I hate how I'm so "happy" and yet I want to go back to my old ways.

I've been crying a lot recently and over thinking things. I'm so paranoid with my relationship and yet so happy with him. I know he would never cheat on me and only wants me but I think about how he use to screw a bunch of girls and then landed on a virgin scared to take the next step.

School is killing me mentally and emotionally. I have no friends ever since I started dating this guy. I've lost my best friend of almost 9 years because this is her ex.

I want to start cutting again but I know if I do, he will see them and be disappointed. I don't want to disappoint him let alone my family.

I'm just so done.

It's not like anyone cares on here. Just another crazy girl on the internet that is suicidal.