c!Quackity, having a breakdown: uno, dos, stress

~~~~~

c!Wilbur: romanticizing mental illness isn't okay
c!Wilbur: let's sexualize it instead

~~~~~

Schlatt: I finished my Christmas list, can't wait!
Schlatt, reading off his list: I want $1,000,000 in cash, a boyfriend, the souls of those who have displeased me this year, another boyfriend in case my other one escapes, and money

(Same tbh)
(Except if you could switch the boyfriend for a girlfriend, that'd be great)
(Like, I'd be happy with a boyfriend, sure)
(But girls are prettier ngl)
(But as long as they like me and won't cheat once I tell them that I'm ace, then we're good. Regardless of gender)

~~~~~

c!Wilbur: okay, firstly I'm traumatized, not crazy, so jot that down

(c!Wilbur: *experiences several traumatic events, becomes paranoid, and takes responsibility for his actions once he realizes just how badly he hurt those around him*)
(Most of the fans: haha, he crazy and evil)
(Yes, I am a c!Wilbur apologist, what are you gonna do about it?)

~~~~~

Tommy: four word horror story. "I heard my wife knock on the bathroom door, but then i remembered...our bathroom doesn't have a door"
Wilbur: I'm sorry, but the confusion about why your bathroom doesn't have a door outweighs any feeling of horror this might have evoked
Tommy: can't afford a door. The true horror here is the realities of life
Techno: so what the fuck was the wife knocking on?
Tubbo; this di—
Ranboo: that wasn't even four words

~~~~~

Tubbo: people who are dating freak me out. They always know when the other one is—
Ranboo: thinking?
Tubbo: yeah, and they're always finishing each other's—
Ranboo: sentences?
Tubbo: exactly! It's creepy!

(I'm sorry, it's just that this incorrect quote fits their dynamic so well)
(Also, as I was typing "finish each other's—" my brain keeps wanting to autocorrect to "sandwiches" bc of frozen)
(I had to try so hard to not write sandwiches instead of sentences)

~~~~~

Goddess!Kristin: your time is up
c!Ranboo: alright lessgo
Goddess!Kristin:
Goddess!Kristin: bitch, you okay?

~~~~~

Fundy: Do you ever get pre-annoyed? Like you already know someone is going to piss you off?
Quackity: What? No, I—
Wilbur: *enters the room*
Quackity: *clenches jaw*

~~~~~

Wilbur, during his "experiment" videos: I'm the god around here, bitch

(This quote is brought to you by my 17yo brother)

~~~~~

Tommy: "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy" I would
Ranboo: "I'm not gonna sink to their level" I will, coward
Tubbo: "I'm the bigger person" I'm 5'5. Give me the sword, bitch.

~~~

Ranboo: no offense, but do I look like I understand anything

(Same)

~~~~~

Tommy: it's like I always say: fuck

~~~~~

Tubbo, to Michael: if anyone makes you cry, I will kill them
Ranboo, from the other room: that's illegal but awwww

~~~~~

Phil, to the Benchtrio: everything about you three is chaotic, how are you guys still alive?
Tommy: we're dumbasses and we have nothing to fear

~~~~~

Tommy: what are you doing?
Wilbur: hm? Oh, I'm writing a story
Tommy: so why is it still blank?
Wilbur: shhhh, you don't force creativity

(ME)
(LITERALLY ME)

~~~~~

c!Wilbur, about to press the button: does anyone else have the weird urge to lecture themselves?
c!Wilbur, as c!Phil: Wil, what are you doing?
c!Phil, appearing from behind c!Wilbur: Wil, what are you doing?
c!Wilbur: I conjured him

~~~~~

c!Tubbo: I'm dealing with my shit the way I'm dealing with it. Are my methods unhealthy? Yes. Are they effective? No. Am I going to change what I'm doing? Also no.

~~~~~

Puffy: you can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands
Puffy: for example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry

~~~~~

Dream: I'm just an asshole with feelings

~~~~~

Techno: while you were attending therapy, I was studying the blade
Techno: what do you mean I need better coping mechanisms

~~~~~

Tommy: what was the dumbest thing you believed as a child?
Techno: that naptime was a punishment

~~~~~

Schlatt: I'm single, and you're single. Do you know what this means?
Wilbur, blushing: what?
Schlatt: we both ugly

~~~~~

After the plot of Passerine (minor spoilers kinda)
Techno, laying face down on the floor: My body is betraying me
Wilbur: no, you're exhausted
Wilbur: that's what happens to mortals when they keep throwing themselves into battle and refusing to sleep
Techno: I hate it

~~~~~

Ranboo: the doctor said you need potassium, just eat yogurt
Tommy: yogurt is just fruit sperm, and I'm not gay

(I—)
(I have no words)

~~~~~

Dream, looking at the ceiling while blinking rapidly: he broke up with me
Sapnap, bewildered: so why are you looking at the ceiling?
Dream: I need to CRY, but my foundation was fOrTy-EIGHT DOLLARS

~~~~~

Dream, to George: I gotta be straight to you...I'm gay for you

~~~~~

Dream: people are constantly asking me "what is it like to be a sex—" *trips and hits his head on a chair*

~~~~~

Tommy: welcome to my party everyone, I'm gonna put on one of my favorites *able sisters starts playing*

~~~~~

Ant: Being the only gay man in a small rural high school is like having a laptop in the stone age. I mean sure, you can have one, but there's nowhere to plug it in...

(If you know where the quote is from, I love you)

~~~~~

Tubbo: I think making sense is optional, sometimes I just be talking

~~~~~

Wilbur: life spares no sympathy for the oldest child :(
Techno: you might've been the first born, but I was the first dead, bitch
Phil, Wilbur, and Tommy: Too soon...

~~~~~

Ranboo: Tubbo was trying to say big dick energy, but he couldn't remember it and said "is that fat penis spirit?"

(Why does that sound like something you'd say to someone who has incel vibes)
(Big dick energy = chad)
(Fat penis spirit = incel)

~~~~~

Okay, that's a wrap folks!

Sorry this was a bit short, lol

I'm not really in the DSMP fandom anymore. I kinda got out of it after Technos death was announced. I wanted to get this book to at least 100 chapters, but I just...Im not big enough into the fandom to make it that far. And I don't watch enough MCYT to make an excuse keep this book going

And besides, I keep seeing more and more incorrect quotes that relate to Ride The Cyclone characters, so...

Sorry if you followed me purely bc of this book or my mcyt content, you're not gonna be getting any more of that any time soon, I'm afraid. BUT you might get some RTC content from me if I start seeing some RTC fans over here. I started writing a short RTC fic on ao3, so