Title :D

Except some of these quotes are from other books and movies or Pinterest that I have been so fortunate to discover. Enjoy!

Responses to 'We have a problem':

Pix: Let me guess. You caused it?

Pearl: No, you have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps getting into one!

Scott: And it's another Tuesday, what's your point?!

Sausage: If you mean the flaming pillar, that's the solution to last week's problem.

Jimmy: Do I look like Houston to you?!

Joey: Would shooting you solve this problem? No? Then get out.

Lizzie: You call it a problem, I call it a solution!

~~~

Joel: What's up?

Lizzie: I'm carving a pumpkin! I was thinking about making it look like you!

Joel: Hmmm. Perhaps it is the wrong sort of squash for the task.

Joel: Is there a nearby repository of elegant gourds?

Lizzie: There's an organic co-op on the 23rd...

~~~

Joey: DRUMROLL, PLEASE!

Shelby: Why?

Joey: DRUMROLL PLEASE, and you will find out!

Shelby: Rrrrrrrrrrr~

Joey: Roll your r's, not your eyes!

~~~

Katherine: Gather round, for a tale of TERROR!!!

Katherine: Long ago, a very bad thing happened.

Scott: We need details.

Katherine: How DARE you question my word!

~~~

Jimmy: Did you SEE THAT?! I skipped that rock TWELVE TIMES!!!

Gem: I think we ought to attach an asterisk to that number-

Jimmy: It's not my fault the pond is frozen.

~~~

Gem: Did you know wizards can travel through time?

Lizzie: Nope.

Gem: It's true! I have the astounding ability to cast myself THREE SECONDS INTO THE FUTURE!

Gem: It's a quick and easy spell! It will take me a mere THREE SECONDS to cast!

*mutters absolute nonsense*

Lizzie: So...nothing actually happens?

Gem: Nonsense! Behold all these SPARKLES! These have happened three seconds ago! Well, six now, because I've been talking, but they were in the future when I cast the spell, however-

Lizzie: You're hurting my head. Just leave my empire...

Gem: Understood.

*She flies off*

~~~

Shelby: Scott...I told a lie today.

Scott: To me?

Shelby: No!

Scott: How do I know you're telling me the truth about that?

Shelby: You don't, I'm a big stinky liar.

Scott: Noted, continue!

*starts to ramble on about her lie*

Scott: I don't believe you.

Shelby: *aggressively sighs*

~~~

Jimmy: Hey Scott! I made you a valentine.

Jimmy: I cut a hole in it so that you can carry it around on your stag antlers without damaging it!

Scott, reading: Dear Sc tt. Tha or bei my fr nd. Love, Ji y.

Jimmy: ...I thought about the hole after I'd already written on it-

Scott: Tha or bei my fr nd too.

~~~

Shelby: Hey Katherine? Can I borrow a couple dollars? I'm going to the arcade.

Katherine: Here you are. Go fight the power.

Shelby: I'd be able to fight a lot more of the power if you just gave me your credit card.

Katherine: Do you want the long or short response to that?

Shelby: Short, I don't have the time.

Katherine: No.

*Shelby silently exits*

~~~

fWhip: Rain rain, go away, come again some other day.

Gem: The rain won't listen to you fWhip. Wizards have spent eons shouting at the rain to leave.

Gem: We also tried pleading, finagling, reasoning and singing.

Sausage: All we tried was rhyming.

Gem: That only makes the weather angry.

*a crash of thunder in the distance*

Gem: fWhip, this is all your fault.

fWhip: I-

~~~

Shelby: There was a motor close to where I am right now.

Sausage: A motor- a motorcycle?

Shelby: Oh sorry, a murder.

Katherine: That escalated quickly.

~~~

Pearl: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions.

Gem: Ridiculous. Give me some examples.

Joey: Wasps?

fWhip: Terriers?

Pearl: fWhip

~~~

Joey: Hey, wanna help me commit arson?

fWhip: What the hell!?

Joey: Oh, sorry, my bad.

Joey, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson?

fWhip, whispering: Of course. What do you need?

~~~

Scott: Yo! I heard you like reptiles, got any fun facts?

Joel: If a crocodile eats your dad, they become your new dad.

~~~

Pearl: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times.

Scott: You mean you stabbed them?

Pearl: They ran into my knife.

This fits Double Life too much-

Generator why-

~~~

Sausage: Someone care to explain why we have 6 dogs in our apartment?

Pearl: They're golden retrievers, dude. They retrieve gold. I did this for us.

~~~

Jimmy: Where did you get that tomato soup?

Pearl: It's actually a bowl of ketchup I just microwaved.

~~~

Lizzie: Well, it rained today, but as a whole it's been warmer than it was last week.

Xornoth: Why does it seem like every time you talk to us, you end up talking about the weather? Is your life so unimaginably dull that you can't think of any events in your life to describe that might be more interesting than the weather? Let's think of something for you to talk about other than the weather. I mean, we barely even know anything about you, other than where you live.

Xornoth: Let's start there. What do you do for a living?

Lizzie: I'm a meteorologist.

~~~

Xornoth, filling out legal paperwork: Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Gem: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Shelby: I personally was created in a lab.

Pix: I just straight up spawned lol.

~~~

Sausage: What do you do when someone offers you drugs?

Lizzie: Take them!

Gem: Punch them in the neck!

fWhip: Say thank you!

Joel: Offer them more drugs to assert dominance!

Sausage: ...

Sausage: No.

~~~

Joey: Adulting is so hard.

Joey: How do I quit?

Sausage: Time travel.

Pix: Die

~~~

Lizzie: Problem, I can't tell if this food is over-sauced or undercooked.

fWhip: Solution, just pop it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. There's at least a 50% chance that'll fix it, right?

Joey: Result? Food has somehow become unpleasantly soggy and unpleasantly crunchy at the exact same time.

Jimmy: No better time than this to pull out my favourite word! Slunchy!

Scott: ...put it away.

~~~

Thanks guys!

-minimushr00m