meanstreak
rick grimes 𝘹 fem!𝘰𝘤
© WANDARYEN ──── 2024

I lost track how many days it's been since we buried Beth and Tyreese in the same week.

We were traveling on foot — forced to leave behind our vehicles after running out of gas and not coming across anything for awhile. It seemed like every place we came across was completely scorn apart already by previous travelers.

It was hot. The Georgia heat was no longer our friend and there weren't enough clouds to block the sun from beating down on us.

Every once in a while we would get lucky and a single cloud would drift past the sun — giving us maybe 2 minutes to enjoy the shade before succumbing to the heat again.

I subconsciously focused my attention on my sister, who was a few paces ahead. She spoke mostly to Glenn, Sasha, or Tara. Occasionally she would glance over her shoulder to make sure I was still following behind – in which I would give her a reassuring nod before she turned back to the others.

I walked between Rick and Darly, my feet beginning to drag behind myself. I forced the motto 'mind over matter' continuously into my brain so I wouldn't think about how badly the balls of my feet ached. The boots I was wearing were no longer do-able for these long travels.

"We're not at our strongest." Rick's voice drew me out of my thoughts. I flickered my gaze towards Judith instinctively — her small resting against Rick's chest while he held her in the baby carrier. "We'll get 'em when it's best. High ground, something like that — they're not going anywhere."

The longer I watched Judith, the more I wanted her in my arms, no matter how tired I was physically. I always had enough strength for her.

"Want a turn?" Rick asked softly, noticing my lingering gaze on Judith and I eagerly nodded.

He carefully unbuckled the two straps on his shoulders that secured Judith to his chest. I paused my steps momentarily to capture her in my arms, pretending to jump her playfully before tossing her into the air with my hands secured at her waist.

She giggled loudly and a large tired smile stretched across my lips. "Sweet girl," I murmured into her hair before planting a gentle kiss on the crown of her head.

Rick rubbed my back briefly before shifting the baby carrier around on his back. "I know you lost something there," his voice softened further but his gaze was focused on Daryl.

There was a beat of silence before Daryl reached over and gestured towards Judith. "She's hungry."

Rick and I simultaneously glanced down at the baby. I gently stroked some of the hair from her eyes — Rick giving a short nod. "She's okay. She's going to be okay."

Daryl slightly shook his head. "We need to find water — food."

"We'll hit something in the road. It's gonna rain sooner or later." Rick sighed then looked up towards the sky, causing me to follow his gaze curiously. The clouds were growing darker but the anticipation to taste water and wash away the dripping sweat off my neck was killing me.

The three of us stopped in our tracks when Daryl handed over the rifle towards Rick, gesturing towards the woods. "I'm gonna head out. See what I can find." As Daryl turned to his right and started walking towards the woods, Carol called out for him and followed.

"I'm coming with." Just as he was going to protest, she caught up to him. "You going to stop me?" She added with a little sass before they both disappeared into the woods. A smile tugged at the corner of my lips.

Rick and I continued moving forward with the others slowly trailing behind. The only thing distracting my feet from the obvious pain was Judith gnawing and tugging on my fingers, which I allowed her to do ever since I lost her necklace back at the prison.

I tapped my fingers playfully against her mouth, occasionally flicking her bottom lip with my pointer finger to make her laugh.

I smiled down at her before flickering my gaze back on the road ahead of us, releasing a small sigh. "My feet are killing me, I think I finally wore down the insoles and I'm just walking on straight rubber."

Rick chuckled beside me. "Try walking in mine."

I slowly shook my head. A smile stretched across my lips when I peaked down at his boots, as if I needed a reminder of what he was wearing on his feet. "You know, a while ago I was thinking about your cowboy boots and thought you were just wearing them as a fashion statement by now."

"Very funny." His laughter was soft, his hand reaching over to stroke Judith's hair while we walked beside each other in sync. "I think yours finally stopped squelching after walking through mud the other day. I also remember telling you not to do it because I knew it was going to bother you."

I rolled my eyes out of habit. "I told you — thought I was finding a river or a stream, Sasha thought so too."

"Your determination is noted." His head bobbed out the corner of my eye.

A heartbeat of silence passed between us, but not the uncomfortable type where you had to try and squeeze in a conversation to keep the relationship flowing. At this point we talked about almost anything.

"What were you telling Judith yesterday? About moss?"

Like I said. It was almost as if we could read each other's minds.

I carefully adjusted Judith on my arms before positioning her on my waist. "I think I was more so trying to remind myself how to find water — keep myself from going insane rather than give babygirl a science lecture."

Rick briefly glanced over his shoulder to visibly check on the group. "Let's pretend this is speed dating and you don't give me a smartass remark every time I ask you a question."

I barked out a heavy laugh, my cheeks stretching wide from the smile appearing on my face. "Alright but if this speed dating then you need to talk about my interests. I need to know if you pay attention to everything I tell you."

"Okay, deal," he grinned cheekily. "When you were fourteen you entered the science fair and created a solar oven to bake smores. You won second place against some kid named Jonathan, who took first, and swore you 'weren't competitive'." I watched as he purposely raised his fingers and created quotation marks, which made me laugh harder. "But afterwards threatened to break his infinity mirror if he didn't admit to having his parents help create the damn thing."

"I really am not competitive!" I spoke in between bits of laughter, disbelief stretching across my face while Rick continued to smile. "He told the soccer team exactly what he was doing — he bragged about it when we were supposed to do it ourselves. That's not true sportsmanship!"

We laughed together in harmony. Something that hasn't been heard in several days and I'd be lying if I said Rick wasn't the greatest distraction I've ever received in life.

After losing Beth and Tyreese — after my talk with Daryl, it sparked something inside of me.

I grieved that day, hard. Harder than I did with my own father and I believed it was because I didn't properly grieve his own death before — I kept everything bottled up until the glass finally shattered.

After a while it felt good to cry.

My chest felt lighter and for a brief moment I was almost ashamed to feel okay while Maggie was still processing the loss of our sister. But I continuously reminded myself that there was no timeline or proper pace in which we grieve the dead. When Maggie is ready she'll come to me and she'll allow Glenn back in.

"I can't believe you remembered that." My cheeks were beginning to grow numb from the continuous smiling.

He reached over and held the back of my neck, caressing the top bone of my spine with his fingers. "Of course I do. I remember everything you tell me."

My gaze lingered on him a moment longer while mirroring the same gentle smile as his. I looked back at the group and gave him a subtle nod. "We're going to be okay. It wouldn't be right if it were easy — we can't accept anything that's easily handed to us because then it wouldn't be fair."

"How so?"

"Because we still have each other," I brought my focus back to Rick. "Others have less than us. My father always taught my sisters and I not to be greedy. Accept what's given but return it twice."

Judith's cries were becoming louder but our steps didn't falter. Carl continuously bounced her in his arms, shielding her face with his hand to frequently block it from the sun. Daryl and Carol were still in the woods searching for food or water — but we continued walking down the long empty road side by side.

"Sienna?" I tiredly looked over at Carl, who was slightly shifting his body in my direction seeking help. "I can't get her to stop crying."

I nodded knowingly, rubbing her back. "She's alright — just uncomfortable, unaware of her surroundings besides us. She'll stop soon, just keep comforting her, let her know she's safe."

We continued traveling longer until a group of clouds finally drifted in front of the sun, giving us the opportunity to sit down under the shade once Daryl and Carol regrouped with us.

I held Judith in my lap, kissing the top of her head and playing with her stuffed rabbit to keep her entertained. My eyes were threatening to close from exhaustion until I heard movement from behind us, making my head snap up and look directly at Rick who was alarmed.

My arms circled protectively around Judith and I shifted on the ground until Maggie quickly grabbed my arm. "Sienna, don't move."

Peaking carefully over my shoulder, four dogs appeared out of the bushes and snarled at the group. One began barking while taking a stance in front of the other three.

Rick reached for his knife ready to defend us before Sasha stood up from the corner of my eye, using her silencer to shoot down the dogs in a split second. My hand immediately covered Judith's eyes — shielding her from the bloody visual.

Without another thought, Rick and Daryl skinned the animals, cutting up the meat into smaller pieces before cooking them over a small fire.

I gave Judith to Carl once again and contributed by cooking the rest of the meat, and making sure everyone got a fair amount to eat.

After a while we were back on our feet and Daryl returned to the woods to continue his search. Rick frequently shared his water between Carl, Judith, and I — but I insisted on the children having the most of it. 

"What's that?" Carl suddenly piped up while pointing towards something in the distance.

We moved closer as a group — coming across an array of water bottles and water jugs sitting in the middle of the road, followed by a piece of paper with 'from a friend' written across. I furrowed my eyebrows curiously at the water, kneeling down closer to inspect it the same moment Daryl appeared from the woods.

"What else are we gonna do?" Rosita sighed.

Rick paced slowly behind me. "Not this. We don't know who left it." I stood back on my feet and flickered my gaze up at him. "It's too easy," I spoke softly, referring to our previous conversation — in which he nodded in agreement.

Eugene's eyes were fixated on the water, along with the others that couldn't find the strength to peel their gaze away. "If that's a trap, we already happen to be in it. But I, for one, would like to think it is indeed from a friend."

"What if it isn't? They put something in it?" Carol questioned.

Eugene snatched a bottle of water from the ground. Tara turned to him with eyes slightly wide, watching him twist the cap off. "What are you doing, dude?"

"Quality assurance." Before he could bring the bottle to his mouth, Abraham stalked forward and smacked it directly out of his grasp.

I watched the water splash his face and the bottle hit the ground with a soft crinkle. "We can't risk it," I whispered softly, focusing my attention back on the water. "There's no way of telling what's in it, who left it, and why."

A water droplet flickered against my cheek — for once not coming from my tears but from the sky, causing me to tilt my head backwards and narrow my eyes.

Thunder rumbled softly above us and one single drop of water turned into thousands when it began to pour, just like Rick had hoped.

Several people in our group began to laugh. Tara and Rosita quickly laid down on the ground while Carl and Eugene tilted their heads back with their tongues sticking out.

My heart fluttered happily against my chest and I allowed my eyes to close momentarily, enjoying the cool feeling of the rain touching my skin after walking miles under the burning hot sun. My lips stretched into a wide smile — a soft giggle bubbling up my throat.

I tilted my head to find Rick with anticipation that he was enjoying it as much as I was. His gaze was already lingering over me with a subtle smile — something that made the hairs on my body stand straight up.

It was the look Rick used to give me back on the farm or at the prison. An action so subtle you probably wouldn't notice unless you were paying attention. But then I remembered during these moments months ago, Rick was beginning to harbour feelings for me, and it made me feel like I was falling in love all over again.

I forced myself to tear my gaze away from his so I could kneel down on the ground and pull out all of our containers. Cups, bottles, bowls, and whatever else I could find that would hold water while the rain lasted.

The rain grew heavier and the thunder clapped louder, causing Judith to cry harder.

I quickly looked up to make sure she was okay. Carl was using his hat to shield her from the droplets and although her facial expression was scared, Carl looked at me with a smile that spoke a thousand words.

"There's a barn!" Daryl shouted over the loud thunder that was mixed with Judith's cries. "Follow me!"

We quickly grabbed our things, including the objects now filled with water, and followed him through the woods. A small red barn awaited our arrival — no signs of life moving inside or out.

Rick, Daryl, Maggie, Carol, and Abraham went inside the barn first to check for safety while I stood behind Carl, my hands on his shoulders. He held Judith close to his chest with her blanket hovering over her body.

When the barn was checked out and cleared, we all piled inside and shut the barn door to keep the rain out.

I positioned myself on the ground with my back against the wall of the barn. Carl used empty bags of rice and chicken feed to act as a bed before lying down with Judith in his arms — his head resting on my lap.

I wrapped my arm around him lazily and gently brushed his hair with my fingers.

Maggie slept near a corner — far away from me and Glenn, but I fought against taking it personally. She was responding to Beth's death the same way I did and she still needed time.

"When I was a kid — I asked my grandpa once if he ever killed any Germans in the war." Rick spoke, sitting in front of a small campfire beside me. He propped his leg up and rested his arm over his knee. "He wouldn't answer. He said that was grown-up stuff, so I asked if the Germans ever tried to kill him. But he got real quiet. He said he was dead the minute he stepped into enemy territory. Every day he woke up and told himself, "Rest in peace. Now get up and go to war." And then after a few years of pretending he was dead — he made it out alive."

"That's the trick of it, I think. We do what we need to do and then we get to live. But no matter what we find in DC, I know we'll be okay. Because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves — that we are the walking dead."

As the hours passed by, everyone was asleep now besides myself and Daryl.

Rick even managed to fall asleep on the other side of me — both him and Carl taking residence by my legs. He held my free hand in his sleep while my arm was still holding onto Carl and Judith.

Daryl paced in front of the barn doors as the storm brewed nastier and the wind started pounding against the doors. We used a chain to keep them locked but occasionally they would try to open from the pressure of the wind before closing shut — leaving an eerie knocking sound in the air.

I carefully slid myself out of the boys hold, making sure neither of them moved when I climbed to my feet and joined Daryl by the doors.

His hand immediately caught my shoulder which stopped me from moving closer. I looked at him worriedly before peaking my gaze between the cracks of the barn — noticing the group of walkers right outside.

We both charged towards the doors and pressed our shoulders up against the wood to keep it closed. I was becoming drenched again by the powerful storm that surged above the farm and managed to make its way through the cracks.

I dug my heels into the dirt and suddenly Rick was at my side, followed by the others. I quickly looked around the barn in search of Carl and Judith — my eyes settling on them where they remained by the burned fire pit.

Rick positioned himself in front of me with both of his arms caging me against the barn. His hot breath was fanning my face, his chest heaving heavily while he used all the strength he could muster to keep the doors closed.

It lasted minutes, maybe even hours, it felt like — before everything grew silent.

My eyelids fluttered open when I heard the barn doors open with a gentle creek. Two bodies had me trapped on the ground — sandwiched between a father, his son, and our daughter sound asleep.

Sasha and Maggie silently traveled outside of the barn and I carefully removed myself out from the Grimes family lock down.

When I stepped outside, a soft gasp escaped my lips when I was met with the leftover destruction of a tornado. Sasha and Maggie appeared at my side, the three of us shifting our gaze around the area.

We moved towards the left of the barn, finding a large oak tree fallen over it's side but giving us access to the most beautiful view.

We were greeted by a wide open field. The sun peeked over the horizon slightly — making the skies mixed with yellow, pink, and blue. My mouth fell open in awe. "It's beautiful," I whispered.

Maggie suddenly reached for my hand and I quickly turned my chin to meet her soft stare. She gave it a single tug, causing me to follow her and Sasha to sit down on the fallen tree.

We sat in silence for several minutes, only taking in the beauty of the aftermath of a storm.

"I miss her." Maggie's words caused my heart to tumble within my chest, our hands still intertwined when I squeezed hers reassuringly.

"Me too," I nodded slowly. "But she's not alone." I turned towards Sasha, tears blurring her vision once I laid my free hand on her back. She accepted the comfort — after spending hours and days avoiding everyone else that tried to approach her about Tyreese.

Both girls shifted closer towards me on the tree and I allowed them both to absorb all my energy. If it meant they were going to be okay then they could have it all — everything I was able to give.

Maggie reached into her tan satchel and pulled out a yellow box, placing it on her lap. "Carl found this — gave it to me as a reminder of Beth." A smile stretched across her lips. "It's a music box. It didn't work before but Daryl fixed it."

She opened the lid and a small ballerina appeared with a mirror reflecting back at us. She reached behind the box to wind the music up, and I waited with anticipation to hear the music, but nothing played.

The box made a pathetic broken sound and Maggie's mouth fell open with a scoff. "You got to be kidding me."

I tried to fight back to smile threatening to form on my lips, but once Sasha began to laugh, Maggie and I followed.

"Hey."

Like a runner in a triathlon, I jumped up from the tree with quick haste and my hand gun pulled out — aimed directly towards a man with his arms held up in defense.

Sasha and Maggie spun around the moment I stood up but I purposely positioned myself in front of the girls with my eyes heavily narrowed towards the stranger.

"I didn't mean to interrupt. Good morning," he spoke with a soft smile. "My name is Aaron." My gaze followed him as he slowly shifted towards the right — hands still raised and a smile ghosting his lips. "I know, stranger danger — but uhm, I'm a friend."

From a friend.

"I — I'd like to talk to the people in charge. Rick and Sienna, right?"

"How do you know — " Maggie was cut off by my own voice. My head twitched towards the side, "why?"

Aaron's eyebrows raised slightly with his gaze settling on mine. "I have good news."

My lips partly opened to speak — only to clamp my mouth shut when I heard the music from the music box beginning to play. Sasha, Maggie, and I slowly turned our heads to look at the box. The ballerina from inside slowly spun in circles.

dylan
this episode being my favorite verison of rick btw and him staring at sienna because he thinks shes the most beautiful thing in the entire world. might as well end the story right now and pretend they all live happily ever after.