my head and nudged him gently with my elbow. "No, Glenn. It's a lot to process. In the end when you two are ready to talk about it; things will fall into place."

"This is a good thing, something we don't get enough of these days." Rick looked over at Glenn and smiled, having one hand on the wheel and his arm resting on the open window. "Enjoy it. And when we get back, return the favor. It's not like she's going anywhere."

He pulled the truck up in the middle of the road beside the bar, putting it in park. But before Glenn got out, he looked over at Rick. "I know about Lori — being pregnant. I got her those pills."

I shifted my gaze from Glenn to Lori, my eyebrows furrowing slightly. "She's pregnant? You didn't say anything — "

"There wasn't much to say," he cut me off with a hardened gaze focused on the road. His grip on the wheel tightened briefly before he dropped both of his hands to his lap. "I figured you did so, Glenn."

"I'm sorry I kept it from you."

Rick finally got out of the truck. Glenn and I followed, stationing ourselves beside him as we moved to the front of the bar. "Don't be, you thought that was the right thing to do. It just so happens it wasn't."

Before entering the bar, the three of us pulled out our guns in case of any protection needed. But if anything, we'd only find my father sitting at the bar with a glass in his hand. And that's all I was praying for.

I was the first to open the door, slowly but surely, the creaking making its way through the silent bar. I stepped inside and noticed that my father was in fact, sitting at the bar with his own business and a scent of alcohol lingering in the air.

I stuffed my gun back into its holster and quickly made my way towards my father, placing a gentle hand on his back. "Dad — what are you doing here? It's time to come home."

He ignored my question, lifting his glass and taking the last sip before starting to pour himself another. Rick now stood on the other side of my dad while Glenn lingered behind. I looked over my shoulder and noticed he had the shotgun still in his grasp, looking around the bar curiously.

"How many have you had?" Rick asked.

Hershel glanced down at the glass that was held between his finger tips, slightly shrugging his shoulders. "Not enough."

I inhaled slowly. "Let's finish this up back at home."

"Beth collapsed, is in some sort of state." Rick added. "Must be in shock. I think you are too."

My father glanced up at me as I leaned against the bar. "Is Maggie with her?" I nodded, "yes, but she needs you. We need you home dad. Not — not here drinking."

He shrugged lazily, "what could I do? She needs her mother. Or rather to mourn like she should've done weeks ago. I robbed her of that. I see that now." He chased down the shot he had poured for himself and gently placed the glass back down after.

"You thought their was a cure dad, you cant blame yourself for holding onto hope." He looked over at me, his eyes filled with sadness and dread.

"Hope?" He then looked over at Rick. "When I first saw you running across my field with your boy in your arms, I had little hope he would survive." Rick leaned against the counter now. "But he did."

Hershel nodded, looking back down towards his glass. "He did. Even though we lost Otis. Your man Shane made it back and we saved your boy. That was the miracle that proved to me miracles do exist. Only it was a sham, a bait and switch. I was a fool, Rick, and you people saw that. My daughters deserve better than that." Hershel started pouring himself another glass and I had the urgency to take it away from him, but I knew better.

Hope was a big yet bold word to use nowadays. Because so little of us actually still believed in it. You'd be waiting for the next day to be better or a least happier, but instead it was still just as stressful as the day before.

Fighting to survive and stay the least bit sane when you knew you were becoming weaker. Hope was getting harder to hold onto. But I, was at least trying.

Rick and I stepped away from my father and walked towards Glenn. I crossed my arms over my chest, glancing towards my father as he took another drink.

"So what do we do? Just wait for him to pass out?"Glenn muttered.

"Leave. Just go!" My father suddenly shouted, clearly listening to the conversation.

Rick turned toward Hershel's direction, "I promised your daughters that I'd bring you home safe! Sienna — your first born is right here waiting for you, for Christ sake."

"Like your promised that little girl?"

I slowly looked over at my father, my heart swelling in my chest as Rick paused.  "So what's your plan? Finish that bottle? Drink yourself to death and leave your girls alone?" Rick stalked back over towards him, causing my father to get up from the stool where he sat, now facing the rest of us. "Stop telling me how to take care of my family, my farm. You people are like a plague!" I flinched at my dads words, the sound of his voice rising from anger. "I do the Christian thing, give you shelter, and you destroy it all!"

"The world was already in bad shape when we met!

"And you take no responsibility! You're supposed to be their leader!" Hershel clutched his fist then gestured around the room.

"Well I'm here now! Aren't I!?"

My father slowly sat back down on the stool — going back to the glass he had refilled. Rick took his place beside him again. "Come on, your girls need you now. Sienna needs your help, she cant do this alone!" Rick went to grab Hershel's arm but he quickly snatched it away, turning towards him. "I didn't want to believe you. You told me there was no cure, that these people were dead, not sick. I chose not to believe that. But when Shane shot Lou in the chest and she just kept coming, that's when I knew what an ass I'd been, that Annette had been dead long ago and I was feeding a rotten corpse!" My fathers voice was mixed with anger and pain.

"Sienna, you — you've tried to tell me before but I refused to listen." His voice cracked with despair and his head dropped into his hand. "My babygirl begged and begged to get rid of those — those things but I didn't want to believe it."

I looked away briefly, not able to watch my father sit in pain. I couldn't bear it anymore, because no matter what, he was still going to blame himself. It didn't matter what me, Rick, or anybody said. No matter how hard I tried, I wasn't going to be able to take away the pain my father beard.

"That's when I knew there was no hope. And when that little girl came out of the barn, the look on your face — I knew you knew it too." I released a small breath through my nose as I looked at the men again. My fathers voice grew gentle, his eyebrows furrowed with sorrow as Rick was looking towards the floor. "Right? There is no hope. And you know it now, like I do. Don't you? There is no hope for any of us."

I shook my head and dropped my arms from my chest, moving towards my father and Rick. "Nothing has changed dad! Death is still death. It's always been there, whether it's from a heart attack, cancer, or a walk. What's the difference?" I hovered my hand across my chest, tears forming quickly when my father finally met my gaze. "My mother died and I didn't have the chance to mourn her properly before Beth and Shawn came along. But not once did I ever blame you for that — I still don't and I'm here now trying to help you recover from these mistakes so we can move on."

Rick gently placed his hand on my shoulder as Glenn finally walked over to the bar, standing off by the end of it while resting his hand against the edge. "You didn't think it was hopeless before, did you? Now there are people back at home trying to hang on." I continued, reaching for my fathers hand now that still held onto the glass of liquor. "They need us, even if it's just to give them a reason to go on, even if we don't believe it ourselves. You know what? This—this isn't about what we believe anymore. Its about them." My father looked up at me before letting his eyes shift around on the bar, chasing down another sip of liquor and setting his glass back down.

As I was about to speak again, to press further in hope he was finally beginning to listen — the door of the bar swung open and our attention was now drawn towards two men standing at the entrance.

"Son of a bitch, they're alive."