That wasn't funny but he laughed so hard, he almost cried. Nie Huaisang smiled from where he stood, the fan still poised in his hand. It'd been a while since he got to see them, the two of them, this happy. He should have visited earlier, he knew. But with so many things he had to do, it was hard for him to find the time. I hope you're happier now, Wei Ge. Then you were the last time we met. He wasn't quite sure when he started losing him, fingers tapping absently across the smooth curve of wood. Half his mind still remembered the cheerful, happy boy he saw when they first met. His grey eyes sparkled with mischief, joy thrown carelessly across his face like he was without a care in the world. I'm not sure when it became a mask. Not sure when everything started crumbling, falling apart. Not just between him and Jiang Cheng, but between the three of them. Eventually, they drew apart, even though Nie Huaisang still looked up to him, still yearning for the friend he'd once found in him. Half of him wished he could tap inside sometimes, tap inside the brilliant brain of his to see what was brewing, even if that meant he'd have to see the pain. I don't mind the pain. I'd rather face it than not at all, especially if it's Wei Ge's. Part of him saw through the mask at times, when Wei Wuxian slipped, letting slip of a corner of his mind. The way his eyes lost their light when he thought no one was watching, the way he bit his lip when he was nervous, before putting on a show.

Except when he was with Wangji, then he never looked happier, never looked afraid.

They're counting months they've been together, almost 49. It's been 4 years...4 years since he came back. Wangji looks happier, too. He did. He smiled freely now, affection lining his gilt eyes. Nothing like the shell of a man Wangji had seemed like before, darkness lining his eyes, and emptiness to his gait even when he got better, the loss of him draining him. In some ways, Huaisang supposed he put on a mask, just like Wei Ying did, only his mask was one of indifference. Though it didn't seem here now, not with their fingers intertwined.

"Huaisang! Over here!" Wei Wuxian's voice snapped Nie Huaisang out of his reverie. Almost immediately, he snapped his fan close, walking towards the couple. Smiling, he felt his heart swell a little, looking at those two. They're so happy, he thought. So in love.

If only I could love like that.

"Here, Wei Ge." To his surprise, Wangji smiled at him. There was no animosity behind his eyes, no hatred. Nie Huaisang let out a sigh of relief he didn't know he'd been holding. Somehow, he'd always been worried Lan Wangji held a grudge on him for the way he brought Wei Wuxian back, for what he'd put him through. He'd be honest, it was off at first to see his first friend with another face. Grey eyes, black hair. But there was something Mo Xuanyu had always lacked, that Wei Ying exuberated. Vitality. There was a new shine to him, his complexion becoming rosier, and it was moments like this Nie Huaisang knew it was him, without a doubt. It's amazing to have him back.

He tried not to think about what he'd lost.

For him. For them. Mo Xuanyu. The first time he'd ever clasped his eyes on him, in the dark corners of the room. His shoulders tense, posture defensive, as if he were waiting for something to pounce on him. The powdered makeup on his face hadn't been there then, but his dark expression stood in contrast with the gilt of his robes, something about him seemed so fractured, so familiar that it hurt. Wei Ge.

But the moment he spoke, Nie Huaisang knew. He was nothing like Wei Wuxian, not in the least, even though their features faintly resembled each other's. Where Wei Wuxian was gold, Mo Xuanyu was all silver. He carried darkness wherever he went, sadism simmering beneath his feet, tapping lightly against the surface of his mind, as delicate as glass. This time, Nie Huaisang could see through him, his mind as fragile as glass, poison brewing at the bottom, fracturing with the heat.

I'm losing myself, the boy had whispered, smiling bitterly. I don't want this life. Not at all. Not in this Sect, not in that crooked place. I want to run, want to be free on my own. Silver eyes danced back to him, but they were shaped differently now, pink lips parted in hoping. Promise me,

Promise you what?

Promise me you won't leave me.

In the darkness of the room, with the feel of hands pressed against his chest, Nie Huaisang acquiesced.

I promise.

Eventually, he found himself dragged into the Jingshi, sipping tea with the two of them, watching them talk. Well, most of it was Wei Wuxian, except when Wangji stepped in to correct something or add a small comment, his eyes speaking volumes about how much he adored him, how much loved him. Huaisang pretended he didn't see their hands intertwined under the table, but he smiled secretly to himself.

He's making fun of how he acted 'round the holidays.

Suddenly, his eyes caught something gold, wrapped around Wei Wuxian's finger. Could that be...is that? He glanced at Lan Wangji's hand, spotting a similar band, only in silver. On it, two words were engraved.

忘羡.

That is...

"Wei Ge, is that an engagement ring?"

Almost immediately, Wei Wuxian paused, eyes darting towards his soulmate. Wangji nodded slightly.

"Nope, we're not engaged..." Wangji's eyes narrowed slightly at that, but there was no real hint of discord just mild questioning.

He wears a ring but they tell people that they're not engaged

"We're married."

At this, Nie Huaisang smiled, clapping warmly. "Congratulations to both of you!"

The two smiled and nodded, but something in their shoulders untensed. Finally, they moved their joined hands up onto the table, beaming. 

They met in class for Rules and Law Philosophy. Yes, and gave Lan Qiren a heart attack. Nie Huaisang lost track of the number of times Wei Wuxian got lost in the lesson and carried away with what he was saying, which got the ire of Wangji's uncle, who'd grown to love the sound of his own voice and flawed logic, even if what Wei Wuxian said made sense. Even then, Wei Wuxian winked at Lan Wangji, glancing over at him when he thought he wasn't looking. When Nie Huaisang asked him why he liked him so much, his answer was "I like him cause he's so much smarter than me."

He tells his friends, "I like him cause he's so much smarter than me"

They're having talks about their futures until 4:00 a.m...

Eventually, the two slipped into conversation, with Huaisang simply listening. He adored their dynamic, the way they talked to each other like they were the only two in the room, and there was nothing and no one they had to be afraid of.

Not even him.

And I'm happy for them.

I'm happy for them. I truly am. But something else lingered, in the back of his mind, a shadow of what had been, the feel of lips on his neck, hands around his waist.

But I wanna feel all that love and emotion, the way those two are, happy just being beside each other. And it hurt to look at them this way, almost as much as it made him happy. Because once the person the body belonged to had looked at him that way, made him feel that way. He wouldn't deny it, Wei Wuxian changed everything in the Mo Xuanyu he remembered as if his body had changed to better suit him. Wei Wuxian in Mo Xuanyu's body wasn't the one he loved, that much knew. Not in that way. But he missed his own soulmate. But the affection in Wangji's eyes as he held Wei Wuxian...have I ever looked at him like that?

Be that attached to the person I'm holding. He remembered fervoured kisses and heated touches, all in the dark, safe for a glimpse of quicksilver in the dark.

Someday, I'll be falling, without caution. Someday maybe I'll fall in love again. But I don't think I could love anyone the way I did you.

But for now, I'm only

People watching.

Watching Wei Wuxian from afar, in a body that once belonged to the man he loved. He still remembered the way he came to him, met up with him, begging him to change him. Nie Huaisang didn't think he'd ever be able to forget the sight of him, his golden robes in a flurry of disarray, bruises lining the side of his face, trailing down to his neck.

"Please," he sobbed, voice faint, as if his throat had been scrubbed raw, 'I can't live like this,"

"Not anymore."

Silver eyes dimmed to muted grey, lined with red. And for a moment it was like he was looking into a mirror, full of shattered glass. I looked like that when Ge found out. He doubted he'd ever forget it, the very first beating he'd ever endured at the hands of his brother, just because he was gay. Even now, the thought of it sent trails of blazing fire through him, as well as churning in his stomach.

He stopped trusting him after that, and his heart burned with fury at whoever did this to his beloved. But this wasn't the time. Silently, he sent out a spell to detect the perpetrator, his blood churning when he realised who it was.

Meng Yao.

Not this fool, again. Hadn't he done enough to the people Nie Huaisang loved? First, he took Ge away. Then, Wei Ge. And now... he was taking him away...

"What do you want me to do?"

At this, silver eyes turned into palladium, a graceful harshness crossing his delicate features as he spoke. "Incinerate him,"

"I don't care how you do it, as long as I'm gone. "

"And I want him mangled."

Nie Huaisang happily agreed, and they'd started planning. But what he hadn't expected was for Mo Xuanyu to suggest bringing Wei Wuxian back. Of course, he'd denied him at first. There's no way I'd lose you, he thought. Not even for him.

What he hadn't realised was that he'd already lost him. Xuanyu was hell-bent on revenge, and he'd stop at nothing to get it.

Even if it meant sacrificing himself.

"I have nothing else to live for, anyways. And if this means I can bring Wei Wuxian back, at least you and Hanguang Jun will be happy." He always reasoned.

Part of Nie Huaisang knew he would be, getting his best friend back. But if it came at the price of losing him...Am I not enough for you?

That probably wasn't the point, he knew. There wasn't much for Mo Xuanyu to live for. Aside from their trysts and some forms of cultivation, there wasn't anything he truly loved, truly enjoyed, and even then, the mangles of his past and his abuse clung onto him like strident phantoms, his mind letting slip, letting loose, of what had once been his sanity.

Eventually, Nie Huaisang gave up trying to persuade him otherwise. Some days he told himself if he tried harder, maybe he'd have stayed. Others he told himself there was nothing else he could do, and he wasn't sure which one of them was the truth. Though one thing was certain.

Mo Xuanyu would have destroyed either one of them in the end.

Across the Ether, Mo Xuanyu found himself staring back at his lover and the man who now inhabited his body. He wouldn't lie, it was unnerving seeing his body under someone else's control, but at least it hadn't gone to waste. He could see the joy in Wei Wuxian's face, one that had never existed on his own, safe for the sparse moments with Huaisang. But even that hadn't been enough, in the end. But it was everything he craved now. Everything he missed. There was mirth to his face now, a light. That Xuanyu knew had been missing from his own soul since before he met Huaisang. It was like looking at a puppet in your own body, only you weren't in control, and everything was different.

Silently, his mind traced back to when he first met Wei Wuxian, when he first stepped through the veil to take his place. At first, he was surprised, but even then, part of him knew he'd made the right choice.

Only not for him.

There was something about the boy. He wasn't much older than him or Nie Huaisang, Xuanyu knew, but there was still something about him that shocked him. Maybe it was the veins of hope in his eyes, even after all he'd been through. The careless way he held himself as if there were nothing that would hurt him, that could, even though next to the whole of the world did. He couldn't really hear him, he guessed, separated by the liquid barrier between them. But something about him made Xuanyu trust him, make him speak the truth.

I'm only looking just to live through you vicariously. Hopefully, you'll live better than I will, Wei Wuxian. Huaisang told me about you, you know. His first ever friend, and Wangji's first crush, even if he won't ever admit that. But...from the stories, you sound so happy, so cheerful. I'd rather have you live than I do. Just promise me something, will you?

Keep Huaisang happy. That's all I ask of you.

I've never really been in love, not seriously. The only one I've ever truly loved was him, but even that is gone now. His own fault, he knew. No one else's.

I had a dream about a house behind a picket fence. Home. At least, it'd been once, with Ma. But now, all he saw was the house on the hill, filled with all kinds of nooks and crannies, the warmth of another body on his. Huaisang, his heart whispered, repeating the name over and over like a broken prayer.

Once, revenge was all he wanted. Now, revenge was a bitter elixir, scorching his throat and burning his heart. Regret flooded his lungs like gushing rivers, drowning him.

Next one I choose to trust, I hope I use some common sense.

After everything he'd done to Huaisang..why did I trust him?

But I cut people out like tags on my clothing, I end up all alone but I still keep hoping...

I'm just waiting.

That we'll meet again someday.

That he'll be able to forgive me.

If only.

The more Nie Huaisang looked at the two, the more his heart ached, as much as he was happy for them, the words echoing in his mind. For some reason, his distrust and unease dissipated, when it was them he was with. Even if it hurts, sometimes. His friends were happy. And that meant the world to him, even if he couldn't get it for himself.

Cut people out like tags on my clothing

I end up all alone but I still keep hoping

I won't be scared to let someone know me. Know me like you did. Know me as I am. Truly.

Life feels so monotone but I still keep hoping...that one day you'll come back even though that'll never happen. I miss you, Mo Xuanyu.

I wanna feel all that love and emotion, be that attached to the person I'm holding, the same way I was with you. The same way Wei Ge is with Wangji. Nie Huaisang missed the lingering touches, the stolen smiles and forehead kisses, the feeling of having someone close and near, in your arms. Not just physically, but in the soul. Where are you now, Mo Xuanyu?

Here. I've always been here.

Someday, I'll be falling without caution

But for now, I'm only people watching.

Someday I'll fall in love with you again.

I know it.

What he didn't realise, was he already did. He was falling more and more in love with him every day.

After all, absence made the heart grow fonder.

Even if he was simply watching. 

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A/N: 2744 words! Yup, another Songfic. Everything in bolded italics are lyrics from the song. Sorry for the long absence, stuff has been...busy to say the least, and most likely will. Hopefully you guys have enjoyed this fanfic, seeing as its tortured me the whole day. When I say those two characters would not leave me alone, I mean they would NOT do it at all... I'm not sure what you guys think about the ship, I know its something...I've well, never written, but I hope you guys enjoy it, and feel free to comment or tell me what you think! 

How have you guys been? Its been a while, I think- How's life been for you guys?