Jude

I'm overwhelmed with emotions right now.

It was already very weird that I had sex with my mate while my brother was doing the same simultaneously. I'm mortified by this. Embarrassed. Confused. But mostly I freaked out once Beck was medicated and we could make sense of what had happened to us.

The only thing that held me back from a full blown meltdown was the fact that neither of us had any interaction with the other in the duration of the love session. In other words, I was solely focused on Beck and so was Quentin.

It might sound confusing if we take into account there is only one mate for the both of us, but we were smart enough to divide and conquer. Each Alpha was enjoying one side of Beck. It wasn't an ordinary threesome because we're not ordinary people.

And that 's fine. It's in the past now. I had a very good time if you consider the fact that I was able to be there for my mate and he was the one giving me life. Truth is I was so drunk on his heat pheromones that we could have had an audience watching us and I still wouldn't care at all.

But that was then, this is now.

It's December 30th. Talla took her son to see a doctor because of his heat. We still don't know what kind of werewolf Beck really is and why he was struck by heat instead of rut. Usually, only omegas are struck by heat.

But if Beck was tested for it at birth and it came back negative, then what breed is he?

But that is not the most prominent question to be asked at this time, not really.

I don't care what kind of werewolf Beck truly is, I care that there's a very good chance that he is pregnant with my brother's baby. Yeah, I did not see that coming... *gasp*

Quentin is low key freaking out about it. His head has been spinning since yesterday when we found out about the whole 'knotting' thing and its ramifications. And it hasn't stopped spinning since. But he's not the only one overwhelmed by this unexpected twist of fate.

If Beck's pregnant with Quentin's baby, that means whatever the result of the upcoming battle for Alpha, his child will succeed us.

Remember Owen's theory about why both of us got mated to the same boy?

That it was the only way the Goddess thought to control our offspring?

Because the first child of an Alpha becomes another Alpha. It's the same standard used by the monarchy. Queen Elisabeth was the first daughter of the King. King Charles is the first son of the Queen. And one day Prince William will be the next King of England, for he is the first son of his father.

And no, I cannot wait around for Beck to have my child in case I win the fight. I mean, I cannot place a second born to succeed me as Alpha. This would essentially open a whole can of worms about the succession itself.

If I do that, then Quentin's child will challenge my child for Alpha because they will feel like their cousin / brother stole the position from under them. And they would be right, in all honesty. That's assuming Beck would decide to have another child.

The whole point of mating us both to the same person is to guarantee that the Alpha succession wouldn't turn into a Game of Thrones. Also, I highly doubt that the Wolf Council would let me choose a second born to succeed me.

We don't choose between children. We can't decide fate. First born, first served. It 's that simple. And again, the whole point of the double mating. Quentin knows it. And I certainly know it too. There's also the small detail that there's no way of knowing whose child Beck would have second.

You can't do a DNA test to determine if the baby is mine or Quentin's because we're twins, so our DNA are an exact match. Yeah, I know. The only way of knowing this child would be Quentin's is because he was the first one to have unprotected sex with our mate. It's virtually impossible for Quentin to have knotted Beck "in vain".

Dragomir once joked that Quentin and I not only would have to battle for Alpha, but we'd have to race to the finish line to see who would be the first to put a baby in our mate's belly. I guess he won that competition before I could even have the chance.

I don't wanna sound petty, but I'm not okay with this.

It's not to say that I don't support my mate or my brother, I do. But I thought we'd have more time. I thought we'd fight for Alpha first, then take our chances with our mate and his ability to conceive. That we weren't sure if he had it, let's be honest here.

Though I'm still not certain, I'm betting there would be no other reason to pair us with him. Like it was said before, all Alphas are born of Lunas. An unmated child would not be seen with kind eyes by the pack.

It sounds silly for a human, but if our mate couldn't conceive then the Atwood dynasty would be in serious jeopardy. I'm not exaggerating. People would see this as a sign that the Moon Goddess no longer favors us and decided to change leadership in our pack by force.

No, I'm not kidding. It's actually very serious. Werewolves take what our Goddess says dead seriously. Do you think Quentin and the jocks were the only ones to look at Layla with judgment because she's an unmated child?

I wish it were that simple. But werewolves are very traditional in many ways.

It's not that they care that their Alpha(s) is queer. It's not that they care that the future Luna is a boy instead of a girl. They probably do, but more than anything else, they respect the Goddess's choice. She chose Beck for a reason and that decision has to be obeyed.

We're not fit to question Her choices. That's not what this is about.

But if for some reason Beck can't produce a true heir, then it's curtains for us Atwoods.

We have 25 thousand people in our pack and counting. That's a LOT of opinions to contend with.

I choose to believe Owen's theory. My father and mother have led this pack with honor and respect for two decades now. There's no reason to believe She would be dissatisfied with us and would seek to end the Atwood dynasty.

Basically, this all adds up to one inconvenient truth. Kuckunniwi Becker is most definitely pregnant. Heat serves two purposes. Getting marked and becoming pregnant. That 's it. That's why omegas are so guarded during this time. That's what we thought would happen to Sam after Bode succumbed to his heat.

It's virtually impossible that an omega mated during heat doesn't fall pregnant.

I know Beck isn't an omega, but my point remains the same.

"The doctor said that physically I was fine, I don't have any scars or wounds. He told us I'd have to see a specialist to sequence my DNA to figure out what kind of werewolf I am, if I'm not an omega. He never heard of anyone who isn't an omega to get struck by heat, aside from female werewolves in some severe cases."

Beck was telling us about his visit to the doctor as soon as he arrived home with his parents. It's little past eleven in the morning. We were waiting for them in pins and needles, especially Quentin.

"He said it was too soon to do a pregnancy test and that it wouldn't detect it now since it just happened. But in his opinion, the only reason why someone like me would be paired with two Alphas is if I had the ability to conceive. He also said that heat can only lead to that. It has no other purpose than to push me to complete the bond and get pregnant."

"Did you tell him about the–"

"I did." - Beck cut me off, blushing in front of his parents. I'm uncomfortable too, but I had to ask him about the knotting. - "He said that it only reiterates his belief that I'll conceive the child of whoever took me first." - He explained, glancing at Quentin as he said that.

All four of us stare at my brother for a moment and he blushes intensely because of it.

"There's nothing he could do to stop the pregnancy?" - I inquired, though I already knew the answer to that.

"No. He is a local G.P. He doesn't have the knowledge or the resources to pull off something like that. I'd have to see a werewolf fertility specialist and those are not easy to come by." - Beck replied, breathing out a defeated sigh.

Quentin moved to hug him, trembling in nervousness from the upsetting news.

"I'm so sorry. If I could afford it, I would fly you to New York today." - He told him, feeling our mate's apprehension.

"There's no guarantee that the New York doctor would see my son on such short notice and this close to New Year's Eve." - Viho chimed in, frowning at his son.

There was tension in the air. Mr. and Mrs. Becker seemed at odds about this decision. I'm sure it would be expensive for them to fly out to New York on such short notice in the middle of the holidays. I get that, but still... If I could afford it, I'd pitch in.

"What would happen to your child if Quentin doesn't win the Alpha position? How would that go?" - Viho inquired of his son with an expression of curiosity on his face.

"It doesn't matter who wins the fight. Beck's first child will succeed whoever becomes Alpha after my dad. The child will have Atwood blood, regardless of who their father is." - I replied to him in a matter of fact tone.

I'm disturbed by this. Quentin looks uncomfortable by my statement, but he knows this to be true. It's not like I can change the rules of engagement. Like I said before, it's not up to me. We're talking about centuries of tradition.

The Beckers exchanged an awkward glance among them while I walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. I'm so distraught by all this. A baby will completely derail all our plans, especially college. Fuck. My. Life.

Should I even fight Quentin if his son will become Alpha nonetheless?

Well, I probably shouldn't forfeit the fight. For one, it wouldn't be fair to Layla who got so excited when I asked her to be my Beta. Me giving up now because my nephew would be the next Alpha after (possibly) me does not bode well for our friendship.

Not to mention that it sounds petty and selfish to relinquish my right and potential decades of leading our pack because of a technicality. Sorry, I'm freaking out right now. I'm spiraling. I didn't think we'd be here so soon, dealing with this type of situation.

I don't know why I feel so cheated right now. Why should I care that my nephew becomes the new Alpha instead of my son? I just said he'd have the exact same DNA as my offspring.

Tears come to my eyes.

I'm gulping down a glass full of water nervously, shaking. I don't know why I'm freaking the fuck out about this, but I am. I think in some ways it would be better for me NOT to know for sure whose child my mate bore.

It's silly to turn this into yet another competition between me and my brother. I was never the competitive one and here I am, having a meltdown because my brother has secured his line in the succession. Even though we literally share the same blood.

Don't mind me, I'm a mess right now.

"Hey, Jude." - Beck approached me inside the kitchen after I had my third glass of water.

"I know all this news is troubling. Trust me, a baby was not in my plans either." - He continued, widening his eyes. Beck was just as nervous as me, but I'm feeling so defeated right now.

After I put the glass down, Beck gave me a warm hug as he felt my emotions shaking me. Tearing up as he hugged me, I had nothing to say to him at this time. I couldn't make this about me if he is the one at risk of being pregnant.

"I'm sorry this happened. I know you might feel like I'm carrying your brother's child, but I'm not. I'm carrying our child. This baby will have three dads, not two dads and an uncle. You're mistaken if you feel this way because I'm not accepting this." - He stated in a serious tone, still hugging me for comfort.

Beck took the time to hug me for a while, spreading his sweet mate pheromones to calm me down. He could sense my apprehension, nervousness and everything else that I'm feeling. And he made sure to quiet me down.

"I'm serious, you know? If I am pregnant, this is our baby. Not just mine and Quentin's. You'll never be an uncle and neither will your brother." - He continued, staring at me with a fierce conviction.

"I agree with Beck." - Quentin chimed in, stepping into the kitchen calmly. He was looking apprehensive and his eyes fitted from me to Beck. - "We have no way of knowing for sure whose child it is. I know you may think it's mine, but you can't know for sure. And I don't want us to waste any energy thinking about fatherhood, except to provide this child with the best dads they could possibly have." - He affirmed, adamantly.

My brother also hugged me. He's probably right. I shouldn't concern myself with which sperm did its job. If my mate is really pregnant, then it's my baby too. There should be no other way of looking at the situation.

Talla whipped up some lunch with all our help and we ate it hungrily. Viho left for his office in the afternoon and she took us to see the recreational center where she used to work. It was closed because of the winter break, but she pulled some strings and got the key.

It was nice to see the place that helped form my mate's infancy. I was lost in its library for so long, reading about the first Cheyenne werewolves and how it was before my people arrived in America. It was good to have this background on native americans.

We rarely get taught about indigenous people and their culture in school. I also found a book on two spirits and their significance to the pack and the native population.

Just to think that before colonization NO ONE was discriminated against for who they love. I know, right? What a revolutionary concept! Queer people living in peace and harmony, being a part of the community without any sort of discrimination.

Beck showed me where he played, where he learned. Talla showed us the classroom where she used to teach kindergarten. Quentin was straight to the video games available in another room. Come on, dude? Who cares about games when you have this many books?

"Hey, Jude." - Talla approached me when we were alone in the library.

"I just wanted to check in with you and to reaffirm what my son had already told you. Don't worry about paternity. If Beck decides to have this child, it'll be the three of you who'll become fathers. There is no question about it." - She declared, leaving no room for debate.

Did she just say "if"? *widens his eyes*

"I know, Mrs. Becker. I'm fine with it now." - I said, breathing out a sigh.

Talla offered me a supportive hug before she walked away from the library.

I guess there's a decision to be made. I didn't think that far, to be honest. But Beck is within his right to terminate the pregnancy if he so wishes. I have to respect that, though I'm not so sure that's what I want. We'll see how the coming days will unfold.

We don't even know if he's actually pregnant. Though if he isn't, I don't know what will impregnate him, to be honest. Time will tell...

"Hey, Jude. Let 's go home." - My mate pulled me away, otherwise I'd spend the whole night locked away in this fantastic library.

https://youtu.be/A_MjCqQoLLA

A|N: Wow. I have been saving this song for seventy eight chapters!

And this completes my final round of songs named after characters in my novels.

I loved doing this, by the way. I'm already planning to do it again in my tenth book. *gasp*

Oh Jude, don't look at me like that... *swoons*

Next is "Yellow".

Love,

Léo.