our first serious conversation in the relationship

,,We have to sit down and talk about this..." I said very seriously, that even Jun was surprised. After I said that, Namu followed me to the kitchen, where I brought us a bottle of water from fridge. Because I knew, that Namu's hands are very naughty and impatient, just for case I intentionally sat in front of him instead of next to him.

,,So, what do you wanna talk about? I think, that our problem solved itself well. Or am I wrong?" Namjun was trying to find his answers in my shining eyes, which he loves to look into.

,,I don't know Namu...Last time she saw us kissing, she almost killed herself...I don't have a good feeling about this..." My face immediately created very frustrated look.

,,Look, I think she has already told you about her psychiatrist, right?" Jun's direct talking shocked me again. ,,Psychiatrist? She told me, she sees psychologist, not psychiatrist...But more importantly, how do YOU know about this?" I was surprised, that he didn't tell me anything.

For a few seconds Namu was quiet, but then he answered: ,,Amm, I think, I need to tell you everything from the very beginning of this." Jun's words hit me, cuz I have thought, that I know everything about him. Because I wanted to know everything, I was listening and not interrupting him during his explaining.

,,Listen love...it happened long time ago, so you don't have to be afraid, that I cheated on you or anything." This beginning wasn't the best, but whatever.

,,Everything began during college first year. Minji was regularly visiting us, cuz her college wasn't far from ours and we were old friends, so it was nice to have there someone, who you and I know. We were hanging out sometimes and even though I had told her, I have feelings for you already at college, she didn't give up. I know for long period of time, that she is in love with me, but I didn't change my mind at all cuz of you." Because Jun became more and more nervous, he added: ,,Please, say something. It looks like I'm loosing you after every word..."

I had to breathe in and out twice, before I said something. ,,Please, continue, I know this isn't all, what you wanted to say, cuz I know when you stop your thoughts, which you have wanted to tell me."

Namu weren't surprised at all, that I knew, there was more to say, so he continued with the worse part. ,,Okay then...It was one stupid Saturday night, when I went with my mates to the bar. We drank too much and out of nowhere Minji showed up by my side. My friends were like "why don't you kiss your girlfriend?" and everything, but before I could say something against it, Minji had kissed me."

I had to deeply inhale and heavily exhale, cuz this part of his memories was harder to handle. Jun noticed it and that was why he stood up, came to me, sat next to me, grabbed my right hand into his hands and then he continued. ,,I don't wanna make you suffer more, so I have to admit, that we slept together under the influence of alcohol and I won't create any excuses, cuz I was the one, who didn't handle myself, even though it was contrary to my feelings."

My hand immediately pulled itself out from his hands, then I stood up and walked from him to the kitchen desk without a word. When I got to the spot, I crossed my arms and I said: ,,So you stayed in touch to fuck together whenever you two need, even though you have feelings for me?" I was hurt by his words, cuz I never thought he could do this. This is also the reason, why I was behaving toward him.

Namjun quickly stood up and came up to me with words: ,,No, no, no baby. That's not how you think it is...let me tell you the rest of it..." After he finished his sentence, his palms grabbed my face and he wanted to kiss me, but I twitched my head to the left. Jun quickly understood and that was why he let go of me. Then his body moved to the right by my right side, where he leaned over the kitchen desk and he finished his explanation.

,,After that night I directly told her, it was huge mistake and I don't wanna experience this ever again with her. Also I was sad, that I had done it, even though my feelings belong to you and you only. Since this moment Minji kept trying to change my mind, but I didn't do the same mistake again. That day, when we kissed during the game, you completely assured me, that I wasn't stupid for being in love with you and you always were the reason, why my life couldn't work well without you in it. And lastly, yes, at first we wanted to stay in touch, but after some time I started ignoring her messages. I just read them without opening and that was why I knew about the psychiatrist."

I was so confused at that moment. My heart was pounding for him like it was ready to give up without him next to me, but I was so mad, that he didn't tell me sooner.

Cuz Namu was afraid of the silence, which was filling the room around us, he moved in front of me again, his palms grabbed tightly my hips and he said: ,,Please...talk to me Stephanie. I've never thought, that this could happen, but because I wanna be honest toward you, I wanted to tell you this sooner than it will be late and someone else would tell you this first. I'm sorry and I promise, that you don't have to be afraid, I would break up with you cuz of Minji. You were, are and will be the only one, who I truly love till the last day of my life."

These sweet words were nice to hear, but my sadness didn't become smaller. After thinking about it for almost two minutes I ended up with an opinion, that it happened in the past and if he really had some feelings for her, he would never tell me this.

After my deep thinking stopped, I looked in his eyes, then on his lips and even though everywhere around us was the darkest dark light ever, Jun understood well, what was on my mind, so he was about to kiss me, but I stopped him with words: ,,Are you sure, Minji is closed case in your life? I don't wanna be in the position, where you will be choosing between me and her." Namu softly smiled and he answered: ,,Don't worry love, I will always choose you no matter what..."

His last words ended our conversation and it started something, what I've never imagined in my whole damn life. This night wasn't only about kisses, but much more than that.