Ranboo: I am genuinely surprised that you haven't gotten arrested, let alone gotten a felony yet
Aimsey: nat 20 charisma
Ranboo: that is NOT how that works—

(From what little I've seen of Ranboos and Aimseys friendship, this seems accurate)
(Aimsey has that kind of vibe)

~~~~~

Tommy: now the recipe calls for 2 shots of vodka
Tommy: *upends the bottle*

~~~~~

Tommy: Are you laughing at that video of Tubbo and Crumb fighting?
Kristen: No.
Kristen: I'm laughing at the comments.

(I can practically see the comments)
(And I feel like they'd all make fun of their heights)
(Bc crumb is tiny)
(Apparently I'm taller than crumb)
(I'm 5'2. I'm not tall)
(Poor crumb)

~~~~~

c!Tubbo: Ranboo, my old friend!
c!Ranboo: I think you tried to kill me at some point.
c!Tubbo: That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.

~~~~~

Aimsey: I wish I had acid. Thank you, Jesus. Amen.

~~~~~

Wilbur: You use humor to deflect your trauma.
Ranboo: Awww, thanks-
Wilbur: That's not a good thing.
Ranboo: All I'm hearing is that you think I'm funny

~~~~~

o!Tubbo: Hey, can you do me a favor?
o!Ranboo: Sorry, I have to go do literally anything other than this.
o!Tubbo: You don't even have a legitimate reason?
o!Ranboo: Oh, no, I do.
o!Tubbo: Well, what is it?
o!Ranboo: You see, I simply don't give a fuck.

~~~~~

c!Wilbur: you can deescalate any situation by saying "are we about to kiss?"
c!Wilbur: doesn't work with speeding tickets, by the way

~~~~~

Ranboo: why don't you say all the reasons you think you're pregnant and I'll say all the reasons I think you're not
Tubbo: sure. Backaches
Ranboo: you're a guy
Tubbo: headaches
Ranboo: one, you have Tommy as a friend, and two, you're a guy
Tubbo: tender breasts
Ranboo: you're a— wait, tender breasts?
Tubbo: yup!
Ranboo: Tubbo...you do know that people who are biologically male can't get pregnant, right?
Tubbo: then how do you explain my morning sickness?
Ranboo: well, what did you have for dinner last night?
Tubbo: 65 chicken nuggets and an industrial size container of ketchup—
Ranboo: that sounds—
Tubbo: ah, I'm not done yet! Also some expired yogurt, some expired eggs—
Ranboo: —you keep saying expired
Tubbo:
Ranboo:
Tubbo: maybe I'm not pregnant
Ranboo: no, but you should definitely go see a doctor

~~~~~

Tommy: is someone making popcorn?
Phil: sorry, that was just my knees

(NO BUT ACTUALLY SAME)
(IM AT THE POINT WHERE WHENEVER I STAND UP ALL OF MY JOINTS START POPPING)
(IM ONLY 18 THIS ISNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN)

~~~~~

Michael: I wanna play doctor!
Techno, babysitting him: sure kid
Michael: *listens to his chest with his toy stethoscope*
Michael: the cancer has spread, get your affairs in order
Techno: I dont like this game

(PLS DONT KILL ME)
(But I hc that Michael ends up having a dark sense of humor bc Techno likes babysitting him—even if he won't admit it—and Michael admires the only other piglin he knows so he is slowly becoming a mini Techno)

~~~~~

Little Techno: *sneezes*
The voices: bless you
Little Techno, hearing the voices for the first time: god????

~~~~~

Ranboo: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH
Tommy, who decided to stop by for a visit, walking back out of the house slowly: nope fuck that
What's actually happening
Tubbo is sick and Ranboo keeps trying to give him pills, but Tubbo keeps spitting them out

~~~~~

c!Quackity: I can never tell whether you're insulting me or flirting with me
c!Wilbur: if it's any consolation, neither can I

~~~~~

c!Tommy to c!Ranboo (early Beeduo marriage): to be honest, I thought Tubbo picked you just to punish me

~~~~~

Tommy: well, needless to say, uh-oh spaghetti-os

~~~~~

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.
Tommy: I choose to waive that right!
Tommy: *screaming*

~~~~~

Wilbur: *visiting the squad* Hello, I just came to-
Wilbur: *sees Techno shoving Tubbo into the washing machine while Ranboo records and Aimsey watches*
Wilbur: *retreating* Something suddenly came up.

~~~~~

Phil: Hey, Wilbur you're smart, tell me what would happen if I chugged 3 gallons of chloroform.
Wilbur: Have you ever been to a mortuary?
Phil: Yea, my grandma lives there.
Ranboo: That is the worst response to that question.
Techno: actually, that's probably the best response to that question

~~~~~

Ghostbur: *makes Phil a cup of tea but puts salt in it*
Phil: *sips tea*
Ghostbur:
Phil: *finishes tea*
Ghostbur: Didn't it taste bad?
Phil: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.
Ghostbur, tearing up: Oh, okay.

(I MISS HIM SO MUCH)

~~~~~

Tubbo: I am strong! I beat Ranboo at arm wrestling!
Phil: Anyone can beat Ranboo at arm wrestling!
Ranboo: Hey-

~~~~~

Techno: What do I get?
Puffy: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.
Techno: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.
Puffy: It won't be you.
Techno: I'll get my cape

(I love this duo so fucking much)
(They had so much potential and we were ROBBED)

~~~~~

Captain: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.
Phil: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.
Tommy: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.
Ranboo: My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

(I relate to all of these)
(Especially captains and ranboos)

~~~~~

Techno: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-
Tommy: A doll.
Ranboo: A cinnamon roll.
Schlatt: A sweetheart.
Techno:
Techno: ...stop it.

~~~~~

Tommy: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?
Techno: Probably because I'm a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.
Tommy:
Techno: I don't know how you keep forgetting this.

~~~~~

Tubbo: Did you win? Or just not die?
Tubbo: Either way, hooray.
Tommy: ...Is "no" a valid answer?
Tubbo: The hooray is redacted and you frighten me.

~~~~~

Phil: You have Crayons?
Crumb: Yes, I have—
Phil: You're— how old are you?
Crumb: YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.

(I don't think crumb is actually an adult yet, but even then, she would be the type of person to be like 30 with no children and have a shit ton of crayons)

~~~~~

Techno: You read my diary?
Phil: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

~~~~~

Techno: Sometimes I like to place my hands on someone's cheeks, look into their eyes...
Techno: ...And violently jerk their head until it snaps.
Tubbo: ...That took an unexpected turn.
Ranboo: So did their neck.

(I ducking love this generator)

~~~~~

Phil: I truly go into househusband mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.
Kristen : This is a lie.
Kristen : I'm literally married to him. This is a lie.
Kristen : HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

~~~~~

Tommy: What's your favorite color?
Techno: Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something logical and mature.
Tommy: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP?
Techno: My favorite color is pink.

(As an AP chem student, I would love to have the answer to that question, thank you very much)

~~~~~

Phil: *double checking supplies in the boat* Compass. CB radio. Sunscreen.
Tommy: Hot dog costumes!
Phil: I'm sorry, what?
Tommy: You know, in case we get lost at sea, and one of us, probably Ranboo, goes mad with hunger, we'll put these on. Ranboo hates hot dogs, so he probably won't eat us.
Phil: Are you saying that Ranboo would rather eat us than hot dogs?
Ranboo: I do hate hot dogs.

~~~~~

Phil: We have fun, don't we, Kristen?
Kristen : I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

~~~~~

Tubbo: You spent all our money on THIS??
Tommy, putting tiny raincoats on ducklings: They live outside. They need this.

(For anyone having a bad day...)

(Ducks in raincoats)
(They are ridiculous and I want 20)

~~~~~

Tommy: *is visibly upset*
Tubbo: Tommy, what happened? I haven't seen you like this since you found out candyland wasn't an actual country.

~~~~~

*Tommy and Ranboo are in a car teetering on the edge of a cliff*
Tommy: oh my god, Ranboo, backwards!
Ranboo: Really, Tommy? I thought I might go forwards into the river, I thought that would be a fun thing to do.

~~~~~

Ranboo: I tried to write 'I'm a functional adult' but my phone changed it to 'fictional adult' and i feel like that's more accurate.

(Same)
(Like, I don't understand how ppl my age are literally buying houses and getting their lives together)
(I can't cook fucking EGGS correctly, what do you want me to do???)
(I may be an adult according to the law but I am basically a 12yo living in an 18yos body)