I'm in a very boring time in the year right now. It's those weeks that I have between sports. Basketball just ended a few weeks ago (my team placed 3rd in both league and tournaments) and I should be starting spring softball soon but something keeps pulling me back to basketball. My dad is trying to get me in a spring basketball travel league currently.

In the meantime, I have been going to school, thinking a lot, and hanging out with my best friend Raven everyday. What am I thinking about? Well, here's where my life gets complicated: boys. That's it, the one topic that never gets old for me at least. Timmy is still in the picture but I can't ignore my feelings for another. I can't stop thinking about him! My friend recently opened up the idea that I may not like him... I may love him. This guy is the tallest 7th grader I have ever met, standing at 6'2! He loves music and art. He plays guitar, can find chords on a piano, writes songs, and is REALLY good at sketching!

There's one problem about my crush though. He's suicidal... He has scars on his arms and sometimes leaves class on the account of anxiety attacks or panic attacks. It makes me sad to see him in that state...I've never really been close to him but I feel like I should protect him and make sure he is alright.

Here's something I wrote the other day: 

The world can be hectic, crazy, and sometimes even scary but I love it, more so I love the people in it. I don't know why but there is this one boy that I can't stop loving in particular.

His name is Kaleb.

Many say he is crazy, emo, and suicidal. But such is the world. I don't see him as those things though. I see him as a fighter, a boy who has beautiful emotion that I, for some reason, adore. I've never really talked to him but he speaks to me every night when I lay to sleep. I've never touched him but I feel his presence everywhere I go. I've never known what love was until I fell for him.

What makes me sad is that I still don't know if he likes me back or not... he never answers my texts. I think he doesn't like me.

I wrote this poem after coming to terms with my crush not liking me a few days ago..

I'm giving up, I'm giving in.

I fought the fight, but couldn't win.

He doesn't love me; he never will.

I have to forget it, I have to think logically, but still...

He makes me shake

At the mention of his name I quake

I still love him

I'd give him a limb

It's not fair

Oh, wait, I don't care

Nevermind, I lied

I'm just tired from how hard I've tried

So, yah...