Her words were tight slap for me .. she continue "aur abb itne lambe vaqt ke baad achanak uski life me aise entry Lena chahta hai, tab ashine bhi like a mirror vo hi reflect kiya jo tu karta aya hai hamesha se, to tu bardasht nahi karr Paya ..."

Once again letting the tears fell down from my eyes, i felt guilty... "Yaani.... Yaani jitna hurt in dino me ho raha hu utna hi tab Ashi bhi huyi hogi!!!"

"Shayad isse bhi zyada..." Mummy answered

"Aur isiliye vo revenge le rahi hai... yee kehna chahti hai aap?" I was lost

"Nahi beta...vo shayad isiliye tujhe pehle jaisa accept nahi karr rahi kyunki usee lagta hai ki tu phirse usee hurt karega..."

"I swear mummy me apni Maina ko hurt karne ke baare me kabhi soch bhi nahi sakta.." wiping my tears, i cleared it...

"Bass isi baat pe tu teri Maina ko trust dila de.." mom trying to Console me

"Isi trust ko regain karne ke liye hii shayad ye reels vala Idea socha tha mene... Usee Ghar bulake, sath time spent karke sara sabkuch thik karna chahta tha me.. Parr vo to"

My mother cut my sentence"Vo ekdum achanak se tera 440 volt ka jhatka kaise accept karr paati deep!!! Apni housewarming party pe vo last and first time ghar pe ayi thi... Na hi show ke baad tu constant uske sath connected hai.... Infact jitna mujhe yaad hai tu to move on karr Raha tha aur isi vajah se Ashi se judi harr chiz se dur bhag raha tha"

"Yeah.. and I am succeeded... Usse dur rehne me nahi lekin usee apne aap se dur karne me... Itna dur ke vo completely move on karr lii.." i sighed in dejection "but me galat tha maa... Jo bhi ho par mujhe Maina ke close jana hai .. uska saath chahiye mujhe... Lekin abb dar bhi hai ke iss chakkar me kahi usee hi hurt naa kardu .. i mean she had moved on and I can't just... You know... Matlab"

"Yahi matlab toh samja rahi thi me tujhe... You can't Just go one fine day and say, Hello I am back .. it's not like that beta..." Mumny said

"Toh phir??" I asked

"See Ashi jab bhi tumse distant hona start huyi thi tab, kya all of a sudden huyi thi yaa it was gradual process?" Mummy asked

"I felt it gradually... Matlab for sure jab bhi vo hurt huyi hogi, usne kabhi mujhe bataya nahi tha but I.. I had sense during that time ke vo kisi ek badi baat pe achanak kuchh bada ho gaya ho aisa nahi tha... Bahot chhoti chhoti baate ya moments the jinpe... You know... Matlab... Matlab use bura laga hoga..." There were few little moments i could remember where I should have behave in different manner but i haven't... Definitely she was hurt but she never expressed..

"Exactly... To tujhe phir se apni life me jagah bhi vo ekdum aise achanak nahi de payegi naa ... It will take time .." mom explain her point

"So you are asking me to be patient... Or stop whatever I had begun... As in reels vaali baat..." I asked

"I am just saying the way she distant from you gradually... Waise hi she will be healed gradually... Slowly... And she will also accept you, but gradually... Suddenly nahi... Aur haa for this you have to be patient.." mom explained more precisely

"I think you're right mom... Lekin... Lekin i can't Just sit patiently and wait... There has to be some actions from my side... Jo .. jo uss taq pahoche... Aise kuchh bhi na karke me sab normal nahi karr sakta naa..." I said

"Ofcourse deep .... Tu harr vo chhote se Chhoti chiz karr jo uss taq pahoche aur use yakin dilaye ke tu uski life me hai... Tune kaha ke harr dusra insan tujhse zyada important hai uske liye.. to tu pehle un dusre insano jitna khas toh banja Ashi ke liye... Special baad me ban jana... Tujhe sab normal Karna hai to normal rehh uske sath pehle.." Mummy suggest

I start thinking in that direction"mummy i promise that me try karuga ke strangers ke jaise naa lage hum dono next time jab bhi mile... Pata hai show ke baad ki saari parties jinme hum mile hai, humne kabhi aise react hi nahi kiya jaise hum itna lamba show shoot karr chuke hai... Literally mummy hum kisiki bhi company dhundh lete sivaay ekdusre ki .. aur me abb vo phirse nahi hone duga..." I was finally speaking hopefully

"Aur jab dhire dhire vo tujhe in a normal manner accept karr legi to phir ek point pe aake vo ready hogi teri feelings ko sunne ke liye.. samajne ke liye... Aur shayad Ghar aane ke liye bhi... Yaa god knows at some point date pe jaane ke liye bhi..." My mom said excitedly over which I just blushed

I finished this call from jhansi after a while... Smiling like an idiot by thinking that I told my mother about Ashi... Putting aside the landline, i went to my room .. deciding to clean the mess I've created in home because of my brokedown... but... But first I took up the white paper from the floor which I had thrown away in frustration... Again opening it and traced the tag ashdeep written... Again folding and putting it in my drawer... This tag is most precious to me and i can't throw it away from my life... Feeling need to really clean the mess, i started...

Today, after few months of that day... I still kept this precious paper carefully in my drawer... Still smiling like an idiot by seeing Ashi wishing luck to for my show Balika vadhu...

Though she had messeged me for congratulations when she got the news.. i felt I had succeeded in a way to make things normal between us... I used to chat with her sometimes causally... I had keep it really normal when it's about make a call... I don't ever want things to be awkward between us... When we met for listening the song, i didn't let the excitement of mine hidden from her of meeting after long... The mv shoot also went well and thankfully i freed her from this burden of making reels together... I made her understand, It will happen naturally whenever it's time come... To be Honest, today her words made me feel more excited for my show coming next and also for our music video which is going to be release next month...

Ashi:

I was doing live on Instagram... From my Home... Kasish was seated on our bed.. besides me... Not in the frame... Live was going well... I was reading random comments and replying as well.. someone had asked "who is your crush"

I never expected that it would happen publically, but it did... kashish said "Randeep"...

Though as always i said my crush "the forever one is Ranbir"

But kashish's little loud voice didn't went hidden...

Yes she said Randeep

My already blushing cheeks turned more red and i couldn't understand how to react.. i mean my own sister threw me in this dengerous situation... I quickly spoke with attempt of controll over my blushy smile "isne mere baaju me Randeep bola... He is Ranbir.."

My all time favourite, my crush Ranbir... I always took his name whenever something related to crush or love or things related to romance being asked... During yudkbh, it has happened that regarding questions of Randeep, i went on blush and answered... Or regarding cuteness i would have taken Randeep's name... Or i called him hero or my male Love.... My friends, coactors even teased me with Randeep... I never stop them... But after a point i understand that it's not right... So I tried to just keep a normal, ferm expression about any question related to him... with time people even stopped to tease me cause i genuinely doesn't respond... And why would I... I turned matured... I am grown.. not the same teenage girl...

But after longtime it started again... It started from the day of reunion with RJ anmol... the way Randeep had answered all the questions, made everyone teasing me again... though it gave me 440 volt current... than when he shared one of fanpages edit of us and even tagged me...omg!! Friends again started teasing me... I myself do not get the sense to react over that.... I try to be cool with it externally.. But, My internal situation was not something I could have elaborate.... Still, I never knew that this teasings would go on during my Instagram live session.... How!!!! And What if Randeep watch it??? And our fans!!!!!! Damn...

"Shona tu.... how dare you???" I said loudly after my Insta live..

"What do you mean by dare??? I just" she was trying hard to not laugh out

"It's not funny... Kya laga rakha hai tu yaa mummy yaa vo piyush bhi... Tum sab kabhi bhi chance nahi chhodte..."

"Ashi itnaa react kyu kar rahi hai??? Chill"

"Nahi karna chahti me react... Nahi padta mujhe koi farq lekin abb... ye sab tu... Ye harr koi dekhenga naa Insta pe... Kya pata randeep bhi..." I blurted

"Oooops.." kashish smirk

"Aage se please don't do that..." I cleared it

"Baba we'll be careful... It's not big deal... Cool" kashish said and i just nodded... Of-course doesn't know why does it matter to me still...

I remember once my friend piyush had joined my Instagram live... long back... at that time also they used to tease me publically... damn his every comments was about randeep on that live... people easily understood that this is how it is for me... All i new is that initially by my statements , people had discovered somehow that i am stuck over randeep... Or like from most of our offscreen edits, fans do tried to show how do I looked at randeep, or how hard I blushed over his words during our join iv, or capture moment of my reaction whenever his name came in question... Okay i found it cute but i don't wanted randeep to beleive that i am dying for him... Or like i am giving him wrong signals... Or hints... Not at all... I clearly doesn't want him to think like that... And I felt i am succeeded in it somehow... But today... Today kashish had created such a mess... I could just pray to god that he doesn't watch this clip by any chance.... He won't actually until a point, cause he never used to be a social media person.. But nowadays... nowadays those edits or clips over wich i read liked by randeep, are Just dangerous... Yes his likes over particular content of us, as in ashdeep tag making me feel unknown weird feelings...It made me realise that he actually see... Like really he had eye over it... He is aware of whatever it is... Through social media....

Days passed... And Finally this day came... In very earlier days of 2022... month of January... Our song Dil tujhko chahe is released.... Fans are the happiest... And it would be lie if i said that i am less... Cause i am more than Happy..... I kept on checking out sm through out the day... On one side my daily soap had all the scenes of sadness... But here i was the happiest... Our Fans reaction... Not Just their reaction but when I saw the song it felt like wow... Like how nice... How cute... Like we together... Both of us always had this word "our" fans whenever we are United... It's never like my fans or his fans... It's simply us...we...our...

Our song is trending ... Our promo also trended... And finally after the whole day of happiness, we got to talk in our Instagram live... Me and randeep with singer abhi dutt and the maker Mahesh bhaiya... Such a amazing live for me atleast i know.... Cause i genuinely doesn't try to pull up any mask or filter during live... I show all my excitement and happiness.

"matlab abhi to mujhe fracture Hua hai... To me to chal nahi paa raha hu.. Me walker aur wheelchair pe hu" His words again reminding me the news of his injury from sm...

"Haan.. Right.. Aapka fracture Kya lag raha hai apko.. Kab taq ki" Mahesh bhaiya asked

"meri next appointment 28 ki hai.. Toh 28th ke baad kuchh physiotherapy hogi.. Uske baad shayad Kuch ek hafte me chal paau..." Randeep answered

Our excitement filled, happy live session on Instagram for music video promotion ended with reminder for me that he is not fine... Randeep is not fine...

Just few days back I got to know about his show and was happy for him... But within few days I saw on Instagram about his leg injury... I had a chat with him and he had relaxed me by telling that there's no danger... But right now... Right now I just can't... I can't pretend that i don't care...

"Bataya nahi Puna gayi thi tu" kashish held me from my shoulder and laghued.. i didn't really no when she entered in room as I was just lost and seated at the same place where I had live session

"Kya bol rahi hai" i turned to her

"Arree abhi to Randeep ne kaha ke director ne jab last shot liya uske baad tum dono sidha bus me chandigarh se Puna chale gaye the.." kashish actually trying to tease me

"Matlab Dekh liya tune live?" I asked

"Haa Parr tu abhi randeep, Abhishek aur Mahesh bhaiya ke sath live chat pe to itni khush thi aur abhi aise serious banke bethi hai!!! Kya hua?" Kashish asked

"Mujhe kuchh nahi Parr randeep yaarrr... Vo thik nahi reh sakta hai kya" i went angry "pata hai Shona humara pehla outdoor shoot Mount Abu, aur mister Randeep Rai bimar the ... Matlab cold itni jaldi lag jaati hai usko... Jab hum best jodi Bane... 2019 ITA me... Tab bhi vo bimar tha aur zyada nahi Beth paya award me.. Jab taq humara award announce tab taq to randeep jaa bhi Chuka tha... Phir last chandigarh shoot pe usee Kitna High fever tha.... aur vo pura ek Mahina thik nahi ho paya... Aur abb Naya show kar raha hai.. finally humara song release hua hai... Lekin janab ne pair pe chot laga li... Wheelchair or walker pe hai vo.. ye ladka apna dhyan kyu nahi rakhta..." I blurted loudly

"Itna gussa!!!! Yaa fikar!!!" Kashish said

"Jo bhi hai me call hi karr leti hu ekbaar... Isse pehle message pe puchha to vo aise hi sab thik hai yahi kehh deta hai..." I replied

Kashish rises her brows in teasing manner and left the room... I didn't debated with myself to make a call or not...I don't know is it too much or normal to call and ask but it's about my own peace... May be it's just humanity or something else...i really don't know...

Hie guys...after long i am giving you update... I don't know how i just felt to write and i did this smaller one... May be because it's our samaina's anniversary and was seeing it all the day on sm... But i will definitely going to complete this story... Though my readers need to know that my inspiration is their response over my stories... That's it... So do comment and votes... I need reviews from you all...

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