meanstreak
rick grimes 𝘹 fem!𝘰𝘤
© WANDARYEN ──── 2024

"We need talk about getting out of here because they're not stopping any time soon."

"No, we stay here and hold out. We need to. That's all we can do."

My left hand gripped the corner of the sewer tightly while my right hand tried to tenderly rub the area on my back that continuously inflicted pain. Lily was glued to my side while frequently checking if the baby had a heartbeat. I had to force myself to stand up because sitting down was growing as uncomfortable. I was sweating profusely trying to keep my breathing under control to my best of ability.

"Sienna." Lily whispered my name as she stood up from the ground, both hands holding my stomach. "I know it's uncomfortable but you should sit down in a position that I can help you stretch your body out. It's struggling against the tension."

"I'm fine." Dismissing her concerns, I peaked over my shoulder towards Carl who was watching me from the ground.

"Sienna," Michonne was the second person to call for me. I turned back around to face my friend. All of us were standing in an awkward circle between Rick, Daryl, Michonne, and I. Lily jumped to my side the moment I felt the sharp pain in my back. Michonne tilted her head in my direction with concern stretching across her face. "Your body is trying to tell you that you need to rest. It's not going to take on much more of this — you have to regain your strength to be able — "

My breathing quickened when another pinch formed in my back. The sweat on my forehead continued to fall even after I braided my hair back to keep it out of my face.

I gritted my teeth against the pain. "Michonne," I spoke sternly while flickering my anxious gaze towards her. "My body has a mind of its own. There is nothing I can do to settle the pain, we're in the middle of a war, it doesn't matter if I sit down for ten minutes. We need to discuss our options so we can get Judith and Carl out of here."

Rick lowered his head in my direction. "They're right, I'm going to have to carry you if you don't — "

"I said I'm fine." I snapped my head towards my husband. Sending him a cold glare to get him to stop. "Now what else do y'all got?"

He turned back to Daryl with his hands propped on his hips. His jaw tightened out of frustration but I purposely ignored it, waiting for other responses.

"Dwight said we'll have to wait it out," Rosita spoke up. "They don't have enough ammunition to keep going. They won't waste it all creating chaos when we're not here, they'll let up soon."

"But how soon?" Michonne responded.

Rick shook his head and dragged one hand down his face. "At this rate Sienna won't make it. Carl can't stay down here. This isn't a safe place for anybody."

Daryl nodded. "I can check up above when the bombs stop dropping — circle around and make sure they left." Out the corner of my eye I noticed him gesturing in my direction with his free hand while the other held Judith. "She's not having this baby down here."

"I'm not having the baby at all," I gritted again with my fingers tightening around the metal frame of the sewer. Any tighter and my nails were going to dig a chunk off.

Everyone ignored me, continuing the conversation about how we're going to manage to escape but the fact they were treating me like I wasn't standing right here was my final straw.

"I could help Daryl get Sienna and Judith out of here first." Rosita continued. "We'll take one of the cars and head to Hilltop."

"She can't go anywhere without those doctors," Daryl interjected.

The sharp jab in my back returned and forced a painful hiss to pass through my lips. I squeezed my eyes shut and my breathing quickened from the pain.

Rick held my shoulder to keep me balanced while leaning in my direction. "Sienna, stop fighting it. Your body is telling you something is wrong — " breathe through it. breathe. "You need to knock it off. If you don't stop you're going to force yourself into an early — "

I quickly smacked his hand away with my eyes flashing open with anger. "I don't need to knock it off!"

"Mom," Carl weakly called out behind me.

Everyone in the sewer grew quiet. Judith turned in Daryl's arms to look at me but I forced my gaze away. My breathing was still erratic and I was overwhelmed by both fear and anxiety. Carl was dying. We were stuck underground while Negan and the saviors blew up our homes.

I swallowed thickly before licking my dry lips to return the moisture. "W-We stay here," I spoke with a softer tone. "Wait until they let up like Dwight said and then we leave for Hilltop." Nobody moved or responded, which was enough of an answer for myself.

I turned back around and positioned myself in front of Carl, taking one of his hands in mine. I tried to offer a smile that seemed real but at this point, I was just forcing my lips into a tight line.

"It's okay to be angry," he spoke tiredly while giving my hand a squeeze.

I shook my head. "I'm not angry with you," I whispered more softer. "Not ever."

Rick slowly kneeled down beside me again with his hand resting over my back. Even after snapping at the group he continued to comfort me by tenderly rubbing the area that caused the most concern.

"I wasn't sure if you'd make it back in time. But just in case." Carl pulled out the stack of papers from his back pocket that I saw him writing on inside the house. My heart plummeted in my chest with the realization.

"I wasn't sure if you'd make it back in time. But just in case, you know." Carl pulled out the stack of papers from his back pocket that I saw him writing on inside the house. My heart plummeted in my chest with the realization. "I wanted to make sure I was able to say goodbye."

Two explosions went off above us and Rick leaned back on his heels with a shaky breath. "No. It's them. It's them. They don't — it wasn't."

Carl slowly shook his head. "I got bit. I was bringing someone back. His name's Siddiq." I glanced over my shoulder towards the man in the corner who remained silent. "We saw him at that gas station, before — It wasn't the Saviors. It just happened. I got bit."

I reached up to press my hands against my face, choking back on the subtle cry when I pictured the bite mark on his stomach. "Oh God," I muttered to myself. He was good, he was too good for this world and it got him killed. He risked his life to save another.

I dropped my hands from my face after using the heels of my palms to brush the tears away. 'We should — we should lay you down. Let's get you comfortable while you're down here."

Rick nodded anxiously and carefully gathered Carl in his arms. "I got you," he whispered to his son before gently laying him down on the cot.

"Is that better?" I asked, reaching for a random cloth and gently using it to wipe the sweat from his face and neck. He offered me another tired smile. "Yeah, thanks."

Siddiq shuffled behind us while holding up a small bag full of medicine and a bottle of water. "I, um, I got these. They're over-the-counter, non-steroidal anti-inflammatories. They'll help a little with the fever. They did for my mom and dad." His voice broke between sentences and his gaze fell on Carls. "Please take them. Your son... he should have them."

I slowly nodded my head and accepted the medication from him. "You're a doctor?" Rick questioned.

"I was a resident, before. Yeah."

"Your name is Siddiq?"

He nodded. "Yes."

I started dumping the pills into my palm, capturing a generous dosage that could help with the pain and fed them to Carl with a sip of water. He took them down easily, resting his head back against the cot with a sigh.

Rick turned back to us. "Did you know he was a doctor? Is that why you brought him back?"

"He wasn't gonna make it alone." Carl admitted. "He needed us. That's why. He was the one at the gas station."

Another bomb went off above our heads and Rick immediately put one arm around me while using his body as a shield to protect Carl from any of the debris. He coughed against the smoke lingering in the air after the rocks above us shifted.

I grabbed the water again and helped him drink a large portion to clear his throat. "You're okay," I encouraged softly while gently stroking back his hair from his face.

Another explosion echoed, this time much further from the previous one, then silence followed after. After another two minutes the sounds of their vehicles pulling away filled the air. "Sounds like they're letting up." Drew mentioned with his head tilted backwards.

Daryl moved towards us and I briefly turned around, watching him pass Judith off to Rick. "I'm gonna go take a look." He gave Rick and I a quick nod before turning back around with Scott, Tobin, and Drew following after.

Rick passed Judith down to me and I sat her in my lap, facing her towards her brother. "Look who it is," I spoke gently to her with a shaky smile. "It's your big brother. Carl's here, baby."

He tiredly smiled and reached out to touch her arm. "She's got so big." I nodded knowingly. "We did something for you the other day when you were gone. You said you wanted to take photos of everyone, our family, and hang them around the house. Judith and I went around the neighborhood and took all the photos. They're waiting for you in the drawer of your nightstand."

My eyes filled with tears and my smile stretched further across my lips. "You remembered?"

"Of course," he nodded. "I remember everything."

"The saviors are gone, we can get everyone to Hilltop." Michonne whispered behind us after returning with Daryl. "We can get Carl there."

"Carl? No." Rick muttered. "He won't make — he can't leave here. I have to stay with him."

"Rick."

"He can't. I have to stay."

I looked up at them from over my shoulder, Judith still resting against my lap while I combed my fingers through her hair. "Me too — I'm staying. We'll both stay." Rick turned to me before slowly kneeling down in front of me. He held the side of my face in his hand wanting to speak but I shook my head. "I know what you're going to say. What all of you want to say — but this is our family." I gently picked Judith up from under her arms, lifting her in the air with the help of Rick.

"Will you take Judith?" He asked Daryl. "She needs to be there," his voice cracked briefly and his head shook. "If she — if anything happens — "

"I'll take her." Daryl nodded. "I'll get her there. I'll keep her safe. I got this."

Carl tiredly switched positions on the cot and sat up with his back leaning against the sewer wall. "Let me say goodbye." I turned back to him with Rick, the both of us sitting back down in front of him with Judith. A smile slowly stretched across his lips while he spoke to her directly. "You be good, okay? For Sienna. For Dad. You gotta honor him. Listen when he tells you stuff. You don't have to always. Sometimes, kids got to show their parents the way." I lowered my head briefly when tears began rolling down my cheeks, watching as he reached for his hat and held it in front of him. "This was Dad's before it was mine. Now it's yours."

"I don't know. Just — just having it and It always kept Dad with me. It made me feel as strong as him. It helped me. Maybe it'll help you, too." He released a shaky breath before sniffling, holding back his own tears. "Before Mom died — she told me that I was gonna beat this world. I didn't. But you will. I know you will."

I covered my mouth with my hand to block out any lingering sobs trying to crawl up my throat. Judith reached for Carl with both arms but Rick lifted her up and handed her towards Daryl. Her cries grew louder, wanting to fight against leaving.

Daryl turned to us and nodded down towards Carl. "These people. You saved them all. That's all you, man." Tara hesitantly followed after him down the sewer drain — leaving Rick, Michonne, and I with Siddiq.

The stranger shifted off the floor and moved closer towards Carl. "You were helping me honor my mom. Not just yours. Mine, too." He lowered his head, sadness stretching across his face. "You brought me here. You gave me a chance. I know I can never repay you — but I can honor you by showing your people, your f-friends, your family that what you did wasn't for nothing. That it mattered. That it meant something. Because it did. So that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna honor you, Carl."

Carl breathed in deeply and stretched his arm out, offering his hand to Siddiq with a smile. "Congratulations. You're stuck with us."

When Siddiq left to follow the others, it was Michonne's turn to finally kneel down in front of Carl. I moved backwards with the help of Rick, standing to my feet and gently holding under my stomach.

"I don't want you to be sad after this." Carl spoke.

Michonne leaned closer while taking his hand in hers. "Carl."

"Or angry. You're gonna have to be strong. For my dad. For Sienna — Judith. For yourself."

"I will."

"Don't carry this." He continued. "Not this part. You're my best friend, Michonne." His silent tears mirrored her own as she began to cry heavily. "You're mine, too. You're mine." They embraced each other in a tight hug before she stood up and turned to Rick and I. "I can wait — if you guys want. I can sit in a car down the road."

Rick placed his hand on her shoulder and shook his head. "It's alright. Thank you."

"Sienna?" I quickly turned to Carl and returned to my position beside him. "I want you to know — you taught me a lot of the years we've known each other. You helped me get through the loss of my mom, you were there when she died — you were there afterwards."

I bit down firmly on my lower lip to gain better control of my emotions but I couldn't subdue the tears from forming. "Before she died, she made me promise that I will take care of you and Judith," I whispered softly while taking his hand in both of mine. "You were going to become my family and that's all she wanted because she believed you would be safe with me." I let out a choked sob, much against my will from the memory. "I feel like I failed her because I couldn't protect you — this isn't how it was supposed to be. You were supposed to outlive all of us. I promised her."

He slowly shook his head and grabbed my hands tighter. "That's not true. You got me this far and you taught me something important. You taught me to give people a chance — not all of them are bad. Not every mistake defines you as a person." I nodded my head in agreement with the uncontrollable tears dropping onto our hands. "But it's what you do to make up for what you've done is what defines who you really are. You have to make me a promise, something between the both of us."

"Okay," I smiled to the best of my ability, leaning forward to brush some hair out of his eye. "Okay, I will."

He smiled softly in my direction. "Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance." My head tilted curiously at his words with my eyebrows furrowing slightly at the familiar quote. "And when you get the chance to sit it out or dance — I hope you dance."

A rush of warm fresh tears blurred my vision and I could no longer contain my cries when I lowered my head onto his chest and released a choked sob.

"It's okay," he whispered to me while using his free hand to hold the back of my head. "You're the best mother figure I could ever ask for and I know you're going to make things right with Judith and Adaline June." His words were piercing my heart like a knife and I wished he would stop so I could get myself under control but this was the end — this was the last time I was ever going to hear his voice. "Any time you both forget what I look like, just look at the picture in the locket and I'll always be here."

I lifted my head and whispered. "I love you so much, Carl. Thank you for giving me a chance."

"I love you, Sienna."

Rick gently placed his hand on my back and I turned to him slowly. "I need your help — getting out of here."

It didn't matter how much pain I was in. It didn't matter if I was going on to carrying a seven month old baby inside me — Carl was here first, and I was going to help carry him somewhere safe no matter what. Any strength I had left was going to be for him.

We managed to get him out of the sewer and carry him across the street towards the church. Rick used most of his strength to lift Carl up the steps and carefully lay him on the floor of the building. Most of it was damaged but it was one of the few that wasn't bursting in flames.

"Thanks for — for getting me here." Carl breathed out heavily.

"I'm — I'm sorry." Rick slowly shook his head. "I-I just — I didn't — I didn't want you out there."

I lowered my gaze towards Carl, sitting on the opposite side of Rick. "No, no for getting me here. For making it so I could be who I wound up." His breathing grew shallow. "Back at the prison when we got attacked — there was a kid, a little older than me. He had a gun. He was starting to put it down, and I shot him. He was giving it up, and I — I just — I shot him. I think about him. What I did to him and how easy it was to just kill him." He slightly turned his head towards me. "That's why I wanted to be better, to give people a chance — like you did for Aaron, for Alexandria."

Rick slowly leaned forward with his own tears falling onto his sons body. "Carl, no. No." He quickly shook his head. "What happened, what you'd lost, all those things you had to — had to do. You were just a boy."

"And you saw it. What it did. How — How easy it got." Carl continued. "That's why you changed, why you brought those people from Woodbury in You brought them in, and we all lived together. We were enemies. You put away your gun. You did it so I could change, so I could be who I am now. What you did then — How you stopped fighting..it was right. It still is."

A tired smile slowly stretched across my lips while I reached up to brush the tears away from my cheek but they continued to call nevertheless. "It can be like that again. You can still be like that again." Rick slowly shook his head. "I can't be who I was. It's different now."

"You can't kill all of 'em, Dad. There's gotta be something after. For you and for them. There's gotta be something after. I know you can't see it yet — how it could be. But I have. You have a beard. It's — It's bigger and grayer. Sienna is happy and healthy, my sisters are older, and they're listening to the songs that I used to before. Alexandria's bigger. There's new houses, crops, and people working. Everybody is living — helping everybody else live. If you can still be who you were, that's how it could be. It could."

"Carl," Rick whispered softly. "It was all for you. Right from the start. Back in Atlanta, the farm. Everything I did, it was for you. Then, at the prison, it was for you and Judith. It still is. It's gonna be. And nothing — nothing's gonna change that." He lifted his gaze towards mine and I nodded eagerly in agreement.

"I want this for you, Dad. For the both of you."

"I'm gonna make it real, Carl. I promise. I'm gonna make it real." He lifted his hand and kissed the top of it firmly with more tears collecting. "Carl — I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. A father's job is to protect his son."

"Love. It's just to love." He slowly reached for the gun in his holster and my body immediately seized up with tension. "No, no." Rick shook his head just as I placed my hand over Carl's, my bottom lip quivering heavily. "It should be dad — it has to be — "

He nodded slowly with a ragged breath inwards. "I know. I know. Somebody you love. When you can't do it yourself. But I still can." I furrowed my eyebrows tightly and watched as he slowly pulled the gun out. "I grew up. I have to do this. Me." He lifted his gaze towards Rick and smiled. "I love you."

Rick's mouth fell open with a silent choked cry before nodding. "I love you, too." I watched him lean down and kiss Carl's forehead gently while stroking his hair. "I love you Carl. I love you so much. I'll make it real. I will. I will."

My shoulders began to shake when my cries continued to carry out. I didn't want to leave him, I wasn't ready — even after all the goodbyes I still wasn't ready.

"It's going to be okay," Carl whispered to me. "I love you, thank you for helping to raise me — for everything."

Rick gently held my elbows and helped me to my feet. Another cry fell from my lips and I continuously looked back at Carl while Rick practically carried us both out of the church and onto the front porch.

I turned my back towards the open door and leaned against the pillar. Silence surrounded us with the sun peaking through the trees. Rick slowly sat down on the steps at the porch and buried his head in his hands.

I counted slowly in my head. I tried counting every beautiful thing that I saw standing outside — between the sky, the sun, the trees, and the birds flying by.

My head throbbed heavily and the baby inside me kicked, the same moment the silencer went off behind us.