"Then how do we kill a walking tank?"
"Take out its legs?" "The Vong has his crab-armor even down there." "With bug-bites?" "It will take too long." "Stab him in the face?" "Now you're talking."
-Tahiri Veila and Alema Rar,
"A Destiny Altered"

_______________________
"You're gonna be as gigantic as a non-articulated demonic footworm!"
"Thanks, I guess..."
-Kuzuha Togashi and Satone Schuchimiya,
"Love, Chuunibyou, and other delusions"

_______________________
The person was quick, but there was no outrunning a teleporter who knew the alleys of District 7 as well as the underwear of her own roommate
-Kuroko Shirai
"A Certain Messy Predicament"

_______________________
The light at the end of the tunnel is usually a squid tank cannon. In cases where this is not true, inform your Chaplain. Clearly, a miracle has occurred -Lieutenant Isabella McDonnell, 1st Platoon, C Company, 31st Regiment, 8th Magical Division, 1st Army Group of the Ganges
-"Sodales"

_______________________
Emma twitched as Sasha broke open the squid's chest with a kick, then froze its internal organs.
-"Solemnis"

_______________________
Sasha punched her harpoon through another squid in the groin, then ripped it out.
"...You should probably take a break, Sasha."
"Don't tell me what to do, Newbie," said Sasha, grinding the heel of her boot into the squid's ruined genitalia. The squid thrashed, trying and failing to remove Sasha from it. Slowly the movements faded as it bled out.
-"Solemnis"

_______________________
but until then, they were quite enjoying doing their part. As one captain had quipped, "You want me to shell France, with the permission and assistance of the French navy? Who did I bribe to get this assignment and do they want more?"
-"Deva 04: Endless Waltz"

_______________________
Um. Hi Mum. Uh. Nothing much, really! Hardly anything! Like... less than that time I fell through the roof, or the time I was hit by the car, or that time I wanted to see what shooting myself with my own training shots would be like
-"Game Theory"

_______________________
Q: what is the most dangerous kind of dog?
A: a para-dogs

_______________________
What is she made of?

She's made of a pissed off woman with the power of a god, the hormones of a child, and a half-braindead psychotic computer in her head, Susanoo replied.
-Nanoha Takamachi and Susanoo,
"Infinity"

_______________________
"Lastly. Nanoha Takamachi. Arf Harlaown. Vita Yagami. Yuuno Scrya. Led by Nanoha Takamachi, you will form Team Navy."

"What? Navy?" Nanoha piped up, confused. "But I'm air force!"

"The color, Ms. Takamachi."
-Headmaster Ozpin and Nanoha Takamachi,
"Hazredous Interruptions"

_______________________
"Kami-sama, Hayate! It's huge!"
"That's what she said!"
"Hayate..."
"Oh, hush. This is Schwertzkreuz's Zweihander mode!"
-Fate Testarossa, Hayate Yagami, and Nanoha Takamachi,
"Hazredous Interruptions"

_______________________
"What else can you do? You said you're a healer? How... good are you at it?"

"In all seriousness, Mr. Branwen? I could make a portal, reach through it and pull your beating heart right out of your chest, show it to you, then put it back and repair the damage quickly enough for you to survive the experience. I've done it before." She frowned. "That was a bad time."
-Shamal Yagami and Qrow Branwen,
"Hazredous Interruptions"

_______________________
She's been... spending a lot of time with Hayate over this," Pyrrha added.

"I'd almost say it's anorable-"

Ruby groaned. "Stoooop!"

"But I'd hayate to be that person!"
-Pyrrha Nikos, Ruby Rose, and Yang Xiao Long,
"Hazredous Interruptions"

_______________________
We do not think this makes much sense. If someone shoots at you, it is only fair that you get to shoot back. Likewise, if you are shooting at someone, they are permitted to return fire.

-The Misaka Network
"A Certain Droll Hivemind"

_______________________
Kamijou Touma also appears to have superior weapons mounted on the ends of his arms. He always has them close to hand. Heh heh heh.
-Misaka 11111,
"A Certain Droll Hivemind"

_______________________
I think Misaka-11111 is in the top percentile for how much she complains. Clearly they dropped some whine in her vat.
Hee hee hee. Whine. Hee hee hee
-The Misaka Network,
"A Certain Droll Hivemind"

_______________________
'I am neither complaining nor forgetful,' Misaka-11111 says indignantly,' I lie.
- Misaka-11111,
"A Certain Droll Hivemind"

_______________________

Error/Warning: Local graviton probe results uninterpretable. Local space-time does not conform to stored theoretical model.
I'm pretty sure we should leave, Clarisse thought, with deliberate understatement. Breaking your understanding of reality is never a good thing.
-Clarrise Von Rossum,
"To the Stars"

_______________________
"If Eden is so grand, then why did God see fit to cast man out of it? If the divine is omniscient, then why permit the serpent in the garden? It was Eve who ate fruit from the tree of knowledge, but it is clear that the fruit is what makes us human—the ability to be dissatisfied with Eden, the strength and the intelligence to survive in the barren wilderness, the will and the longing to build our own Eden in the wasteland. The very traits that supposedly make us a mirror of the divine. Is Eve the villain or the hero?

It is the nature of this world that we can never build Eden, There will always be those who are this dissatisfied. It is they who will always be the most powerful of our kind, since the nature of magic is a rejection of the world as it is. They are also the most dangerous of us, the most valuable, and the most rare. I brought you here to understand what that truly entails. If you are to be my apprentice, then you must cast off the world, and wander in the wilderness, as I once did, and truly understand where magic comes from."
-Homura Akemi,
"To the Stars"

_______________________
Ye, tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for I am the meanest motherfucker in the valley.
-"Journey"
(A massive mega-crossover)

_______________________
"YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT! "
-GLaDOS,
Portal 2

_______________________
"Oh hi!"

"So, how are you holding up?"

"BECAUSE I'M A POTATO!"
*clap* *clap* *clap*

"Oh good, my slow clap processors made it into this thing, so we have that."

"Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere...well we are going somewhere, alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not doing anything other than that, here's a couple of facts."

"He's not just a regular moron, he's the product of the greatest minds of their generation, working together with the express purpose of creating the dumbest moron who ever lived."

"And you just put him in charge of the facility"
*clap* *clap*
"Good, that's still working."
-GLaDOS,
Portal 2

_______________________
"You're telling me that the Arthra is bigger on the inside?"
"Not at all. It's smaller on the outside." The young man had sounded as serious as he could be.
"What."
"There's a difference between the two, but it takes a degree to really understand it. You'd have to ask one of the engineers."
-Weiss Schnee and Yuuno Scrya,
"Hazredous Interruptions"

_______________________
Signum-sensei's all about the fancy maneuvers and showy techniques. You're brutal, direct, and practical, just like me. I need to be better at it, stronger."

"I think I should be taking that personally," Vita muttered, "but what's gotten you interested in this all of a sudden?"
-Vita Yagami and Juliet Van Saar,
"Deva 04: Endless Waltz"

_______________________
"Here's the Memorial Hall, straight up those stairs and out the cabin, your students should be waiting. Without the grizzly bear the older one was looking for."
-"Master Adept Esien to Hayate Yagami,
"Deva 04: Endless Waltz"

_______________________
"God give her willpower. Because if God gives her strength, she might use it to kill someone"
_______________________

NEW STUFF

_______________________
"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT I'D LIKE TO BECOME YOUR MATTRESS AND SUCK UP YOUR DROOL AND SWEAT AND EVERYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!"

-Haru Sakuragawa
"Riko and Haru and Irukawa Hot Springs"

_______________________

"There's...okay. There's a girl at Tokiwadai who I really, really, really do not want to run into right now."

"Oh?"

"She kind of has it out for me."

"And?"

"And she's a Level 5."

"Ah."

-Touma Kamijou to Index Librorum Prohibitorum

_______________________
The guy I recognize gulps audibly.
"Uh, yes ma'am, w-whatever you say, ma'am."

"Dude, the fuck you doin'?" his friend asks loudly.

"Just be very polite, do whatever she says, and for fuck's sake don't try and make any moves on her," he responds, looking wildly between his friend and me.

"Uh, I can hear everything you're saying," I say at approximately the same volume they're talking at.

The friend ignores me. "Shit, man, I can take her. Got fuckin' powers now, not afraid of some jumped-up high-classbitch-"

"Bro, that's Misaka fucking Mikoto."

"Oh." Now it's the friend's turn to do the loud gulp.
Mikoto Misaka and two Skill-Out thugs, "In Memoriam"

_______________________

He is strong. That is logical. After all, he punches hard. We have not been punched by him, but we have observed him punch the Accelerator. It is one of our fondest memories. -
Misaka-11111

_______________________

"Cessation of Hostilities. War is over. If any Japanese airplanes appear, shoot them down in a friendly manner" -Admiral William Halsey at the end of WWII in a message to the Fleet

_______________________

"Nobody needs an AR-15? Nobody needs a whiny bitch either, yet here you are" -Libertarian T-shirt

EVEN MORE NEW STUFF

The destroyers and their antics... she'd cross that bridge—that structurally unsound bridge over shark infested waters that was also on fire—when she came to it.
-Yeoman Sarah Gale, referring to the Shipgirls of 'Taffy-3'
"Belated Battleships"
______________________

She might love Jersey like the battleship was her own mother, but Jersey's abs just weren't as snugly as Kaga's warmth. The Japanese fleet carrier was like an electric blanket you could cuddle!
- USS White Plains, CVE-66
"Belated Battleships"
______________________

An omake of an omake written by the author of the original story that the original omake is of? Can you say... omakeception?

______________________

Johnston kinda tuned out after that. The argument quickly got boring for everyone but the two girls involved in it. And the rhythmic bounce of Musashi's... musashies was just too entrancing to be  around. Bounce... Bounce... Bounce... So calming... so much more interesting than listen to the battleships argue.
-USS Johnston, DD-557
"Belated Battleships"
______________________

And she was a battleship with flak out the ass, and she had quite a nice, generous ass. Jersey was slinging more flak than certain countries.
-USS New Jersey, BB-62
"Belated Battleships"
______________________

Bringing Dee to a game that relied heavily on the rolling of dice, and thus luck sounded like a terrible idea. An idea on the same tier as 'let's superglue googly eyes to my dick'.
-Yeoman Sarah Gale, referring to
USS William D. Porter
"Belated Battleships"
______________________

Have you seen Commando? If you haven't, get your fucking ass in a chair and don't move until it's over. That movie's so fucking manly. It might—no, it will get you pregnant if you watch it. But it'll be so damn worth it.
-USS New Jersey, BB-62, in an email to USS Alaska, CB-1
"Belated Battleships"
______________________

"Those bitches are Abyssals," said Jersey. "More then that, they're Abyssal Nazis. That's evil fucking squared."
-USS New Jersey, BB-62
"Belated Battleships"
______________________

Bitch, my tits are calm," she growled. "The left one is called Siddhartha Buddha and the left one is Vardhamana Mahavira, and together they are lactating a veritable font of peace and understanding. It is the rest of me that is pissed.
-unnamed US Kanmusu,
"Things involving shipgirls that are no longer allowed"