meanstreak
rick grimes 𝘹 fem!𝘰𝘤
© WANDARYEN ──── 2024

"May she Rest In Peace, above the clouds, with her family." Gabriel spoke softly after closing the small black leather bible in his hands.

I peeled my gaze away from Beth's grave. If I had to stare at it any longer than I was going to vomit.

Maggie's arms tightened around my waist from behind while she silently sobbed into my back. I felt like I was drowning in all my emotions and I had no way to properly express the pain looming around my heart.

My throat felt raw from the amount of crying I've managed to produce in the past hour. My tears were bloodshot, no doubt, from the endless tears and constant smearing away with my hands. 

We drived as far away from the hospital as we possibly could — away from the one place that took Beth from us.

Maggie found a tree that we could bury her next to and I spent time picking flowers to put overtop her grave.

The longer I stood here — the closer I felt to erupting.

I carefully pried Maggie's grasp from my body and started walking away from the group — away from Beth.

I allowed my feet carry me out of the field and onto the streets. I looked where a pile of cars were abandoned and on standby with a handful of walkers lingering around them.

My fingers grazed against my knife as I slowly pulled it out of its sheath and walked towards the walkers. I snatched the first one by its shirt and pushed it up against the car before driving my knife into its skull.

Three were left and they slowly surrounded me with an attempt to attack.

I kicked the next one to the ground with a grunt, stabbing it in the skull before attacking the next — carelessly dropping us both to the ground before repeatedly stabbing it in the forehead.

Fresh tears dropped onto their rotting flesh, nearly blurring my own vision but I filled with pure rage that kept me going.

All I saw was red.

The last walker tripped pathetically over the previous ones I had already taken down. Its arms stretched out towards my legs in haste to grab my jeans but I quickly kicked its legs back.

I used the heel of my boot to crush the walkers skull inwards.

Blood was splattered on my hands and pant legs  — my breathing abnormally hard while my chest heaved heavily for air.

I couldn't stop the small cry crawling up my throat, anxiously cleaning the knife off by dragging it across my jeans.

"Sienna," Rick whispered close behind me.

I shoved my knife back into its original position before turning to rick and using my shoulder to wipe the tears away. 

His gaze falter briefly, acknowledging the corpses that lay by my feet before slowly nodding. "Let's get back into the cars and start moving, we have to keep moving."

I shook my head and allowed it to drop from exhaustion. "No — no, I don't want to go anywhere."

I was tired of running, tired of hiding — I wasn't doing shit.

Rick shifted into his feet, "we can't stay here. We need to keep moving." He reached out for me cautiously, visibly afraid of how I would react and somehow that made me more angry.

"I said no. I'm tired of moving." I shrugged and shoved his hands away, my body beginning to sway from exhaustion and threatening to collapse.

I listened to him breathe through his nose. "Sienna." His hand touched my shoulder and I instantly spun around to shove him backwards with as much force as I could conjure up. "Stop it!"

He stumbled back just a few paces, his throating bobbing with worry. Tears made another appearance — this time full of hot anger while I stared at him, clutching my hands into tight fists.

His head slightly tilted towards the side. "Sienna, I've been there, you know that." He raised his hands in the air, taking a step towards me. "I can't let you slip like I did. It's — It's going to be okay, I need you to trust me."

Once he was closer, I quickly shoved him backwards again — a short cry escaping my lips. "I said stop! Enough!" I raised a shaky finger in his direction, "Stop lying to me! Stop telling me it'll be okay! Nothing is okay!"

I started to cry harder and he purposely dared to step towards me. It was as if the rubber band in my body keeping me put together officially snapped and I slammed my hands against his chest. He stumbled backwards — silently accepting the blow when I did it again.

From my peripheral vision I could see the group slowly making their way down the path and towards the cars. My explosion was loud enough from everyone to hear — let alone witness.

"Nothing will be okay! I'm losing everybody — everyone we care for is disappearing." I jabbed my finger in his chest, in which he silently reached for my hand but I slapped his away. "I just buried my fucking sister! I never got to see my father's body! We have nowhere to go!" I aggressively shook my head, more tears streaming down my cheeks. "Just — " My fingers gripped the front of his shirt before I forcefully slammed them against his chest again and yelled. "Fight back!"

"Fight back!" The scream tore through my throat but he did nothing, which caused my anger to grow more severe.

His hands immediately grabbed my shoulders and I was yanked into his chest, trying my hardest to fight against his comfort but he caged me in his arms.

My head slumped against his chest and I squeezed my eyes shut, allowing the tears and the pain in my chest to consume me entirely.

I gripped the back of his shirt for dear life — my knees giving out. He cradled the back of my head with his own resting on top of mine, and his arm circled around my waist.

I could feel myself being lowered into the ground but not without Rick positioning me into his lap and holding me tighter into his chest. His thumb stroked my face with his forehead leaning into my hair.

He didn't say anything — not a single word while comforting me the way I should've been comforted my entire life.

"I feel like I failed your father," Daryl muttered softly. "Feels like I failed you the most."

I subtly shook my head, all the energy completely sucked out of my body officially. "That's not true."

After my complete mental breakdown about twenty minutes ago, I found space in the grassy field full of flowers that I picked for Beth and decided to just sit down. Not shortly after did Daryl come and sit beside me — neither of us speaking for a good ten minutes.

The group remained back by the cars, doing whatever — for once I didn't necessarily care because I needed time to sit in silence to absorb it all.

"Isn't it?" I felt his gaze turn towards me but I didn't have the courage to look up from the grass. "Just like I couldn't save that little girl — Sophia."

I plucked a strand of grass out of the ground and carefully pealed it off the steam, breaking it in half before splitting them in smaller pieces. Once the single strand was multiple specs in my palm, I dropped them to the ground and picked another to repeat the process.

"Maybe we weren't meant to save anyone," I mumbled carelessly.

"Nah, that's not it." He shifted on the grass and pulled his knees towards his chest. "I think that's just your emotions talking. That subconscious of yours is trying to give up."

I raised my eyebrow curiously towards Daryl. "Didn't you just call yourself a failure?"

He nodded, "sure did. But that's me." He tore his gaze off the horizon and looked at me, a soft expression that was usually reserved. "This is you and you're not the type of person to give up so easily. Abusive husband, dead family — lost your father and baby sister, that's fucking tough, but that doesn't mean you can just give up."

I plucked another piece of grass from the ground and twirled it between my thumb and pointer finger. "Daryl, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Of course you do," he spoke while gently nudging me with his elbow. "You got a babygirl that's depending on you, a boy who needs a mother figure — and a man who would kill for you. You have all the weapons you need." My gaze flickered back towards his. "Now you gotta fight."

I swallowed the thick lump down my throat and my legs stretched out further in the grass — my back slouched forward.

I knew I wanted to fight. But the strength in which I needed to keep everyone alive was tearing me down. I wasn't even sure if I was capable of keeping myself alive.

"You need to learn how to channel all those emotions inside of you into protecting the family you have left."

I closed eyes carefully once the cool breeze swept by. Rick's jacket, which was still hugging my body, made me sweat under the heavy sun; but I refused to take it off.

Daryl shifted beside me and my eyes fluttered open to see him standing up with his hand stretched out towards me.

"Come on," he softly encouraged. "Let's go protect your family."

I stared blankly at his hand momentarily before grabbing it with my own, and allowing him to hoist me up from the ground in one swift motion.

He placed a hand on my shoulder, giving me a reassuring squeeze. "Atta, girl."

I sat in the back seat of a car in between Rick and Michonne. Tyreese was behind the wheel with Noah in the passenger seat and Glenn all the way in the back.

We promised we would take Noah to see his family — a promise Beth had made to him when they were together.

Michonnes' hand rested on my knee from time to time and Rick had his arm wrapped around my waist from behind, squeezing it every now and then for reassurance.

Two days ago the entire group witnessed me crash out and take everything I had out on Rick.

After managing to sleep in the care after the initial explosion, I cried again profusely apologizing for my behavior to Rick and laying my hands on him.

He held me longer and stroked my hair, continuously telling me that I was no longer allowed to apologize for what happened.

I was never angry at him. There were plenty of times Rick Grimes made me frustrated or slightly irritated, back when we barely knew each other — but I could never imagine myself being angry with him.

Daryl comforted me way more than I think he intended. The fact he didn't automatically approach me with advice I'd hear from a therapist is what helped me further.

Between him and Rick — they each allowed me to battle through my emotions before crashing out in the end. They knew I needed to go through the motions to reach the end of the final stage of acceptance.

By now I was just tired. I exhausted all my emotions in one day — subconsciously abusing myself with the endless crying which has drained me entirely.

"How far out?" Tyreese asked the boy who sat patiently in the front seat.

Noah glanced at Tyreese and gave him a swift smile. "Five miles."

I felt Rick shift in his seat, reaching for the walkie in his pocket and I quickly moved to sit up and let him adjust. His arm flexed with a little pressure to have my head back to resting on his shoulder. I complied without hesitation.

"Hey, Carol." He then spoke out loud into a walkie.

"Im here."

"We're halfway there. Just wanted to check the range." Rick talked calmly as he glanced out the window.

"Everybody's holding tight. We've made it 500 miles. Maybe this can be the easy part."

"Got to think we're due. Give us 20 minutes to check in."

"We don't hear from you, we'll come looking."

"Copy that."

Rick shifted in his seat again but this time I didnt move as he put the walkie away then adjusted himself in a way I could get more comfortable.

My hands were tucked tightly between my legs before I allowed myself to rest and arm lazily over his thigh — an attempt to feel closer.

His fingers grazed my shoulder before they tenderly massaged my scalp. "You okay?" He whispered softly, his warm breath fanning my ear.

I slowly exhaled through my nose and nodded.

"Two more miles." Noah spoke up.

"All right. Let's pull into the woods." Rick suggested to Tyreese, now sitting up in the seat. "We'll go on foot. Stay off the road."

Noah looked over his shoulder at Rick and I but I stayed in my spot with my head still resting against his shoulder. "We don't need to." Rick's shoulders slightly slouched and he leaned back against the seat. "Just in case." He replied to Noahs comment.

We drove the next two miles before pulling into the woods and parking right next to an accident that seemed to have happened a while ago.

Right after Rick had gotten out of the car, he adjusted his gun holster on his jeans then stretched out his hand in my direction — helping me out of the car.

"This is good." he spoke up, taking a look around the area. "Through the trees, it might just look like part of the wreck."

My eyes wandered over towards the car, noticing a walker that snapped and growled against a closed car window — although nobody bothered to kill it.

"It's just this way." I turned to look at Noah, rubbing my hands together as he pointed in a direction behind himself.

As we all followed behind Noah through the woods, we came across a few large trees that had wires wrapped around as a trap, making it harder for the dead to get close.

Good thinking, I silently thought to myself.

Rick carefully stepped on the lower wire with his boot then used his arm to hold up the seconds wire — creating room for me to duck through.

"Thank you," I muttered softly. His hand reached for my back, rubbing it tenderly before pressing his lips against my temple.

Noah's foot was still pained from the injury he received back at the hospital — which gave him a limp but that didnt stop him from moving with quickness.

Rick had reached out for Noah from behind, placing his hand on his shoulder to gain his attention. Once Noah had stopped limping and turned to Rick, he spoke. "They have spotters? Snipers?"

Noah softly shook his head, "We built a perch on a truck. Sometimes it's out front."

Glenn was the one to look past the few branches to get a look at the perch ahead of us, only to look back with a frown on his lips. "Not today."

The six of us stepped out from the woods and onto the road where an old clock laid by itself. My eyebrows furrowed at the object but neither of us questioned it.

We got to the front of the town, by the big large red gate that was covered with metal so we couldnt peek through, Noah pressed his palms against the gate with a hard shake.

We waited in silence to hear if maybe someone would come and question us, but nobody came.

Glenn stepped to the left of the gate and climbed the small wall to take a look on what was waiting on the other side. I looked up at him with my eyes slightly squinting from the sun, seeing his face was even more pressed with a sadden look.

He turned his chin to glance down at us and gave us a small shake of his head.

Noah was the first to climb over the gate and jump down to solid ground but we quickly followed. My chest tightened with sadness for him.

The first thing we were greeted with was a building that was white with black burned marks from a fire. This had set Noah on edge, making his feet lift from the ground and started running with a limp.

"Noah!" I called softly before chasing after him. His pace didn't falter. "Noah slow down!" I called out again, soon coming to a stop as he collapsed to the ground with a sob.

I quickly kneeled down beside him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and he voluntarily fell back into my arms while he cried.

Rick appeared in front of us instantly, his facial expression mirroring mine. "Noah, I'm sorry. I truly am." After experiencing the loss of Beth and my father in real time, I understood the pain weighing on the younger boys heart. He needed to grieve.

I gazed up towards Rick, watching him stand back up and directing the others. "We should see if there's anything we can use and head back."

"Then what?" Michonne questioned. I shifted my stare back towards the woman, her own eyes flicking backwards tiredly. "They see us," she gestured towards the dead before stalking towards the small group of walkers and using her sword.

"We can make a quick sweep." Glenn suggested, earning a nod from Rick.

Tyreese appeared beside me, kneeling down to the ground with a hand on my shoulder. "I'll stay with him," he nodded — indicating he wasn't taking no for an answer.

I have a small smile, rubbing Noah's back before getting on my feet to trail behind Rick, Glenn, and Michonne.

"Losing Washington..losing — losing Beth right after just finding out she's alive — " I heard Glenn speaking once I had finally caught up to them. His back was against a car as well as Ricks while Michonne looked around in the house garage. "I hadn't caught up with you yet. If it were now, I wouldn't make us stop." He continued as I now stood beside him. "We'd run right by. And I would have shot that woman dead." Glenn glanced over at me as he paused, silence taking over the air until he turned back to Rick. "Right or wrong."

I felt his hand on my shoulder, my gaze averted to the ground while I took a steady inhale with my hands perched on my waist. "Sienna — I'm so sorry. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for leaving with Maggie."

"Don't do that," I quickly stated, flickering my gaze towards him. "Don't blame yourself for something you couldn't possibly have known was going to happen."

"We just — " His soft voice faltered and for a brief moment I thought I saw tears ghosting his vision. "We could've been there sooner for you."

Silence circled around us and I shifted on my feet with my back now leaning against the car beside Rick.

"We should split up," Michonne had suggested. "Grab the few things we can." She added with a nod.

The four of us went in separate directions — entering different houses in search for supplies. I found a backpack and emptied it out before storing canned food inside.

One of the bedrooms had a small pink blanket laying on the floor next to some toys. I folded it neatly before tucking it away in the bag, intending to give it to Judith when we catch up with the others.

When I exited the house and returned to the middle of the road where the others were waiting, I dropped the bag onto the ground. "Found some food, enough to feed all of us but just for the night."

Michonne, one hand on her hip and the other gesturing around the neighborhood. "We could put some of the garage doors together against the break. Park a car against them until we can brick it back up." She suggested. "It can work. This place is surrounded by a forest."

"There's no sight lines." Rick brought up. "Whoever — whatever would be on top of us without us even knowing it." The four of us now started making our way back to Noah and Tyreese, standing side by side. "That's probably what happened."

"That's what happened to us." Glenn commented.

Michonne, who was a few steps a head of us, quickly turned around and paused. "We could start taking down the trees. We use them to build the walls up. Look." She added pressure to her tone, gesturing towards a direction before quickly walking off as we followed.

We stepped right past the broken down wall, coming up to grass that was filled with bodies chopped up into pieces. Arms, legs, hands, laid everywhere on the grass — I purposely ignored all of it.

"It doesn't matter." Glenn shook his head. "You said you wondered if it even mattered if you killed her or not," Bringing up a past conversation he shared with Michonne about the hospital — the woman who killed Beth. "It doesn't matter if you had done it or if I had, or that Daryl did. It doesn't matter."

"Washington." Michonne quickly pipped up. "Eugene lied about a cure, but he thought of Washington for a reason."

"But he was lying." Glenn pointed out.

"About the cure, but he did the math and realized that Washington was the place where there'd be a chance." She continued. "We're close. What if there are people there? Huh? What if it's someplace that we can be safe? We're 100 miles away. It's a possibility — It's a chance." Her voice was becoming my shaky, my eyes drifting between Rick and Glenn as they stared at her. "Instead of just being out here. Instead of just making it." Her voice was trembling, now lifting her hand to point at the bodies on the grass then pointing directly at me. "Because right now — this is what making it looks like. Don't you want one more day with a chance?"

I hesitantly shifted on my feet. "We should go."

Michonne shook her head abruptly, stepping towards me with raised eyebrows — insisting we move towards our next available option. "It's 100 miles away. We should go to Washington."

"Help! Rick — Sienna!" Noah's voice called out from the distance, making me jump slightly in my stance and my body whirl around. "Glenn! Michonne!" He continued to call out and within seconds the four of us quickly ran towards Noah's cry for help.

When we reached Noah, he stopped running with heavy breathing, pointing towards a house behind him. "Its Tyreese. He was bit." He spoke out of breath. "My house." I yanked out my knife and the five of us quickly took off running to help Tyreese.

When we entered the house then the room Tyreese was in, he was in a complete daze. He hadnt realized we entered the room, his eyes close to shutting as his head turned left and right weakly.

Rick quickly took a hold of the arm that was bit, pulling it back as he started shouting out towards Michonne. "Do it, now! Hurry!"

She pulled out her sword and brought it down on his arm in one swift motion. I grabbed a blanket and tossed it to Glenn who wrapped it around Tyreese.

Rick and Glenn carried Tyreese out of the house as quickly as possible — Michonne, Noah, and I following behind back towards the road.

We ran towards the very front gate we had entered from, only to stop in our tracks.

Walkers were pushing up against the gate, giving us no chance but to cut off the lock and kill them off to get by. Glenn had ordered Noah to hold onto Tyreese with Rick — only for Rick to ask Noah to hold Tyreese himself.

Noah only being as small as he was, dropping Tyreese to the ground who now sat in silence. As Rick cut open the gate, I kneeled down in front of Tyreese and grabbed onto his face with the palm of my hands. "Ty?!" I called out in panic. "Look at me! Please!"

His gaze flickered to everywhere but my face — his head constantly rolling back and forcing me to grip his face tighter in my hands. Tears formed and I fought back a sob. "Please," I begged softly.

"Sienna, watch out!" Glenn now called out, stepping towards Tyreese with Rick, the both of them now picking him up on his feet and carrying him out from the gate.

I quickly rushed to follow behind with Noah sticking by my side and Michonne leading the way with a tight clutch onto her sword.

Once we had gotten past the wire and made it back to the car, Rick and Glenn shoved Tyreese's body into the back seat where I climbed in after and let his head rest against my lap.

Glenn got into the car by Tyreese's feet while Noah got in the very back. Rick got into the drivers side as Michonne took the front seat now.

My hands stayed pressed to Tyreese's cheeks in a soothing manner as I looked down at him. "Look at me," I spoke with gentle plead. "Just keep looking at me, Tyreese."

Rick was on the road, driving as fast as the car could possibly go but it felt like it wasnt moving fast enough.

Tyreese's eyes were visibly growing heavy from tiredness and my heart hammered against my chest. "Rick!" I called out but didnt look up. I kept my gaze focused on the man who was dying in the palm of my hands. "Rick, hurry!"

"Im trying!" He shout back in a frustrated matter.

"Hes faint!" I pressed two fingers against his throat in attempt to keep track of his heartbeat.

The car came to a screeching halt, jerking me forward but I kept a strong hold of Tyreese.

Everyone climbed out of the car. I quickly followed while pulling at Tyreese's arms with the help of Rick and Glenn — his body collapsing in the middle of the road.

I watched Rick kneel down to check his pulse, only to pull away in anger.

I immediately slumped to the ground, my back against the car with my knees pressing against my chest. "No, no, no." I sobbed softly, dropping my face into my arms.