No connection to the world outside

Passing of time in this sanctuary prison

Drifting away with closed eyes

As days pass

Birds sing

Cars go by to unknown destinations

I don't belong...

Not to this world

Not anymore

My world

Is lonely, exhausting

Full of self isolation

Where breathing is a struggle

Seasons pass

Winter cold

Spring bloom

Summer heat

Impenetrable frustration

Cement cobwebs clog brain

Don't want to

Cant

Everything is forced

Waking up knowing

I can't walk past this house

Yet not waking up isn't an option either

I want my life back

Looking at photos only brings bitterness

Of what once was

Of people's lives going well

Them blocking me out

After all, who needs to look at this?

If they ignore me

They ignore it

And it can't come after them

So I lock myself away

Because this

This

This existing

Is forced

Going outside to the backyard

While clenching a fist

With nails digging into palm

Until fingers swell and ache

Close to drawing blood

Yet time passes

Nothing stops

Time isn't forced

Neither is this

This illness

It flowed into me

Taking over

Taking everything from me

And it laughed

It's happy

It wants to win

So why bother?

Why fight?

Because I can't let it win.