Beck

I'm so confused.

So many emotions to contend with after the secret crush revelation.

Honestly, I didn't mean to out Jalensky but once the realization clicked inside my mind, I couldn't hold my tongue. I was just too gobsmacked to stop myself from telling the truth.

It was staring everybody right in the face. Come on, who is the only person he could never be mated to? Probably for the same reason I can't be mated to him either.

Now our relationship seems icky to me, tainted. It's not that I stopped liking him, but now every time I look at him, Jalensky's image comes to mind.

It's not that I judge Jude for hooking up with him, I really don't. If anything, I'd be surprised if a hot blonde like him were still a virgin.

If he was just an ex-boyfriend, I could deal with it. But this situation between them seems so unfinished.

One minute Jalensky is begging a girl to go with him to the homecoming dance, then another he's trying to make me jealous by claiming they kissed just the other day.

I mean, what is it that you want because I don't think their situation is gonna remain the same. For one, there'll be no more sleepovers at the Atwood's residence.

I know I shouldn't care about Jalensky and focus on my boyfriend. I also know that if I play into his hand, he much rather have Jude all to himself. I'm not stupid, I know his game.

Trust me, I've seen my fair share of closeted jocks in my day. But unlike Jude, I was never interested in a secret relationship or a closeted affair.

Again, I'm not judging him, I promise. I also understand how lonely it can get for people like us. The out queers in a small community such as this one.

You'd think things would be better for werewolves, but it doesn't work that way. Though it was better for me back in the reservation, no question about it.

Anyway, now I'm lost. I said I wanted to be Jude's boyfriend and I do, but every time he tries to kiss me I dodge him like he was a pervert.

When it happened the first time, he understood. The second time, he frowned. Now it's getting to the point of...

"What's going on? Do you regret agreeing to be my boyfriend? Don't you find me attractive anymore?" - He backed me into a wall in the afternoon just before the last class of Wednesday.

"It's not that, I promise. It's just..." - I trailed off, afraid to speak my mind. On the other hand, I see no choice for me here.

Jude kept on staring at me, waiting for my answer.

"Every time I look at you, I picture you two together. I'm sorry, it's gonna take some time for me to get back to where we were." - I admitted, painstakingly.

Jude looked down for a second and took a big breath before saying anything back to me.

"I promise you. I have nothing going on with him anymore." - He reiterated, feeling bad for the situation.

"I believe you. But I still need some time. Is that okay? I understand you have no time to waste with your birthday coming soon, but I can't will myself to feel good about us now." - I spoke in a sincere tone.

Jude felt bad for me, released a deep sigh and said:

"It's fine, Beck. I don't mind waiting for you. But I still hope to take you to the dance." - He spoke, sorrowful.

I could feel the break in his voice, the emotional tone. He's dreading this whole conversation. I know he wants me, I can even smell it. But I can't look at him in the same way that I did before. Not right now anyway.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it for the world." - I reassured him with a wide smile. Jude was pleased to hear this, then we walked to our last class together.

Outside of our little drama, the rest of the students seem to be doing well as far as I'm concerned. The couples are set for Saturday, except for Jalensky who can't get a date even if he pays them.

He's completely tainted for the female population now. It's kind of funny though. They can put up with his womanizing ways fine, but the minute another man gets into the mix suddenly now he's untouchable.

I'd feel bad for him but I don't. He's still a rich white guy who's probably gonna be mated to a hot girl, I'm sure. *eye roll*

Actually, speaking of couples, something rather surprising happened earlier today. When I entered the classroom for the first period, I saw a girl approaching Owen sneakily.

"Good morning, Owen. Are you alright?" - She asked, taking the quiet boy by surprise.

"Hi, Elaine. Yes, I'm fine. What can I do for you?" - He greeted her, taken aback by her sudden presence near him.

"I noticed you didn't ask anyone for the homecoming dance. Are you skipping it?" - She inquired, rather suspiciously.

"No, I'm not. I'm the senior class treasurer. I'm part of the homecoming dance committee, so I have to attend it." - He replied in a matter of fact tone.

Somehow, I have the distinct feeling that she already knew that before she asked.

"Oh right. I didn't know that. So, do you wanna go with me?" - She asked, flirtatiously.

Judging by people's stares, no one saw that coming. Except maybe for Rachel, her best friend.

"Didn't Bode invite you already?" - He questioned her, raising his eyebrow in doubt.

There's an awkward vibe in the room for a second, not that it deterred her.

"He did, but I was wondering if you'd like to go with me instead." - She staked her claim, boldly. The boy started to sweat under the attention he was receiving.

"You do know I–"

"You like Layla, I know. But she's practically picking out a black laced lingerie for the evening to try it out with Blaine. That ship has sailed!" - She cut him off, incisively.

Layla, Blaine, Owen all gasped at the same time. But I admire her confidence. You gotta go after what you want. Time waits for no one.

"I'd be delighted to go with you." - He surrendered, flustered. She smiled wide at him.

"Great. I'll text you my address so you can pick me up." - She spoke, practically skipping back to her seat.

Wow. So, that happened.

"I did not see that coming!" - Jude acknowledged it, surprised by her move. Layla too was blown away, but for other reasons.

"For the record, I'm NOT picking out lingerie for the dance." - She declared, looking over at Blaine as she said that.

"You can go commando, I don't care." - He joked, to which I genuinely snorted. Not only me, but the whole class.

Not that I'm experienced with girls, but I understood what she meant clearly. When girls pick out a special lingerie it's because they intend to show it off to someone. And I'm not talking about a friend here...

"It's kind of funny how Owen of all people got asked out to the homecoming dance and Jalensky can't get a date even if he pays for it." - Blaine jabbed in a snarky tone.

Let me tell you, he did not like that "joke". Dragomir is fuming at Blaine all the while Owen is glaring at him too.

"What did you mean by 'Owen of all people'?" - Elaine snarled at him, peeved.

Blaine got tongue tied for a second looking at her, searching for a response.

"Owen is handsome, smart and has impeccable pedigree. He's loyal and honest. Any girl here would be lucky to be with him. You may see a nerdy boy with glasses hidden behind a book, but I see him for what he truly is. A catch. I'd sacrifice anything to the Goddess to mate me with him, if I could." - Elaine ranted, pissed off at Blaine.

Owen's eyes lit up at hearing her speech. We're all gobsmacked by her listing his qualities one by one.

"And he's saving himself for his mate. That's something we don't see nowadays." - Quentin interjected, in admiration of him. Though this time Owen blushed at the backwards compliment.

"You could have left that part out, Alpha. You don't need to announce to the whole classroom that I'm a virgin." - He spoke, flustered.

"There's nothing wrong with saving yourself for your mate, Owen. People should do that more often." - Elaine told him, smitten by the shy boy.

I could smell the powerful pheromones she was emitting right about now. It's like she's in heat even though she isn't an omega.

"I have a feeling someone else had a secret crush. I liked the impeccable pedigree speech." - I commented to Jude in a low tone, though inside the classroom there isn't a tone low enough for people NOT to hear it.

"Yeah, I agree with you boyfriend. Mr. Lancaster, Owen's omega dad, is descendant from an old werewolf bloodline. His father served as Beta. The Lancasters are one of the founding families of our pack. Mr. Hathaway, his other dad, is a career politician, son of a former Mayor. Honestly, I could go on forever..." - Jude explained in an upbeat tone. Owen blushed timidly.

"Wow. I can certainly understand Elaine's point. How come you know so much about his family?" - I inquired, curiously.

"Because my mother is best friends with Mr. Lancaster. They grew up together. Owen's dad babysat me and Quentin on numerous occasions. I even thought he was my uncle at some point." - He informed me, giggling.

"Damn! The Goddess must have had trouble pairing him up. Who can match up with that kind of pedigree?" - I commented, in awe.

"I have no idea. I only know who he'd like it to be..." - He replied, glancing over at his best friend. Layla was not happy about the implication.

On Thursday, students were working to get the school ready for the homecoming dance. The committee and the volunteers are hard at work while others are excited at the upcoming event.

I still couldn't bring myself to kiss Jude, but he stopped pushing for it. He's trying to give me space to process and I really appreciate it.

"Alpha, I was wondering..." - Jalensky was talking to Quentin inside the classroom when Layla giggled for no apparent reason. Jude frowned in confusion at this.

"Why are you laughing every time he speaks? What 's so funny?" - Jude questioned her, puzzled.

"Now every time he says Alpha, I picture you two in the bedroom together and him saying: 'give it to me, Alpha'." - She replied with a naughty intonation.

I gasped in shock at this. Jude looked beside himself. Quentin and his best friend weren't so happy either.

"Layla!" - Jude shouted. - "For Goddess' sake, the only man you should be picturing in bed is your boyfriend!" - He protested vigorously.

I scowled hearing this and Jude noticed it immediately. He approached me and apologized for her inappropriate comment.

"It's not your fault, Jude. He's part of your history, you can't deny it." - I spoke, feeling a bad taste in my mouth.

"The operative word being history. It's in the past now. Please don't give up on me. I can't lose the best thing that has ever happened in my life." - Jude bore his soul vulnerably.

I kept looking at him perplexed by his speech. I can feel he meant every word.

"Damn! The best thing that has ever happened in your life..." - She commented, looking at him surprised.

"If you speak another word about Jalensky, I'll call your father to tell him you're gonna have unmated sex on Saturday." - Jude threatened her in a serious tone.

She gasped at the threat and glared daggers at him.

"He's not gonna believe you, backstabber!" - She rebuked, fulminating him with her glare.

"Are you sure you wanna take that bet? I'd hate for you to be grounded on the day of your first dance with a date." - He smiled deviously at her.

"I hate you." - She pouted, sulking.

"Well, I'm trying to build a lasting relationship here. You should be on my side, not fantasizing like you're into yaoi." - He glared back at her.

I'm glad she's his friend because who needs enemies? But I was really taken aback by his speech earlier. That's not lost on me.

It's Friday. The last day of the week and people won't talk about anything else except for the homecoming dance.

Between the dress code and decorations, dates and last minute invitations, it's the talk of the town. The teen population of the city, I mean.

All this commotion is getting me excited for it, not gonna lie. Though I was already excited to begin with, all this Jalensky business clouded my judgment.

However, after much consideration, here's my conclusion. Whether I like it or not, this happened. I have no choice other than to accept it and move on.

If Jude claims he's done with him, why should I not give him the benefit of the doubt? Why should I suspect anything he says?

He has no reason to lie. At least not me.

I have to believe that his feelings are true. I didn't get here today by letting other people derail my life. Not my father, Jude's brother and certainly not Jalensky.

I have literally one week left with him and if I don't make the most of it now, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Of that I am certain.

I greet my boyfriend with such a hot kiss that literally puts a smile on his face.

"Thank you for allowing me to take my time. I'm done now. I'm yours." - I melted to him.

"I'm happy that you made your decision. I hope to always be worthy of you." - He grinned at me, contently.

We held each other's hands and walked to the classroom together. I'm happiest when I'm by his side, that's the truth. I feel like he's the boy I was always meant to find.

"Do you want to do something tonight? I'm free if you are." - I asked him with a hint of mischief.

"Of course! I'll pick you up after dinner, but there's not much we can do, I warn you. Plus the real fun is gonna be tomorrow." - He replied with a naughty grin.

"Can hardly wait." - I smiled widely at the prospect.

We entered the classroom holding hands, which everyone noticed right away, and calmly took our respective seats. Though not before we share one last kiss.

"I'm glad you two decided to move forward with your relationship. Both of you deserve something nice." - Kingsley told me in a rare good mood.

"Thanks, cousin. Are you going too? I hope to see you there." - I inquired, smiling at him.

"I am a volunteer, so yes I will." - He replied, matter of fact.

"Great. We should all get to experience this for our last time. I know I look forward to it." - I said, feeling good about myself.

"Me too. The last time this happened, I cried hidden in the bathroom. Now if there are tears, they better be of joy." - Jude spoke, reminiscing.

I felt bad for him and his experience.

"Why did you cry?" - I asked him, distraught.

"Because at the time I thought there was no one for me." - He replied with a palpable sadness.

"I'm sorry to hear it. Especially if you had someone in your life that couldn't be there for you in a matter in which you deserve it." - I stated, knowing full well Jalensky and him already had a relationship at that time.

"The truth is I never had anyone in my life. Not in the sense that they'd be proud to take me to a dance." - He declared with a relatable sadness.

I could feel his pain. It's a pain I too once shared. What a nice moment to have between us, even if it's sorrowful.

"Doesn't blowing you in the bathroom stall count?" - Jalensky interjected with a naughty grin, ruining our moment.

Quentin grimaced at his comment. And he wasn't alone.

"No, it doesn't. Shut the fuck up!" - Jude growled at him, irritated at the interruption.

Yeah, so that happened. Like I said before: tainted. But hell if I'm gonna let that deter me.

https://youtu.be/XZVpR3Pk-r8

A|N: I wrote this chapter with this song in mind. What a throwback! And so relatable to the story.

I'm counting down the chapters for the big reveal. Next is "Live to Tell".

Love,

Léo.