"The experience is all that matters"
"Better luck next time"
"Don't cry, don't be weak"
"Be a stong girl"

Surrounded by eyes full of pity
Like I'm a bomb that's about to explode
All the words they say
Keep running in my head

Haven't I had enough experience?
Can't I finally get this victory?
What if there won't be a next time?
Because I can't fight another losing game

I hoped, didn't I? I believed, didn't I?
I did my best, so why?
Will I finally win
When I lose myself?

I'm tired of holding back my tears
Pretending to be strong
Hiding the pain with a smile
Lying to everyone and to myself

It scares me
I don't know myself anymore
I'm not 'me'
Is that even possible?

It seems the lies
Became so believable
That even I myself can't tell
Whether it's true or not

I smile and say that it's alright
But my head is a mess
In my heart there's a tempest
My emotions are in a chaos

I can't shed a single tear
Even though I should
And it scares me
How I put on a facade

Are you happy now? I'm not crying
But I'm dying on the inside
I silently cry myself to sleep
Having breakdowns alone

Where no one can see me
So stop staring at me
With eyes full of pity
Because I don't want to cry

My life is like a maze
And I'm a mess
Trying to escape reality
Delaying the inevitable

A life full of delusions
Is a life I would choose
Just to escape reality
Even though it's just in my head

I said "self-love"
But why is my world
Crumbling in front of me
And now I don't know myself

Or maybe this is the real me?
Now, I'm the complete opposite
Of who they thought I am
And who I wished I would be

No one loves me more than I do
No one understands me like I do
No one hates me more than I do
No one makes me insecure like I do

I don't know what I want anymore
My dreams become a blur
Life is a blur and I'm so lost
But in the end, it's still just me, myself and I