Started out like any other day

Waking up

Trying to get some

Nutrients in me

Then it started

The thoughts

Laying against

My pillows and staring at the wall

I noticed it needed washing

The birds were chirping

The sun was shining

And I realized

At that exact moment

That I had no more hope left

I was hopeless

It was then that I started to cry

Long

Hard

Sobs escaped my body

As it shook

I was trying to cry out

The misery

The pain

The exhaustion

All of it

Maybe if I cried hard enough

I could turn my body

Inside out

And I would be cleansed

Then it happened

I thought to myself

While staring at that wall

"Would they wash it if I was gone?"

It was almost like

An out of body experience

I typed that phrase out

As I was talking to my

Froggy sister Lisa

And I wanted to see what it looked like

I felt nothing

Empty

Seeing those words written

Today I visited the dark place

And it nearly got me

Almost wrapped its

Dark

Vine like limbs

Around my heart

And soul

Taken my light away

From the world

But I'm here

Writing this

Because G-d

Sent me an angel

A woman I've never met

In person

She stayed on messenger

With me for over an hour as

I cried out my sorrow

I wouldn't have harmed myself

Simply because I have no strength

To do so

But if crying could kill

It would have happened

Yet I resisted

She helped me resist

The urge to

Succumb

Collapsing on the floor

Later crying with my mom

I had to get all of the toxicity

Out of my system

I had to dig

I had to dig

Hard

There has to be

Hope in me

Somewhere

I forced myself

Outside to a bright

Star filled sky

Walking first

Then wheelchair

Fresh air is a must...

Then I sang my lungs

And heart out

In a vocalization session

That had me on my knees

In tears yet again

As Celine Dion's

"I'm Alive"

Erupted out of my soul

And as I fought my way

Back to my feet

Gazed around the room

I knew I wasn't giving up

I had willpower

And where there's willpower

There's hope

Today I visited the dark place

It was bad

Real bad

But out of real bad

I fought my way out

With the help of a loving woman

Now I feel

Ready to battle again

In this life

We will always falter

The important thing

Is to be able to ask for help

Lean on people you can trust

Find hope

Dig it out

It's there

Somewhere

But do not ever

Not ever

Give up