meanstreak
rick grimes 𝘹 fem!𝘰𝘤
© WANDARYEN ──── 2024

I nervously stepped onto the porch of Deanna's house with Maggie at my side.

I needed to somehow convince Deanna and Reg to let Rick stay. I wasn't sure where to begin and I had no idea just how bad things are. I've witnessed Rick have several meltdowns — anyone could have them out on the road, but here in Alexandria, it was entirely new to them. One stranger having a crash out was enough to concern them.

Reg smiled at me politely before stepping back and leaning against his house. His wife Deanna was writing on a piece of paper as she turned to me and my sister, a look of worry and concern written across her face.

"We need to talk," she began.

I looked over at my sister who spared me a quick glance before shoving her hands into her coat pockets. "The meeting tonight—"

"I want to talk everybody at the meeting tonight about what happened and what we need to do about it." Deanna spoke sternly.

Maggie nodded her head before continuing, "if it includes sending Rick away — it's not going to work."

I slowly looked over at Deanna as she zeroed her eyes in on Maggie, her hands slowly lowering as her eyebrows furrowed. "Tell me what that means."

I crossed my arms over my chest and spoke up this time, shifting on my feet as I did so. "You've let us all in. You talked with each of us, within our group, and you decided to keep us." Deanna met my glance now and remained silent as I continued. "They're scared, they're confused—, and they might not have the full story. And that's not leadership." Out the corner of my eye I noticed Maggie nod her head in agreement.

"Tonight is just a forum," Reg gently spoke. "It's just for people to say their piece."

"And I'll make the decision as I've done since the beginning." Deanna nodded.

Maggie pulled out her hands from her pockets and turned slightly on her feet, giving me a quick glance. "He was frustrated. Sienna was missing, Jessie was being abused—, not to mention on top of all the other things that has happened in his life." I bowed my head down just for a moment, raising it briefly after with my eyebrows furrowed. Deanna and I locked eyes momentarily but didn't say a word. "—The things we've all lost."

"The things you lost?" Deanna raised an eyebrow.

"We've lost more than you could possibly imagine," I slightly muttered, turning my face away just as Deanna shot me a heavy look. "Rick put Pete in the hospital — took a gun and pointed it at people," she spoke.

"He didn't pull the trigger."

I looked at my sister Maggie as she remained completely calm and still, her eyes shining with a desire to help Deanna understand.

"That's a metric?" Deanna shook her head, "that he didn't pull the trigger?"

"Yes." My sister and I said in sync.

Reg stepped away from the house and turned to his wife calmly. "Michonne stopped him, Deanna. Michonne did."

I looked towards Deanna once more as her frame began to relax and her facial expressions softened. "I'm going to do what I have to do, I'm sorry."

I stepped towards the woman, pleading with my eyes while I hovered my hand over my stomach. "Deanna — what he did was because of me. No, it's not an excuse and I can agree with you on that. But it's also not worth shunning him for a mistake, you can't send him out there because — because i'll go with him. All of us will." I slowly nodded when her eyes immediately glued to mine. "Give him a chance. Give us a chance, it's only been a couple of days — "

"I'm sorry, Sienna." She sighed softly. "I can't continue this conversation further until tonight. We need to hear what the others think."

I pushed my hair back stressfully and turned away with Maggie, quickly walking off the porch and making my way towards the house.

When I entered the front door, I didn't hesitate to lock it behind me as Michonne entered the sitting area and sending me a gentle smile. "How'd it go?"

I made my way over to the small playpen to glance at a sleeping Judith peacefully snuggled on her cotton blanket. "The meeting is going to start shortly—, he should be getting ready by now." I slowly, yet quietly, reached down and gently brushed her hair from her closed eyes before standing back up. "He can't miss it," I muttered while turning to face my friend.

Michonne and I walked into the bed room Rick was sitting alone in, on the bed in his own thoughts with silence.

"Rick, are you ready?" Michonne leaned her body against the door frame as I took a stance beside her with my arms crossed over my chest.

He was looking down at his hands, not meeting our stare as he sat on the bed. "Carol, Daryl, and me — we worked it out together." Michonne slowly entered the bedroom while holding a jacket between her grasp. "Carol took three guns from the armory. I still have one, she still has one." Rick explained while slowly looking up at the both of us. "We lied to you because I wasn't sure how you'd take it, what you'd do." He then out stretched his arm towards her, a gun in his grasp as she sighed and tossed the jacket onto the bed.

My heart rate picked up with some panic. "We plan on taking this place if they try to get rid of us?" I asked simply, Rick giving me a short glance before looking down.

"You think I'd try to stop you?" Michonne added and Rick raised his eyebrows, lowering his hand after she refused to take the weapon. "Well, you did hit me over the head."

"That was for you, not them." She replied sharply. "You don't think Sienna would've done the same thing?"

Rick finally looked over his shoulder towards me and we shared one look before I turned towards Michonne. "Kind of wish I did."

I heard Rick sigh before standing up from the bed and taking a stance in front of the both of us. "I was afraid you were going to talk me out of it. You could've."

Michonne slowly shook her head, "we don't need them here. I don't need my sword." There was a short pause, silence filling the room as I glanced towards my husband. "I think you can find a way," she spoke gently. "We can find a way. And if we don't — we're still with you."

"Even if we have to go," I moved towards Rick, taking his hand in mine. "I'm going with you. Where you go — I go."

He shook his head in agreement, just like I expected him to. "No matter what happens I'm not letting you, Carl, and Judith leave this place."

Michonne shifted between us and we both met her worried stare. "Something is going to happen—, just don't make something happen." She then reached over and grabbed the jacket she recently threw, turning away and exiting the room. "Don't be too long."

"She's right you know," I looked away from Michonne's figure as she went down stairs, meeting the blue eyes of my lover. "There is a chance nothing happens tonight. But there's also a chance something does — but I don't want you to be the one to do it." I squeezed his hand with mine, slightly raising my eyebrows. "There's no need to protect ourselves if our lives aren't in danger."

Rick nodded in understanding, lowering his head to press a short but soft kiss against my forehead before our hands disconnected and he walked back to the bed.

I watched him sit back down on the edge and I turned away, exiting the room in silence, quietly praying that all hell wouldn't break loose tonight.

Darkness fell upon us rather quickly as we all settled around a small fire with big jackets on, keeping us safe from the cold as we waited for Rick.

But everyone's patience was slowly growing thin, including Deanna after waiting several hours for my husband to show up.

I was beginning to worry about future events, like what could happen in the next hour; let alone ten minutes.

I had my hands shoved deeply into my pockets as I eagerly looked around the area several times, my neck beginning to strain as I looked for Rick.

"We're going to start," Deanna decided to speak up in front of the group, quickly earning the attention from both me and my sister.

"Can we wait?" Maggie asked. "There's still people coming. Glenn — Rick."

Deanna looked away from my sister and nodded towards the people. "We're going to start, it's already dark." I glanced over towards Michonne an she simply nodded her head after meeting my stare. "We're going to talk about what happened. Not the fight. Not what precipitated it. We're dealing with that. We're going to talk about one of our constables, Rick Grimes. We're going to talk about how he had a pistol he stole from the armory, about how he pointed it at people. And we're going to talk about what he said. I was hoping he'd be here."

"She said he's coming," Michonne spoke up from the back.

I glanced around and Carol nodded in agreement, speaking in her soft motherly tone. "I'm sure he'll be here. And I'm sure we can work this all out."

I inhaled deeply and slightly pulled at the pockets of my jacket, closing my eyes for a brief moment as Michonne began to explain one of the many reasons why Rick was a good person. I had an anxious feeling weighing in my stomach telling me something could possibly be wrong.

There was no way Rick was going to run away from this, disappear without letting me know. Not after what happened. And I refused to believe it.

I kept receiving small glances from Carol, Maggie, and even Abraham. Like they were waiting for me to finally speak my piece and I knew it would come down to it. Everyone here can speak as much as they like about Rick but in the end all eyes would be on me, his wife.

The second leader figure of our group that gave answers before.

From the very beginning I never expected myself to come this far, let alone be someone many people looked up to. I never viewed myself to have so many qualities of a leader but it was all because of Rick.

I was the farmers daughter who went to college, read books, shy away from alcohol and drugs. I had little knowledge on survival at the time, even when everything went to hell, I knew very little to keep my family safe.

But at least it was enough — for the time being. Every moment of everyday that I became stronger and wiser, it was always because of Rick. If he wasn't showing me directly, it was from the way I watched him. How he carried himself and took care of his family. Everything he did would be to protect the ones he loved and I learned from that. Even if it was the wrong answer.

We had plenty of disagreements, moments where we wanted to shout at each other and release our anger out in the world. But it was never because of each other.

No, we both saw so much darkness that it started to consume us and blind us from what was actually good in the world. Our hope was faltering no matter how hard we tried to keep it up for the group. But every time we lost someone, at least we had each other to pick us up.

"Sienna?"

I quickly snapped out of my thoughts, peeling my eyes away from the fire as I turned to Deanna who was patiently waiting for my response. The crowd was watching me silently, I'm assuming everyone had just about spoke their mind and it was my turn. "Is there anything you'd like to share?"

"Yes," I replied without hesitation. I pulled my hands from my pockets and shifted to face the group, giving them all one short glance as I started to gather my thoughts. "I have lost and I have gained these past few years. Ive faced death on multiple accounts, wished for it to even happen some moments — praying it would be over with so I didn't have to suffer anymore." I licked my dry lips from the cold. "Rick is someone I've been able to confide in. Someone I've wanted to now dedicate the rest of my life to. He can be rough, stern, and even cold sometimes. But everything he does is for a reason. To protect the people he loves. And he would never lay a finger on us."

Some in our group nodded along, but remained silent as I continued. "Rick.. does what he does to show you guys, including us, that we will never have it as good as we do here — anywhere else." I slowly shifted on my feet and gestured towards behind the tall walls, shielding us from the outside. "If he's yelling at you or fighting with you, it's because he cares. He doesn't want to blind you with cookie cutter homes and pretend that what's going on out there isn't scary. As if it's not happening as we speak. It doesn't matter where you put your walls up, how many barbecues you have, or picnics near the lake. We're still in the middle of something severe. And it's not going away any time soon."

"And as far as I can tell," I glanced towards Deanna, releasing a heavy sigh before dropping my arms to my side. "He's the only one trying help you all see that. We can pretend and play house all we want, but it's only going to drive us insane. We can't ignore what's happening out there forever. And that's what he's trying to tell us, what he's trying to teach everyone. He has seen things that none of you have seen. He has experienced pain that none of you could dream of. No — not all of his actions can be excused. But don't paint a target on his back for trying to do the right thing." I looked over at Michonne and she slowly nodded her head, giving me a smile of reassurance. "Because Rick is one of the last remaining hope to keeping us alive— " the remaining words got caught in my throat when I noticed movement shifting from my left side.

I quickly turned my head and saw Rick entering the circle with a walker thrown over his shoulder and blood covering his face.

He walked up to the fire pit and immediately tossed the dead body onto the ground as a woman gasped and others stepped back in panic.

I exhaled slowly as I turned to him, his breathing quick and heavy as he pointed behind him. "There wasn't a guard on the gate. It was open."

I looked turned Deanna as she looked up at her son as he stood beside her and Reg. "I asked Gabriel to close it," he confessed.

"Go!" Deanna ordered and he quickly ran past Rick and left the meeting.

"I didn't bring it in. It got inside on its own. They always will." Rick walked towards the fire pit and looked around the group of people before making eye contact with Deanna and Reg. "—The dead and the living, because we're in here. And the ones out there — they'll hunt us. They'll find us. They'll try to use us, they'll try to kill us. But we'll kill them." I stood up straighter as Rick turned to face me, the both of us sharing a peaceful glance of understanding and serenity. "We'll survive. I can show you how," he slowly turned back to the group. "You know, I was thinking — I was thinking how many of you do I have to kill to save your lives?" I glanced towards the others as they stood silently, hearing Rick out while occasionally glancing down at the dead walker or looking towards Deanna for reassurance.

"But I'm not going to do that," Rick continued. "You're going to change." He then turned Deanna to speak directly to her. "I'm not sorry for what I said last night. I'm sorry for not saying it sooner. You're not ready, but you have to be. Right now, you have to be. Because luck runs out."

I silently nodded my head in agreement, agreeing to every word Rick has spoken tonight to everyone.

Even if it wasn't how I'd go about speaking to them, he did it better than anyone else. Because Rick never sugar coated things.

I looked over towards Rick as he was facing the group, my eyebrows slowly furrowing when I noticed Jessie's face grow completely white and her head begin to shake. There were footsteps approaching behind us and I quickly turned around seeing her husband standing angrily with a knife in his grasp.

"You're not one of us." His face was twisted in anger and complete range, his knuckles practically turning white by how tight he was holding the weapon. "You're not one of us!" He repeated.

Instinctively, I hastily moved towards Rick to place myself in front of him — protecting him from Pete. But his hands found my shoulders and immediately had me pushed behind him. Both of us battling over who was going to protect who in this manner — like we always did, no matter who we were facing against.

"Pete!" Reg was the first to jump in with his hands up in defense. "You don't want to do this."

"Get the hell away from me, Reg." Pete took two steps closer and Reg quickly jumped in front of him, trying to block him from Rick and the rest of us. "Pete just stop!"

"Get away from me," Pete ordered as Deanna started to call out her husbands name.

My eyes flickered towards Rick's hand as he slowly reached for the gun on his waist.

"Get away, get away!" Pete shouted out, pressing harshly against Reg's chest before slashing his throat open with the knife in his grasp.

My entire body flinched before my hands flew to my mouth — stuttering out a panicked 'no!'

Michonne immediately ran up to Pete to tackle him down. I watched as Reg fell back into Deanna's arms as she began to cry out, begging for him to be okay.

Pete continued shouting profanity and anger to be released from Michonne and Abraham's grasp. The knife was no longer in his hand but Rick was beginning to pace in front of us.

We watched as Reg slowly, painfully, died in Deanna's arms. Her tears never stopped flowing as Pete shouted that it was all Ricks fault.

Deanna slowly looked up from her husband and called out Rick's name, gaining his attention quickly as he turned to look at her.

"Do it," the only two words she had to speak as Rick turned to Pete and shot a bullet in his head immediately.

My body was frozen in place as I stood close by to Carol, my eyes moving away from Pete's dead body as Morgan suddenly appeared in front of us. I remembered him from our trip long ago, how we gathered supplies and guns from him. Someone that Rick used to be close with.

He looked between the crowd and the man Rick had just shot down without hesitation, his mouth slightly parted in shock as no one else spoke a word. "Rick?"