Phil, on a random band name generator: ooooh! They Might Be Depressed Horses! That about sums up my children!

~~~~~

Kristin: just be careful, Phil!
Phil: *heading out the door* I'm always careful, Kristin
Phil: It's everything around me that's careless

(I HATE MY COUSIN)
(HE ACCIDENTALLY CALLED PHIL "Crow Daddy")
(AND SAID WHAT IF THATS WHAT KRISTIN CALLS PHIL)
(NO)
(HE NEEDS TO STOP RUINING THEIR ADORABLE RELATIONSHIP)
(I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT MY INTERNET PARENTS SEX LIFE)

~~~~~

Kristin: Phil and I got married!
Techno: don't share your personal problems with everyone

(I imagine that Techno and Kristins friendship is like Pearl and Greg's from SU)
(Except Techno isn't in love with Phil, he's just overprotective)

~~~~~

(I like on how the generator keeps making Kristin a chaotic little shit and I am here for it)

~~~~~~

Phil, pointing to a wall: what color is this?
Wilbur: grey
Kristin: gray
Phil, turning to Techno: now tell me what color you think it is
Techno: dark white

~~~~~

SBI's thoughts on stabbing (including Kristin)
Wilbur: would never stab anyone
Phil: would stab someone in retaliation
Tommy: yells "I won't hesitate bitch!" first
Kristin: would stab without warning
Techno: would stab as a warning

~~~~~

Phil: hey guys, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?
Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy: No!
Tubbo: alright, that's it you guys. What happened out there?
Techno: what? We took a walk. Nothing happened. I came back with nothing all over me
Tubbo: what does that mean???
Phil: come on, what happened? Wilbur?
Wilbur: alright
Techno: no, Wilbur, we swore we'd never tell!
Tommy: they'll never understand!
Wilbur: but we have to say something! We have to get it out, it's eating me alive!
Wilbur: techno got stung by a jellyfish!
Techno: alright! I got stung. Stung bad. I couldn't stand. I-I couldn't walk.
Tommy: we were two miles from the house. We were scared and alone. We didn't think we could make it!
Techno: I was in too much pain
Wilbur: and I was tired from digging a huge hole
Tommy: and then Wilbur remembered something!
Wilbur: I'd seen this thing on the Discovery Channel
Phil: wait a minute, I saw that. On the Discovery Channel. Yeah, about jellyfish and how if you— EW! You peed on yourself!?
Tubbo and Kristin: EW!!!
Techno: you can't say that! You don't know! I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain. Anyway, I tried, but I couldn't...bend that way. So... *looks at Wilbur*
Phil, Tubbo, and Kristin: EW!!!
Wilbur: that's right, I stepped up! He's my friend and he needed help! If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you
Wilbur: only, uh, I couldn't. I got stage fright. I wanted to help but there was too much pressure. So, I, um, I turned to Tommy
Tommy: Wilbur kept screaming at me, "do it now. Do it. Do it now." Sometimes, late at night, I can still hear the screaming
Wilbur: that's because sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out

(This is PEAK SBI)

~~~~~

Phil: in case you haven't noticed, I'm weird. I'm a weirdo. I don't "fit in" and I don't want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? Now that's weird

~~~~~

Puffy: I feel like Tommy is looking down on me
Wilbur: that's because he's on the counter and you're short

~~~~~

Schlatt: I need life advice
Tubbo, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: you came to the right person

~~~~~

Ranboo: whats the straightest thing you've ever done?
Puffy: *sighs*
Puffy: I killed a man

~~~~~

Dream: the time to act is now
Dream: wink wink
Tommy: don't say wink wink, just wink
Dream: oh, sorry
Dream: wink

~~~~~

Tommy: a mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it
Tommy: and I started thinking
Tommy: like, it was just trying to get food
Tommy: what if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?
Puffy: are you okay?

(This is why he needs therapy)

~~~~~

Bad: I like wearing oversized sweaters. Not just because they're extremely comfy and cuddly, but because whenever the sleeves are really big, I get to flop them around and smack people

(THIS)
(I have a sweater that has really long sleeves, and it's really comfy and warm)
(Like, it's annoying to deal with when I'm trying to do anything with my hands)
(But it's fucking adorable and I love it)

~~~~~

Bad: you can't wake up if you never got to sleep

~~~~~

Ranboo: when life gives you lemons, what do you do?
Puffy: make lemonade!
Ranboo, done with all the trauma: no, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with its own shit. I'm done.

~~~~~

Young!Tubbo, grinning: I have a knife!
Dad!Schlatt: put it down, Tubbo
Young!Tubbo: make me! *sprints away*

(Dadschlatt being an exhausted parent)

~~~~~

Dream: I don't think a therapist is supposed to say "wow" that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are

~~~~~

Quackity: whats the signal for when something goes wrong?
Phil: we usually yell "oh shit"
Ranboo: that'll work

~~~~~

Kristin: Christmas lights?
Puffy: check
Wilbur: thermos of hot cocoa?
Puffy: check
Fundy: Santa suits?
Puffy: check
Schlatt: shovel?
Puffy: check
Charlie: alibi and bail money?
Puffy: check— wait, what!?

~~~~~

The original was weird, so I'm gonna alter it a bit

Michael, walking into Ranboo and Tubbo's room in the middle of the night: I had a bad dream
Ranboo: what was it about?
Tubbo: no, don't ask him that!
Ranboo: why not?
Tubbo: cause he'll answer!

(This was the original)

(Now you see why I changed it?

~~~~~

Tubbo: can I offer you a nice stick in this trying time?

~~~~~

Schlatt: now, if I may speak for all the good-looking people everywhere...
HBomb: only as their rodeo clown

~~~~~

Karl: you bought a taco?
Tommy: yeah
Karl: from the same truck that hit Kristin?
Tommy, with a mouthful of taco: well, me starving isn't gonna help her